previously...
I was falling for him.
Hard.
CHAPTER 16
The next two weeks following Valentine's Day passed by in a blur, and before I knew it, the guys and I were at a bar in Dallas, setting up to play our first show in a little over a month. It was a Friday night with a typical Friday night crowd, and as more people filtered in, I felt my nerves start to grow. It didn't help that I knew Edward was coming to watch us. He had seen me perform before, but that was when I was still just Emmett's kid sister and he was still with Tanya. It was hard to believe that so much had happened in so little of a time span.
Since realizing that I was feeling very strong emotions towards Edward, I had been a stickler for my rules. I had spent the night at his place a couple of times, but we kept it PG-13. I couldn't lie. My determination was weakening with every kiss and touch.
I had been quite scared of my feelings at first, and I still was. But I pushed myself to stay open with him. He was a good guy, and I still didn't want to leave Fort Worth. More than that, I didn't want to hurt him.
The emcee announced us, and when the lights hit me, I felt the adrenaline start to run and a smile form on my face. It was a rowdy and fun crowd, and the set flew by too quickly. It was a good way to start playing again.
Edward met me at the bar after I got off stage with a cold Coors already waiting.
"Thanks." I smiled sweetly.
"You're welcome." He said and wrapped his arms around me. "You sounded great, baby."
I looked up at him and gave him a peck on the lips.
Alec's booming voice interrupted the moment as he walked up next to us at the bar. "What a fucking crowd, huh? I wish they were all like that."
"It was a good one." I agreed with a laugh and took a sip of my beer. "Edward, this is our guitarist, Alec. Alec, this is Edward."
They shook hands, and Alec eyed Edward for a moment. "You know there's a lot of dudes waiting to kick your ass if this goes south, right?"
"Alec!" I chided.
"Yeah, I know." Edward smirked. "I don't plan on fucking it up any time soon."
"Well, alright. Just making sure you're aware." Alec said before turning to order a drink.
Marcus and Tyler walked over, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't holding my breath as they introduced themselves to Edward. When Edward met Tyler, I didn't miss the fact that they glowered at each other, or the extra strong handshake, or the fact that they both cocked their shoulders back, sizing each other up. I only looked over at Alec, who gave me a look that seemed to tell me not to worry.
I was very worried.
It didn't help that Marcus also saw the exchange and came up close to me as he waited for the bartender. "Shit's gonna get western." He said lowly to Alec and me.
Alec smacked him, and I looked at him with wide, wary eyes. Marcus only smirked, grabbed his beer, and then walked away to find his woman of the evening.
Edward had made it back to my side and his arm was back around my shoulder. He finished off his Miller Light and set the empty bottle on the bar.
I sipped my beer and looked anywhere else in the room, trying to calm my racing mind. I saw Tyler across the bar talking to another girl and let out a sigh of relief, hoping she'd keep him occupied for the rest of the night. Or at least until I left with Edward.
I looked over at Edward and smiled softly at him.
He kissed my temple and then leaned close to my ear. "How about a dance, bellbottoms?"
I shook my head and laughed. "I haven't two stepped since Emmett's wedding in high school, E... I'm pretty rusty."
He laughed and then his face fell when he realized I wasn't joking. "Wait, you're serious?"
I nodded slowly.
He shook his head and pulled me off of the bar stool as a new song started to play.
"What are you doing?" I groaned.
"A lady needs to be danced, Bella." He said sternly and took my hand in his.
I rolled my eyes, but I let him lead me across the dancefloor. After a few awkward steps, it started to come back to me, and it felt almost effortless. Though it did help that the song was slower.
Edward spun me around then pulled me in close. "I don't think you're as rusty as you say you are." He said in my ear.
I giggled. "I think you're just good at leading."
He smirked. "Well, you're not wrong." He said smugly.
When the song finished, I looked up at him with a small smile. "You can be a real southern gentleman sometimes, ya know that, Edward Cullen?"
He shook his head at me, chuckling, and leaned down to give me a kiss.
I hummed happily and took my hat off before placing it on his head. It was slightly small for him, but I wasn't going to lie and say he didn't look good in it. He did.
Edward pursed his lips to keep from smiling. "You know what that means, don't you?"
Fuck these goddamn rules.
With a confidence I didn't know I even possessed, I stood up on my toes and leaned close to his ear. "I think it means we're either fuckin' or fightin', and I've never known a good hearted gentleman to raise his hand to a lady."
Edward's arm tightened around my waist, and I felt his lips at my ear. "I think you oughtta go get your guitar, darlin'."
I giggled as he put my hat back on my head and straightened the brim. "Ya think?"
He looked at me with dark eyes and nodded.
I smirked a little before backing away and turning around to go get my guitar in its case on the stage. After I grabbed it, I turned around and saw Edward waiting for me at the base of the stairs.
"Is that all you needed to get?" He asked.
I nodded. "I'm ready."
Edward took my guitar from me and held one of my hands in his free one. I let him lead me to the doors, waving at Alec and Marcus as I left.
The drive back to his apartment was quiet with only the radio playing. Edward held my hand on the center console, lifting it up to kiss it softly every so often. It was a calm and easy silence, which was a little surprising considering the rush he was in to get out of the bar. I thought the tension would be palpable when we finally got to his apartment, but by the time we made it back to Fort Worth, I was starting to wonder if I had misread the situation. Though I wasn't sure I could've been any more forward.
But when he came back into the apartment from letting Winnie out, he walked into the bedroom, shutting the door behind him. I had just changed into one of his flannel shirts, which were quickly becoming my new favorite pajamas, and was digging in my duffel bag for my cloth jewelry bag so I could take my rings off when he walked over to me. I looked up at him and the way I saw him staring back at me made my breath catch in my throat.
Oh, I did not misread this at all.
He held out his hand to me, and I took it gingerly, forgetting what I was looking for. Edward pulled me up and walked me back against the wall. He took my face in his hands and the look in his eyes before he kissed me sent shivers down my spine. I met his lips eagerly, and wrapped my arms around his neck, my fingers digging into his shoulders. His arms moved down and lifted me off of my feet, and I wrapped my legs around him as he backed away from the wall and carried me over to the bed.
Nope, I did not misread this at all.
~ Coffee & Bourbon ~
I woke up on Saturday morning to the sunlight streaming in through the curtains. I stretched in bed before snuggling deeper under the blankets and closing my eyes again. Slowly, the memories from the night before started to creep into my mind, and I couldn't fight the little smile I had as I reopened my eyes and reached for Edward in bed. I stretched my arm out and realized that his side was empty. I pouted a little, knowing that I had probably slept in too much for him. He couldn't stay in bed for more than twenty minutes after waking up without getting bored and fidgety.
I got out of bed, slipped on his shirt I had planned on wearing to bed last night, and walked into the bathroom. After I had brushed my teeth and tamed my hair enough to go into a messy bun on the top of my head, I made my way into the living area.
Edward was sitting on the floor, shirtless and wearing only his gray sweatpants and his eyeglasses. I smiled a little. He looked like a scruffy, rugged Clark Kent in those things. It gave me weak knees every time. He was seated behind the coffee table, which was covered in papers and his open laptop, as he glanced up at the television and sipped his coffee.
"Work on a Saturday?" My voice was hoarse, and my throat stung slightly as I spoke. I grabbed at my throat and tried to clear it.
"Just until you woke up." He replied as he shut his laptop and looked at me for a minute. "Are you feeling okay, baby?"
"I was." I croaked out as I walked over to the coffee pot.
Edward had made his way into the kitchen and opened the fridge to grab the milk for me. "Does your throat hurt?" He asked as he handed the carton to me.
I shook my head and frowned. "Only when I talk. I have another set tonight, E. I can't sing like this." I whined weakly as I handed the milk back to him and stirred my coffee.
He put it back in the fridge and gave me a sad smile. "Maybe you just overdid it a little last night. Just try not to talk for a bit. It'll come back before tonight."
"What if it doesn't!?"
"Shh. It'll be okay, baby. Just try not to talk for now, remember?"
I frowned again and took a sip from my coffee before trudging over to the sofa. This was not at all how I wanted to spend my blissful first morning after with Edward. It felt the same as watching the final season of New Girl when the writers cheated Nick and Jess out of the gorgeous wedding they deserved.
I will never recover from this disappointment. I thought dramatically as I cuddled into Edward's side.
I felt Edward's lips at my ear. "Was it your singing last night… or your screaming?" I could hear the smirk in his voice.
Without looking up, I sipped my coffee to hide my smile and flipped him off with my free hand.
He chuckled and kissed my temple.
"I did not scream." I argued. Close, though.
"You're not supposed to be talking." He reminded me.
I huffed.
After I finished my coffee, I spent the rest of the day not talking and downing glasses of water and apple juice. I didn't try to talk again until it was nearly time to get ready to leave, and my speaking voice wasn't nearly as rough as it had been that morning. However, when I pulled out my guitar and tried to sing what should've been a song well within my range, my voice gave out by the second chorus. I had only looked up at Edward in panic as he tried to smile at me reassuringly. There was no way I could do that set that night.
"Are you really still going to try to play tonight?" Edward asked as he leaned against the bathroom doorframe, watching me put on my makeup.
"We'll figure something out." I insisted. "Even if Alec has to pick up the vocals tonight. They need another guitarist still."
Edward looked unsure but nodded. "No smoke breaks. It'll make your voice worse."
I sighed. "I know."
He kissed my cheek and then walked over to his closet so that he could change.
Disappointed didn't even come close to how I was feeling. Our set was at Jasper and Alice's bar, and unlike last time, I was actually looking forward to it.
When we were done getting ready, we made our way downstairs, and Edward drove us to the bar. When we got there, I got some water from the bar and then walked over to where the guys were setting up.
"You get your voice back?" Alec asked as I walked up. I had been keeping the guys updated throughout the day.
"I haven't tried since about two hours ago." I replied and started to pull my guitar out of its case.
"You wanna try again? You don't need to push it, B. I can do the vocals." Alec said.
"I want to at least try."
He gave me the same unsure look Edward had given me earlier with the same conceding nod.
I sighed and started to tune my guitar as more of the crowd started to filter in. I snuck off stage into the supply room and tried the same song I had earlier. I managed to get through it, but my throat was raw by the time I finished.
"Son of a bitch." I muttered and went back to the stage. "I'm not going to make a full set, but I can split it." I told Alec.
"I think you need to give it a break tonight. I'm sure you'll be back up to it by next weekend."
I started to shake my head, but Alec held up his hand.
"Bella, it's only going to get worse and worse if you keep pushing it. It was a wild crowd last night, and the mic system sucked. You sang louder the normal for a longer time than you have in a while. I'm not shocked it fucked you up a bit. Your voice will be back by next Friday if you just let it rest, alright?"
I nodded sadly and looked over towards the crowd. They were all there, sitting in a huge booth in the corner: Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, and Edward. They were all laughing at something, but Rosalie caught my eye and waved to me excitedly before mouthing, 'good luck.' I blew her a kiss before walking over to Alec to trade guitars. If nothing else, at least I got to have fun with the guitar solos tonight. Still, singing was more fun.
I plugged in his guitar and walked over to the backup mic.
We all nodded that we were ready, and I started the intro to our first song. I was able to fake my way through our set, only messing up slightly a couple of times. I was rusty on the electric, but I don't think anyone noticed. Although I didn't miss the side glare I got from Alec when I missed a note in the solo from Simple Man. Honestly, I did feel a little bad about that one, but at that point the crowd was too drunk to realize I had made a mistake. They still cheered loudly when I finished.
When the last song was over, I breathed a sigh of relief and happily gave Alec his guitar back.
"Simple Man, Bella? You forgot the notes to Simple Man? I'm disappointed."
I smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, me too."
He shook his head. "You better rest that voice this week. I'm not sure if we can afford another week of your shotty work." He joked.
I rolled my eyes. "Believe me, I want vocals again just as badly as you want me off of electric guitar."
Alec laughed and pulled me in for a hug. "You know I have to give you a hard time. You actually did pretty good. I'm a little worried you might leave us to be a one man show."
"And leave my road husband? Never." I laughed. "I'm going to go see my brother and everyone else. Y'all need help with anything now?"
Alec waved me off. "I think you've done enough." He said in mock annoyance.
I stuck my tongue out at him and then went over to their booth.
Alice saw me coming and crawled over Jasper on the end to run over to me and pull me in for a tight hug. "Edward told us you lost your voice. I'm so sorry, honey." She was very obviously drunk, and I could hear just a slightest bit of the same accent I sometimes heard from Edward.
I shrugged. "It's fine. I can talk now, just not sing for long. I could barely even say anything this morning." I explained as I slid in on the other end of the booth next to Edward. I looked over at Emmett, who was pouting. "What's your problem?"
Edward smirked. "He said he's disowning you."
I rolled my eyes. "Yes, I fucked up Simple Man, alright? I know. Cry me a fucking river."
"I'm sending you to live with your step-parents this week, Isabella." Emmett said and took a sip from his beer.
"Yay!" Alice cheered before looking over at Jasper and asking him to get her another drink.
He nodded and slid out of the booth. "Anyone else need anything?"
"Yeah, can you get me a Coors Light?" I asked.
Jasper nodded and walked over to the bar after Rosalie also asked for another beer.
"Ignore your brother," Rosalie started, "I think you did great."
Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulders, and I leaned into his embrace. "Thanks, Ro."
Jasper returned with our drinks, and as I was taking my first sip, I glanced towards the bar and was met with Tyler's eyes glowering at something just past me. I slowly turned and saw that Edward was meeting the glare, his jaw set and tense. I put my hand on his knee, but his eyes didn't falter. The rest of the table was caught up in their own conversation, so I subtly tried to get Edward's attention.
"E." I called softly.
Nothing.
I raised my voice a little. "E."
Still nothing.
Are you fucking kidding me?
"Edward." I said louder.
He snapped out of it and looked down at me, forcing a smile.
I shook my head in disbelief and checked to make sure the rest of the table was still wrapped up in their own conversations. When I saw that they were, I looked back at him. "Can we talk?" I asked lowly.
He nodded and then followed me as I slid out of the booth and walked through the crowd to Jasper's office.
I shut the door behind us and spun around to face him. "You're going to need to learn how to ignore him if you want to come to the rest of the shows because I can't take another six weeks of you two acting like dumb high school jocks."
"What?" His expression was a mixture of anger and hurt.
"I get that you're worried about me, but if I'm sitting right next to you, you don't need to be sizing up the competition, alright? This is insane. Just ignore him."
"So, he is competition?" Edward challenged. For a split second, I caught a flashback to the fights I'd had with Jacob, and my vision blurred in anger.
"That's not what I meant, and you fucking know it." I seethed. "And if twisting my words around and being an asshole is how you want to handle this, then tell me now because I'll fucking leave. And I'm not coming back."
"So, you'll just threaten to leave every time we have a fight? That's how you want to handle this?" I couldn't help but notice his accent start to make its way into his voice.
Fuck a country boy, and fuck a country boy temper.
"Believe me, Edward Cullen, that wasn't a threat. You wanna be a son of bitch? Fine. But I'm not going to stick around for the show. I spent a year of my life walking on eggshells and having my words thrown back at me, and I'm still trying to pick up the pieces two years later. I'm not fucking doing it again."
He sighed heavily and crashed down into one of the chairs in front of the desk, running a hand through his hair and then pinching the bridge of his nose.
I crossed my arms and leaned against a tall shelving unit, waiting for what he would say next.
There was a pounding on the door just before Emmett's booming voice called through it, "Get dressed, you two. We're going to Waffle House."
I sighed and walked over to open the door. "It's not a great time, Emmett." I muttered when I swung it open and saw his goofy, drunken smile.
Emmett's face fell slightly after taking in my tone and expression, and he looked over my shoulder. I turned my head slightly and saw Edward from the corner of my eye, still sitting in the chair but taking a swig from his beer with a tight jaw and hard eyes. Emmett pushed his way in the room. "Well, why not?" He was looking at Edward.
"Can you just give us a minute?" I asked Emmett.
He opened his mouth to protest, but Edward was the one to cut him off. "We'll try to meet y'all there… but it really ain't a great time." He sounded exhausted.
Emmett pursed his lips but nodded. He cast me a meaningful glance as he walked by me, and I nodded to him, letting him know that I was fine. He shut the door behind him, and I sighed before walking over to sit on the desk. I took my hat off, set it down beside me, and dropped my face into my hands.
The bubble had officially popped. Reality had set in on whatever this was. We'd been seeing each other for nearly a month and a half, and I knew it had been bound to happen eventually. I'd just hoped it wouldn't suck so fucking much when it did. The tension was heavy in the air, and the awareness that this was our make or break hung over us like a bad omen.
At my core, I was always going to be a hippie heart and gypsy soul. I was always going to be searching for more and yearning for an internal peace I had yet to find or feel. And he was always going to be a good ol' boy, with the roots like an oak tree, a temper like a bull… and a sweet, playful smile that could melt a glacier.
And we were connected through more than just this relationship. His sister had become one of my best friends, and my brother was one of his. The previous few moments just proved to me that Emmett had no qualms with ruining his friendship with Edward if it meant protecting me, and it made me physically sick to my stomach to think about. I didn't want to be the reason Emmett lost one of his best friends.
And Alice said she'd stay friends with me if Edward and I broke up, but would she really? And could I stay working for her if she hated me? Could I stay working there at all knowing he was an owner and was more than surely going to stop by to see Alice or Jasper, for business and for personal? God forbid he'd walk in with another girl one day.
I'd leave again. I'd move off and find another place, and it felt like a stab in my side just thinking about packing up my car and crossing who knows how many state lines.
And yet, in this awful moment, that was still my first instinct.
A sob escaped me, and I almost immediately felt Edward stand between my legs, wrap his arms around me, and pull me close. I buried my face in his chest and held fistfuls of his t-shirt tightly in my hands. His hands tangled in my hair, and he softly kissed my forehead before resting his cheek on top of my head. My tears and sobs subsided a couple minutes later, but he kept holding me close.
"I'm sorry, baby. I know I'm hard to handle sometimes." Edward murmured, his voice still in a slight drawl. He kissed my forehead again and pulled away from me a little to look into my eyes, smirking sadly the smallest bit. "And here I am trying to prove you wrong about relationships, and I'm just knocking more nails into the coffin."
It was quiet for a few moments as I thought about how to respond to that. Part of me wanted to forget it ever happened and ignore it, but I knew that was the worst option. We were getting to the point of being together that our flaws were definitely starting to make themselves known, and that was something we both had to accept now. His was his temper, and mine was that I was an emotional trainwreck (along with a very long list that he already knew about). I didn't want us to be over, but I couldn't have a repeat of my past. Though, him even apologizing and trying to make it better showed that he was different than the others.
The cynic in me didn't want to believe him. I wanted to make him the monster. I wanted to make him the smooth talking lawyer that would break me down only to tell me later what I needed to hear to shut me up. I knew in my heart that wasn't him, though. He wore his heart on his sleeve, and even if he could be a real asshole sometimes, he was nothing if not genuine. Edward Cullen was many things, but two-faced and deceiving wasn't any of them.
"I don't wanna call this." My voice was hoarse again, and I sighed. "But no part of this situation is telling me not to get my shit and get out." Except that I think I'm in love with you.
Edward gently wiped away the tears that were beginning to roll down from the corner of my eyes. "I can be a real son of a bitch, but I'm not them. I just need you to stick around and trust me long enough for me to prove that to you."
I looked off into a corner of the room. "I'm just… so fucked up, E. I don't know how to communicate, and I don't know how to commit. And I want to know how to fight for this, but I'm not sure I'll ever be able to." I whispered.
He shook his head. "You still being here. You having this conversation. That's it, Bella. That's fighting. You're not fucked up. You're scared, and I get that. But I'm here, too. I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not calling this over until you do."
I had to make the conscious decision of whether to stay or not. I had to decide how I was going to deal with this, and I had to live with what I decided regardless of what the outcome was. And if I decided to stay with him tonight, I knew I needed to wake up tomorrow morning and make that same decision. For as long as I thought I loved him, I needed to wake up every day and decide that I wasn't going anywhere. I couldn't let my impulsivity run my life anymore. If this relationship was ever going to work… I had to commit. Even if that commitment was just taking it one day at a time.
I finally released his shirt from my clenched fists and moved to rest my hands on his forearms as he continued to hold my face in his hands. "I don't want to." I whispered.
"Then we won't."
I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face in his chest again. I was exhausted from fighting for this and fighting against it. We could finish talking about Tyler and if Edward would be coming to the rest of my shows later. I just needed to be back in his arms. I needed to go to sleep next to him and wake up next to him. I just needed him. "Can we go home?" I whispered.
"Yeah, baby. I'll take you home."
A/N This chapter was a roller coaster for me, and while there is still some more drama coming in the future, I hope this will satisfy y'all for now. We have officially made it past the halfway point in the story and have about ten or so chapter left. I'm so glad that y'all are falling in love with these two as much as I have. Writing the finals chapters of this was so bittersweet and saying goodbye to this story had me in knots. So thanks for sticking it out with me, bebs. Until the next one.
