Author's Note: Remind me to edit the previous chapter; t'was horrendous. Didn't flow at all. I think, now I know what Trian feels, when he felt like he was a disappointment. The last week has been rather rocky for me, but maybe things will begin to pick up. That said, enjoy this little interlude.
Disclaimer: The little excerpt of Beautiful Lie is by 30 Seconds to Mars and doesn't belong to me in any way or form. Pretty good song though.
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Ragnarok Online
Deadly Enchantment
Interlude – Beautiful Lie
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It's a beautiful lie,
It's the perfect denial.
Such a beautiful lie,
To believe in.
So beautiful, beautiful…
- Beautiful Lie, 30 Seconds to Mars
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The silence that settled within the house was almost tangible. Aleran fixed his purple eyed gaze on Xildali. The wizard looked the same as ever. His short, white hair was messier than usual and his similarly purple eyes were brighter with the knowledge he had gathered over the past few years. But his face had lost its calmness he used to carry like a shield, replaced by a visage harrowed with worry. Aleran understood the wizard felt just as strongly as he himself did about the current situation. There were only two people that could make the wizard lose his calmness. Rosa…and Trian…
"How are you two keeping?" Xildali offered hesitantly.
"We're keeping alright, Xil, but, you know…" Rosa glanced meaningfully at the bedroom behind. "Trian hasn't gotten better. In fact…" She trailed off.
"His condition has gotten worse, if anything," Aleran finished for her.
The monk watched the expression on Xildali's face go grave. The wizard bowed his head, hiding his face behind his hands. "I am terribly, terribly sorry about this," he murmured. "None of this would have happened if–"
"Don't say that!" Rosa cut in. "I don't regret our decision at all. Trian gave us some trouble, but all children are bound to disagree with their parents at some point."
Aleran remained silent. His own emotions were mixed on that subject. Was that really true? Did Trian break away from the family's chosen beliefs because it was normal for children to rebel? Or was it because of something else…?
"No, if it wasn't for me, this would not have happened to him at all."
Aleran watched the wizard, whose expression was troubled and anxious. Geffenese and Yunoans were so similar in looks it was difficult for others to tell the difference. Both races had the tendency towards white hair. Both generally had sharp, aristocratic features, coupled with their strange purple eyes. But if you looked carefully, if you forgot that his parents were supposed to be full-blood Yunoans, you could see that Trian had that thinner build that was so characteristically Geffenese…
"He is half of my blood," Xildali said emphatically. He started to choke on his words as he continued, "I do not think he would have become a wizard if Rosa did not ch–"
"Do not blame her for her choice!" Aleran interrupted, his voice going cold. He inwardly cringed when he saw the wizard visibly recoil at his words. He felt like such a hypocrite; not matter how many times he told himself he didn't feel angry at the decision made decades ago, he knew that deep inside, he was. No good would come out of this if he got angry at something that happened so long ago, he knew. He wanted to let go of the past. But it was so difficult to force the past's claws to release its hold on him. Especially when its result was a person that was close to his seemingly indifferent heart.
Softening his voice, Aleran carefully wiped away all traces of ill will from his voice. "No one can be blamed for what is happening now. All that's in the past. Stop antagonising yourself." A little voice chided him, hypocrite, hypocrite.
Silence settled over the room. All that could be heard was the gentle tock of the grandfather clock.
"…Have you two told him?"
Rosa shook her head, wringing her hands.
"If…when he recovers, will you tell him?"
"What reason do we have to tell him?" Aleran replied quietly.
Xildali looked surprised. "I thought you people valued the truth?"
Aleran sighed wearily. He had gone through this with Rosa a long time ago. It took a lot of talking to allow her to see his point of view. "What good would it do? What would telling Trian that I am not his real father achieve? Do you want to be the one to tell him that he has been living a lie for more than forty years? All it will do is attack him emotionally."
"Still, he deserves to know–"
"Trian is an illegitimate child, Xil!" Aleran said heatedly.
"I know that!" the wizard snapped back. "I am reminded of that fact every time I see his face!"
"Both of you, stop it!" Rosa yelled, her expression dark.
The two men fell silent, not meeting each other's eyes. They both knew what happens when Rosa became angry. It was a while before anyone spoke again. "He is not just an illegitimate child, and you know it." Aleran closed his eyes. "What happened was…taboo. If anyone else found out about it…"
"Things will go wrong," Rosa said, folding her hands onto her lap. "The less people know, the less likely this will be leaked. We want this secret to die with us. The moment that happens, everything is rectified. From then on, Trian will be…legal."
Xildali sighed, taking hold of his staff and standing up. "Why must life be so complicated?"
"Only God knows," Aleran replied, holding out a hand to help Rosa up from their seat.
"Do you really believe that?" the wizard whispered.
"I do." Rosa smiled faintly at him, accepting Aleran's hand. "I don't think things happen by 'coincidence'. I feel that this is but a test. All the hardships we endure in life are all things we must conquer in order to become stronger. But although sometimes we may not understand His vision for us, there is a reason for everything that happens."
Xildali looked like he wanted to say something, but decided against it. Together they walked to the room where Trian lay in his Stream induced sleep. Aleran was glad to see that today their son was more restful today. But it pained him to see how much Trian's physique had suffered over the months. He was so thin and gaunt now, his bones sticking out from under his skin. His hair splayed around him, their strands' whiteness combined with his sickly pallor making him seem like a ghostly wraith.
Xildali bowed his head, his hands shaking as he gripped his staff. He held it so tightly his knuckles bleached. "This is more terrible than I thought…" he murmured, leaning heavily on his staff. "This feeling…do you not feel it?"
Rosa arched an eyebrow. "Feel what? I only feel a little tired…"
Xildali waved an arm at the room in frustration, trying to convey something they didn't understand. "This!" he breathed. "And you say the sage has been here, recording everything, for months? The poor man! I have renewed respect for your adopted son. I cannot stay here for much longer, this feeling is…terrible…it feels as if something is telling me to despair and die…"
Making a pained face, the wizard quickly exited the room, having one last glance at Trian over his shoulder. Rosa immediately followed, but Aleran lingered in the room for a little longer. There was so much he didn't understand…
Just as he was about to leave, Aleran spotted a shadow near the windowsill. Frowning, he stared at it for a little longer before it moved away. He was sure their small family was not a target of assassins. Besides, no assassin would reveal themselves so obviously. Only someone who didn't realise they cast a shadow at all…
Xildali excused himself, saying it was late. Aleran and Rosa followed him outside to bid him farewell. But it was obvious he still had something left to say.
"Aleran, Rosa," Xildali began hesitantly. He saw the carefully neutral expression on Aleran's face and seemed to gain strength from it. The wizard drew himself up straighter. "When I taught him in Geffen, he still believes. Trian may be a wizard, but he still feels there is a higher being out there. You two have done well raising him. Never forget that." He paused, before continuing, "Rosa, may I speak to Aleran alone?"
She nodded, smiling, her eyes glassy from her unshed tears. "Go ahead, Xil. We'll see you again soon?"
The wizard gave his assent, a vague expression spreading over his face. Rosa withdrew to inside the house, probably to Trian's side once more. Aleran watched her worriedly. He knew that the more time she spent by Trian's bedside, the more his deteriorating condition hurt her. The fact their son was dying before their eyes was a terrible test of their love, their hopes and their faith. Every night he prayed for their little family, that they would find the strength to pull through this ordeal. At the moment, that's all he wished for…
Xildali looked Aleran in the eyes, his purple eyes showing the monk nothing but deepest sincerity. "Look Aleran, please, forgive me for taking the place with Rosa that should be yours. But even if you tell him the truth, Trian will always think of you as his father. I can never take that place; I do not know him nearly as well as you do. You are the one that has taken care of him over the years, not me." He sighed, leaning on his staff with a wistful smile. "I feel envious of you. You are so fortunate in so many ways…"
Any ill will the monk had harboured towards the wizard melted away at the wizard's earnest words. Touched, Aleran smiled genuinely and held out his hand. "I'm sorry things turned out this way for you, Xil," he said softly.
The wizard accepted his hand with a small smile and shook it. "I, however, am not. Although I regret the pain I have caused, I am honestly glad to see you two are happy together. And if both of you are happy, I am happy also." They let go. "I'll see you two again some time. Say goodbye to Rosa for me."
Aleran watched Xildali walk away. He would have offered to take the wizard back to Geffen, but he could feel that Xildali did not want to intrude on them any further. Sensing someone draw nearer, he smiled wryly when he realised who it was.
"How much did you hear?" he asked Tyler.
The sage had the grace to look embarrassed. "I heard everything."
Aleran sighed, watching the sun set in a blaze of fire. Its lingering golden tendrils lightly touched Yuno one last time before they finally faded beneath the horizon. "Tell me, what do you think about our decisions, then? Be honest. I'd like to know."
There was a pause as Tyler lingered over his reply. "It's not my place to judge what you've done. There are things I don't know and I don't understand. Like how you seem to accept that Trian is the result of Xildali stealing away with Mrs. Lizray without much anger…"
"Wha–?" There were few things that took him by surprise, and that was one of them. Aleran didn't realise that their past could be interpreted that way. He should have realised. People did tend to assume the worst. Aleran laughed loudly, clutching his sides in mirth. It had been a long time since he had laughed this hard. "Tyler," he began, when he had calmed down. "He didn't do anything like that. Xil is a friend of mine from a long time ago. There was no affair."
If there was, he wouldn't know what he would've done. Ever since Trian, his actions towards the wizard had been less friendly. They had been so much happier before, when they were young and didn't care what the world thought. He needed to forget about the past and apologise to Xildali. The wizard himself had already forgiven him for being the person he wanted to be…He needed to do the same…
The blind sage frowned at his words. "Then…?"
Aleran smiled, before he turned his eyes to the sky. He watched the inky blackness slowly light up as its stars awoke from their sleep. The stars saw everything that ever happened. All three of them had changed so much over the decades. He remembered the times long ago, where they all cared little for rules or the lines that separated the mages from the acolytes. They were young and free, and life was uncomplicated. Enjoying life, living it to the full, where past yesterdays became fond memories to laugh at some other time. Back then, the half empty glass would always be filled to the brim. But then they grew up.
"Maybe one day you'll figure it out."
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Author's Note: I feel I didn't capture the atmosphere between the three quite like I imagined. Character personalities have changed a little since the beginning when I first started writing Deadly Enchantment.
