I couldn't speak; I was stunned and horrified—because Inuyasha wasn't just going to work until he died (literally), he was happy with it?! He used my stupor to get away; I suppose, slowly walking back to the living room. I grabbed the shirt I was looking for and rushed after him. He was lying on the couch, using it as a bed. With his arms under his head as a pillow, I stared for longer than polite; his eyes on me still didn't stop me from taking in his physic. But more important matters came knocking, and I quickly handed over the shirt I promised.
He sat up, took one look at my awkward stance from my foot, and threw to the couch next to him. All while I waited for the rest.
Inuyasha shook the shirt I gave at me without looking back. "I should just…go back in my bottle…."
"Explain!" Was all I got out because I'd already made it clear; he wasn't to go back into that lamp.
Inuyasha sighed heavily, then lifted the shirt and pulled it on. I watched his ears flick around and then his back, the muscles tensing. It made the scars on it stand out more, and I sat up to touch one. But he pulled the shirt down before I could. It was all so fast; I wondered if I imagined it? How did a demon get scars anyway?
There was silence, but I waited, knowing he would eventually spill if I persisted. Inuyasha must have known I would, running a hand down his face in irritation without a word from me. "You see this tattoo?" He held up the arm that had the massive centipede tattoo. Yeah, I'd seen it, noticed it right away, so I nodded. "It's my timepiece, so to speak. It lets me know how many more wishes I have to fulfill before I'm done."
"You mean before you die?" His nod made my heart leap in fear. "How does it work?"
Inuyasha put a finger on the unfinished end of the tattoo, the blunt end easy to spot. "Every time I grant a wish, it feeds off my demonic energy—which doesn't refill. It's what makes me a demon, what makes me immortal. Once this centipede reaches my heart, I'm all out, and I'll die."
Glancing around, I looked at the tattoo. It was still a long way off from his heart, so I breathed a little easier. But I also didn't know how much of Inuyasha's energy was used for each wish.
Leaning over, I touched the cursed tattoo gently. It was cold, as if the skin was dead. "Where was this before you granted Miroku's wish?"
"you mean his wishes?!" Inuyasha was still sore about getting tricked, and now I knew why "it was here."
His finger pressed to the spot, and it was close to my fingers at the end…but not close enough. "Every wish uses that much energy?!"
"I'm a dog demon; I'm not designed to grant wishes."
"If granting them drains your energy, then why were you so eager to get them done with?!"
I was mad. Mad Inuyasha was so accepting and furious that he was willing to complete the task put upon him.
Inuyasha tried to grab my hand on him, but I got up and pulled away, pacing as best I could with my injured foot. "Kagome, sit down. You're going to open up your wound…."
"I don't care!!"
"You want me to heal it? Use up more of my energy? Then SIT!"
I fell, pissed, back in my spot next to him. It wasn't as if there was anywhere else to sit in my living room. Of course, I could go and sit in my kitchen, but as angry as I was at Inuyasha, I didn't want to be too far away from him.
He let me stew for a few moments, but not long enough, turning as much as he could to face me. He had one leg curled up and a hand behind my head on the back of the couch, growling softly over me. "It's my life; why the hell are you pissed?!"
The borrowed shirt was my largest but not designed for a man. It had the neckline v-ing down to show his pecks which could be seen anyway through the tight shirt. It made me feel like a perv, eyeing his nipples that threatened to cut the fabric, so I focused on the black screen of my tiny tv across from us. "I'm mad at the situation."
"Why?"
"Because it's not fair!!"
Inuyasha huffed and mumbled, "you don't know the whole story."
My anger renewed and swelled; suddenly, I was facing Inuyasha and nearly in his lap. He didn't pull away or push me back. Instead, he looked terrified. "There is nothing you could say that would change my mind! It's not fair that you're so beaten down you've accepted this shitty future!"
He was silent, considering my words. I watched as they rolled around in his brain, his eyes dancing around my face as he thought. Then they rolled around in his mouth, his jaw working over my words for his own. "I've accepted it because…I've had over a century to come to terms…."
"Not good enough! You should be…."
I stopped because Inuyasha put his hand over my mouth. Gentle fingers sat on top of my lips as he calmly continued, "I've come to terms with my punishment for murder. I'm a murderer, Kagome."
I stared blankly into his honey eyes. The eyes of a killer. The eyes of a killer? It didn't make sense, the man who carried me home and gently washed my feet? Maybe a century of servitude had calmed him down, but I still struggle to imagine it.
His hand slowly fell, no longer touching me as he watched my face again. I was the one contemplating this time, chewing his words just as he had chewed on mine. But I didn't take nearly as long to give in. "No. No, I'm sorry. I don't believe it."
"You calling me a liar?" He sighed.
"Maybe?"
Inuyasha turned away to scrub his face. "I've never lied to you. Not once since we met, why would I start now? And why the fuck would I lie about being a murderer?"
"To scare me?"
Inuyasha rested his face on his palms but turned to look back at me, his eyes a little red. "It would be better if you were scared."
"HA!" I shouted, jumping and pointing a finger at him. "I knew it!"
He jumped too, grabbing my finger as he turned back to me, "No, Kagome, I'm not trying to scare you. I'm tellin' ya the truth."
"If you told me the whole story, I might believe you?"
It might have been manipulative of me, but I wanted…no, needed to know more. There was just no way Inuyasha was a murderer!
"The first person I killed…." I held my breath because Inuyasha was claiming more than one body, "…was my mother. She died giving birth to me."
He still held my hand, so I put the other one on his shoulder. "I'm sorry. But that's not your fault. And it doesn't make you a mur…."
"I ain't finished, wench!" I grimaced at the continued use of that term but remained silent. Inuyasha and I were still touching, but I seemed to be the only one to notice as Inuyasha continued his story. "I may not be responsible but killing your mother with your birth…it ain't a good omen, now is it? And being a Hanyou ain't either. All I heard as a pup was how it was my fault my mother died, that I killed her by exsistin'." Inuyasha turned his face away from me in shame. And I left it, greedily continuing to hold onto him instead. "I left humans behind, keeping away from them and demons. 'Cause they both either wanted me dead or were terrified of me. And it was fine; I was happier alone." I braced myself, in part because imagining Inuyasha all alone -as a child and then an adult- hurt my insides. But also because I knew the worst was yet to come. "There was no one to tell me what to expect. No one told me what happens to Hanyous if they lost control. I didn't know what the demon inside me was capable of. This isn't an excuse for what I did; I still deserve this punishment." Inuyasha took a few deep breaths to prepare himself, so I did the same. "I..lost it. I lost control and killed an entire household of people. When I woke up from my haze, I was covered in their blood with their bodies all around me. One of them was a young woman, recently married, with her husband out of town. He came home while I was still putting the pieces together. But it was clear I had lost control and killed everyone, including his new wife. So he cursed me, and I didn't fight him, letting him lock me in the bottle."
Inuyasha stopped. That was the end of his story? "What else?'
He looked back at me, his eyes out of focus for a moment as he came back to me. "That's it."
I shook my head, "no, there has to be more than that!"
"What more do you want?! I killed them. That's enough!"
Inuyasha's hand was on my chest because I still held it, and I put it there. "No, like, why you lost control? Why were you at that house?"
His free hand pressed to his forehead, rubbing the ball of his palm into his skull. "I don't know. I don't remember. But I killed them…."
"If you were so intent on staying away from humans and demons, why would you be anywhere near a house of humans? And if you lost control, why don't you remember it? What caused you to go nuts?"
"I don't remember because…it was a long time ago! And that's the thing bout losing control; I ain't myself, so I don't know! When I become a full demon, my humanity gets locked in a closet, and I ain't myself anymore."
"If you're not yourself, then how is it your fault?"
"IT'S MY FAULT!" Inuyasha roared his eyes blood red.
I guess I should have been scared, an angry demon on my couch, inches from me and clutching my hand in a vice. But I wasn't. Instead of running away, I got closer, pulling Inuyasha with both my hands, still on him, into a hug. Our hands still on my chest were squished between us as I hugged him as tightly as I could. This hug wouldn't make up for anything, but I still wanted to. I wanted to apologize for all the people before me, taking wishes without caring what it did to Inuyasha, for the scars on his back, all the pain he'd received over the years—even before he was a jinni. But mostly, I wanted him to know that he could let go of that pain—that he deserved to let it go and stop hoarding it to himself.
I hugged Inuyasha for so long that he eventually started holding me back. He had also performed two wishes and carried me back to my apartment, so I was only a little shocked when I held him so long that he fell asleep.
He was heavy, so of course, I woke him trying to put him in a more comfortable position. "Huh?"
Inuyasha snorted, and it was adorable, making me giggle, "hush, it's just me. Go back to sleep."
Now laying, Inuyasha rolled onto his side, facing the back of the couch, and began to snore. I tiptoed to my kitchen -worrying about his sensitive ears as I pulled out a chair- and sat, watching his back for a few moments. Finally, his shoulder rose a fell peacefully, so I got to work on my phone. Ignoring the texts from my mother about a Miai, I went straight to Google. Not the most reliable source, but it was all I had.
There had to be a way to release Inuyasha from the lamp that didn't include killing him.
Sometime while watching Aladdin (the third version I'd watched ending on the Disney version), I fell asleep at my kitchen table. Loud crunching and slurping broke through my cloud of dreams, which were filled with different versions of Inuyasha's story but all ended the same; him covered in blood and sucked into a lamp forever. My neck protested my movements, getting it half lifted from the table to spy a blurry image. It was two people with dark hair, and as it came into focus, I realized one was male, and one was female.
"Mornin!" Miroku chirped around his mouthful.
"How did you sleep?" Sango asked kindly.
I pushed the rest of the way up and tried working the kink out of my neck. "Amazingly. You?"
"I haven't yet. Spent the night waiting on his idiot."
Sango thumbed at my brother, and it hit me; Miroku was home. I jumped and grabbed his shoulders, looking him over thoroughly. "Are you alright??"
He waved me off, and I plopped back to my seat. "I'm fine. The guys in the clink with me were in the same boat—innocent."
"Oh yeah? And what were they innocent of?" I asked, lifting a stiff brow at Miroku.
He held up a hand and counted off, "aggravated assault, theft, and one for prostitution. Actually, that one admitted he was guilty. And proud."
Miroku smirked as he brought a spoonful of cocoa puffs to his lips, "wait, are you guys eating my cereal?!"
Sango shrugged as she crunched while Miroku nodded. I jumped to my feet, forgetting the sore one and cursing before hobbling over to my cabinet where I had them hidden. Not that I didn't expect anything different, but I still whimpered when I lifted my now empty box of cocoa puffs. "That was the last of my cereal…."
"It was? Why do you have so much milk?"
I turned, growling at Miroku, "Because I like milk! And cereal!!"
He waved a disinterested hand at me, "calm down. When Inuyasha wakes up, I'll just order you some more. How about a box that never empties?!"
My stomach dropped; the last thing on my mind now was eating. "You can't do that."
Miroku either misunderstood or missed my tone and face. "It's okay! I don't need the other wishes. I got the only thing in the world I want."
"Awweee," Sango cooed next to him, leaning in and kissing my brother, milk mustache and all.
A small swell of jealousy filled my belly as it sat on my knees. But that wasn't important, so I shook it off. "No, I'm serious. You can't use any more wishes."
"Why not?"
"Ignore her," Inuyasha growled in my ear, standing right behind me, "use your wishes as you please."
Before I could get a word out otherwise, Inuyasha lifted me and plopped me back in my seat. Sango and Miroku were giving me 'the eye', and I rolled mine back at them. "Listen, Miroku, every time you make a wish…."
"It's none of their damn business!!" Inuyasha roared, on the other side of the small kitchen, working on something with a few items from my fridge. He dropped it all to point a claw at me. "I told YOU that in confidence."
His eyes bore into me, daring me to defy him. Any other time, I would have kept the secret, but this was too important. "I'm sorry, Inuyasha." He thought I was apologizing for trying to betray his trust. "but you shouldn't have told me if you didn't want me to help you." I ignored the heavy and terrifying growl from the pissed-off jinni and returned to find Miroku and Sango's full attention. "Every wish you make kills Inuyasha."
"What? Why didn't you tell me that!" Miroku roared back at the sullen hanyou.
"You didn't ask. Nobody ever asks; they just take, as you're supposed to!!" Inuyasha's glare was on me, but I didn't care. I only felt guilty because I hadn't asked, really. Not before Miroku used two wishes. "Master, you gotta ignore this and make your wishes. There's nuthin to change it, so do as you please."
Inuyasha went back to his 'cooking' while I stared openly at my brother. His eyes were on his cereal, watching it melt into the milk. Sango watched Miroku, too, the two of us waiting to see what my big brother would do about the issue. Neither of us said a word, but I knew how the two of us viewed him would be affected by his answer.
Miroku tossed his spoon into his bowl, splashing milk all over the place with his anger. "No. No way, man! I can't just use my wishes like that! Not now!!"
"Even if I told you I wanted to die!!"
Miroku and Inuyasha stared one another down, and I watched. No one breathed as the two shot electricity through the air at one another. I didn't know what Miroku was looking for, but when Inuyasha's eyes danced to me for a second, Miroku released the jinni from the contest. "Nope. I don't believe it. You want to live."
"No, I don't. I don't deserve to!"
"What does that mean?" Sango asked, turning to Inuyasha.
But the hanyou was silent, whisking away at his bowl of ingredients. I could tell them, but I felt I'd done enough for one day. I'd let Inuyasha have a chance to come clean and answer Sango's question. I was sure they would find it as ridiculous as I did.
"The point is…." Inuyasha broke the silence, "your generosity is appreciated…but not needed."
"Yash.." I tried, but he silenced me with a hand in the air, no longer looking at anyone but his bowl.
"Kagome, you're being selfish with the information I gave to you," Inuyasha said coldly.
Was I? No part of me felt guilty for it. Or like I was doing something wrong; quite the opposite. But Inuyasha's tone and his stance told me it was how he felt. I had betrayed his confidence and hurt him. He was tight with the truth while I was sharing it all willingly—even with it not my story to tell.
I was a wash of guilt and anger which just had me too pissed to eat even as Inuyasha placed a steaming plate of fluffy pancakes before me. I answered his kindness by pushing out from the table so hard and fast, my chair hit the floor in my wake. And I didn't stop to pick it up either.
My foot ached by the time I landed on my bed. At some point, I fell asleep. The lack of rest I'd gotten the night before, coupled with the stress of my life, had me snoring for hours. Because when I woke, the sun was angled to set again on my ceiling. It took me a few moments to realize I wasn't alone, Miroku sitting on the edge of my bed and lost in thought.
"Miroku?" My voice came out scratchy.
He jumped and smiled sadly back at me. "Hey, you feel better?"
I shook my head but answered him with my voice as well, "no, not really."
No amount of sleep would fix what was wrong with me. I wanted to save Inuyasha, but he didn't want to be saved. It had the stress of both issues pressing on the top of my spine. What was the right thing to do? Let the hanyou die or save the life he didn't want?
"I told Inuyasha I wouldn't be making any more wishes."
My heart was in my throat, "you did?" Miroku nodded, "how did he take it?"
"Not well," Miroku sighed, "he's back in his lamp now, pouting, I guess. I'm going to leave it here, so there's no temptation."
Sitting up on my elbows, I huffed at him, "I really doubt you'll struggle with it. You're not that selfish!"
Miroku smiled and patted my leg. "Maybe not. But I still feel like Inuyasha should be with you and not me. You're the better Master anyway."
"I'm not his master; I'm his friend."
"My point exactly. If anyone is going to get through to Inuyasha, it's you, sis."
Miroku stood, and I sat up the rest of the way, watching him disappear. "Do you think…Am I selfish? Or a glutton for punishment or something?"
"Yes," Miroku chuckled, glancing back at me, "but in the best way."
