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Chapter 10: 28th of May 2004

28th of May 2004

Diary,

Sorry that I have not been writing lately, I was too busy with Quidditch and now I'm back in England. I don't feel doing anything but I figure that writing it out to you will make me feel better.

Today is the saddest day of my life. A few hours ago, I'm a father and now…

Sorry about the tears that stained your pages, Diary. But I'm too upset. And I bet that Hermione wouldn't feel any better than I do. She probably feels worse. Way worse.

Hermione is, no, was pregnant.

And the baby is mine.

She went for the abortion a few hours ago. Unwillingly, of course.

No, I'm not the one who forced her to. We made this decision against our own will.

I want to record every single detail of what happened today so that I will never forget it for the rest of my life.


This morning, Hermione asked me out and of course, I said ok straightaway. But when I got to the park in a happy mood (because I had the chance to see Hermione again), I saw her, sitting on the bench with a depressed look on her face.

Quietly, I went to her and touched her on the shoulder to get her attention. She smiled slightly at me and asked me to sit down. So I did.

We went quiet for a while before she broke the shocking news to me: She's pregnant, and the baby's mine.

I didn't know what to say for the moment, Diary. I was too shocked. Here we are, having sex all the time and never care for the consequences…

She asked me what to do and I told her to get a divorce. Immediately, Hermione said no, all because of her reputation. Getting a bit agitated, I just went snapped and yelled at her for being selfish… well, I didn't use that word, but I meant that. Then I went on about my own reputation (which was much greater than Hermione's) and how I treated mine.

Instantly, Hermione apologized and tried to reason with me. She did have a point through. If she get a divorce right now, Ron will probably know why right away and he will go for the Daily Prophet! We will be ruined, pestered by the public everyday for our affair.

And we certainly didn't want that.

So I asked her what was she going to do and she said abortion. I swore that my face had gone pale at that point. I asked her if there's another way. She said no and we couldn't keep it, because it would be too obvious.

I agreed and I let her go for an abortion.


At the hospital (not the St Mungo's, I assure you), the atmosphere was tense. I held Hermione's hands in support. Poor Hermione, she was trembling with fear.

The nurse called for her and when we went to the operating theatre, I was still hoping that we could change our minds and got out of the hospital. The baby was innocent after all… But it was too late. We couldn't back out. So I kissed Hermione on the forehead and let her in.


A few hours later, the operation was over and Hermione woke up in the hospital bed. The Healer told us that the operation was a success.

And she told us one more thing.

The baby was a girl.

Oh my God.

After the Healer left, Hermione sat up and stared at me for a while before she broke down and started to cry. I pulled her to my arms and hugged her tightly.

Sorry about the tears again, Diary. I couldn't stop myself. We could have a baby daughter but we couldn't, because our relationship is a secret and we need to keep it that way.

Are we selfish, Diary? Maybe. No, we ARE selfish. And I hate it.

There's no word to describe how we felt last night. Hermione just stayed in my arms, looking rather dazed. The tear stains remained on her cheeks. She hadn't said a word throughout the whole night. I kept my arms around her in comfort. We kept silent, each lost in our own world. I didn't know what Hermione was thinking that whole night. But I myself was thinking of the baby. What would she look like, things like that. I pictured her as a pretty girl with long black hair and brown eyes.

It was like around 5am in the morning before she actually said something.

"Shall we give our daughter a name?" she asked, in a voice that sounded like she hadn't talked for a long time.

I nodded, for she needed one, even though she's… well, dead.

"What should we call her?" I asked.

"You're the father, you decide." said Hermione softly.

I thought for a while before I said, "Julia. Julia Potter."

Hermione sniffled and smiled. "Julia… that's nice."

I kissed her on the head and patted her on the shoulder as I hugged her.


Hermione went back to The Burrow in the morning and I went back to mine. I sat on my sofa for a long time before I got up and went out to the garden. I took a rock and placed it under a tree.

Then I transfigured it into a white tombstone. Using a screwdriver and a hammer, I craved the words on the tombstone:

Julia Potter
Died in late May 2004
She will live forever in her parents' hearts

At that point, I myself broke down, Diary. I sat in front of the tombstone and just cried. My heart was (and still is) filled with guilt and sorrow. I wished I could just get away from here and never come back. But I couldn't leave Hermione behind.

Julia, Mummy and Daddy are sorry. We didn't mean it. Honest. We just wish that we could live together…

Excuse me, Diary. I'm going off to have another good cry.

Harry


William put the diary aside and buried his face in his hands. He had finally found out who Julia was. And that upset him further. His sister was sacrificed because his parents wanted to keep their relationship a secret.

Then his parents died because of a crime they didn't commit (he believed that his father killed Ron by accident).

Now he was the only one who knew who was Julia Potter…

No, there's someone else.

Mary Lestrange.

She must had figured out who Julia was when she and William found her grave, that's why she never told William, because she didn't want to upset him.

William smiled slightly at Mary's thoughtfulness.

It was now then he realised how much he missed her.