CHAPTER 20
"Stop freaking out. I keep on telling you. They're going to love you. Believe me, my mom is going to really love you." Alice laughed.
"I think I need some new clothes." I said as I went through my duffel bag.
"You do not need new clothes. Calm down." She insisted. "Besides, you leave in barely an hour. It's a little too last minute for that."
The three weeks between Edward asking me to meet his parents and actually meeting his parents flew by much more quickly than I had anticipated. We had decided to drive down to Baton Rouge on Thursday, spend the day however we felt like on Friday before the show, head to his parents early on Saturday morning, and then leave on Monday morning. It didn't seem very daunting when we first set the plans; it was only forty eight hours that we'd spend there. But as the days passed, I found myself getting more and more nervous by the second. I tried to hide it from Edward, but I wasn't shy about continuously asking Alice the best way to impress their parents.
"I can go shopping in Baton Rouge tomorrow."
"You could, but again, I don't think you need new clothes. You're freaking out over nothing. My parents are literally the most welcoming people on the planet."
I sighed.
"And Edward's going to be here any minute. Seeing you freak out makes him freak out."
I sat next to her on my bed.
"By the way, what's going on with you two?" Alice asked.
"What do you mean, Ali?" I thought everything was fine. I was already freaking out. She should've known better than to ask me a question like that right now.
"You've been together exclusively for three months now, and neither one of you have made any moves to make anything official."
I shrugged. "Do we really need to? Do labels really matter after college?"
I avoided the question because I was also slightly off put that he had yet to refer to me as his girlfriend or bring up 'official' exclusivity. Though, I hadn't either, so I couldn't hold that too much against him. If I had to guess why that was, it was most likely because he was scared of what my reaction would be. Given my track record, again, I couldn't blame him for it.
"They do when one of you is a raging commitment phob. You need to talk to him. He's not going to do it because he's worried about scaring you off. Rightfully so." She confirmed my thoughts. "Don't think I forgot about what we talked about when you stayed at my house."
"I don't know if I do... feel that way." I couldn't make myself say the word.
"Yes, you do."
"I thought you weren't going to get involved."
She sighed. "You're right. I did say that. So, I'll just say one more thing."
I nodded.
"You love him, Bella. You wouldn't still be here if you didn't. You're not restless because he's your peace. That's what it is for you."
"I don't feel at peace." I complained and fell down on my back.
"Because you're fighting it. Quit it." Alice laid next to me.
"How? How do you just let yourself go?" I turned my head towards her.
She mirrored my position. "Do you trust my brother, Bella?"
I thought for a moment and nodded. "With my life." I whispered.
"Then you need to trust that he's going to be there to catch you."
I frowned slightly and then looked up at the ceiling.
Neither one of us moved until there was a knock on the door ten minutes later. "Come in!" We both called.
"Y'all good?" Edward asked, taking in our awkward positions on the bed.
I sat up and nodded, trying to force a sincere smile. "Yep. Ready?" I asked him.
"Whenever you are, darlin'."
I stood up and grabbed my bags and guitar case.
Alice gave Edward a hug. "Tell Momma and Daddy I love them and that I'll be home to visit soon."
"Alright, Ali. See you later. Winnie is waiting for you in Jasper's office."
"Great!" Alice released Edward and then looked at me sternly. "Relax. Find your peace." She said vaguely and gracefully skipped out of my apartment.
Edward raised an eyebrow at me. "What was that about?"
I shrugged. "She thinks I should take up yoga. I guess I seem stressed."
He didn't look like he believed me, but he let it drop as he grabbed my things from my hands and led me down the stairs.
I was shocked when I saw his truck parked next to my car. "We're taking the truck?"
He nodded. "Yeah, I never know what my dad's going to have me doing, and the Volvo's not hauling a trailer." He laughed as he put my things in the back seat.
"Makes sense." I giggled.
He opened the passenger side door and helped me in before jogging to his side and hopping in the driver's seat. He turned the key, and the truck roared to life. "Ya sure you have everything?"
"I literally have everything, E." I laughed.
"Right." He said awkwardly and shifted the truck into drive.
I propped my feet up on the dashboard and plugged my phone into the aux cord. "Did y'all go to south Louisiana much when you were growing up?" I asked after we had been driving for a while.
He nodded. "My mom's from a real small town about an hour south of Baton Rouge. We'd spend a lot of holidays out that way."
"Y'all are just spread out everywhere. Didn't you say you lived with your uncle in Chicago?" I asked. It was strange. For my family, it was me, Emmett, my dad, and my dad's sister and my two cousins, and we were all in Fort Worth. Well, at least at the moment, we all were there.
"Yeah, my Uncle J.R. and Aunt Lizzie. He's my mom's brother. His situation was similar to mine, and he just followed the best job opportunities. My mom followed my dad after he finished vet school at LSU."
"So was your dad from north Louisiana?"
He nodded. "Ruston. We lived there until I was about seven or eight, and then we got the farm. It's not far outside of city limits, so we still see my dad's family a lot." He paused for a moment. "Have you ever really spent any time in north Louisiana?"
I shook my head. "I've only ever just passed through."
"Well, I'll just going to warn you now. It's pretty different than Baton Rouge and surrounding areas. It's a whole lot of pine trees and a whole lot of nothing else." He laughed.
I nodded and turned my head to look out the window.
The drive to Baton Rouge was long. Edward and I spent about half the time talking and the other half listening to the radio, and it still felt like it took twelve hours instead of seven. We were staying at the hotel on campus, and we got there at about five. We decided to go check in and rest for a minute before heading out to get dinner.
Driving through LSU to get to the hotel felt like a fever dream. Everything was different, but it was still so much of the same. It was a bittersweet feeling. I could almost see myself walking out of the union or down the sidewalk in front of my old dorm.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice Edward had parked at the hotel.
"Baby?"
I jumped a little and looked around.
"Are you okay?" Edward asked.
I nodded. "Just a little weird to be back. I haven't been here since…" I looked past Edward towards the campus lakes. "Since I took my last final freshman year. It was Econ. I had a ten minute breakdown under one of the oak trees in the quad and that was when I decided that I was done."
He rested his hand on my cheek, and I leaned into his touch. "Are you sure you're okay being here?"
"Yeah, I don't know why, but I just feel like I need to be here one more time."
He smiled sadly. "Alright, let's go check in."
We headed inside and got the room keys before making our way to the room. When we got inside, I put my things down and crashed down onto the bed. Edward laughed and came to lay down next to me. I cuddled into his side, and he wrapped his arm around me and closed his eyes.
"So hypothetically…" I started.
He smirked. "You and your hypotheticals." He mused, his eyes staying closed.
"Hear me out."
"I'm listening, baby." He said in his mockingly sweet voice.
"I'm going to beat you up."
He chuckled. "Hypothetically what, bellbottoms?"
"Let's say you came to LSU for law school. You would've still been here when I was a freshman, right?"
"It would've been my last year."
"And you, hypothetically, could have seen me across campus in my leggings, riding boots, and too big sorority sweatshirt…" I continued.
His eyes remained closed, but his smirk widened as he tried to hold in his laugh. "I would've immediately run to you and whisked you off to the nearest coffee shop."
I smiled and reached up to scratch his scruffy face. "Good answer."
And for a moment, I did wonder what it would've been like if that was the case. How different would we be in this exact moment? I wasn't nearly as afraid of falling in love then as I was now, and I knew without a doubt that freshman year Bella would have seen a handsome, final year law school student making his move and locked him down. That Bella was a bit more preoccupied with her MRS than her BS. This Bella had too much BS to work through before even trying to consider an MRS.
And why?
Because of one dumbass cowboy and his pack of wannabe outlaws.
I looked up at Edward, my head still resting on his chest. His eyes were still closed, but I knew he was awake because his fingers were gently scratching my back.
He wasn't one of them, and the one time he came even close, he proved to me afterward, in exponential proportions, that he wasn't. He took care of me. He talked to me. He held me. He made me laugh and called me out on my bullshit. He settled the gypsy and loved the hippie.
In the back of my mind, I remembered the way Alice said her mom had described falling in love with her dad.
Like whiskey in a worn out coffee mug.
Fuck.
My heart was racing, and I hid my face in Edward's neck before wrapping my body around him, very nearly climbing on top of him. He didn't say anything. He only wrapped his arms around me, and after a few minutes, he squeezed me so tight that I could barely breathe.
"E." I choked out in a laugh.
He released his grip and looked down at me with big green eyes and a crooked grin. I sat up slightly, and his eyes followed my every move.
I wanted to tell him. It was on the tip of my tongue. But my throat felt tight, and I couldn't force the words out. I brought my hand back up to his cheek and let it rest there as I looked into his eyes, hoping that he would be able to see what I so badly wanted to say.
I'm not sure if he did, but he pulled me down for a kiss anyway. It was sweet. The kind of kiss that made me feel giddy and forced us to break away every few seconds to laugh or smile at each other.
When we both felt somewhat recovered from the drive, we left to grab a quick bite to eat and then returned to the hotel. I took a very long shower and then buried myself in the hotel covers next to Edward. It felt normal to go to bed next to him every night. In the past week, I had all but thrown rule number one out of the window. I stayed at my apartment once to make myself feel like I wasn't falling too much back into my old habits, but I hate it.
The next morning, I woke up when I heard the door click shut. I sat up in bed, trying to focus my eyes, and saw Edward walking into the room in his gym clothes.
"We're on vacation." I playfully chided.
He rolled his eyes. "This is hardly a vacation. Believe me, my dream of paradise is not Baton Rouge, Louisiana."
I laughed. "What do you mean? I think it's lovely."
He snorted. "'I'm only here for you."
"Awwww."
He smirked at me and walked over to give me a quick peck on the lips. "I'm going shower. Are you hungry?" He asked. He continued talking just as I opened my mouth to speak, and in his best impression of my voice said, "No, but I could use a coffee."
I giggled. "You do a very good Bella Swan."
He shook his head and pulled his toiletry bag from his duffel. "I'll be back out in a little bit."
"Aw'ight."
He narrowed his eyes at me. "Your Edward Cullen could use some work."
"I think it's spot on."
"You're going to pay for that later." He called as he walked into the bathroom.
I smiled. I looked forward to that.
I got out of bed and pulled out some clothes to wear while Edward was showering. It was April, so it was basically summer here. The humidity was already killing me, and I pulled out my denim skirt and tank top, hoping that it would be cool enough to combat the miserable weather conditions. I got dressed, put my hair up into a messy bun, and hopped on the bed to wait for Edward to be finished in the bathroom so I could wash my face and brush my teeth. I wasn't going to put on makeup just to sweat it off and have to reapply it later for the bar that night.
He came out a few minutes later in only a towel, and I had to keep myself from ogling too much as I walked past him to go to the bathroom. When I came back out a few minutes later, he was in faded jeans, a v-neck, and boots, leaning against the desk and scrolling through something on his phone.
"I'm ready whenever you are." I told him.
He looked over at me. "Any particular coffee place in mind?"
"I was thinking we could just stop at one of the shops on campus and walk around for a little bit."
"Sounds good."
We went downstairs and hopped in his truck, neither one of us being up for a walk across campus to the union. Edward parked his truck in the parking garage, and we made our way to the CC's in the union. After we had our coffees, I pulled Edward outside towards the quad.
Campus wasn't too busy yet. It was still early in the day, and it was between class times, which made it nice to be able to get around without having to duck around a bunch of people.
When we got into the quad, I paused for a moment and looked around. It felt surreal. I looked at the large stone archways and the oak trees with their long draping branches. I remembered loving this spot of campus the most. On nice days, I'd lay out on one of the grassy areas and study. I scribbled countless lyrics on notes and napkins, people watching and trying to focus on schoolwork. I was still an emotional mess back then, but it was in a different way. I was trying to find myself, but I had a plan. I had a goal. I had a dream.
After a moment, I led Edward to my favorite tree tucked off in front of Woodin Hall. It always caught the best shade. I sat down at one of the benches that surrounded it, and he sat down next to me. He took my hand in his as he sipped his coffee and looked around.
I looked over at him for a minute and smiled to myself.
This was it. It was the closure I needed. After all the years second guessing and running away, and after all the crazy ups and downs I had at LSU and after… I still somehow ended up where I knew I needed to be. And as badly as I wanted to, I don't know that I could've gone back and changed anything. If I'd still been a student here, I'd be graduating next month, but who's to know that Edward wouldn't have finally broken down and popped the question to Tanya by the time I got back to Fort Worth? Would I even have wanted to still work in Dallas, or would I have changed my mind and wanted to stay in Louisiana or go off somewhere in New York or Los Angeles or somewhere abroad? What if I had met a nice guy at LSU and already planned on settling down with him? Sure, that sounded nice… but it wasn't Edward. There were too many factors that would have changed my outcome.
And after my moment of calm came the restlessness.
I hopped up to my feet. "You wanna see where I got high for the first time?"
Edward chuckled. "Oh, I'd definitely like to see that."
~ COFFEE & BOURBON ~
We pulled up to the bar later that evening after a day of sightseeing campus and window shopping at Perkins Rowe. At some point between me leaving LSU and the present, the strip had gotten a Free People, and Edward had to all but drag me out of there when it was time to go back to the hotel to get ready. I did get some new clothes at a few of the stores, despite what Alice told me. It wasn't only because I was meeting his parents, but I was starting to grow a little tired of my wardrobe. Not so much the flare jeans (it would never be the flare jeans), but the same few plain shirts and bodysuits were definitely boring me quite a bit. I even picked up something to wear to the bar that wasn't my typical black dress and tall boots. I just needed a change.
When I walked in the bar, the three guys were already setting up, and they looked at me in shock as I approached the stage.
"You look different." Alec stated.
I shrugged. "Went on a shopping spree. New boot goofin', ya know?" I was actually wearing the boots I had bought for Valentine's Day, but I hadn't worn them since. So, I felt like they were still pretty new. I was also wearing the leather skirt I bought for that day, but I had found a white lace body suit and an oversized white button down that I sloppily half tucked in to go with it. The shirt was just big enough to show a little bit of the lace peaking through on my chest and at my neck. I had braided my hair and still opted for the hat. The hat wasn't going anywhere.
I was a little on edge about my decision since I had tried to have such a specific look for so long, but when I finished getting ready and saw the look on Edward's face, I realized I'd made a very good decision. He looked like it'd kill him to leave the hotel room, and it seemed like he was wracking his mind to find any type of excuse to get us to stay in.
I was brought back to the present when I could've sworn I heard Tyler mumble something that sounded like 'buckle bunny', but I only rolled my eyes and pretended not to hear him as I strapped on my guitar. Edward had gotten better at ignoring him, and it only seemed to make Tyler even more pissed off. And he definitely wasn't used to me having a guy stick around for this long, much less one that traveled with me. I was only slightly worried about it. I still didn't see Tyler as a threat. He was much more of a nuisance.
The set started about ten minutes later, and the crowd made it easy to get excited. If there was one thing LSU kids knew how to do, it was turn up. College bars weren't typically our gig, but I made a note to try to convince the guys to take on more of them. It was some of the most fun I'd ever had on stage.
By the last song, I could feel my voice start to strain. It wasn't a shock like last time. I had sung more drinking songs than I ever had in my life, and I just about yelled the lyrics out along with the crowd. I couldn't help myself. They kept requesting straight bangers, and though we didn't typically take requests, we liked what they were throwing at us. I laughed often at a rowdy group causing trouble near the front, and before I knew it, the guys and I were shotgunning beers on stage after the last song was over. It felt a lot more like the AGR parties I used to frequent versus a concert, and I loved every moment of it.
Edward was laughing at me and shaking his head as I hopped off the stage and walked towards him.
"What?" I asked, stealing his beer and taking a sip. I made a face. God, even drunk, I hated Miller Lite.
"You're quite the little hellraiser."
I shrugged and gave him his beer back, trying to get the bartender's attention. "It's hard work, but somebody's gotta do it." The bartender saw me and walked over. "Double whiskey coke."
"Full send?" Edward laughed as she walked away.
"Fucking already sent." I replied and roughly pulled him in for a deep kiss. I might've also gotten a round or two of shots that got sent up to the band by some people in the crowd.
He pulled away from my lips and leaned down to my ear. "You might want to slow down with that if you plan on being here for last call, baby."
"Your truck's right outside, ain't it?"
He smirked and looked at me with disbelieving eyes. "Isabella Marie. I'm appalled. I thought you were a lady." The bartender brought me my drink, and Edward paid for it.
I took a sip of my drink and sat on the barstool next to him. I smiled over the rim of my cup and pointed at him. "You didn't say you didn't want to, though."
He rolled his eyes and pulled my chair closer to his. "You're going to be the death of me, woman."
I giggled as Alec walked up and gave me a high five. "I'm too old for this shit, but it was fun."
"You say that about most of them." I pointed out.
"And I mean it about most of them." He laughed and turned to order a drink.
Edward's phone rang, and he sighed heavily. "It's Ali, baby. I'm sorry. I'll be right back."
"Alright." I watched as he left to go out on the patio, and I hoped that everything was okay at the bar or with the dog. It wasn't like her to call him at midnight on a Friday. I pushed it out of my mind and started making small talk with Alec.
About fifteen minutes later, I heard a commotion by the patio doors, and I turned around to see Tyler taking a swing at Edward's jaw. My mouth dropped, and I slapped Alec's arm, speechless as Edward dodged the punch before throwing his own. It sent Tyler to the floor, and he started to get up. I could see in his eyes that he was planning on fighting back.
Alec turned to see what I was watching when he saw my expression. "Son of a bitch." He yelled and ran over just in time to pull Tyler back just as he reached his feet. Marcus got there about the same time and went over to Edward, who only shook his head and threw his hands up before making his way to the front doors.
Of course, this trip couldn't stay perfect. I sighed and downed the rest of my drink before following him outside. It was going to fuck me up, but I wasn't wasting a fresh whiskey drink. I didn't see Edward outside at first, so I had to look around for a bit. I eventually found him sitting on the tailgate of his truck.
"Harmless, my ass." He muttered as I approached, rubbing his hand.
"I'm sorry, E." I whispered. I sat next to him and took his hand in both of mine.
He sighed. "It's not your fault he's a fucking dumbass."
"What happened?"
"This isn't me trying to cover my ass, I swear, but I honest to God don't know. I hung up the phone, came back inside, and he was just right there. He started bowing up to me, and when I told him to fuck off, he swung at me."
I frowned and looked up from his hand to see his face. "I'm sorry." I repeated.
He shook his head and brought his free hand up to my cheek. "It's not your fault, darlin'. I'm just glad it was me and not you."
I bit my lip and looked down for a moment before hopping off the tailgate. "Is your truck unlocked?"
He took his keys from his pocket and unlocked it. "Why?"
"I'll be right back." I said and walked to the passenger side to grab my cigarettes and lighter from my purse under the seat. A few moments later, I was back in my spot next to him. I took a cigarette out of the box and held it open to him. "I feel like you could use one."
"I'm not sure what gave you that impression." He joked wryly as he took one and then lit both of ours.
I took a long drag and looked back towards the bar. Alec was walking out carrying my guitar case. "Just put it in the back seat." I called to him.
He nodded and placed it in the truck when he got over to us. "Man, I'm really sorry about that." He looked around the back of the cab at Edward.
Edward waved him off. "I'm not the one with a busted nose. He got what was coming for him."
"Still, I feel bad." Alec stood there awkwardly for a moment. "Well, I'll see you around, Bella. I know we don't have anything else on the books, which is good seeing as we now have no drummer. I'll let you know what's next when you get back into town."
"Yeah, just let me know… did he quit or did you kick him out?"
"Little bit of both… we'll talk about it later."
I nodded. "See you later, Alec."
Edward and I finished our cigarettes in silence, and when I threw mine down, I took my hat off and rested my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around me and kissed my forehead. We sat like that for a while before he moved slightly and lifted my chin up with his fingers to look at him. His eyes met mine, and it looked like he was conflicted. I rested my forehead against his, reached up to scratch his beard, and closed my eyes, enjoying the serenity after an incredibly bizarre night.
"Baby, I love you."
My eyes shot open. My breath caught in my throat, and I felt a momentary panic before bringing his face down to mine.
He kissed me back for a minute before pulling away. "I don't want to freak you out or—"
I shook my head and kissed him again. "I love you, too, E." I whispered. I'm not sure if it was the whiskey or it was just the right time, but the words rolled off of my tongue with ease.
His eyes widened. "Yeah?"
I nodded. "Yeah."
He smiled brighter than I'd ever seen him smile and pulled me even closer to kiss me deeply. When we pulled away from each other, his eyes were wild, and he smirked. "I think we should get out of here."
A/N Hope you liked it. Until the next one, bebs.
