12:30 that same night, outside Joe's Bar, a tall, sad redhead sits on the sidewalk. She sits like a child, with her legs crossed, her shoulders hung, a bottle of vodka in her right hand, by her side. A tired look on her face as she watches a car pass by once in a while through the dark street. Further down, Alex makes his way toward the bar. He reaches for the door handle but stops, seeing something out of the corner of his eye. He forgets about the Bar when he recognizes the almost lifeless body sitting at the edge of the sidewalk as Addison Shepherd.
"Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd?"
She doesn't turn around, instead she takes a swig of whatever is in the bottle in her hand. He approaches slowly and stops two feet away from where she sits.
"Doctor Shepherd?"
He asks again, this time getting her attention.
She turns her head, hearing her name, and acknowledges Alex.
"Hi."
She smiles politely, as does he. She immediately recognizes the look on his face, because she's pretty sure it's the same look on hers.
"You want some vodka, Alex?"
She lifts the hand that is holding her drink and offers him the bottle. He Looks at her for a second, considering it. He finally takes the bottle from her hand, sits next to her and takes a long, stinging gulp of alcohol. He makes a face and hands it back to Addison, who has returned her attention to the dark road.
"Thanks."
She takes back the bottle and takes another drink.
"What are you doing out here?"
He asks her, curious.
"I feel too pathetic to drink in front of people."
"I feel 'ya. Long day?"
"You have no idea."
"No, I think I do."
Addison nods, wanting to ask why, but she decides he probably doesn't want to talk about it--because she doesn't-so she hands him the bottle instead.
"Well, I've got a full bottle. We might not have to go in there for a while."
Alex smiles, and takes another gulp, feeling his stomach warm up instantly, this time, it goes down easier.
"People suck. I mean, I suck. I can recognize that. But everyone needs their day."
"People suck, indeed."
She slurs, swallowing more vodka.
""People deserve second chances…and people deserve not to get screwed over once they get that second chance--"
"Because people TRY so hard."
Alex finishes for her.
"Exactly."
He takes another drink.
"So, how do you let go?"
Addison stares ahead, rolling the question around in her head.
"I wish I knew. I wish I knew a lot of things."
"Like what?"
He asks again, watching her drink from the bottle again.
"Like…how to know when you're losing something so that--I don't know, so that you begin to let go before you get your hopes up or--so that you know how to get it back before it's too late."
"Instead of just sitting, wishing it would come back."
He begins to take another drink from the vodka bottle when he hears quick steps behind them.
"Addison!"
They both turn around and look up to an angry Derek Shepherd looking down on them, his hand on his hip. Alex, feeling slightly affected by the alcohol now, stands up.
"UH-oh. I'll get us a table way in the back."
He hands Addison the bottle, ignoring Derek and walking straight into the bar. Addison rises from where she's sitting, careful not to fall, the cold bottle still in her hand. She walks toward Derek until she is standing at arms length and mimics his actions, placing her own hand, clumsily on her hip.
"Yes, DARLING?"
She spits out accusingly.
"Addison--what are you doing? I've been looking for you everywhere!"
"Oh is that right? And when did you realize I was gone, exactly? Before or after you screwed Meredith?"
She turns on her heel and begins to walk away. Derek, shocked by her words, stands there a second, then follows behind her.
"Addison, nothing happ--"
"Don't!"
She yells, stopping and turning with an accusing finger pointed at him.
"Don't you even TRY to lie to me! I saw you--I saw the look on your face! Just, HOPING and wishing she'd say 'yes Derek, take me with you, please!'. I am not an idiot, Derek. The least you can do is respect me enough to stop treating me like it!"
She turns to walk again but stops on second thought. Tears are welling up in her eyes but this doesn't make the anger disappear from her voice.
"I screwed up. I can admit that. And I could even forgive that you moved on before you could give me a chance to try and do the same--I can--I can take the blame for you meeting Meredith but you didn't have to stay! You didn't have to stay with me if the entire time you were wishing I was her! You could have had the decency to break my heart quickly instead of prolonging it for so long and--just stop hurting me!"
A bitter sob escapes her and it hits Derek like a dart but she still has more to say.
"I could have dealt with you moving on--I could have dealt with you not loving me, but you made me believe that you did…"
Her crying makes it difficult for her to speak and he takes a step forward to try and reassure her but she takes a step back.
"A frigging gunshot would have been a lot sweeter, Derek. I--I can't anymore! Why did you let it go on for so long! Why did you--God!"
She smashes the half empty bottle on the sidewalk and lets herself fall on her knees, crying. Derek hurries after her, lifting her on her feet and bringing her into his arms. She stays there a while, crying into his chest but pushes him away harshly. She looks at him, tears streaming down her face, her make-up askew.
"Don't touch me. You don't get to touch me anymore. Just so you know, Derek, what you did was worse."
"I know."
He says for the first time in a while.
"I'm so sorry, Adie. I wanted to love you, I did--"
"Stop trying to save yourself! Admit to it! That's all you have to do! I just--I want to know why!"
"I loved her! Okay! I LOVE her! What do you want me to say!"
He yells back at her and she lets out another sob before punching his left cheek.
"Then why didn't you go with her before you fucked me over!"
"Because I owed you more! Is that what you wanted to hear? I owed US more so I had to try! Okay? I didn't mean to hurt you but I--damn it Addison! I TRIED!"
She wipes the moisture from her face and looks him straight in the eye.
"Derek, you weren't doing it for us, you stayed with me because you were scared to be with HER. I just--I hope it was worth it because this is the last time I will ever cry for you. I'm done. It's over. And I HONESTLY hope that she can forgive you because there is only so much bullshit a girl can take from you, Derek. And, trust me, what happened between you two the other night? She's not going to thank you for it."
She resumes walking away from Derek.
"Addison!"
She turns around at the sound of his voice.
"We work together--but don't expect for me to be anything more than civil to
you. I'll come by while you're at work to pick up my things. I'm moving out. You can…ask Meredith to move in soon."
"Adie…"
She shrugs and turns around again, this time walking off into the dark street, leaving a confused Derek standing by himself outside the crowded bar. He runs a frustrated hand through his hair and kicks a piece of broken glass off the sidewalk and into the road.
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Okay. this one took a lot out of me emotionally lol I think I actually cried while writing it so I hope you guys enjoy it because I LOVED writing it. Please review! ;)
