Apparently (It's Not That Organized)

An Organization XIII fan fiction

By Spectra16 (Does not spread untrue propaganda.)

(Bush sucks.)

A/N: Ansem Retort rules! Go look it up on google. Larxene is a psycho, sugar high spaz. Zexion is a doctor, not a milkman! Ansem (evil version) is a TV producer. Everyone's souls are sold to Fox! Axel kills children on Wednesdays! And MOOGLE VISION! And Riku gets cut in half several times.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. And I especially do not own Xigbar. He scares me on a daily basis. As opposed to Roxas wetting himself every day. And I do not own the pandas who sway their arms and sing "Heaven" by Los Lonely Boys. Just kidding. Yeah I do.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Chapter Five: The Attic That Never Was Again

"LOOK AT WHAT I HAVE FOUND!" Demyx screamed, emphasizing the word 'I'. Everyone kept doing what they were doing because Demyx had been doing this for the past hour.

"Luxord, do you know anyone who likes Hal Sparks?" Marluxia asked uncomfortably. Luxord turned back at Marluxia.

"What?"

Marluxia peeled a poster from under the clutter and it apparently was a pin up of Hal Sparks. Mar looked appalled, and Luxord averted his eyes.

"Oh god! What is that?!" Luxord covered Roxas' eyes, but it was too late. The pour boy had officially been scarred for life. And it wasn't like Roxas had ever seen naughty parts before. Axel certainly had a habit of scarring everyone he could. Usually, it was once a month. Sort of like a period. But Axel PMS was far more dangerous. One time, he attempted to set Xemnas' mop (hair) on fire. Another month, he'd gone streaking until Xigbar and Xemnas apprehended. Another month, Axel bought presents for everyone and dressed up as Alice from Alice in Wonderland. Anyways. . .

"Put away Marluxia! Quickly!" Luxord hissed. Marluxia shoved it under a box, but in the back of his mind, he was ready to come back up and retrieve it. Vexen shrieked.

"What?" Luxord hissed. Vexen backed away.

"The . . . The . . . BAND!" Vexen opened a portal and shot out of the attic. Demyx ran over to what he ran from. There was a rectangle paper on the floor. Demyx quirked an eyebrow and read the words on it. He eyes opened wide with shock.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

A day prior. . .

Vexen loved horoscopes. And tarot cards. And creepy Gypsy fortune tellers. And all of these things told him what to expect and how to live his life. And he had no beef with that.

Vexen shoved his hand in the bag of Chinese food and grabbed his fortune cookie. He popped open the bag and cracked the cardboard flavored cookie. He happily pulled out the white slip of paper and read it. The news was not good.

"When you see the Metallica concert ticket, you will die in seven days."

Vexen shrugged. He figured he wouldn't be seeing any Metallica tickets anytime soon.

But he couldn't have been more wrong.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Xigbar was busily filling out Heartless paper work when Xemnas poked him in the back of the head. He sighed irritated.

"Can I help you, Superior?" Xigbar steamed. Xemnas smiled sweetly.

"Where are the others?" he asked innocently. Xigbar shrugged.

"How the hell should I know? I don't engage in personal activities with them!" Xigbar said angrily. Xemnas smiled slyly.

"Then what was that mush with Lar-"

"Don't start, sir," Xigbar would only warn him once, and Xemnas knew it.

"Well, go find them. I'm bored," Xemnas ordered gently. Xigbar sighed.

"I'm doing your paperwork. I'd much rather do this, because it's productive. Searching a monolith castle for a bunch of ruffians who won't listen to me is hardly productive," Xigbar went back to writing. Xemnas growled.

"FINE! I'll bloody do it myself!" Xemnas ran off. Xigbar felt relieved of his absence, until Xemnas snuck up behind him and yanked on his pony tail.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Xemnas crept around the Castle That Never Was in search of the Nobodies That Apparently Never Were, or at least Couldn't Ever Be Found When Xemnas Wanted Them To Do His Bidding. Xemnas finally realized this and started storming around. And he stormed right into a portal into the Castle Bar That Never Was. Zexion looked up from the counter, which he was sleeping on. He suddenly became excited.

"Can I help you, sir?" He asked quickly. Xemnas rose an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Gimme a Cognac, Sexion," Xemnas muttered and sat down. Zexion ignored his slip of the tongue and ran to get him his drink. It almost seemed like Zexion had been waiting there for days, waiting for business.

"Hey, Sexion, do you know where everyone is?" Xemnas asked, faced to Zexion's back. He didn't turn.

"They went up to the Haunted Attic That Never Was. Why? Didn't they tell you?"

"No," Zexion handed Xemnas his drink. "They hate me. They never tell me anything!" He pouted. Zexion backed away.

"You mean, Axel didn't tell you that I wanted to be released from my duties?!" Zexion asked in a panic.

"Huh?" Xemnas said dumbly. Tears came to Zexion's eyes.

"Axel told me he'd tell you all of them were going upstairs to look for stuff and that he'd ask you if I could be released from this bar!" Zexion cried. Xemnas took a sip.

"Nope. Never did that. And which one is Axel? Is he the puff with pink hair?" Xemnas looked at the palm of his hand, which had some faces and a few had name next to them. Zexion grimaced.

"No. That's Marluxia. Axel is the one with red hair," Zexion looked worried now. Xemnas nodded and wrote it down with pen.

"Thanks, Sexion," Xemnas smiled, downed his drink and walked away.

"WAIT! Can I go now?!" Zexion begged. Xemnas looked back/

"What CAN'T you go?"

"Because you damned me to this job and never said when I could leave!" Zexion cried. Xemnas waved his hand.

"Sure. Whatever."

Zexion walked out from behind the counter and punched Xemnas in the stomach.

"And it's ZEXion now SEXion!"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Zexion entered to Attic to an almost complete cast of the XIII (with the exception of Xigbar, Xemnas, and Vexen) and to the spastic nature of Demyx. Zexion knew better than to question why Demyx was having seizures of joy. Usually it was because he just ran his car into a lake on purpose or because he scored high on an 'Are You Sexxy?' test or 'Which Organization Member Are you Most Likely To Have Sex With?' on Quizilla.

Luxord turned to Zexion.

"Where have you been?" He asked. Zexion ignored the question and was starring right through Lux. Luxord turned around and saw Axel, who had a frightened look on his face. Zexion very literally looked like a blood crazed maniac from a teen horror film in the 90s. Fire, even though that was Axel's area of expertise, surrounded Zexion and his glazed look continued through his evil laughter and twitching of eyes and fingers. Axel shivered in fear, unable to move.

Luxord cleared his throat.

"Take this outside, gentlemen," He murmured. Zexion clenched his teeth together in a sadistic smile.

"Gladly." He spoke and grabbed Axel arm and threw him into a portal, following him. Luxord sighed and Roxas clenched his fists.

"I hope Zexion wins," Roxas spoke like a cockey little anime walk-on boy, or Ash Ketchum. Marluxia put some chap stick on. Demyx went back to dancing around his Metallica concert ticket. Everyone turned their attention back to the ticket.

"How did it even get up here? It's for the concert in a few days. How is this even possible?" Larxene asked aloud. Everyone shrugged.

"WHO CARES?! It's mine, bitches!" Demyx hoarded it to himself. Lexaeus crossed his arms.

"Aren't you more of a hippie/sitar kind of person?" He asked apathetically. Demyx frowned.

"A fan of Metallica can have an interest in any music! You've obviously never been to a concert before! There's a wide arrange of people who attend! Old biker men with every patch on their leather vest that Metallica ever sold, young 12 year old girls, S and M goths, and prepubescent rock fans," Demyx said indignantly. Lexaeus chuckled.

"I guess you belong to the latter then, don't you?" He said snidely. Everyone laughed, except Roxas and Demyx, who didn't understand the joke.

"In any case, I'm going!" Demyx stuck his tongue out at Lexaeus.

"You know what?" A quiet voice from behind the group said, who was Roxas. "I think I know who left that ticket here." Luxord tilted his head to the side.

"Who?"

"A GHOST!" Roxas shouted. Everyone except Luxord shivered or started screaming and running around in circles.

"OH SWEET JESUS! WHO WILL SAVE US!? THE GHOST IS COMING TO KILL US!" Demyx got on his knees. He was certainly the last to regain composure.

"Come on, now! The ghost just left a ticket to a Metallica concert! It didn't try to stab us with a dull butter knife!" Larxene put her hands on her hips. Demyx stopped screaming and went onto whining.

"Ghosts aren't real! You guys are pussies," Luxord started walking away. There was a tug on his sleeve.

"Don't leave me here, daddy/mommy Luxord!" Roxas shouted. Luxord looked behind him, and a few feet away is where Roxas stood. Luxord quirked an eyebrow.

"Eh . . . Didn't you just tug on my sleeve? How did you get back there so fast?" Luxord asked. It took a few moments for everyone to realize what was going on.

Larxene and Marluxia screamed and ran way. Lexaeus hid in a box. Roxas cried. Xaldin and Saix pulled out weapons, ready to fight. After a minute of this action, Demyx understood what happened and also screamed.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Meanwhile. . .

Zexion was laughing like a manic as Axel was tied to the back of his pick up truck. Zexion was only going like . . . 80 miles per hour but Axel was screaming, but Zexion's music was up too loud for him to hear over it.

-.-.-.-.-

A/N: Hope you liked this chapter. And yes! There is a ghost! And he's part of Organization XIII! And this is not a one shot! And it WILL go on for a very long time. I'm on chapter five and I haven't even introduced the second noob for XIII. Oh well. Thanks for reading! Cheers!