Once upon a time I used to write fanfic for CSI: Miami-until they killed off one half of the couple that I shipped. Then I moved on to an obscure little show called Sue Thomas: FBEye. Fast-forward over a decade later, and I've suddenly been inspired to write a little Law & Order: SVU fic after not having written in years. Feeling a little rusty, but after finding out the shocking and upsetting news that KG is leaving the show, the character's voices starting talking in my head. I decided to listen and hopefully will help me work through losing Rollisi. At least we'll always have reruns...

I appreciate any and all feedback! :)

Hold On To Me

Chapter 1 - Rollins

The chaotic sounds coming from the kitchen made Amanda Rollins smile as Dominick "Sonny" Carisi whipped up a culinary storm. Her two small daughters sat side by side on the couch as they shared a book before supper, while her dog Frannie was nearby, chewing on a toy. Some days when she looked at this life, Amanda honestly couldn't believe it was hers. When she was younger she'd balked at the idea of becoming a wife and mother, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen at a young age like the generations of southern women in her family before her. The dream of becoming a cop took hold near the end of high school, when she began to feel herself sinking into the cesspool of addiction that had engulfed her father long ago. For a long time the work had been enough, and she'd managed okay for the most part. She'd had her job, friends and some vices to get her through the most stressful days. When loneliness had reared its ugly head she'd never had much trouble finding someone to casually entangle with. Sometimes they had wanted more from her, and most of the time they took more than they gave. Love hadn't been high up on her list of priorities, since she knew it inevitably led to pain. Now, watching her girls with their blonde heads close together, while the tantalizing smell of her fiance's cooking wafted from the kitchen, Amanda knew that love had found her anyway. Thankfully since becoming a mother she was less of a train-wreck than she used to be. Her love for her daughters prevented her from getting on the path to self-destruction that she'd sometimes traveled in the past, and she had a strong support-system. She was happier and healthier than she'd ever been, but sometimes she felt like she was waiting for the bottom to fall out. It always had before. She finished setting the table as Carisi came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her neck as she snuggled against him.

"Come and get it, girls!" he called. "Go and wash your hands first." Jesse obliged with a grin, putting the book aside while her little sister let out a loud protest.

"Race you!" Jesse said, and Billie forgot her whining to chase after her sister. Amanda exchanged an amused look with Carisi while she helped him bring the food to the table.

"We're really in for it with that one, aren't we?" Carisi started dishing up plates for the girls, and Amanda murmured her agreement, affection washing over her at his use of the word, 'we'. Her youngest daughter had been giving her a run for her money lately, and Carisi was so good with her, far more patient than she felt most of the time.

"Mom reminded me last night that Billie is what I get for being a little handful myself, but that's not much help. Negotiating with a terrorist would be easier some days."

"Hang in there." Carisi kissed her as the girls ran screaming to the table. Peace descended as everyone dug in, and Amanda momentarily ignored the sound of her phone pinging in the living room while Jesse began talking about her day at school. After a few more texts and a ring tone were also ignored, Carisi's phone began ringing on the kitchen counter.

"Better go see what's up," Carisi said, crossing the room with his long stride. "Hey, Liv. We're just eating—" Amanda met his eyes as he listened in silence for a moment. "Yeah, she's here. Hang on." Washing down her last bite with a sip of water, she took the phone, her greeting fading away as she picked up the edge in her captain's tone. Olivia Benson's voice was calm but firm as her words sent Amanda's world crashing down around her.