Author's Note:

Ok so I swore i wouldn't follow the show but I had to do this songfic! The songs are perfect-I think anyway

And I had already been planning to use them but anyway...This is my version of what happens

With Sean and Emma inbetween True Colors and whatever the episode when Sean get's out is!

Please review guys!

Jazzy-Raveler!

Disclaimer: If I owned Degrassi? I wouldn't have to fill in between the episodes...Sean and Emma would be in every show!

And if I owned the songs? by Faith Evans and Nickelback? I'd be a lot richer...

Prison Song...

#1

Her Song...

It's Like 1 in the morning...

Manny's in the bathroom.

She just got off the phone with Craig.

First time he's called in forever,

And he chooses to call at 10, knowing that he and Manny would be on the phone

until like, 3 hours later.

But, whatever.

Me?

I'm just...

Just...

Sitting down on the bed and staring into...

Everywhere.

I just think about everything that's happened over the past 2 yrs.

I cannot believe that Sean Cameron is actually back.

It's been a long time

I mean, who would've thought?

Definitely not me. Not in my wildest dreams-and trust me,

They can get pret-ty wild.

But, either way,

Sean Hope Cameron?

The boy who broke my heart,

Saved my life,

And then left me devatasted after it all to pick up the pieces?

He actually came back.

And somehow,

Even though I had a boyfriend-who's name I choose not to mention-,

Even though I thought I was sooooo over him?

Somehow,

Just seeing him,

Just being near him,

Brought back all those old feelings

All those indescribable sensations that I always feel when it comes to Sean.

And I ended up back where I started to begin with...

In love with Sean Cameron.

But then?

Just when I thought that maybe we'd get back together,

And maybe somehow that would make everything alright?

Sean, with his same dumb macho bravado attitude,

Got in some...some street race with P-my ex,

And...

Hit a guy.

Now...he's in jail

And once again, not with me...

And once again?

I'm just praying that he's ok...

And I hope you're doing fine

"Em? Your depressing attitude is starting to depress me."

Manny says, leaning over onto my shoulder, and side-glancing into my face.

"Huh? Oh. Sorry, Manny. I was just...um…"

"Thinking about Sean, I know. Sorry, Em.

I mean I thought it sucked to have a long-distance boyfriend.

I can't even imagine what it must be like having a boyfriend in jail."

Hmmm…

I don't know why,

But I think...

Yeah,

Manny's the first one to say it.

I hadn't really...defined us, but...

I guess, Sean is my boyfriend, isn't he?

I slump over a little.

That "Sean is my boyfriend." thought should make me happier,

Instead, it only depresses me further.

"Em? I'm so sorry sweetie! I didn't me-"

"No Manny, It's ok." I say sitting up straight again.

"I'm fine. I'm just...I'm just...tired, that's all."

Manny looks at me, worried, of course.

She worries about me all the time now.

A little more than I thought possible since Sean's been in jail,

But, finally, she just leans over hugging me.

"Ok. Em, Get some sleep ok? I don't want you up all night..." She yawns wildly-arms stretching and all,

"Wo-rrrr-ying ab-ooouuuttt Seaan. Ah, I guess I'm kinda...sleepy...too..."

She says leaning back into the bed,

And before her words are fully disintregrated into the air,

Her eyes are closed and she's asleep.

That's Manny Santos: cheerleader, best friend, and the fastest faller asleeper I know.

Which is good since I wanted to be alone when I finally did this...

I have to, I think, The thoughts are too overwhelming now, to not.

I stand up and make my way through the mounds of mess-

I don't remember any of these clothes, so they must be Manny's-over to my drawer and open it slowly...

Before I know it, I am sitting here at the kitchen table,

A pencil and an open notebook in front of me,

And even though I know what I'm about to write

And to who?

It's kinda hard to put all my thoughts in front of me,

And sort out which ones to write down,

And which ones to save for when he's not behind some bars,

Being slipped a piece of paper with words on it;

But, standing in front of me,

Real, to hold, and love for the first time...

In years...

I shake my head and run my hand through my hair,

As though that'll get those thoughts out of my head.

Since I want it to, it does

And I pick up the pen and stare down at the paper,

First thoughts first, I think...

Dear Sean,

I just wanted to write you a letter

Saying hi, and explaining why

Why you mean so much to me

Dear Sean...

Dear Sean...

I just can't seem to get any further

I know what I want to write, but I can't exactly...put it into words.

Not into spoken words…

Or written words.

How cruelly ironic is that?

I close my eyes and try to picture Sean.

13 yr old Sean...

14 year old Sean...

15 year old Sean...

But, all I can see is the way he was when I last saw him...

Last week,

When I told him that I didn't raise enough money at the dance to bail him out.

And he joked "I'm gonna be in jail forever."

I smile, but I feel a tear rolling down my cheek too.

The memory is so sweet,

But painful at the same time.

'Cuz Sean Cameron is still the sweetest boy in the world...

But I mean, other than then?

And I mean, a few days before?

I haven't...talked-talked to Sean...

Since...

It's been...

Years…

And suddenly?

Everything I wanted to tell him?

Thought I'd have the chance to tell him when I saw him again?

Now that he's in a horrible, depressing jail?

Doesn't seem so important...

This is dumb!

I think, on the verge of tears,

I can't write Sean a letter.

What am I really going to say?

"Hi! It's me! How's jail going!"

Stupid, Emma!

I think, getting a little madder and then I stand up,

Pushing the kitchen chair hatefully away from me.

About to walk back down stairs

Then...

Then?...

Then, I remember his face...bruised and scared, but still so beautiful and full of hope.

And then I remember the reason-Well, the fake reason-

Why I ditched school and my soon-to-be ex,

And went to see Sean at his court hearing that day…

Because he needed a friend.

The real reason being that I couldn't not go...

Because he needed me.

Well the reason is plain you see

And even though I'm a little too emotional to put everything in the right words,

I sit back down, press the pen to the paper, and force the words to form,

Force the tears to spill onto the page,

Knowing, Sean will understand whatever it is end up writing.

You were always there when I needed you

And I wanted to let you know

How is it going? I know how dumb that sounds

but I hope it helps to know that I do care.

I know it'll help-or maybe I just think, I know

-if you know that...I miss you. A lot

That looks so desperate, I think, sitting back and staring at the words.

Good, I think, a smile playing beneath my lips.

I do smile, but still, a tear slides down my cheek,

And I can't help but to think about the "romance of it all",

And the sadness of it all,

And the depression of it all,

But still, I manage to wipe away that tear and keep writing.

So much to tell Sean in just one letter...

You've gotta be strong

And it won't be long

Cause I'm gonna do

All your time with you

Promise you I can and I will do

Your time with you

I'm gonna do your time with you

I wish that...Well, I wish a lot of things

but I really wish that you were here with me…

or that I was there with you...

Well, not so much that second one.

(picture me laughing at my clever sarcasm).

I stare down at what I've written and read it slowly...

Something's...missing,

I think.

I mean, I'm writing like...

Like...

Like, I haven't had sooooo much to tell him.

Like everything that happened in the last few days

Is all there is to us,

When I just want to tell him the truth.

The truth...

I always did believe

I slide the pen across the paper.

And I pause, thinking a moment.

I was about write his name:

Sean? There's something I have to say...

Or something like that.

But...

It hits me where he is:

Jail.

All alone in that little cell,

When all Sean wanted was to start over,

To get his diploma,

Open his own car shop,

To be with me...again.

And I start to cry.

I push the letter away from me

So my tears won't make it a complete runny mess,

And I let them fall, bitterly hating myself more and more as each one hits the table.

It's all my fault!

I think,

If I would've just believed Sean when he told me the drugs weren't his...

Or just...

If I just told my ex the truth...

Told myself the truth,

That I wanted to be with Sean and not him?

None of this would've happened.

And I get even madder, cause I want to just feel sorry for myself,

But…

I can't.

All I can do is think about Sean...

What is he doing right now?

I think,

What if he got jumped again?

What if he's sick or something?

What if he's crying?

Like me?

I tune back into the kitchen and I stare at my reflection in the moonlit window,

My hair; messy, eyes; teary, and I hate the way I look...

Weak...

I look like I'm the one in jail when I'm not.

Sean is.

And writing a letter that's full of me depressed, and sad, and lonely?

It won't help.

I wipe the tears away from my eyes

And slide my hand across the table

Wiping off the tears.

Gross, I think,

Knowing I would normally get a paper towel or something.

But this?

This is more important than tears on a sticky kitchen table,

And I pull the paper back in front of me,

And before writing anything else I think,

Strong Em, I've gotta be strong.

Then, I think,

He's gotta be strong.

And my thoughts flow onto the paper.

But, Sean, seriously? I know this is no joke. I know it's...bad, ok?

But you gotta stay strong, ok?

I can't take thinking that you're not, Alright?

And, just so you know, I'm trying my best to be strong too.

That our love would be

Stronger than the bars you were behind

So...

I stop here, not sure what else to write.

Seems like being strong is the only thing that I need to tell Sean, now that I think about it.

What was I thinking earlier?

I try to remember.

But my eyes are starting to fill again,

So, I think of better things...

Sean laughing and smiling; I smile

Sean when he gave me those beautiful green earrings; and I smile

But that leads to me thinking about when Sean got kicked out of Degrassi,

For the drugs that he wasn't selling.

And I accused him of it when he wasn't even-; my eyes tear,

No! no,...

I think,

No depressing thoughts.

I think and I remember that Peter-Oh, look. I said the ex's name after all-

Peter admitted to putting the drugs in Sean's locker.

And so now,

Now, Sean…

Will be able to come back!

Well, that's not depressing

So...

I write it down, filling in the blank line after "So...".

So...Degrassi is boring as usual; well, a little more boring than usual

without you there. But, I just keep reminding myself that you'll be back soon. .

And that's not boring. That's actually the best thing I've been able to think about in a long time.

So...I guess, we both have something to look forward to, huh?.

And my heart always seem to find

Find a reason to hold on

And the purpose to be strong

I stop and reread what I just wrote.

I smile,

Ok, so maybe this letter thing wasn't such a bad idea.

But what else to write?

I know what else to write

"I love you, Sean."

That's what else to write.

But...

I can't write it,

Just like I can never say it...

Even though he's in jail,

Even though it feels like I'm going to lose him all over again,

I still can't say it.

Some girlfriend I am.

I think, but then I smile and think,

He knows.

And I nod to myself,

I just know he does…

Why wouldn't he?

Baby can't you see that I need you

And I know that you need me too

You've gotta be strong

And it won't be long

Cause I'm gonna do

All your time with you

Promise you I can and I will do

Your time with you

I'm gonna do your time with you

"Emma?" I hear, and of course my Mommy-Sense kicks in too late,

And I turn around and stare at my mom-AKA Mrs. Christine Nelson-Simpson

AKA Spike-as she reaches up clicking on the light-semi-blinding me, I should add-

and staring at me with concern.

I instinctively cover my eyes with my sleeve

Because of the light,

And because I might have tears in my eyes...not sure.

"Emma? Honey, what are you doing up? It's 2 o clock in the morning."

"Thanks for the bulletin, Mom." I say sarcastically.

I'm not sure why I'm always so short with my mom when I'm feeling...confused,

But I am, and she's used to it.

So even though I wish-just like I always do-

That she'd just leave me to my depressing thoughts, life, and now, letter to my

jailbird boyfriend, she doesn't.-just, like she never does.

Mom walks over to me and sits down in the chair across from me.

"Emma? What are you writing?"

"Just a newspaper article for school."

I say, but not sarcastically; lying, as I slip the letter under my sleeve.

But I'm too late,

Of course.

"Is it a letter?...To Sean?"

She says in a tone that sickens me,

Cause she says it like she could really understand this.

But even though I want to be mad and respond with some extremely mean and sarcastic comment,

I can't and I just say softly, as I slide it from beneath my arm,

"Yeah. It is."

Mom looks at me with that uber-concerned momlook,

And I prepare for her to start off with listing the insensitive-

Although excusable, since it's always due to extreme worry-

Although that makes them no less annoying-concerns:

"Emma? I know your worried about Sean, but I still need you to sleep."

Or the ever-popular,

"Emma? Do you want to talk about it?"

But, instead she shocks me by smiling and saying simply,

"That's...that's good Honey. How is he, by the way?"

I stare at Mom and I smile a little,

And my voice wavers a little,

"I'm-I'm not sure. This is actually my first time…writing...him."

"Oh." she says, and then she squeezes my hand tightly.

"Well, make sure to tell him that...Snake and I both I mean, we-we're both hoping he's ok. Ok?"

I smile at her through the relentless tears;

Hands down, the best mom ever.

"Ok." I say nodding.

Mom goes over to the sink, gets a glass of water

And walks out the kitchen saying softly as she turns towards me,

"Emma? Don't you need the light?"

I think about it for a moment,

I hadn't thought about it before, the fact that I was writing by the moonlight,

So Romantic, Manny would say, but I just-I hadn't thought to turn on the light.

I shake my head at Mom, I don't wanna disturb whatever this Feng Shui was.

"The moonlight is...soothing." I say, as though this really makes sense.

"Ok." she says smiling, like that really does makes sense,

And then walks out, blowing me a kiss as she does.

I smile and turn back to my letter,

Thanks Mom, I think, since she gave me my next few words...

By the way, My mom and Snake? They both said to tell you hi and that

they're waiting for you to get out too. You saw Snake the other day though, right?

He told me he went to see you. How was he? As, Mr S.ey as usual, right?

You know, Sean? I've always meant to ask you...?

Why do you call everyone by there initials? "Mrs H"? "Mr S"?

What is all that about, Mr C?

Just kidding. It's cute, it's original (sort of).I guess we can just classify that as one of the many reasons why I love you.

I stare at the letter and the last three words I just wrote,

And I actually comtemplate leaving them there before deciding that

This is after all just the rough draft.

And crossing through the entire last sentence

And I write instead:

I guess we can just classify that as one of the many things that make you…Sean.

That seems a little dumb compared to what I had written

But, I can't say that...

Write that...

Not yet.

I mean, I can't even take thinking about that right about now.

Cause it's just easier to think that my boyfriend is in jail,

Then to think that my love is locked up…

Unattainable...

Not yet, I think

I won't say-write it just yet...

Not until I know that's he's ok,

That's he's strong enough to deal with seeing it,

That I'm strong enough to handle him seeing it.

You've gotta be strong

And it won't be long

Cause I'm gonna do

All your time with you

Promise you I can and I will do

Your time with you

I'm gonna do your time with you

I can't think of much more to write and I reread the letter.

It looks...good, I guess.

It's not as emotional or whatever as I thought it would be.

Or as I thought I would be able to let it be.

But it's still...

It's real.

I need real, I think.

Since the beginning of last year,

A lot of stuff hasn't seemed real to me.

Manny getting kicked out of her parents house and life,

And smackdab into the tornado that is mine.

Manny and her topless video adventures with…my ex

Me; still wanting to date and be with my ex, knowing that he'd done that to Manny.

Snake kissing my ex's mom?

Me and an eating disorder?

Ending up in the hospital?

My entire year was so unreal it's not funny.

At all.

But Sean Hope Cameron?

He always has

And he always does seem...

Is real.

Whether it was real pain

Or real pleasure

With Sean? It was always real...

He knows that, I think

I don't really think I have to write that...

And I'm writing with sincerity

Just to make you understand what you mean to me

Still it looks unfinished, I decide after scanning the letter again quickly.

So I press the pen to the paper again,

Not sure what else to write.

So...

I just write what comes...

And I can't wait till you come home

It's 2 in the morning Sean,

And I'm sitting here, with nothing else to write but I can't seem to stop thinking about you.

I'm sorry I didn't write sooner-like the day after I saw you maybe, but, I just,

But I need you to be strong

I couldn't think of what to say...

and now that I am writing? I see that…

It seems like everything I thought I needed to say? You already know...

You do know, right?

Baby hold on

I sure the heck hope so Sean Cameron, because that's what's keeping me sane.

Ok that's sounds majorly desparate, I think

And then I smile, and think,

Good.

Cause I'm down for you

You're what's keeping me sane, Sean.

Just knowing that you'll get out and we'll be together.

I mean, knowing we'll be together-together cause, I'm with you already,

ok?

You know I'm gonna do,

I'll do your time for you

However many days, weeks, or months this takes?

I'll be waiting for you when you get out.

I smile at the letter. It feels good to say that

I want to tell Sean that it feels like I'm in jail too.

Stuck here,

Lonely.

Wanting to hold him,

Touch him,

Feel him,

And not being able to...

I'm gonna do your time with you

But that would be a little too depressing, I think.

It is a little too depressing, I decide and tune back into the letter.

I guess I have to write something else.

So, I just wanted to let you know that, I guess;

let you know that I'm here for you

If you need, and I'll be waiting for you when you get out.

Just remember, that I

I...

I pause, my fingers and the pen dangling above the paper.

This is the perfect time to write it, I know.

The perfect time.

But I...

I still can't, so I just write,

I'm with you.

You've gotta be strong

And it won't be long

Cause I'm gonna do

All your time with you

Promise you I can and I will do

Your time with you

I'm gonna do your time with you

No matter what I gotta do

I wonder when Sean will get this?

I think-well, wonder, but you get the picture-

As I pull the letter out my notebook.

And after turning on the light-turns out, the moonlight's not as soothing as I thought.

Just kind of...eye-damaging-

I pull out a clean sheet and I rewrite the letter carefully,

And much less sloppily, inkmarked, and tearstained than the last one...

You've gotta be strong

And it won't be long

Cause I'm gonna do

All your time with you

Well, that's that, I think.

As I stare at it a little while; not really reading it

Just...

Thinking about it...the letter I mean,

And the whole dramatic Sean ordeal.

It's so funny to me that I…

I thought I missed him as much as I possibly could when he was only two hours away,

But now that's he's only 20 minutes away?

I miss him more than I ever thought humanly possible.

But, it's not so bad since that's the way it's always been.

Even when we were first dating.

With Sean, it always seems like there's something I'm missing.

Some...thing that if I could just figure it out?

We'd be perfectly happy together for the rest of our lives...

But, I never can figure out what it is.

Too much to think about, I think and I just smile,

Suddenly, thinking about the conversation Sean and I had when I went to see him.

And what I gave him,

"Vanilla-Honey Shampoo." as Sean said,

Even though it's actually Honey-Vanilla Shampoo.

And I told him,

"I figured it was the next best thing to actually being with me."

And he said, so sweetly, looking at me in a way that only Sean Cameron ever could…

"Nothing could replace the real thing."

I'm smiling through tears now,

And on an impulse I rub my hand through my hair

And then pat the scent gently over the letter.

Then, instead of thinking of what Sean will think of it,

Or reading the letter over again obsessively,

And adding in whatever my insanely overactive mind would convince me that I need to write,

I just let go of all that insane...insaneness,

Letting the last tear drop onto the L on the first word that I write, instead of trying to wipe it away,

And I place the pen against the letter...

And sign it the only way I can...

Love Always,

Emma

Promise you I can and I will do

Your time with you

I'm gonna do your time with you

No matter what I gotta do