Summery: Remus Lupin is not the man we all know. What happened to change him? Will it ever get better? Or does it only get worse for the Werewolf?

Warnings: This is an AU fic, and there is definitely lots of OOC going on with Remus. There is at the very least some implied yaoi if not some actual yaoi and this is most likely /NOT/ going to be a happily ever after fic. If ya don't like it or don't know what that is leave now and don't read this.

Setting: This is /before/ any of the HP books. It starts on the night Harry's parents were killed.

Disclaimer: So now that that is over, me don't own HP so ya won't get jack if ya sue cause I make jack. That goes the same for future chapters that come along.

Author Note: This was written due to a challenge by Madilayn, a fellow author on AFF,that I happened upon a little while back.

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Chapter 1: What Happened?

An ear-splitting howl cut through the darkness of the world as the full moon say high in the sky illuminating the source of the howl. In a small clearing of a near black forest that just seem to radiate evil from it stood the man turned animal. The howl being ripped from his throat went on for the longest time pain and sadness interlacing together to form the howl of a wolf morning it's lost mate.

As the mournful sound finally faded into nothing the man animal finally moved for the first time as he dropped form his back paws onto his knees. His forepaws moved to the second form that sat at his knees and pulled the lifeless body to him. His grip changed slightly to where the thing was cradling it's fallen mate and licked the other's face.

The one on it's knees looked much like an enlarged wolf with a few differences: his torso was elongated, his elbows bent the wrong direction, and his foreclaws were something between those of a wolf and those of a human. The one cradled in the other's grip was a true human: with black hair; black eyes; wearing black robes and foot shaped shoes of leather that stopped at his ankles. The human's face was set into a look of intense pain and was drained of color but for a couple streaks of blood placed there by the other's paws.

The wolf man bent his head and nuzzled into the chest of the other as a low whining noise came from him almost as if he were still trying to wake his mate even though he knew it to be impossible. His brown canine like ears twitched towards the forest in front of him and he lifted his head his upper lip pealing back from blood red teeth that held bits of brown fur in them as a low and very animalistic growl started deep within the wolf man's chest.

He watched as the form of an old human came from the woods and towards himself and his mate. Yes he knew the form but he did not care his mate was dead and he just wanted to be left to die. His only reason for living was cradled in his arms cold with the grip of death on him and his teeth were stained with the blood on the one who had dared to do this evil thing to the only person he had loved.

"Remus" the figured called to him and his only response was to run his tongue along his bloodred canines as everything around him faded. "Remus" the figured tried again as his eyelids fluttered open and he was brought from his dreams of the past to the present. His eyes were focused on the headmaster of Hogwarts, but he did not see him no instead he still saw the lifeless form from his memory.

It had been a year now since his lover and mate had been killed by the rat they thought to be there friend and it had been a year since he had caught up with that same man while he was still a rat and taken revenge for his mate by killing him while he was still a rat.

He was a hollow man, a shell of his former self. He ate only when forced, bathed only when made to, changed clothes only when his soiled ones were taken from him, and day after day he awoke in a cold sweat still keenly feeling the death of a year past. His figure was draw, gaunt, and sickly pale due to his lack of eating, movement, and time outside no matter how many times and ways everyone told him he needed to move on he could not find the will to do so.

He had lost half of who he was with the death of his mate, and with Sirius's death the only reason he had to live was to avenge his death. With the death of Peter he had avenged the other man's death and now had no reason to still be in this world, but Albus refused to allow him to die and join his mate. He had even stopped him on several occasions when he had tried to kill him self both by magical and muggle means and it was starting to wear on the both man and wolf.