Padmé woke up in the middle of the night, just in time to see Anakin put on his robe and leave the bedroom.
Concerned, she followed him, finding him on the veranda. Padmé took his left hand, surprised to feel his skin so cold.
"What's bothering you?"
"Nothing." Anakin touched the japor pendant around her neck that he had given her as a small boy. "I remember when I gave this to you."
"Anakin, how long is it going to take for us to be honest with each other?" Padmé said, reading through his attempts to distract her.
"It was a dream."
"Bad?"
"Like the ones I used to have about my mother just before she died."
"And?"
"It was about you."
They looked at each other, as Padmé tried to remember what Anakin's dream of his mother had been about.
"Tell me," she urged him, thinking it would him good to unburden himself.
"It was only a dream." Anakin took a deep breath then continued, "You die in childbirth."
"And the baby?"
"I don't know."
"It was only a dream," Padmé repeated his previous words, trying to reassure him.
Anakin walked closer and took her in his arms, " I won't let this one become real, Padmé. I will find a way to prevent it. I will not let you die." His voice was fierce, his eyes blazing with determination.
Padmé nodded, but she did not like the look on her husband's face. Of course, she did not like to think she might die of childbirth, who would? But the way Anakin had claimed he would not let it happen was not…healthy.
Death was natural part of life and even if nobody liked to mull over his or her own death, it was a given fact. Anakin's words had not only betrayed the natural fear of losing someone dear—they had also spoken of an obsessive need to control everything, death included.
Padmé then remembered what he had said on Tatooine, after his mother's death. He had vowed that one day he would be so powerful he would prevent people from dying—the same promise he had just done her.
Back then Padmé had thought they were only the words of a shocked young man, and gave them no importance. Now- now instead they took a more sinister meaning.
She was sure nobody was able to prevent people from dying, but she was suddenly scared of what Anakin could do, of how far he would go to find a way to 'save' her.
"Listen Anakin," she said, running her hand along his tense back. "Why don't you talk about these dreams with Qui-Gon or maybe Master Yoda? Maybe they will be able to help you to see it is nothing more than a nightmare."
Anakin turned his face to look at her, and she could see he wanted to protest, but she stopped him posing two fingers over his lips.
"Do it for me, please."
Anakin nodded, "I will, Angel. For you."
Padmé smiled, "Good. Now let's return to bed. Tomorrow I have a Senate meeting and I don't wish to fall asleep midway into it." And speaking so she took him by the hand and led him back into the apartment.
§
Padmé stared out of her bedroom window, thinking back to the conversation she had just had with Anakin.
Her husband had admitted he was not the Jedi he should be and that he wanted more. More of what? He had just been accepted into the Jedi Council at the age of only twenty-two, what more could he want? True, his appointment had been due to the Chancellor's request, but still…
His words had unsettled her, for even if she was not an expert in Jedi matters, she knew the extent Anakin was breaking the teachings of his order.
She had met several Jedi and a few Sith along the years and she had never heard one of them claiming he wanted more for himself. All they talked about was the Republic, the Force and their duty. Even after seeing comrades and loved ones die, they still put the Republic before themselves.
It was then, in that precise moments as she looked at the sun set over Coruscant that Padmé realized that, when Anakin had married her, he had not only broken a rule of an old code. He had put himself, his needs before those of the Jedi, before his duty, before the Republic.
The gesture that until that moment she had seen as the proof of his selfless love, now became the demonstration of his egoism.
Padmé bit the heel of her hand to stop the tears from falling along her cheeks. What had she done? Why had she not stepped away when she still had the choice? Why had she not understood that the Jedi rule against attachment and possession had its reason to be?
Anakin was rumoured to be the most powerful Jedi alive…what would happen if he decided to use his power not for the good of the Republic but for his own advantage?
He was obsessed by his fear to lose her and his need to save her by his nightmares…what had he said to her a little while ago? "I have found a way to save you." And later, " I am becoming so powerful with my new knowledge of the Force, I will be able to keep you from dying."
What had he meant with 'my new knowledge of the Force'? Who was teaching him? Or was someone preying on his fears to have Anakin do something he should not?
Unbidden the image of Palpatine flashed in front of her eyes. Padmé remembered how brusquely Anakin had dismissed her plea to use his friendship with the Chancellor to convince him to ask for a truce now that Count Dooku was dead.
Anakin had accused her of trying to manipulate him as the Jedi Council had done when they had asked him to report about the Chancellor's activities, and had refused to listen to her.
Only now Padmé realized the great, perhaps too great, influence Palpatine had over Anakin.
Should…Padmé found difficult to even formulate the thought…should Palpatine decide not to resign when the war was over, would Anakin side with him? He was popular with the press, they called him 'The Hero With No Fear' and his choice would have a great influence on the people's opinion.
Padmé massaged her temple, trying to rub away her headache. Perhaps she was overreacting. Perhaps it was an effect of her pregnancy. Perhaps…perhaps she was right and she could not keep everything bottled inside her.
She needed to talk with someone, to know if she was indeed worrying for nothing or if she was right in being so concerned.
But who could she talk with? Her parents? They knew she was married, but were not politics or Jedi experts, and they barely knew Anakin.
Qui-Gon? He would be the ideal person, for nobody knew Anakin better than him, but he was a Jedi. Could she tell him his Padawan had married her? By doing so, she wouldn't only jeopardize Anakin's future as Jedi, but also put his master in the position of having to choose between his former apprentice and his duty to the order.
No, Padmé could not do that to such a generous, gentle man as Qui-Gon. He did not deserve it. But she still needed help.
She needed someone who would understand her concerns but would not be feel obliged to act in any way. Someone who was able to listen and give advise without judging. Someone who had already proved he would not betray her.
Obi-Wan.
§
Obi-Wan pressed the buzzer of Senator Amidala's apartment, as his sharp eyes scanned the corridor.
He had not met a single person – guard, clerk, servant – on his way up to the flat, and he had the feeling it had been done on purpose. Padmé had repeated at least three times this had to be a very private meeting, and she had probably made sure nobody saw him.
Further musings were interrupted when the door slid open and Padmé appeared on the threshold.
A look of relief washed over her features. "You came," she murmured, gesturing him inside.
"Of course," Obi-Wan answered, surprised by her lame comment. Padmé was a smooth talker and such bad starting line was out of character. Was she all right?
Obi-Wan studied her form critically. Her belly was huge with the new lives she was carrying, and her skin had a healthy colour. However, her features were tense, tired.
'She is not unwell,' he concluded as he followed her in the living room. 'She is worried.'
Obi-Wan sat where she indicated him and watched as she did the same in front of him, giving her time to collect her thoughts.
Padmè stood there, head lowered, evidently struggling to find the words to tell whatever she wanted to say.
Finally Obi-Wan could not take it anymore and gently asked, "Is there something I can do for you, Padmé?"
The use of her given name, done to remind her that, despite of everything he still cared for her, did the trick.
Padmé raised her head and met his gaze. "Yes, Obi-Wan. I need to talk of something that has been bothering me, and you are the only one I can trust with it."
Obi-Wan arched an eyebrow, but did not comment.
"It concerns Anakin…"
"Your… husband?"
"Yes." There was relief in her voice, as if she was happy he knew how things really were. "Yes, my husband. You have known him for a long time, haven't you?"
"Yes, I have. I've undertaken several missions with he and his master."
"And you have been meeting him often to talk about sieges and military strategy…"
Obi-Wan simply nodded, wanting to see where she was headed.
"Have you noticed something different in him lately?" Padmé asked with a hurried tone.
"I cannot say I have seen him a lot lately. Since his…election…to the Jedi Council he has been spending more and more time with the Supreme Chancellor," Obi-Wan said, observing her closely. He did not like the way she twisted the fabric of her dress with her hands. It was a show of the barely controlled anxiety he could sense in the Force around her.
"Oh," she sounded disappointed.
"Listen, Padmé, why don't you tell me why are you so bothered? I feel you are very worried, and this tension is not good for the little ones."
Padmé's eyes widened. "Little ones? Do you mean I am carrying twins?"
Obi-Wan nodded. "Yes. They are quite strong in the Force, I can perceive their signatures very easily." Then he frowned, "Did not the doctor tell you?"
"I-I have not seen one. I didn't want the pregnancy to become public knowledge. People would start gossiping and trying to discover who the father is."
"Well, you could come to the Sith Temple for a check up. Our healers are very good, and they are not interested in gossips."
Padmé smiled, grateful. "That would be wonderful."
"Then I will set an appointment for you, all right?"
"Perfect."
"Now that this is settled, tell me what is bothering you," Obi-Wan commanded gently, his eyes boring at her. Padmé hesitated, and he leant forward, reaching out to take one of her hands in his own. It was chilly. "You must know by now you can trust me. I have always known of you and Anakin; I could have gone to the Jedi Council and report him, but I didn't. I didn't three years ago, and I won't now."
"But maybe you should…" Padmé said, her voice a little more than a whisper.
"What?"
She stood up and walked by the window, hugging her belly. "Anakin has changed," she began, not looking at him. "He is no longer the sweet boy I married. He is darker, always brooding, and no longer confides with me. He has grown mistrusting and overtly critical of the Jedi Council, and he is far too close to Palpatine. He is obsessed by a dream he had about me...he thinks I am going to die in childbirth and he is desperate to find a way to 'save' me…and I am afraid of the extent he could go to do it…" Padmé turned around to face him and he could see the tears streaking down her cheeks. "I am…am afraid for him…of him." she finished in a whisper, as she started sobbing.
Her pain made Obi-Wan's heart constrict. He hated to see a woman cry, especially if she was Padmé. He stood up and crossed the room to the window, wrapping her in his arms and urging her to pose her head on his chest.
Padmé did not resist his embrace. Instead she buried her face against his neck and wept without restraint, her tears soaking the fabric of his robe.
Obi-Wan held her, murmuring comforting nonsense and using the Force to soothe her, as a part of him, the one that had never forgotten how it felt to have her in his arms, rejoiced at her familiar warmth and scent.
'Stop this at once, Kenobi,' he thought. 'Padmé needs your help, not your nostalgic musings.'
Yes, Padmé needed his help, but Obi-Wan was not sure he could give it to her, not after what she had said him—and especially not after what he had seen on the Invisible Hand.
He remembered in a flash how Palpatine had ordered Skywalker to kill the now harmless Dooku, and how the younger man had obeyed, murdering the Separatist leader with chilling cold blood.
Skywalker and the Chancellor did not know he had seen it. They thought he had fainted when Dooku had slammed him against a wall, but it had not been so. He had been conscious and had watched as the scene had evolved, although he had not expected the young Jedi to follow the politician's order.
Nobody but his fellow council members knew what he had seen. They had decided to keep a close eye on Palpatine and Skywalker for a while before contacting the Jedi Council. They had not liked what had happened, but proof was needed before they could act against the Chancellor.
Obi-Wan had never liked Palpatine and he had once told Qui-Gon it was a mistake to let his Padawan be so close to the politician. Qui-Gon had only chided him for being too suspicious. Obi-Wan hated to have been proved right in this instance.
"Obi-Wan?" Padmé's voice, weak and muffled by the fabric of his robe intruded into his thoughts.
"Yes?"
"Do you think there is something you can do?"
"I will try to talk with your husband and with Master Jinn. The man loves Anakin as a son and he will not condemn him should he discover you are married. Instead, he will do everything he can to help his Padawan…if Anakin actually wants to be helped and is willing to listen," Obi-Wan ended in an afterthought, giving voice to his greater doubts.
"Yes, yes, you are right," Padmé nodded against his chest, then took a step back.
Obi-Wan let her go with some regret, but his breath caught in his throat when he saw the way she was looking at him.
Her eyes were reddened and puffy, but the relief on her face was palpable and her smile…oh how he had longed to see her smile at him like that!
It did not matter if she was smiling because he had promised he would help her husband—and he fully intended to do it – she was smiling at him, something he had thought would never seen again after what had happened between them.
"Obi-Wan?"
"Yes?" He lowered his head to look at her.
"Thank you."
"Thank me only when Anakin is better," he said, not wanting to give her too many hopes.
"No, it's not that," Padmé shook her head, and raised a hand to caress his bearded cheek. "Thank you for being here. For being you."
Unable to answer with word to her declaration, Obi-Wan let his actions speak for him and pulled Padmé into another heartfelt embrace.
