White Desire
Chapter 18
About a week had passed before Tifa and the others felt they could freely talk with one another. It seemed to her comrades that she was spending much more time with the Shin-Ra company than she had ever spent with them. It wasn't that they were jealous (well, Cloud was, but that was an entirely different story), they just felt they were being deprived of the lovely young lady. The entire group had sat down in the basement to ask Tifa about how her job was going when she had confirmed Vincent's plan of action to leave Shin-Ra and the Turks at peace. It was really just to bring ease to their minds. She didn't like for them to worry, and she knew that eventually she would be honest with them, but not yet.
"The thing is...although I've done so much research, I haven't found a single thing that suggests President Shin-Ra is lying to us or the citizens of Edge. The Shin-Ra Electric Company isn't doing a thing to detriment us or our future. We can't just carry out whatever we feel like based on a hunch." She gestured to Cloud and gave an apologetic shrug. "I understand that you're doing these things and thinking them for a good reason, but they're just not accurate from what I've seen. I'm sure I'm as surprised as the rest of you are, but until I have other news, it's best that we no longer scheme things on the company or on the Turks." She paced back and forth slowly, the floor beckoning her name, as though to encourage her to continue. She couldn't think of anything else to say though, and had to put herself at a standstill.
Poor Cloud. He thought he'd had everything planned out, but to find out he was wrong. He was actually a little upset, although he wouldn't show it. He couldn't bring himself to say a single thing in response and merely shook his head. Perhaps it meant that he didn't believe her. He did, though. It was just a little shocking. Instead, the dark-haired male spoke up, gesturing for Tifa to sit down. When she had, he rose and with that never-ending grace, his red cape brushed over the bare wooden floors. "Now please. Tifa knows what she is doing. If she didn't, even I would have no conflict with pulling her from this mission. She's being quite dedicated with her work." He had no intention of mentioning the fund raiser. There was no sense in causing trouble so early in the game. This was still the first act and he had yet to see some serious action. A climax needed to be reached before he would step in and bring the chaos that he had been subjected to, thanks to the lovely brunette.
"But ya know, Tifa, we really miss you a lot! You should see if that dumb Shin-Ra will let you have a vacation here and there. We need you too. I mean, c'mon, you only work for him. You're our friend. He should get a secretary understudy." Yuffie had pounced upon the older female and dragged her to the ground in an affectionate embrace. The ninja was the youngest member of their party, perhaps even younger than Nanaki, the science experiment once stolen from his home in Cosmo Canyon. She was celebrating her eighteenth birthday on this year, but it seemed like she hadn't changed since they had first met. Although she was quite skilled in annoying the others, she was more than sure that she cared for them very much. Tifa was like an older sister to her and she would have done anything for the female, even when she was being pushed away.
"H-hey...I really appreciate this and all, but ummm...could you please get off of me? I'm not real comfortable with contact like this, you know?" And with that spoken, the wine-eyed female was carefully making an escape from Yuffie's grasp. When she had brought herself back to her feet, she lowered her hands to brush herself off and then a strange small smile fell over her lips. "I...don't mind working for him. He treats me very well. He's very gentle, very kind. I think people may often have him figured wrong." Then her right hand rose her forefinger and wagged it back and forth slowly. "However, I'll talk to him if it'll make you feel better." At the overwhelming amount of nods she received, she gave a sigh. She would do that then, the next time she spoke with Rufus anyway.
Although the others might have been pleased with her words, the young blonde-haired man was not. His sea-green eyes washed over her and his face was one of such blank expression that not even he was sure what he felt. He had looked into the mirror so often lately, trying to understand what it was inside of him. Every day Tifa was away, he felt the distance between them grow. Was she pushing him away or was it his imagination? Was her work the escape from the life she was living? Was Rufus Shin-Ra capable of giving her the life he couldn't? If she was to choose between one or the other, which would she hand her heart to? He was afraid to ask that question, perhaps because he was afraid of hearing the answer.
After the group had separated themselves, each stating they had other things to do, Cloud had felt it would be one of his few times to be with Tifa. He didn't want anyone else to hear their conversation or the things he might whisper into her ear. He was still determined to capture her attention, her gaze from those sweet eyes. He would not take a back seat to anyone, even her work. She was beginning to remind him of someone he thought he had known quite well. Rufus Shin-Ra. Was her work so important to her? Was it? Was it even more important than...him? Or Marlene? He wanted his answer and he would get it. And it would be the right one.
Gentle hands pushed her door open, closing it behind him as his back pressed against the support. In an idle gesture, he pulled the lock shut and remained stationery as he spoke carefully, softly. "Tifa. No more running. No more hiding. I must hear your voice. The same one I heard when I fell into the Lifestream. The same one that woke me from my dream. I must hear the voice that belongs to my angel, my messiah, to you." The surprise upon her face was so easily read. He had expected to see such a thing. This was her, after all. Was she still the same person he had grown up with? Was she still the same childhood friend? The same sweetheart from years ago?
She quickly turned from him, a hand raising to her facial features and then she wandered over to the window thoughtfully. What could she say? What was he thinking? Had she been found out? Had Vincent said something? ...He promised...! She was giving Cloud too little credit. She should have known that he would have reacted in such a way. She was quiet, unsure of how to respond. "...I'm not running from anything. Not anymore. At one point in my life, I too, thought I would never go any where. My past held me in the palm of its hand." As she leaned her figure against the window sill, she gave a soft sigh. "We are no longer children, Cloud. We can't live in an ignorant world where we pretend that everything is okay. You and I...we have worked so hard to make a bright future for the children that are our next generation." She looked over to him and there was a subtle nod given. "We aren't done yet. Our work is not yet finished."
She looked so serious, he thought. Whatever could she be thinking? As he joined her by the window he paused at her side for a few moments and then a hand reached out to pull her to him. He needed to know he had her undivided attention. It wasn't something that was selfish in his opinion. "I want you to quit Shin-Ra. If they aren't doing anything bad, your mission is over. It's too dangerous to keep you there. I can't risk that." He shook his head at her. It was more than obvious that he was disapproving with this to continue any longer than necessary. "Come with me, Tifa. Stay with me. Be my partner. Work with me." If he was desperate enough to, he would have pleaded with her. He would have dropped to his knees and begged her anything to follow him to the ends of Gaea.
"Cloud...don't say things like that to me any more." Tifa pulled herself away and she shook her head slowly. "I did tell you once before that I would not be able to wait for you. You're asking me to leave this place, to drop everything in my life for you. I can't do that. I love my home. I love the people here. And what about the orphans? What about Denzel and the others? I can't leave them here, even if you can. I won't live with myself for doing something like that with no regret." She pointed out the window. "I can change Shin-Ra. I might not be able to change to people within, but I can change it for the better. Even if you don't believe me, I know that I can."
She wanted to change Shin-Ra? The company or the man? Either way, Cloud felt it was a hopeless struggle. She was wanting something that would never happen, something that couldn't possibly happen. Rufus was an incorrigible young man and as long as he was running the company, things were going to stay the same. How come she couldn't see that? It irritated him to the fullest. "Tifa, that's not going to work. You're only one person. You're only one woman. No one in Shin-Ra is going to listen to you unless somehow Scarlet gets fired and you take her spot." It was probably a bad idea to say something like that. He didn't want to suggest anything. He shook his head at her quickly. "Don't even think about it, Tifa. The point is, the longer you stay in that company, the longer they're going to brainwash you. Yeah, sure, when you start out, everything will be all right. You'll be treated well, promoted, whatever. But when you get to the top, the president will suck you in with his lies and his deceit and you'll fall and face plant--"
"Stop it!" She'd really had enough of this. He was making her so horribly angry. He didn't know what he was talking about. She had tried so hard to handle everything he said with the utmost finesse, but she had finally reached the end of her rope. "You can't say things like that anymore. Stop living in the past! Yes, bad things happened, but get over it! Get over yourself! How can you expect to get any stronger by letting everything hold you back! Just what the hell is wrong with you!" As she turned to him, there was surprise painted upon his face. While she normally would have been a little worried about him, she had to push that aside and shake her head at him in a chiding fashion. "I'm your best friend, Cloud, but I cannot live your life. I'm me. I'm Tifa Lockhart. I'm not Cloud Strife. I'm going to do things my way and if you don't like it, then screw you. It's not my job to impress you or anyone else." She began to pace back and forth and as she lowered a hand to her dresser, the things upon it were scattered to the floor harshly. As breaking glass began to fill the air, she continued to speak. "I'm so tired of everyone scolding me for the things I want to do. I'm so tired of trying to please everyone. I'm happy working at the Shin-Ra Electric Company. I'm happy making a name for myself. I'm not going to live for anyone else anymore. I'm going to live for me." She stopped at her door, and pulled it open, breaking the lock, coming face-to-face with a rather tall Vincent, who had been eavesdropping for perhaps some (if not all) of the conversation. "O-oh..."
He reached out a hand and tugged her into his arms with a gentle embrace. He really did understand where she was coming from. In fact, he was probably the only one who understood. He hated seeing her so upset. He always wanted to help her out. He wanted to be the one she ran to when she needed help. Strangely enough, Vincent had always cared about her. It wasn't nearly as much as he had for Lucrecia, and his heart was still quite vulnerable, but he had...unofficially given her his that vital organ. It probably would have counted more if he had told her so. The night he had wandered in on her and Rufus on the terrace at the fund raiser, he'd gotten the image that there was something between them. Tifa hadn't said anything, though. Maybe she was in denial. Little did she know that there was a spark in her eye whenever she spoke the name of the blonde-haired president. "Tifa..." He turned his red eyes onto her other companion and shook his head slowly. "You two fight a little too often, I think. Cloud, you should respect Tifa's boundaries and let her grow as a person. You're both still children in the world and have a lot of blossoming to do. Neither of you should be in a hurry for anything." He raised a hand to brush over the young female's soft hair. "Try to take one day at a time, Tifa. Why don't you and Marlene go out to pick flowers together? The fresh air would do you good."
She didn't need to be told twice. Once Vincent had released her from that grasp, she had excused herself, leaving the two to shoot daggers at each other. No later than they'd heard the closing of the front door did Cloud hiss at the taller male. "Where do you get off doing something like that! You do not know Tifa the way I do. I'd appreciate it if you got yourself busy with some other female and not her. I have enough to worry about as is. I don't want to continuously think that you two are an item." Was he jealous? Oh, that was an understatement. He was becoming increasingly protective over Tifa and if she ever caught wind of that it would probably make her angry. It wasn't his intent. He just couldn't help himself. Even when she didn't notice it, other guys were always making google eyes at her. She was an attractive young woman. Her figure was the type wanted by the average male in the Edge and Healin region.
Vincent folded his arms over his chest as he looked at his new rival. He knew Cloud was overreacting just a little bit. "I really dislike saying this, but I don't think Tifa has eyes for either of us." That was about all he was going to say. He didn't want to tell the blonde what he thought, because he might have been wrong. And if he wasn't...well, that would just make things so complicated. "Honestly. If you could look past your...pride for just a moment, you might notice that she's having some problems. Rather than fighting every other person that you think is trying to take Tifa from you, perhaps you should be trying to lighten the burden for her." He leaned against the doorframe thoughtfully, his eyes looking over the broken glass upon the hard wood floor. "I don't like what Tifa's doing either, but you need to understand where she's coming from. For her entire life she has worked mediocre jobs where she hasn't been able to do much at all. Yes, sure, she was in AVALANCHE, but that wasn't a job. She was doing something to help save the planet. She's finally in a position high enough that she has freedoms; she has been liberated from the cold life she's been living. She thinks she can change things. I believe she has the power and the potential to." He ducked his head, the dark hair obscuring his eyes from the world. "Tifa Lockhart is a strong-willed, determined, ambitious young woman. She is quite influential in the slums and if she can make a name for herself in Edge, I'm sure she can make a difference to the others."
It was probably the first time Cloud really heard the things that were being said. Not only that, but he was listening. Vincent was right. Tifa really did need all the help she could get. It was pretty cruel of him to treat her so heartlessly. Even while he finally wanted to settle down with her, her life was just taking off. They had switched places it seemed. Rather than her waiting for him, it was going to be him waiting for her. He'd just have to hope she'd fly back. He did not know where she would go. The wind had carried her far away from him and even when they spoke, she looked miles and miles away. What was she always thinking about? Why did Vincent know what it was, and why wasn't he sharing? Although he had tried to discourage these questions, Cloud could not help himself. His curiosity was just too great. "Yes...you're right. Argh. I'm being such an ass to her. When she comes back with Marlene, I'll apologise." He nodded, as though to reassure himself. He wasn't certain if she'd even want anything to do with him after what had happened. He would just have to wait and see.
Finally, the blonde-haired young man was making sense. Vincent felt that they were making process, not that it was a feeling that would stay around long. He'd just have to take advantage while it existed. He gestured towards the window. He wasn't going to respond to Cloud's feeble attempt to apologise to him. He personally thought the ally before him was seeking that sympathy. "It isn't our right to understand her. When she is ready to talk about her feelings, she will. Until that time comes, neither of us are going to say anything anymore." As he wandered into Tifa's room, he could feel the snapping of the glass beneath his feet. Someone would need to clean that up later and he felt that Tifa probably wasn't going to be the one to do such a thing. "We are her comrades in battle. Should not we be her comrades in life as well?"
How could anyone disagree with that? Cloud nodded to him and cringed a little. He didn't want to pick up the glass either, but it was more indirectly caused by him, so it was probably his responsibility. "Right, right. I get the point. You can stop scolding me now." That was one of those things he really, really disliked. If he could, he wanted to discourage that type of attitude. He wasn't a little boy anymore. Even when he was young, he faintly remembered his mother saying the same sort of things. Of course, he had put those words aside, ignoring them temporarily. In fact, nothing had seriously hit him until Nibelheim was burnt down those many years ago. He still hated Shin-Ra for it and the more he thought about it, he knew that company had no hopes of changing around. Tifa was going to waste her effort, and if she really wanted to, he wouldn't stop her. When she came back from her dream, he would be waiting there and then she would have realised how foolish she was acting.
It seemed those two no longer needed to exchange words with one another. Cloud knew what he had to do and he didn't want to hear it from the red-caped man. With haste, he rushed the other out of her room and began the long trek of tidying up Tifa's room. The next time she was going to get this angry, he was going to tell her she could clean up after herself.
