Year: 771
A little more than 3 years after the Cell Game
Heart to heart
17 flew for a few minutes, not really knowing where to go.
He was only partially aware of his condition. All he knew was that the longer he waited for Ruri to wake up, the more rage he felt. A rage of uncontrollable violence, so strong that he had not been able to contain it: it had completely overwhelmed him. Faced with Ruri, he had simply exploded, and had not been able to bear to look at her.
He wanted to get away, as far away as possible, as fast as possible.
But as the seconds passed, his initial anger began to dissipate. Instead, that other feeling that he knew all too well, and which was far worse, gradually set in. Little by little, his chest was becoming painful. A feeling of oppression seized him. As if someone put his foot on his sternum and leaned all his weight on it. Over and over again. He was suffocating, his breathing was becoming more and more difficult.
For years, he had been suffering regularly from this kind of crisis. Often at night, when memories resurfaced. He didn't know how to put words to this particular suffering, and even less how to face it. He simply waited for it to pass. That was one of the reasons why he preferred to live alone: crowds, noise, even smells, all these things could trigger in him the rise of images emanating from the depths of his past, and which started this infernal process.
But today was worse than ever.
For the first time since his resurrection, an extremely concrete memory had returned to him. Facing the Kraken, he had seen himself again, in his desperate struggle to escape absorption. It was no longer even a memory. He had literally had the impression of reliving the scene, exactly as it had happened, more than three years ago. Everything had seemed so real to him. The octopus tentacles fading into his eyes and merging with Cell's appendage thrown at him. And him, dodging as fast as he could. He had felt his heart pulsing in his chest with the same force as it had that day, throwing the same frantic, futile strength into this battle as it had once done. And then he had seen Ruri. Seized by the monster, she had been torn from him. He had seen her being dragged to her death, while he had been powerless to defend her. Just like when he had seen 18...
He was reliving with unbearable similarity the same sensation. The same weakness.
And blood, covering the floor, covering his arms, covering the walls. Blood, everywhere.
Bringing his hand to his heart, 17 tried to soothe the vile and growing pain. Then he let out a plaintive moan.
It was impossible to continue: he had to stop.
Below him, he could see the islands of the large archipelago they had circled while searching for the third beacon. So17 landed on one of them, and took a few seconds to try and calm himself down.
He could hear the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks, and the birds singing. He breathed deeply, filling his lungs with the sea air he had come to appreciate more and more since the expedition had begun. Opening his eyes, he looked around. This island seemed deserted. A rather ordinary island, like a sort of pebble half-emerging from the waves, partially covered with a soft moss.
Intrigued, he began to walk.
"No...not that way... Don't go..."
What did that voice in his head mean? Why did he have the unpleasant feeling that he knew this place?
"There, on the right, a crater..."
He turned his head. Yes. A large crater was indeed there.
"No... no!"
He knew what that hole meant. The sign of a fight that had taken place here. A fight of great intensity, between two beings of equal strength, returning blow for blow.
His fight. His last real fight.
"If I turn around... there will be this mound. And on that mound..."
This thought petrified him.
He was now unable to move. He began to tremble intensely, and at the same time began to sweat profusely. His throat also became dry. And the pain in his chest grew stronger, second by second. Overwhelmed by the pain, 17 almost folded in half, clenching his teeth to stifle his screams as his soul and body were at the height of their torment.
"Don't look back"
He knew what he was going to see. And yet he couldn't help it, and he turned.
The mound was still there, in the same place. The place where Cell had first, and last, appeared to him. He had returned to this island. The island of his fight with Piccolo. And where he had been...
"Run away, 17!"
Piccolo and 16's voices suddenly echoed in his head.
- NO! NO! NOT AGAIN! NO!
Everything came back to him, with the brutality of a punch in the stomach.
Cell.
His disgusting face. His smile full of arrogance and certainty. The violence of his blows. The pain, he who had never before been even slightly injured.
And his mistake. His fatal arrogance.
Suddenly, 17 felt a terrible resurgence on his body. The feeling of being lifted above the ground, drawn by a force that was so much higher than him.
He had struggled.
He had been screaming, yelling, calling for help from 16 who already couldn't hear him.
And then, finally, nothing.
Nothingness.
The total darkness, Cell's slimy body, and the almost vegetative state he had been plunged into, seconds later. Suddenly, his vision and Cell's had merged. He was seeing the world with eyes that were no longer his own. He was moving according to the will of someone else.
The worst kind of prison.
His whole body seemed to be reliving the same sensations as that day. The oppression was becoming more than painful: it was now unbearable.
"No matter what you think, your absorption is already programmed".
This sentence came back to him. And it put him in a state of fury unheard of for him.
- I. AM. NOT. AN. OBJECT!
His wrath was so big that 17 felt the urge to destroy everything around him at that very moment. He wanted more than that: he wanted to disappear and destroy everything at the same time. Everything in this world disgusted him.
Letting out a muffled scream, he brandished his arm towards the ground, preparing to throw an energy bomb to explode it.
Destroy everything. Wipe this island off the face of the planet.
Destroy everything, to soothe his shattered spirit.
"Crac"
A noise sounded just behind him. 17 immediately turned around to find three small animals staring at him. Three rabbits, with short brown hair, standing on their hind legs.
- Argh!
17 fell to his knees. He had just seen, in front of him, next to the rabbits, the smiling faces of 16 and Ruri.
"They wouldn't want me to kill those animals...they're...same...they wouldn't want..."
16 was dead. He was gone. There was nothing left of him. Not a trace of him.
And Ruri? She was alive, but...
"NO! Idiot! I yelled at her, but why? What was I thinking? What's wrong with me? NO! I've lost... everything... again..."
17 had never been able to cry. He didn't even know if he could. He would have needed it so badly right now. He didn't know how to deal with his emotions. They were far too powerful for him to control anyway. So he did the only thing that could stop those horrible moments. A last chance solution, which he used only as a last resort.
It partially deactivated itself.
This was not the same as when Dr. Gero used his remote control and then lost consciousness. 17 and 18 had the ability to put themselves into a waking state. Their bodies would come to a standstill, and a large part of their minds would no longer function. But they were not unconscious. Their senses remained partly active. And above all, this state was reversible.
Lying on the ground, 17 could hardly feel anything. He could no longer see. He could still hear the quiet sound of the ocean waves and feel the caress of the wind on his skin. No more pain, and no more real thoughts disturbed his being, and he remained like that for several hours, unable to bring himself to return to reality.
It was the feeling of a strange sensation on his right that made 17 wake up. As if something was intermittently touching him. A discreet and delicate groping.
Then he reactivated. He was lying on his back with his face turned towards the sky. The sky was filled with a soft orange light, indicating that the sun was setting. When he felt the strange touch on his skin again, he turned his head. The rabbits were still there, but while two had stayed at a distance, the third had approached and with the tip of its snout was patting 17's hand gently. As if to check if he was dead or alive.
Amused, 17 slowly stood up. The animal immediately backed away, but almost immediately returned.
Sitting cross-legged, 17 cautiously reached out his hand to the rabbit, and began to stroke it, hesitantly, then more and more confidently. The little animal did not run away, seeming to enjoy it. Its ears were erect and it was breathing normally, a sign that it was not defensive.
- Aren't you afraid of me? 17 finally asked, not really knowing why. You should be, though. I'm not a good person. I almost made your house and your family disappear.
The rabbit did not move, even closing his eyes.
- Haha! You really like to be petted. You're brave, that's good.
17 continued to cuddle the little creature for a few minutes. Strangely enough, this had a very calming effect on him. He had never had this attitude towards an animal before. It made him feel strangely good.
Inevitably, the image of Ruri came back into his mind.
- How do you think she would call you? I'm sure she'd come up with some ridiculous nickname for you. She's always naming animals. She's funny, you know. And sweet. So nice.
17 never felt tired, no matter what he did. So despite the whirlwind of emotions that had assailed him, he was not at all exhausted. Instead, a deep sadness had replaced in his heart the anger, hatred, and resentment that had been there before he had turned off. The worst of the crisis was now over. But it had left nothing in his life but a field of ruins.
Looking up at the horizon, he remembered something. Before going to face Piccolo, they had landed on the island of Muten Roshi, Goku's master. Where 18 had once told him that she now lived with her husband. So she was close by. Just a few seconds away from flying.
The memory of his sister was still very painful for him. A split second had been enough to break something between them. 17, without really perceiving it clearly, was suffering greatly from having lost the relationship he had with her. His only family. His only reference point. Without her by his side, he couldn't move on. There were so many things he wanted to say to her over the years, but every time he saw her, he found himself completely unable to express them. He felt ashamed. Sorry and miserable. So they exchanged small talk and went their separate ways. He was happy and devastated at the same time. Happy to know that 18 was safe and even joyful sometimes, in her own way. And devastated at not knowing what to do to bridge the gap he felt had opened up between their two lives, which had once been so intertwined.
The idea of going to see her crossed his mind.
But to tell her what?
As with Ruri, he mostly felt he had messed up.
"Ruri..."
He missed her smile terribly. Her sweet voice, which had become so familiar to him. Listening to her explain scientific things to him for hours, feeling the reassuring warmth of her presence deep inside him. She had awakened so many things in him. Never in his life had he felt so alive as when he was with her.
No.
He didn't want to lose what was precious to him again. He had a feeling he couldn't handle it. He had to try to do something. But what?
"Go to see her. Don't just stand there like an idiot."
He suddenly felt as if he could hear 18 talking to him. How many times had she told him that he was just a stupid kid. He smiled to himself as he thought about it.
"If you were here, you'd probably call me a fool, big sis, and you'd be right...".
He looked down again. The three rabbits were now lying next to him, their eyes closed, perfectly calm in his presence. 17 felt as if he understood better how 16 himself might feel about animals. After all, in their eyes, he felt that he was not perceived as a robot, a cyborg, an evil being. They simply saw him as a being who meant them no harm and with whom they felt comfortable.
- Thank you for not seeing me as the monster I am, he whispered. I hope she'll still be able to see me like this...
17 then stood up without making any sudden moves, taking care not to scare the 3 rabbits.
And after a last caress and a last look into the distance, he flew off to join the boat, and Ruri.
When he arrived, it was just getting dark. The lights were out, not a sound or movement could be heard.
He landed gently on the deck. How was he going to do ? 17 had no idea. The only thing he knew was that finding Ruri was all that mattered to him. It mattered more to him than anything else. He was willing to do anything, say anything, for her. To fix it.
So he went forward, silently, in search of her. He opened the kitchen door, and at last, Ruri was there. She was reaching for something in a cupboard. But 17 immediately realized that she was having a hard time moving. Her movements were heavy, slow and awkward, as if she didn't have enough strength to move. Her face was distorted with pain, especially when she had to lean on her injured leg.
He couldn't stand to see her in such a pitiful state for another second.
For her part, the young woman was again on the verge of tears. She had spent long hours alone, lying on the cushions on the deck of the boat, unable to reach her room. She had finally managed to get some sleep. But now she was hungry. She had dragged herself to the galley, but she was still exhausted from the blood she had lost. She had been trying for ten minutes to grab a packet of cakes, but without success.
The fatigue added to her distress plunged her into a sea of despair. She was almost there, she was touching the wrapping with her fingertips, she had almost managed to tip it over.
Suddenly, an arm passed right by her, and she saw a hand. A hand she identified in a split second.
- More cookies, little human?
Ruri turned around immediately. Despite the insecure tone of his voice, she hadn't needed to hear the end of his sentence to recognize 17. There he was, standing in front of her, handing her the package with a smile that she could tell was uncomfortable.
- Don't call me that way, she replied, coldly.
17 paused for a moment, then continued:
- Here, you must be hungry.
Ruri was inwardly fuming to see him like this, talking to her as if nothing had happened. Not a word of explanation, not a word of apology. In anger, she grabbed the package and threw it in his face, with all the strength she could muster.
- WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? she screamed, enraged. How dare you come back here and talk to me as if nothing had happened? You left like a thief, you insulted me, you left me all alone here when I needed you! And you come back, just like that? What do you want now, a kiss ?
17 didn't know what to say to her.
He watched her for a few seconds. Her complexion was still very pale, and she was trembling slightly, probably from weakness. But above all, her eyes were swollen and reddened. She had certainly cried a lot during his absence.
- I... he began, a little distraught at her anger, I don't know what came over me.
- It's too easy! You always get away with "I don't know"! It's cowardly ! Take some responsibility instead of giving me this lame excuse!
- But it's the truth, Ruri, replied 17.
He wanted so much to touch her, to feel her close to him. To comfort her for the hurt he had done to her. So he took a step towards her and tried to put his hands on her shoulders. But he felt her recoil, caught in a shudder.
- DON'T TOUCH ME!
17 complied at once, without question.
He knew he had done wrong, but Ruri's reaction still seemed strange to him. She was far more upset than he had anticipated. Why was she reacting so violently to his touch? She was holding back tears, but he could see that she wanted to cry. Seeing her like this hurt him, excruciatingly. She rejected him with such force that he was speechless.
The mere thought that he might have lost her forever, never to hear her laugh again, never to speak with her or hold her in his arms was unbearable.
- Ruri, I swear, I don't know. I don't know what happened to me, it's...
- You left, that's what happened. I'm wasting your time. It's simple, nothing to explain.
- No! replied 17, increasingly agitated, I don't think so at all.
- Then why did you say it?
- I DON'T KNOW!
He was shouting again. But Ruri sensed that the tone of his voice was nothing like the one he had had before. He wasn't angry, not at all, he sounded distraught. Of course, he'd already told her that he sometimes struggled with emotions. Understanding them, naming them, dealing with them. She knew that, but at the time, he had hurt her so much that she had somehow 'forgotten' that information. Focused on her own pain, she hadn't been able to think about him.
A doubt began to creep into her mind. She looked at 17. In the half-light of the dimly lit kitchen, she tried to catch his eyes: his gaze showed great confusion. She even saw fear. A fear that he himself did not seem to be aware of. Then she also saw the deep-seated pain she had often felt in 17. How many times had she wondered what could have happened to him. A hidden wound.
- Why did you leave? she asked, more calmly. And don't tell me you don't know. Even if you don't understand, you did feel something just now. So tell me the truth. Why did you leave?
The less angry tone of her voice reassured 17. For the first time in years, he seriously tried to put his feelings into words. He took some time to think about it. What did he feel? How could he explain it?
- I was angry, he finally said.
- After me?
- I don't really know, I think so.
- What made you angry? What event?
The kraken. The memory. Cell.
Immediately, the feeling of oppression returned. He instinctively raised his right hand to his chest. What was this strange feeling? Why was he suffering? His mind was beginning to fog. He wouldn't be able to explain to Ruri, because he didn't understand. He didn't know. She wasn't going to forgive him. He was going to lose her. Lose her again. Lose again and again.
As against...
- 17, breathe calmly.
He suddenly felt Ruri's soft skin on his aching chest. She had just moved closer and put her hand on him. Her look was completely different. She no longer looked angry, she looked worried.
- Because it's happening again. It's like before, he managed to say after a few seconds.
- What is happening again?
- I lose. I've already lost everything twice and I thought I would lose again.
- Lose what?
He paused for a moment, as if he needed to put his mind in order himself. Remembering and thinking about all this was very unpleasant for 17. A part of him wanted to erase the memories, to pretend that nothing had happened. Never think about it. Never think about it again. But more than anything, he wanted to fix it. Not to lose Ruri.
- When Gero took us, he continued, I lost my life, my memories. Everything. For months I lived with one goal: to at least regain my freedom. And you see, at last, we'd made it. When we left together with 18 and 16, I was so ...
- Happy?
- Yes. And it was good. But...
- But what?
- It only lasted four days. Four short days. And then...
He interrupted his story. His eyes were lost in the distance. He couldn't go any further. Ruri knew then that her first intuition was right: it was in his relationship with Cell and what had happened three years ago that the crack in 17's character lay.
- After what? she said gently.
- Then I lost everything. In a split second. My life again. And my sister. And 16. My freedom. Everything. And actually, it was the same earlier. I was fine, happy. And I almost, again...
He spoke in a neutral tone, without any emotion showing. His eyes, now almost grey, were fixed on the horizon. All of Ruri's anger had vanished, leaving only an infinite sadness. She wanted to know the reason for 17's suffering, but was afraid to find out. She slowly approached him, and gently ran her hand through his hair.
17 flinched at her touch, but immediately smiled at her.
- Ruri, I...
- No, wait, she interrupted. Just answer my questions. Are you telling me the truth when you say that earlier you didn't mean what you said?
- Yes, it is the truth, he answered the second she finished her sentence, looking at her with a look of sincerity.
- You were angry, weren't you?
- Yes.
- And have you ever felt that way? That kind of anger?
- Yes, often.
- But you can't explain why?
- No.
- Well, she said, I'm going to explain something important to you. You have caused me much, much pain...
- I didn't ...
- Let me finish. But I understand that you didn't mean to hurt me. In fact, I didn't realize how true it was when you said you had trouble understanding emotions. And, to be honest, I didn't try to understand you either. When you told me all those horrible things, and then you left, it devastated me. I thought...
Suddenly, Ruri couldn't hold back a torrent of tears that spilled from her exhausted eyes. Tiredness and relief overcame her strength, and she almost fell to the ground.
But it was in 17's arms that she landed. In a second, he had rushed to grab her, and in a reflex, the young woman curled up against him. Putting her arms behind his neck, she buried her face against 17's chest.
- I thought you had abandoned me ... she managed to whisper between two sobs.
To finally feel her against him, snuggled in his arms. To feel her warmth, her smell, the softness of her skin. To feel her body, so fine and delicate. Freed from an immense weight, 17 could only see her now. He didn't want to let her go and held her tightly, as if he feared she was just a fleeting mirage that could disappear at any moment.
Ruri was trembling. She was incredibly weak.
- I promised I'd never leave you, 17 whispered in her ear.
Then he placed a tender kiss on her temple, and said:
- You're tired. We'll continue this conversation later. In the meantime, I'll get you something to eat. Your body can't recover just with cookies. I'll take care of you, little human.
She nodded, her face still buried on his chest. Then 17 took her in his arms and carried her to her room. Then he prepared a meal and stayed with her while she ate, lying on her bed. Finally getting some food after hours of fasting helped her gradually regain her strength. Physically, at first. But her mind also became clearer and calmer.
Once she was full, Ruri beckoned 17 to come and lie down next to her and the two of them looked at each other for a long time, without speaking, just enjoying the intense happiness they felt at having found each other.
- I love traveling on a boat... Ruri finally said in a low voice.
- Why?
- Because you feel like you're alone in the world when you're in the middle of the ocean.
- I don't need anyone but you around me, 17 replied softly.
- Well, Ruri reacted immediately, laughing, my hypothesis is confirmed: this kind of sentence is really typical of a womanizer.
She was smiling, finally. That beautiful smile that filled 17's heart with joy in a split second. She was so beautiful that he couldn't take his eyes off her. Cautiously, watching for the slightest sign of refusal in her eyes, he grabbed her waist and brought her close to him. First placing a light kiss on her tender lips, he sighed with pleasure when he felt her returning it.
When she was around, he felt stronger than ever. Able to face anything. She looked at him with a mixture of admiration and tenderness that made him feel, at that very moment, that he was exactly where he needed to be.
At home.
By her mere presence at his side, she gave him a place in this world.
He wanted to be hers. And not hide anything from her anymore.
- When I told you that Cell killed me, he then began to tell her, it's actually not the whole truth. It's a little more complicated than that.
Ruri didn't answer him, but he read in her eyes that he could tell her.
So he told her. Everything. With difficulty, sometimes, but he didn't stop.
Cell, the purpose of his creation. His arrival, the fight. And finally, his absorption.
During all the time that his story lasted, Ruri did not say a word. She listened to him, attentive, encouraging him without saying anything, by the simple look of infinite benevolence that she put on him.
Strangely, while the images of that day had haunted him for years, he managed to talk to her about it. Plunging his eyes into hers, concentrating only on her, he managed to find the words. It was as if, in fact, he had always wished deep down that he could one day simply let this memory come to the surface and finally free himself from it.
Ruri, on the other hand, tried not to let her fear and pain be seen. She could never have imagined what 17 was telling her. Her heart sank as he explained. The pain in his blue eyes devastated her. She thought to herself that she could have killed Dr. Gero with her own hands if she had had him in front of her.
But that monster was dead.
Only 17 now mattered.
- So that's what you saw earlier in front of the kraken? she questioned when he had finished.
- Yes. But it wasn't a memory.
- What do you mean?
- It was so real. Like if I was back there. I really felt like I was there. And then seeing you like that, it just, like, I don't know...
- Just tell me how you felt and I'll help you find the right word.
17 thought for a long time. Before he finally managed to say it.
- It's all my fault.
- What?
- It's always my fault. Even though I don't remember it, I always felt like it was my fault that Gero took us. It's a kind of certainty. And that day, because I didn't run away, because I thought like an idiot that I was invincible, because I didn't want to admit... Cell absorbed me. And then I saw it. I saw that cockroach, using my voice to try and convince 18 to let herself be absorbed, using me to trick my sister. And I saw her get ... like me. And 16. And all because of me. I...
As he spoke, Ruri noticed that his breathing was getting faster. He wasn't really looking at her anymore, his gaze became blank. She didn't even really feel like he was talking to her anymore. He seemed to be in pain, physically.
Then she put her hand on his chest and interrupted him.
- Are you in pain, 17?
- Yeah. My chest hurts. I can't breathe. Ruri, what's happening to me? What is it? Why am I so angry? Why does it hurt?
- We call it anxiety.
- Anxiety? asked 17, who had only the vaguest idea of the meaning of the word.
- 17, Ruri said softly, absorption was a horrible thing to experience, wasn't it?
- …. Yes.
His gaze could not lie: she saw in it immeasurable suffering. Unspeakable.
- That's why it's so difficult. You had a shock, a terrible one. And part of you hasn't forgotten. You just can't forget yet. And you don't want that to happen again. How long have you been... inside Cell?
- I don't really know. Many days, I wasn't really myself. But I saw everything. I saw him absorb my sister, I was powerless. He wanted to destroy this world. Ruri, I never wanted to destroy humanity. I just wanted my sister and I to be free. But I lost her. In fact, everything I care about... I always end up losing. Always.
- What do you mean?
- You think I'm powerful. But I'm not, Ruri. I'm so weak. Cell didn't defeat me because it wasn't a fight. I couldn't do anything. He just... I was no match for him.
- And that's what pissed you off earlier? Because I got hurt?
- I haven't been able to protect you. Like...
- 18 ?
- Yes. It made me so angry. But I don't know why I yelled at you. I don't get it.
Everything seemed clear to her then. Ruri finally understood what was haunting him. And this deduction made her feel closer to him than ever.
- What you're feeling is guilt. You feel responsible for what happened to 18. In fact, you are both personally affected by what happened to you, and because Cell attacked your sister and 16. Just now you thought you were reliving it all. And that's why you're so angry.
- But why against you?
- I think you're angry against yourself. But this time I was there. That's all. And your anger was directed at me.
- You think so? But why?
- Because you're human, 17. This reaction is simply human. Humans are emotional beings, they are not always rational, cold, calculating. They can get carried away and make mistakes. It's as simple as that. I've done it myself.
- Really? When did it happen?
Ruri took a deep breath. 17 saw her eyes cloud over slightly, before she resumed:
- About three years ago, my parents died. In a stupid accident. And it was very hard to live with. I was sad, but also so angry. At myself, and at them.
- Why?
- Against me, because I didn't know how to prevent it from happening. And against them, because at one point I was very angry at them for having abandoned me. In fact, I had nothing left to be angry at. I cried, for a year I even refused to talk about them. It was stupid. Because I miss them terribly. Every second without them is still so painful... I even thought for a moment that I would have been happier if I had been an orphan. Because if I hadn't known them, I wouldn't have suffered losing them. Do you understand?
- ... yes. A lot, 17 answered.
Indeed.
17 understood.
Perfectly so.
He suddenly realized that for a brief moment he had wanted to run away from the ship, to put as much distance as possible between himself and Ruri. Simply because he had wanted to cut the bond he felt was forming between them, to spare himself the pain of a future loss.
- It's silly, isn't it? asked Ruri.
- I'd say that's pretty human, 17 replied, amused.
- Stupid tin can ! Face it, you're more human than robot.
- I like the « human » things actually.
They exchanged a look, a smile, weak but sincere.
- But, 17 continued, it's not easy to understand.
- Haha! Yes, not wrong. Don't worry: I don't always understand either. But it's probably easier for me. Hey, 17 ...
- Yes?
- I understand why you left, but you didn't tell me why you came back?
- I don't know.
He was wearing his now famous smirk, and had to dodge Ruri's attempted punch.
- Oh no! exclaimed the young woman. I'm sick of that sentence!
- Without lying, I don't really know.
- So let's make a rule: when you don't know, tell me what you feel. And I promise to try to help you understand.
- Okay.
- So, tell me, what did you think that made you come back?
This was an even more difficult question than the first one for 17. He knew that he felt something special towards Ruri. But what was it? It was both very complicated and very simple. For years, he had felt that only his body had been resurrected. He couldn't laugh anymore. Or find anything interesting. But with her, it was different.
This world that he found empty, insipid, she had made him discover its beauty. Everything with her had taste again. He wanted to know more every day. She had awakened in him an inexhaustible thirst for knowledge, but also for new experiences.
So much so that to imagine falling back into the hell of solitude seemed unthinkable to him. But life with her was above all just natural. He couldn't imagine spending a single second without her. As if she had always been there.
To tell her how much she meant to him, how much she had given back to him, was impossible. In the face of all this, using words seemed vulgar and illusory.
No words he knew captured what she was and how important she was to him.
No such word existed.
She was, simply...
- You're just like the air I breathe. Without you, I can't go on. That's why I came back. That's all I came back for.
Ruri couldn't believe it. 17 never ceased to amaze her. How could someone who was usually so detached could be able to say such a powerful sentence. Her heart was beating wildly. Now she knew how he felt, and nothing in the world could have made her happier than what he had just said.
- Can I ask you a question too? asked 17.
- Yes, of course.
- I understand why you were angry. But why did you react so badly when I touched you?
- Your words hurt me a lot, but, how to say ... the worst was when you left 17. Because I thought you were abandoning me. But yesterday I trusted you. And I thought that you lied to me.
- I'm sorry, Ruri. I've never wanted to...
- I know, I know, she said immediately, placing a soft kiss on his forehead. To be honest, I was also very sad about something else. I think it was the overload of emotions that made me so angry.
- What was that?
- Remember the bracelet I had on my ankle?
- The blue thing? Yes.
- Well, when the kraken grabbed my leg, it ripped it off. I didn't have it anymore, I realized that after you left.
- And so what?
- This bracelet was a gift from my parents. They bought it for me when I was little. I don't know why, but it means a lot to me. It's one of the last things I kept. And having it with me gave me the illusion that they were with me. You know what I mean?
- To be honest, not really. It's just an object.
- Wouldn't you like to have something that belongs to 18? Or 16? To remind you of them for example?
- 16 is dead. His body was blown to dust by the wind. Nothing will change that, ever. And 18, it's hard to explain but she's still with me. Even though...
- It's not like before, is it?
- Yes.
- Why don't you talk to her? You miss her, don't you?
- I don't know. I just can't do it.
Ruri thought to herself at that moment that 17 had probably reached the maximum of what he could express this evening. She probably had to give him more time. There was no need to continue. She pressed her forehead against his, and moved even closer so that he could take her in his arms.
17 then whispered to her:
- I promise you that I will never abandon you. From today on you will never suffer again.
- Ambitious promise, tin can.
- Don't you believe me?
- Yes, I do. 17 ?
- Yes?
- I... no. Forget it. Just hold me tight. And just promise me you'll talk to me if you ever feel this way again.
- I promise you that.
17 then hugged her, as she had asked. He loved to feel her so close to him, to be the one to take care of her, to be the one to protect this stubborn and fragile little human. He wanted to be the one to watch over her. He was the one responsible for her happiness, the guardian of her smile.
After a few minutes, he realized that Ruri had fallen asleep.
She had lost a lot of blood. She was clearly still exhausted. She hadn't even been able to warn him before she fell into a deep sleep.
He tenderly caressed her cheeks, placing soft kisses on her face.
17 didn't want to let her go. Never again. That night he stayed in her bed, holding her, listening to her breathing, making sure she was okay.
Above all, this time he had managed not to lose what was dear to him.
