CHAPTER 25 –

"So, Bella, where are you from?" Lizzie asked. It was a simple and innocent enough question, but I couldn't ignore the way her eyes zeroed in on me condescendingly.

"Fort Worth. My dad was a sheriff's deputy for the county." I replied.

"So, you've been here your whole life?" She continued, sounding as if she already knew the answer to the question.

"According to my driver's license, I suppose." I joked halfheartedly. "But I like to travel. I've lived quite a few places."

"And you have a job conducive to traveling, I assume?"

I nodded. "Yes, ma'am." I didn't elaborate, nor did I want to. Edward's hand found mine in my lap, and he twined our fingers together.

Alice also sensed my discomfort and switched the subject to the shopping trip she had planned with Lizzie tomorrow after LIzzie and J.R. would be done looking at houses.

Our salads came shortly after, and the conversation lulled while we ate. As soon as the waiter came to clear the table, Lizzie seized her next opportunity to continue her inquisition.

"Forgive me, Bella, please, but you just look so young. How old are you?" She asked, and again, her smug tone shocked me.

I took a sip of my wine before I answered, trying to calm my nerves. "Twenty-one. I'll be twenty-two in September."

"And you're out of college already? You must have been quite the student."

"I've actually taken a break from school for a little bit." I replied softly. From the corner of my eye, I could see that Edward looked like he was holding back from saying something as he narrowed his eyes slightly as his aunt.

J.R. shocked me when he responded. "College is a scam for seventy percent of the population anyway." He said casually, before sipping his drink.

I saw Edward smirk smugly as Lizzie rolled her eyes.

"Uncle J.R. will have you enrolling in trade school by the time you leave dinner if you don't watch yourself, Bella." Alice giggled. "He had me going for a while there in high school."

"If I could do it all over, I never would've gone to a university." J.R. mused. "Half the schooling and the same amount of money. And nowadays with all that student debt…" He shook his head. "It's a scam, I tell ya."

"You did say you liked that welding class, didn't you, Bella?" Jasper laughed.

"Now, that's a useful skill. They need more women welders out there, too. Easier for them to get in those tight spaces." J.R. commented. Lizzie scoffed, but J.R. ignored her. "But Edward, why would you make the poor girl take a class when you can just teach her?"

Edward chuckled. "Well, I don't exactly have a welding machine just lying around in my apartment, and I haven't done it since high school. It's a little above my expertise."

I giggled. "I thought nothing was above your expertise."

Edward turned to me with a smirk as J.R. laughed loudly.

"She's quick. I like this one." His uncle said fondly.

I could tell he didn't mean anything by his wording, but I had to make myself ignore the face Lizzie made when J.R. said 'this one'. I quietly excused myself to go to the bathroom when Alice got up to take a phone call.

When I was done in the stall, I opened the stall door and was immediately met with Lizzie's sharp eyes in the mirror. I met her glare for a moment, trying not to let her think that she had gotten to me, and walked to a sink a few over from where she was standing to wash my hands.

"Don't take my questions too personally, dear. I only have Edward's best interests at heart." She said coldly as she fixed her lipstick. It wasn't her shade at all, and for some reason, that satisfied me.

I glared back at her through the mirror. "I'm sure."

Without Edward and J.R. around to make her behave herself, she dropped all of her pretenses and went straight for the kill. "I'm just not sure you two are the right fit, and I have to wonder why someone with your… background would be interested in being with my nephew."

"Versus someone with Tanya's background." I deadpanned, dropping my nice act as well.

Lizzie smirked, and I wanted to slap it off of her arrogant face. "They had the same aspirations."

I wasn't dealing with her anymore. "Tanya had no drive to do anything besides be Edward's arm candy. Though, I'm sure that's quite a relatable feeling for you." I said, starting to walk away.

"And you have the drive to do what, dear? Sling drinks at a white trash bar?"

My jaw fell open, and I stopped in my tracks before turning back to her. How did she even know I was a bartender? But that was beside the point… "You can say what you want about me, but your niece works her ass off at that bar. She pours her heart and soul into it every single day, and it's not white trash. It brings in more revenue and customers than three quarters of the bars in Fort Worth."

Lizzie rolled her eyes. "That boy's sweet, but he's lucky he has money. He fogged her judgment on the life she really wanted. Honestly. A young woman like her running a bar?" She scoffed.

"And I'm fogging Edward's judgment as well, apparently?"

"So, you do understand."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "I'm not doing this with you anymore."

I turned back around and made it to the door when she started talking again. "So, you're just going to walk away from me? Seems to be quite a popular decision for you… running away from confrontation and commitment. You'll do it to Edward eventually, so it may as well be now."

I spun around. "What are you talking about?" She couldn't know any of that unless someone had told her.

"Did you honestly expect me not to keep in touch with the best thing that's ever happened to my nephew?"

Fucking Tanya.

But Tanya couldn't have known any of that either unless… Edward had told her. I felt like I had just gotten punched in my gut. Lizzie had finally gotten into my head, and I was already spiraling. I couldn't let her see that, though. "Girls like the two of you don't know a damn thing about girls like me. I love Edward, and believe it or not, he doesn't give a fuck what you think about his decisions, Lizzie. You're not his mother." I seethed.

"And you're not his girlfriend, Isabella. At least, he didn't introduce you as such. And why is that?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but she held her hand up. "Because you're afraid of a real relationship, and he knows it. You may be playing pretend, or who knows? You may actually really love him, but you still can't commit to him. Because you know that you're not good enough for him. You're just a phase. A fling. And he doesn't care that you don't want to commit because he isn't committed either."

I shook my head. "You don't know what you're talking about." I insisted and turned on my heel. I stopped at the door and looked at her one last time. "And by the way, those knock off Louboutin's really compliment your lipstick. What is that? Covergirl? Anyway, it's a great look for you, Lizzie." I said sickly sweet before quickly running out of the bathroom and into Alice.

She saw my expression and grabbed me. "What happened? Edward told me she followed you as soon as I got back to the table. Bella, I should've known she'd corner you, honey. I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"

I shook my head and pushed past her to get back to the table. I would make it through this dinner. I would go home and pretend like everything was okay. But as soon as I knew I could without getting caught, I was gone.

~ COFFEE & BOURBON ~

The rest of dinner was incredibly uncomfortable. The entire table could feel the energy shift.

J.R. was giving Lizzie sideways glances all the while Jasper, Alice, and Edward kept eyeing me warily as I ate my meal in silence.

My heart was racing the entire way back to Edward's apartment. I knew I was overreacting. I knew I should talk to him. This was just my typical impulsivity of 'act now, worry later', and it was bound to end badly. I knew I shouldn't run, but the idea that Lizzie knew everything about me only because Edward had told Tanya everything I'd confessed to him made me physically sick. And even more than that, the fact that Lizzie could so easily crack through my defenses just proved how little I had actually changed.

And the real salt in the wound was that she was right.

I wasn't good enough to be with him. I was still having trouble being in a real relationship with him. There was a reason that I was having such a hard time officially moving in with him when we were definitely practically already living together anyway. Maybe I was just playing house again.

But what if you aren't? It's only been a little less than four months. What if you fuck up everything?

I pushed the voices away.

It was silent as we walked from his car and into the apartment. Edward set his keys on the counter, and the noise was almost too loud as I continued my way down to the bedroom. I got ready for bed as normal while Edward took Winnie out.

I'd leave when he was asleep. Just like I normally did.

I was already laying down in bed when Edward came back in. He took off his suit and slid in bed next to me. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close to his chest, and I fought the tears that were stinging my eyes.

"Bellbottoms, please talk to me." He whispered.

"I'm just tired, Edward." I replied weakly.

He sighed and kissed my forehead but didn't push me any further.

I waited about an hour until his breathing had slowed and I knew he was in his deep sleep. I scooted out from under his arm and snuck into the closet to fill my duffel with what I could. I had accumulated too much in the past few months. I peeked around the door to make sure he was still asleep before ducking back into the closet and taking off his flannel and slipping on some leggings and a top.

Winnie watched me as I exited the closet and walked to the bedroom door, and I had to force myself to look away from her. Even leaving his dog made my heart ache.

I tiptoed out of the room, stopped at his office to get my guitar, and then snuck through the living area without bothering to turn on any lights as I went. It would just slow me down. My guitar case felt slightly off in my hand, but I ignored it, thinking that it was just more paranoia trying to keep me here instead of leaving. I briefly looked at all the things there I'd be leaving and wondered if he'd toss them or get Emmett to come and deal with it. They were things I liked and wanted, but I had my guitar and my car keys, and that was all I really needed.

That's a fucking lie, and you know it. You need him. I sighed and shook my head. I couldn't think about that right now. Geez. Have I always been this selfish?

I walked over to the front door.

"Where ya going, bellbottoms?" Edward's voice was tired and pointed.

I froze with my hand on the doorknob. Fuck. I turned around slowly and saw Edward leaning against the wall of the walkway by the kitchen counter.

I was speechless. I was so careful to make sure he was sleeping. I didn't even hear him get up. He wasn't supposed to see me like this. Running away again.

"You're just gonna go back to your normal games?" He asked softly. "What did she say to you?"

I cast my eyes downward, heart racing. "It doesn't matter." I whispered.

"If that were true, we wouldn't be where we are right now."

I looked up and met his eyes.

He looked drained. Defeated. Disappointed.

"I'm sorry, E. I don't know what you want me to say." I said pathetically.

He shook his head and laughed humorlessly. "Just tell me what happened. Fuck." He groaned. "You know you don't wanna do this. So why are you?"

I shrugged, trying to find the right thing to say. I felt betrayed. I felt inadequate. And I felt the most alone that I ever had in my entire life. But I couldn't bring myself to say anything, and I remained painfully silent as he waited.

He glanced down at my guitar case for a moment before shaking his head again. "Dammit, Bella. Just go." He said, pushing himself off the wall and getting a beer from the fridge.

I couldn't get my feet to move. It was like a dream. The kind where I knew I needed to run, but I was just stuck in place, helpless.

Edward took a sip from his bottle and then turned his head to me, his green eyes piercing, even in the dark room. My mind drifted to that night not very long ago when we were slow dancing in the same exact spot he was standing now. It broke me just to think about it.

We stayed there looking at each other for what felt like hours before I finally broke eye contact and turned back to the door. With an unsteady hand, I twisted the doorknob and opened the door. My heart felt like it was in my throat when I took the first step out into the hallway, and I just felt more and more uneasy the closer I got to my car.

When I got downstairs, I hurriedly tossed my things in my backseat. Just as I was opening the driver's side door, someone came behind me and slammed it shut, and the only thing that kept me from screaming out loud was that I saw Edward's tattoo sleeve on the arm that had shot out from behind me.

I turned to him, heart racing. "I thought you weren't going to stop me from leaving." I whispered, nearly pleading.

His eyes were still angry and sad as they gleamed in the streetlights, and his arm stayed in its place on the car door. "I thought we were past you hiding things from me."

"I'm not hiding anything from you, E." I said softly, eyes stinging. "I can't. You've known me like the back of your hand since the day you met me. Better than I know myself, apparently. And it's too much for me. It's too much."

"Too much? Being loved and taken care of? That's too much for you? That's what you're going with, Bella?" He asked heatedly.

"Yes. Because what am I supposed to do when you wake up and realize that I'm too much? What am I supposed to do when I finally decide to give everything to you, and you decide that you don't want me anymore?"

He looked at me in disbelief. "Are you fucking serious? After all I've done to try to prove to you that I'm not going anywhere, we're right back here? What is it gonna take for you to just trust me and believe it when I say that I love you? I'm not them."

I looked down, trying to keep my tears at bay. Again, I remained painfully silent as he waited for an answer that would never come.

Finally, he moved his arm from the car door and shook his head with his jaw clenched. "Ya know," he laughed wryly, "you call yourself an outlaw, but you're just a broken mess in a knock off Stetson, livin' on strong coffee and cheap bourbon... And baby, if you don't quit runnin', you're gonna run outta places to hide."

And then I felt the anger start to rise from the pit of my stomach. There it was. That's how he was always going to see me. The broken thing that he needed to fix.

I stepped away from the door so that I was standing only inches away from him again, trying to come up with any words at all that might cut him as much as he had cut me. "And you're a corporate sellout, Edward Cullen. You can wear your suits, drive your nice car to work in the city, and you can act like you're so much older and wiser than I am. But we both know that you're still just that kid from north Louisiana that grew up a little too rough and a little too rowdy. You haven't changed. You just… sold out."

He didn't get mad. He just stepped back with a sad smile before replying bitterly. "Then go, Bella. Be a gypsy. Run the roads until they kill ya. Find the cowboy that won't settle you down and ride off and raise hell with him. Because obviously, that's what you want, and my girl… it ain't me."

Tears stung my eyes, but I blinked them away as I turned and walked back to the door. As I reached for the handle and pulled, I heard Edward call my name. I stopped, but I didn't turn around. I couldn't look at him.

"I do hope you find what you're looking for." He said softly.

I didn't respond. I just slid in my car and slammed my door shut. When I pulled off onto the highway, I didn't even know which direction I was going in. I just drove. For hours. Eventually, after I crossed the Louisiana line, I pulled the car over to a truck stop off of I-20. I got some gas and went inside to use the bathroom and to get something to drink.

Another gas station. Another bad coffee. Right back where I started.

I got back into my car and stared blankly forward until I felt my eyes start to sting with unshed tears. Every part of me wanted to get back on the interstate and head back west. I was sick to my stomach. I hated myself for what I had done to him. To my brother and Rosalie. To Alice and Jasper.

I wouldn't turn back, though. I'd just keep running. Just like I always did. Even though I really didn't want to.

I looked in my rearview as my hand went for the shifter, and with the rising sun, I could see now why my guitar case had felt so wrong in my hands. It wasn't mine. It was his. His family's cattle brand was burned clear as day in the hard leather on the outside. I didn't know how I couldn't have noticed that as I was leaving. And then I let myself think clearly for the first time since leaving Fort Worth.

'You're not free though, Bella. You're surviving.' I heard Emmett's voice in my head just before I heard Edward's.

'I think you want it. I think you want the picket fence and the dogs in the backyard and the husband with a nine to five. I think you want all of it, and it scares the hell out of you.'

'Or it could be that if you leave them, they can't leave you.'

'You're really going to let one sorry son of bitch and his pack of wannabe outlaws keep you running from everything you care about the rest of your life? I don't know, Bella. You just seemed a little more badass than that.'

'If this is what you want... if you do want to live like a Highwayman for the rest of your life, find a better cause. Because this ain't the hill to die on, darlin'.'

'You still being here. You having this conversation. That's it, Bella. That's fighting. You're not fucked up. You're scared, and I get that. But I'm here, too. I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not calling this over until you do.'

'You call yourself an outlaw, but you're just a broken mess in a knock off Stetson, livin' on strong coffee and cheap bourbon... And baby, if you don't quit runnin', you're gonna run outta places to hide.'

It was like a cheesy movie montage when the crappy heroine's mistakes just played right before her eyes. It was the 'everything's crashing down', 'son of a fucking bitch' moment. Every bullshit excuse Edward had called me out on. Every plea from my family and friends to stay put in one place. It just kept going, and I couldn't get the voices out of my head. One last flashback of Emmett's words rolled through my mind.

'And you threw it away for what? To be a self-made gypsy, hellbent on proving a point? I don't get it, Bella.'

I didn't get it either. Because at this point, something was extremely evident to me. Tanya wasn't the drama queen. I was. I was the crappy, dumb heroine and the villain. I was the girl that everyone had started rooting for just before she fucked it all up, just like everyone secretly knew she would.

I couldn't even remember the point I was trying to prove four months ago. Was I trying to prove that I was independent? That I was a rebel? That I was better than the sorry stuck-in-their-ways losers with a stable income, a warm bed, and actual sustenance in their meals? What the hell had I been doing the last three years?

I thought learning about my mom's lifestyle had scared me straight. I thought I had learned my lesson, and yet, here I was, alone at a truck stop at 5AM, right on track to being just fucking like her. I was a broken mess, and I was quickly running out of places to hide. And quite fucking frankly, I was really tired of finding places to hide.

I'd felt it at dinner the other night and every single moment since then. The calmness and coziness and peace of being where I belonged. I'd found home. I'd found what I was looking for.

You had it all, Isabella. You had it fucking all. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Edward never deserved this. A twenty-one-year old trainwreck with commitment issues, no skills, too many dramatic tendencies, and that now, apparently, was a guitar thief. He deserved simple. He deserved comfortable. And I wasn't whiskey in a coffee mug. Not like he was. I was fucking warm keg beer in a solo cup.

My foot moved from the brake pedal, and the car stayed in park. You better hope that's not the fucking Gibson in your backseat.

"Fuck." I muttered as the sobs took over my body.

What have you fucking done, bellbottoms?

A/N So, um… yeah. This was definitely my favorite chapter to write because I am an absolute SLOOT for dramatic exits in any sense and context. And our girl sure can fucking make a dramatic exit. Anyway, until the next chapter, bebs. Let me know what you think.