That was the only disagreement, if it could be called that, that the pair had during Obi-Wan's sojourn on Naboo. For the rest of the time, they found themselves agreeing basically on everything, from their tastes in books to their vision of the Republic, from their love for nature to their disliking for flying.
Both of them were aware of their growing closeness and deep attraction, and Padné was certain that if Obi-Wan had not yet acted on his feelings, it was just because he was a gentleman. That pleased her, for it showed her how much he cared for her, but it also was a source of frustration.
Her handmaidens were making her life impossible. They were always pressing for details and covered her with questions she did not want to listen to.
"So, Your Highness, has he kissed you? Is he good?"
"Have you kissed him?"
"How are things going?"
"Did you tell him who you are?"
"You should act quickly, his leave will soon be up. Why don't you try to seduce him?"
Padmé was all too aware Obi-Wan's leave was expiring, and she wanted to make her move on him or at least try to coax him into telling her how he felt for her, so that she would be able to reply in kind. However, she felt painfully inexperienced and young and often plagued by self doubt.
What if she had mistaken everything? What if Obi-Wan felt only friendship in her regards?
She had thought she had seen him look at her in a way that was not exactly friendly a couple of times, but how could she be sure?
Padmé supposed it was the right 'punishment' for having fallen in love with a man eleven years her senior at an age, hers, when even a year could make a difference.
Whatever the case, she did not dare to voice her feelings and he kept silent too until the second last morning of his leave, when Padmé joined Obi-Wan in the gardens as he finished training with his yellow lightsabre.
He smiled at her as he towelled off his sweat, before reaching out with his hand and taking her own. It was then Padmé realized he looked tense and hesitant.
"Is something there wrong, Obi-Wan?" she asked.
"No…it's just there is something I wish to tell you and I am not sure about how you will react."
Padmé smiled, somehow relieved to discover she was not the only one feeling doubtful and insecure.
"There is only a way to know," she said, even if she berated herself for telling him to do what she hadn't been able to.
"Tell you, huh?"
"Yes."
"You are right, Padmé, and really I am not behaving like a proper Sith, being so scared by your reaction, when I have been able to talk my way out of very dangerous or potentially explosive situations. But your answer is so important for me…" Obi-Wan stepped closer and took her other hand in his own. "Padmé, do you remember when I told you about the Sith and the marriage? How I told you about how careful we must be in choosing our mates?"
Padmé nodded, barely breathing, as she willed him to go on with her gaze.
"I have found my mate. I have found her on this beautiful planet…" Obi-Wan looked briefly away as he took a deep breath. "I am not good at this, and I apologize if I am not much of a romantic, but…I love you, Padmé. I love you and I would like to ask you to do me the honour of becoming my wife."
Her mouth opened in surprise, for she had not expected him to talk about marriage so soon—even if she should not have been, given what he had said her about the Sith and love relationships.
Obi-Wan saw her expression and believing she was going to protest, he hasted to add, "Of course you don't have to answer me now. I know it is very soon and that you are young, and that I should have prepared you better, but you can be sure I will leave you plenty of time should you say yes and-"
Padmé interrupted his stammering in the only way she could think of: she rose on her tiptoes and kissed him.
It was just a mere brushing of lips, but it left her shaking. She tried to step back, but Obi-Wan was quicker: he let go of her hands and wrapped his arms around her back, pulling her against his chest.
"Tell me Padmé, tell me dear girl, tell me this is your way to say to me you feel the same…" he murmured into her hair, and she nodded against the fabric of his grey tunic as she breathed in his manly scent.
"Yes, Obi-Wan, I feel the same." She pulled slightly back and cupped his cheeks, her head raised to be able to look him straight in the eyes. "I will be honoured to become your wife, when the time is right and my term as queen is over."
Caught by her happiness Padmé didn't realize the slip of her tongue until he tensed and his eyes went from light blue to steely grey.
"What did you say?" he asked in a low, dangerous voice as he stepped back from her.
Padmé realized immediately this was not going to go well, but there was no time to dwell on it. She had to tell him—now.
"I- I have not been completely honest with you, Obi-Wan. I am not a handmaiden of the queen; I am Queem Amidala. Sabe, the girl you have always met in my place, is my best friend and decoy."
Obi-Wan's hands rose to grip her upper arms. "Why…why did you lie to me?" he hissed, his eyes cold and angry.
"I didn't plan it in the beginning, it was just my disguise during the crisis and a way to protect myself. Then…then I saw the way you behaved with the "queen". You were cold, distant, very formal, completely different from the man you were with me. I didn't want to lose your openness, your playfulness, your company and so I…"
"So you deceived me…the typical behaviour of a politician," Obi-Wan snarled, making the last word sound like an insult as he let go of her and turned around, his fists clenched.
Padmé bit her lower lip to prevent it from trembling. Then she raised her hand and posed it on his back, trying to calm him.
"I am sorry I lied to you, Obi-Wan. I realize now how wrong I was. But I did it only to be able to come to know you better…to be close to you. You must believe me, the fact I am the queen doesn't change anything. I am still Padmé. I love you and I want to become your wife and-"
Obi-Wan whirled around, his expression furious. "Changes nothing? It changes everything! The Sith Code forbids joining between members of the order and politicians or planetary rulers!"
"Why?" Padmé asked, feeling suddenly very cold.
"Because we must be absolutely impartial and free from any possible political tie."
"I won't always be a queen," she whispered, trying to find a logical solution and unwilling to think such a thing could ruin her barely-tasted happiness.
Obi-Wan and let out a humourless laugh. "But you will always be a politician. Since I've arrived on Naboo I've heard people telling what a gifted, passionate, involved ruler Queen Amidala is. Everybody says you will become a senator, and there are some ready to bet one day you will be elected chancellor—and I believe them."
Padmé nodded, not even trying to deny what she knew to be the truth. She had wanted to be a politician and to be able to make the Republic a better place where to life since she was still at school.
"Then…then we could…we could keep it a secret…"
She had not yet completed the line when she realized she had said a very wrong thing.
Obi-Wan tensed even more and his face, from furious that it had been, became totally unreadable—the face of a stranger.
"I don't think there is anything more to say, Your Highness," he remarked, his clipped voice formal and toneless.
"Don't do this, Obi-Wan, we can find a solution…" Padmé begged, reaching out with her hand, but he side stepped, shunning contact.
"I don't think so, Your Highness. You aren't going to leave politics any more than I am going to leave the Sith Order. And now, if you forgive me…" Obi-Wan bowed to her, then turned around and walked away.
Padmé looked at his retreating back until he disappeared, the heel of her hand pressed against her mouth, as tears blurred her sight.
She understood too late what complete idiocy it had been to suggest Obi-Wan should go against the rules of his order. He, a man who had been raised by a master that used a whip to make sure his charge would never forget his lessons! How could she have been so naïve? So… childish?
A part of Padmé urged her to follow Obi-Wan and apologize; the other told her to stay where she was, to calm down and to think well of what she wanted before approaching him again.
If she wanted to convince him she loved him for real, she would have to first find the answers to some very important questions, the first of which was: would she be able to leave her political career to be just a wife and a mother? Would she be happy with such a choice?
The answer, when she found it, was as simple and hard as truth often is.
Padmé loved to be a politician. She loved the responsibilities and the desire to be a good ruler. She loved to be a queen and looked forward to the day she would become a senator and thus be part of a larger scheme.
She loved it—and was not able to renounce it, not even for Obi-Wan.
Padmé fell to the ground and cried, soaking the grass with her tears as inside her heart her dreams shattered.
§
Obi-Wan all but stormed into his room at the Palace. He went to his bed and collapsed to sit on the mattress, holding his head in his hands.
How could he have been so wrong? How could he have mistaken what the Force had indicated to him?
He had been so sure of Padmé, so sure she was the woman he was destined to spend his life with. How could he have not sensed that she had been lying to him all along? How could he have not perceived, when he was in the presence of the "queen" that it was all a ruse?
Obi-Wan laughed bitterly as he realized the reason behind his mistakes. What had his master always said? Live the moment, Obi-Wan, concentrate on the here and now.
He had not focused on the present when Padmé was concerned. Taken as he had been by the certainty of their future together, he had not given much attention to the present—and this was the result.
He had committed a mistake, the greatest one a Sith could ever make: he had not listened to the Force. He had to be grateful it had not happened during a mission and it had not cost him his life. Just his heart.
Oh yes, his heart.
Obi-Wan would pay for his mistake for the rest of his life, he knew it. He had put all of himself into this relationship and given Padmé his undying love even before he had offered it to her. The fact she had lied and wounded him so much did not change the truth.
Obi-Wan Kenobi, Sith Knight of the Republic, loved Padmé Naberrie Amidala—and so he would for the rest of his life.
Sighing deeply, Obi-Wan stood up and walked to the window, looking out at the gardens.
Padmé was still where he had left her, sitting on the grass, her arms hugging her bent knees.
He probed her gently with the Force and sensed she had come to a decision, one that pained her, but that she knew it was the only possible one.
Obi-Wan smiled bitterly and lowered his head, his stance echoing the desperation he felt for several minutes. Then he straightened and closed his eyes as his expression hardened.
He was a Sith. He would not let this crush him. He would use it to become stronger and as a reminder of a failure he would never allow to happen again.
Then he walked away from the window and started packing his stuff.
He was done with Naboo. The time for childish dreams had ended; it was the moment to return to Coruscant, to reality, to his life and his duty.
