CHAPTER 22

The restaurant was loud, and it was because of our table. There were ten of us crammed at an eight top in the back corner of the Mexican restaurant we were in.

Edward's friends were hellraisers. That much was very apparent. And every single one of them was with a wife or a girlfriend that was either rolling her eyes in annoyance at their anecdotes about the old days or rolling her eyes in amusement as she silently sipped her sweet tea and came to terms with the fact that she'd be DDing for a drunken husk of a man. I fell with the latter group, and I made quick friends with the other two girls that did as well.

Kate and Emily were extremely welcoming as soon as they saw me with Edward, and they quickly filled me in on the other two girls, Lauren and Leah. Lauren and Leah weren't nearly as friendly, and they looked pretty miserable as they huddled together on the opposite end of the table and constantly checked their phones. It was a little sad, considering all of Edward's friends were sweet and down to earth.

Edward's friends did tease him once or twice about living in a downtown apartment and driving a soccer mom car, but he only smirked and shrugged it off… in true Edward Cullen fashion.

"You alright if I stay for another round, baby?" Between the drinking and being around his friends, Edward's drawl was thick tonight, and it was hard not to giggle a little at it.

"That's okay." I assured him sweetly.

He grinned crookedly, pecked my lips, and quickly finished the last sip of his beer as the waitress approached.

"We're gonna be here all night." Kate laughed. "I'm almost hungry again."

"What if we left them here and went to get ice cream?" Emily asked.

"Can we do that?" I asked under my breath.

"Well, yeah. We do it all the time." Emily laughed.

"Fuckin' hell. Let's go." I said and turned to get Edward's attention. "E."

He halfway turned his head toward me as one of his friends, Garrett, was talking about something from his job. "Hmm?"

"I'm going with Kate and Emily. I'll be back later."

Edward turned to me with a full smile, and I was a little confused at his excitement. "Alright, baby. Have fun."

I gave him a kiss and got up to meet Kate and Emily outside. "How long do you think they'll actually be in there?" I asked them.

"Well, the restaurant is only open until ten thirty, and it's nine now. We'll probably shut 'em down." Kate laughed as she led us to her car. "I'm just glad you joined the good side, Bella."

"Kate." Emily chided.

Kate shrugged. "What? If the spring break stories didn't scare her off, you think bringing up his ex will? Please." She scoffed and started her car.

Edward's expression earlier started making a lot more sense.

"I'm getting the feeling that Tanya got along a little better with Leah and Lauren than with y'all."

"Oh, so you know the drama queen?" Kate asked, looking at me in her rearview mirror.

"Unfortunately." I replied.

"Yeah, she wasn't invited to our ice cream dates." Emily giggled. "Not that she would've come anyway."

We got to the ice cream place and took our time with eating and visiting some more. At nine forty five, we made our way back to the restaurant, and the boys were still drinking and laughing. Lauren and Leah still looked miserable, and I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Edward was trashed at that point; his green eyes were bright and slightly glazed over, his crooked grin was big and mischievous, and his baseball cap was turned backwards.

About fifteen minutes after I sat back down, Edward yawned, finished his beer, and told the guys that he was calling it a night. He had already paid while I was gone, and I felt a little bad that I had been the one holding us up after all.

Edward stumbled a little as we made our way out of the restaurant to his truck, but he still opened my door for me on the driver's side. Even completely plastered, he was sweet as hell.

I helped him upstairs, and he sat down unceremoniously on the bed against the headboard, pulling me down on top of him so that I was straddling his lap. He wrapped his arms tight around my waist and hid his face in my neck.

"What are you doing?" I giggled.

"I needed a hug." He said, his face still burrowed into my neck.

"Oh, okay." I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

"You smell good."

"Thank you."

"And your hugs are really good."

"Thank you, honey."

"Bellbottoms, I think I drank too much."

"I know." I giggled.

"Can you make me one of those shark coochie things?"

I laughed. "Maybe when we get back home."

He pouted against my neck. "I think I'll go to bed."

"I think that's a good idea." I laughed, untangling myself from his arms.

He kicked off his boots, threw his hat on the nightstand, and slid down on the bed.

"You're going to sleep in your jeans?" I asked.

Edward looked at me with a wicked grin. "Why, cupcake, are you trying to get me naked?"

I rolled my eyes. "Hardly."

He pursed his lips for a moment before the smirk returned to his face. "I bet I could get you naked."

"I thought you were going to sleep." I argued, trying to ignore how extremely adorable I found him at the moment. It was the first I'd ever seen fucked up Edward, and he was entertaining as hell.

"You don't think I can?" He challenged.

"Edward Cullen."

"What?" He asked innocently, his smile turning goofy and sweet.

I didn't know what, so I climbed on top of him and kissed him. I wasn't a gambling woman, but a few minutes later, I learned quickly not to bet against Edward Anthony Cullen.

~ COFFEE & BOURBON ~

I was downstairs drinking coffee with Esme when Edward trudged loudly down the stairs the next morning. It was Carlisle's day at the clinic, and he had been gone from the house even before I woke up at eight thirty. So, for the past hour, Esme and I each cuddled up on either side of the sofa as we gossiped and laughed quietly while we waited for Edward to wake up.

"You know your daddy was half tempted to get you up at five to work cows." Esme giggled as she looked into the kitchen.

Edward snorted as he poured himself a cup of coffee and then came to sit on an armchair in the living room. "I half expected him to."

"He didn't want to disturb Bella, though. We knew it was probably a late night for her since she had to take care of your drunk ass."

He shrugged. "It's about time she returned the favor." He smirked.

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Bella's young. You had your turn already." Esme said and got up to get another cup of coffee.

I smirked.

"This is bullshit." He muttered, smiling ever so slightly.

"Pecan pie for breakfast?" Esme called as she pulled something from the oven.

Edward perked up immediately. "Works for me." He said, excitedly.

"Bella?" Esme asked.

I giggled. "Yes ma'am. That's fine." I said and got up to help her.

She smiled in thanks, looking a little surprised, and handed me my plate and Edward's so that she could carry her coffee and own plate. I handed Edward his plate, and he was already halfway done with his piece by the time I made it to my spot on the sofa and got comfortable.

I shook my head at him and cut a piece with my fork before taking a bite. I had to fight back a moan.

It tasted like home, straight whiskey on a back porch in the late fall, and cuddling up by a fire. And it had just the perfect hint of vanilla.

"This is amazing, Mrs. Esme."

She smiled at me sweetly. "Thank you, honey. My daddy owned a pecan orchard, and momma spent years adjusting her pie recipe. I think she just about used half of his crop one year." She laughed before continuing. "The recipe hasn't changed in the past thirty years. I think it's perfect."

"It is." I assured her.

She smiled knowingly and sipped her coffee contently.

About half an hour later, Edward and I started packing our things and loading up his truck. Esme gave us each a tight hug before we left and made us promise her that we'd be safe on the way back to Texas. We rode in a cozy silence for the first twenty or so minutes until Edward asked me how my weekend was.

"It was good. I had fun." I said, turning my head towards him.

He smiled over at me and took my hand in his on the console.

We talked a little about what I thought of his friends and if I liked my outing with Emily and Kate. He was glad I got along well with them.

We didn't stop at all on the way back to Fort Worth. We were both ready to get back. The last hour of the drive seemed to take ten, and when we finally got to his apartment after stopping and picking up Winnie and my car from the bar, we brought our things inside, fell back onto the couch, and ordered some delivery food for a late lunch.

By the time we finished eating and were settled back in the apartment, it was a little after four in the afternoon. We both had work tomorrow, so we decided to take the rest of the day easy and stay in.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

We were cuddled up on his sofa watching a random movie he had found on cable. I looked up at him and waited for him to respond, and his expression was one of deep concentration.

"Last night got me thinking… and I do think it's the right time for me to buy a house."

I sat up a little and looked at him in confusion. "Okay…"

I appreciated him telling me, but he was nearly thirty with a good job and good investments. It wasn't a huge surprise to me that he thought it was a good time to start looking at properties. I just wasn't sure why he thought he should run that idea by me before he even started officially looking.

"I want you to move with me." He said softly, his eyes meeting mine.

My heart stopped for a moment. "What?"

His face fell for a second before he quickly recovered. "My lease is up in five months. I need to start looking now if I don't want to be stuck here for another year. And by then…" He took a deep breath. "Come with me. Help me find a house. Move in."

I got up and went to get a beer from the fridge. "I don't know."

Admitting that I loved him was one thing. Staying with him most nights a week and having one or two outfits here in an empty drawer was one thing. Meeting his parents. Him meeting my dad. Him traveling with me to my shows. Good morning texts and goodnight kisses. My name on my own apartment lease with plants and a dresser. Those were all things that I could deal with at this stage in my road to accepting commitment. But getting a house together?

I felt nauseous. We had only just now told each other 'I love you' this weekend.

We'd only been together for three months. He said that his lease was up in five, but eight months still seemed like not enough time.

I was spiraling, and Edward could tell. He got up from the couch, walked over to me, picked me up, and set me on the counter. He took my face in both of his hands and forced me to meet his eyes.

"I love you." He whispered.

"I love you, too." I squeaked out. "But—"

He kissed me. "No buts right now. Just think about it. I don't need an answer today."

I nodded and wrapped my arms around his neck.

He hugged me back and kissed my cheek.

"Ya know… if I say yes, I'm gonna really fuck up your interest rates." I whispered.

He chuckled and pulled away from me. "Don't worry, bellbottoms. I think I'll be alright. Your name doesn't need to go anywhere near that mortgage." He assured me.

I sniffed and straightened the wrinkles in his shirt. "Good because that's number two on the list of M words that scare the shit out of me."

Edward tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and gently kissed my lips. "Ya know, one day, I'm gonna change that." He said softly.

I nodded, the corners of my mouth barely lifting into a hint of a smile. "I know."

He gave me his sweet and heartbreaking lopsided grin.

We went back to the sofa and started watching the new movie that was coming on, but I couldn't pay attention. My mind was racing the entire time.

I loved Edward. I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could. I was truly beginning to see a long term future with him. And so, I honestly hated myself for the simple fact that my only instinct in the moment was to run. I could so easily wreck all of this. I didn't want to. Leaving him would break me. It killed me that I was even thinking about it, but deep down, I knew there was one big reason why I was afraid of staying.

I wasn't good enough to be here. I wasn't good enough for him.

He had his life together, and I didn't. At all. He could go out and buy a house tomorrow without a worry about it. He had a good job and good credit and enough money for a down payment, I'm sure. I would be lucky to get a loan for a new car, and even then, I'd probably have to get Emmett or my dad to cosign. That's what bothered me most.

I felt like I was using him. I felt like a gold digger, but what company was going to give a college drop out with a heavy pouring hand and no true job experience an actual career with a salary and benefits? And the potential of getting promoted at the bar wasn't anything I'd discussed further with Edward, Alice, or Jasper. After my initial reaction, I'm not sure if they'd even still consider me.

I needed to grow up. And that realization sucked the most. Staying put in one place and settling down were two completely different things, and I was just beginning to see that.

The more I thought about it, the more my mind spun. I just kept overthinking and stressing and worrying over everything. My eyes kept glancing towards my car keys on the counter. I was in two places at once, and I knew what I should do in my heart and gut versus what my head was telling me to do.

I clung tightly to Edward's hand, begging myself to just calm down and get it together. I needed him.

"E?" I asked softly.

"Mmhmm?" He was checking his email on his phone.

I swallowed. "Hide my car keys when we go to bed tonight." I whispered.

Edward turned to me. His eyes were soft and sincere. "Why?"

"I'm gonna do something stupid."

He looked thoughtful for a minute before he slowly shook his head. "I can't do that, baby."

"What?"

"I can't force you to stay. I can't hide your keys from you every time we fight or you freak out. There's no trust in that."

"You'd let me leave?"

"I trust you to stay."

"I don't." I whimpered.

"Then trust me."

"E…" I trailed off and shook my head.

Edward took my face in his hands and kissed me. He pulled away and looked in my eyes. "Trust me." He repeated.

I leaned back in to kiss him again, and I let myself get lost in him. I forgot why I was freaking out. I forgot that I didn't have shit figured out. I forgot about everything except for being with him in the moment and the feeling of him holding me close.

"What are you thinking?" He asked, his thumb lightly brushing up and down my cheek after he pulled his lips from mine.

I focused in on the cross pendant on his chain, avoiding his eyes as the anxieties slowly crept back.

"Darlin', please."

I bit my lip and shook my head slightly. "You're gonna say I'm being irrational and that I'm freaking out over nothing."

"Are you?"

"I don't think so."

"Then just tell me what's wrong, baby." He insisted.

"I don't know how to be that girl, E. Ya know… just the 'dinner's on the stove', 'dog's already fed', 'picket fence around the backyard'…" I shrugged and looked up at him.

He pursed his lips slightly and tilted his head. "Would you prefer a metal fence?"

"Edward Cullen." I laughed halfheartedly.

Edward smirked and kissed my nose. "Bella, I had no preconceived notions that you would be a proper housewife in an apron and pearls. That's not the girl you are, and that's not who I fell in love with. If we stay in this apartment living in sin the rest of our lives, then I'm okay with that. If that's what you want and what makes you happy. Don't get me wrong. I do want to get married one day, but at the end of the day, I'm not right here because I want a wife. I'm here because I want you."

I looked down and sniffled, trying to hide my watery eyes. "Well, shit."

The Edward I met in January and the one sitting next to me now seemed like two completely different people, and of all the answers I expected him to give me when I told him what was bothering me, that definitely was not one.

"I know I kind of bombarded you with the house thing, but if it's between now or later, why not now?" He asked, as if the answer were obvious.

I looked up and reached up to gently scratch his scruffy cheek. "Ya know, I still have a lot of stuff to figure out with me."

He nodded. "I know."

"I feel like I'm relying on you too much." I admitted.

"No one's going to think you're a gold digger." Of course, he saw right through me.

"Won't they? I'm a twenty-one year old cover musician that's spent the last three years living on coffee and bourbon. It's been years since I've held the same job for more than a couple months. I have what? Two pairs of jeans and some boots to get resoled? A crappy, beat up guitar? A car that's in even worse shape? That's exactly what people are gonna think."

"Anyone that knows you will know better. And if I know better, and you know better, then what does anyone else's opinion matter?"

I didn't respond.

"Come on, bellbottoms. I thought you were more badass than that."

I sighed, remembering the last time he told me that. It seemed like that was the same night that everything started flipping a switch. "You drive a pretty hard argument, Cullen. Anyone ever tell you that you should be a lawyer?"

He smirked. "Maybe once or twice."

"I still need time to think."

"Take your time, my girl. I'm not going anywhere."

I smiled weakly at him. You're not the one I'm worried about, law school.

A/N I am so glad that y'all love Esme. She'll make another visit, and I'm sure it'll make you love her even more. Until the next one, bebs.