Once again, this is not base off the game! I mean, it is, but it isn't. This is humor. Bad humor most likely, but humor still. Oh, and my brother-in-law did make the Asshole comments… I didn't make them up myself.
Chapter One: In Which The Asshole's Inventions Are Found ( AKA The Lost Village )
Do you still think my sister's sane? This may change your mind…
She's leading us down into this village that shouldn't exist. I've already gone over this, haven't I? Okay. Well, along the way there she finds this black bag and, after looking through it, there are a couple newspaper clippings that seem a little… suspicious. Seems this surveyor, Masumi whatever, was surveying this forest and then disappeared. Now, I just have to wonder: Why the hell would you make a dam in the middle of a forest?
……. All right, fine, don't answer. Be that way.
Anyways, the point of these clippings is that this guy disappeared and that no one's found him. There may have been something about his girlfriend but I don't remember. After reading them I was like: Okay, woah dude. We are so not going into this place. And what does Mio do?
She just runs off like the blonde idiot she is. Only she doesn't have blond hair. Cause we're identical twins and all and we'd look awful with blond hair. Eww… So she's just a metaphorical blonde.
I refuse to run after her at first. I'm not crazy. I'm not going into some village that shouldn't be here especially when I just found out that people are missing in the woods.
And then she pulls out my copy of X3 and waves it around. "Follow me if you ever want it back!"
One day you'll be reading your newspaper and you'll come across this headline: Twin Kills Sister! SNES Game Cartridge Witnesses All!
So I limp after her the best I can, royally pissed. She stops in front of this house suddenly and starts gibbering about how she just saw a ghost. How typical of her… Ghosts are your friends, not your enemies.
I walk up next to her and stare. She seems to think that I'm scared and worried about the fact that there's a ghost nearby. Uh… so what? If I were her I'd be more scared by the PMSing ghost floating right over her shoulder… the thing places its hand on her shoulder and she touches the hand. What, does she think it's me? Shrugging, I walk past her.
She screams. Oh boy, the things I do for my precious X3.
I went inside the house and she followed. The place smelled awful and was falling apart but if Mio wanted to have fun and explore the village, she might as well explore everywhere, right? Pfft, stupid twin. The ghost woman was standing on the other side of this screen in the entrance, scaring Mio again. If she does this every time we see a ghost…
But after calming down, Mio decides that we're going to go ghost hunting and we'll follow the woman ghosty! Oh great, just what I wanted to spend my weekend doing. Chasing down evil spirits from the world beyond. Well, okay, she was exactly evil. But still, I just wanted to go home. And play X3. Mmm, X… and Zero…
A-hem, back to the story in progress.
We run around after this woman and while doing that we find these diary scraps lying everywhere. Okay, who the hell was writing in their little diary and decided to leave random parts of it lying around a decrepit old house? Maybe I should start… Confuse Mio 'cause she'd think that one of the people who used to live here wrote it.
I could make her believe the strangest things happened here… but while that's very tempting, it would require too much energy. Damn me and my laziness. Sigh.
Apparently the ghosty lady left them behind. She was looking for her boyfriend… the Masumi dude mayhaps? Funky. Oh, she has a sixth sense too! Wait, maybe that's bad… sixth sense + dead people = who the hell knows what.
We go into this one room and I could tell that she was outside the door, waiting for us to leave. Mio, of course, was as clueless as usual – she needed to actually see the damn things before she realized they were there. So Mio goes off, searching through the room, and finds a camera that can, supposedly, take pictures of dead people. It was made by a Doctor…. Asshole. Great. We're working with equipment made by an asshole.
It's the end of the world, as you know it… and I feel fine…
Well, I have to hand it to the Asshole, he knew what he was doing. The camera seemed to give Mio a sixth sense or something cause suddenly she sensed that Miss Ghosty Lady was outside the door. And with one click of the camera she was gone.
Sweet Asshole.
"This key… I bet it'll work in that door upstairs!" I nodded, surprised by the fact that my sister had managed to make that connection. Then again, it did have a tag on it that said "Key For Upstairs Room" so maybe I shouldn't be giving her that much credit…
We go up to the room and unlock the door, going on. Once inside Ghosty Lady appears again. This time, however, Mio whips out the camera and snaps a picture of her. I began to wonder what exactly the camera did since it didn't make the ghosts go away permanently…
Uh-huh. I had a bad feeling about this. I didn't want to go any further but no, my stupid insane nutball of a twin sister decides that we're going to explore every goddamn inch of this house! And I'm forced to follow her. At this point I'm beginning to realize that while I love X3 dearly, maybe I'll just buy myself a new copy.
We walk into this one room and I'm proven right. Ghosty Woman AKA PMSing Ghost is floating behind Mio, almost touching her. And the stupid git doesn't even realize it. I try to warn her but she just blows me off. Until she actually turns and looks…
I didn't know someone could scream that loud. Or that ghosts were sensitive to sound. Well, it figures, since their senses must be different from ours.
I didn't care. At that point, screw X and Zero. They weren't worth dying for. I ran from the room and from the house, screaming myself. The world was going to hell and I was not going to be going with the rest of them.
