Alrighty then! 9th chapter up! Gotta give thanks to 2wingo for helping me out with some of the plotline here, although his idea doesn't take place until the very end... oh well.

More fun Axe action coming at ya!

Disclaimer: i don't own Danny Phantom or Axe

Those Ridiculous Commercials

Chapter 9

Tucker's Conundrum


It was a bright, sunny, Friday afternoon in Amity Park. The only thing that could have made it better was if school were to let out…oh wait, it just did. Three o'clock came around to end a school day that Danny Fenton will not soon forget.

You see the previous day, Thursday of course; Danny, Tucker, and Sam took a trip to the drug store to hang out.They would do this several times a month, at least once a week, and just loiter around and buy some candy.

Yesterday's trip was slightly different though. Tucker, being the babe-crazed techno-geek that he is, decided it would be a splendid idea to make some mischief for his rather clueless friend.

So being the wonderfully considerate person that he was, he thought that he should go ahead and hook up the lovebirds, with a little help from a product that he held dearly: Axe body spray.

Tucker would wear the obnoxious scent on only rare occasions, so it would be special to the "ladies" as he would say, blind to the fact that he needs all the help he can get.

"This will totally get Sam to fess up to Danny, if not, it will make it obvious enough for even him to figure out. This is totally work…it's not like this stuff doesn't do anything, I mean they can't lie on TV!" Tucker thought before suggesting something that would change the trio's life forever.

Later that day, Tucker's plot worked better than he had hoped, and decided it was time to wear that Axe as much as he possibly could. And being Tucker, he did, and learned the hard way that it was definitely a BAD idea.

I say the hard way, only because he had a tiny fight with Danny after finding out that Jazz was making some moves on him, putting it politely.

Well, we are all responsible and mature teens here, so I guess I don't have to cut everything out of the description. Jazz was doing some unspeakable things to Tucker, which made him cry out in surprise and glee. So I guess I'll go ahead and start speaking them.

Jazz came on a little too fast, and by too fast I mean of course coming inches away from raping Tuck. Well, actually it wouldn't be rape, because being the hormonal teenager that he is would happily oblige. There was kissing, dry humping, more kissing, hickeys; bone-crushing glomps that would rival a grizzly's bear hug, and even more kissing/making out.

So in a nutshell, Tucker had a maniacally awesome/freaky/deadly afternoon yesterday.

Today would be an equally awesome day, if it weren't for Danny confiscating his precious cans of axe.

Tucker was shocked to find that his 6 cans of axe were gone, and a note left in his bathroom saying why…and the bold statement at the end: "STAY AWAY FROM JAZZ".

Tucker had a fun day though, he enjoyed seeing Danny receiving affection from Sam…even if it was rather excessive, but he always got a warm sensation in his chest, knowing that his friends were loving each other and Tucker helped out with this. So I suppose some of the warm feeling came from his ego, but from Tucker's perspective he didn't have an ego.

Ignorance is bliss.

He also enjoyed Danny's little problem with love notes. And of course, by enjoy, I mean laughing his head off in an obnoxious way like he almost always does.

Let's not forget the mother of all catfights. Oh my gosh! The excitement! Tucker's only regret about that fight, besides the fact that he wasn't what the girls were fighting about, was that his PDA's video camera was busted.

After lunch, Tucker's day slowly digressed down to an average day, the love notes weren't coming in packs of hundreds, and Danny wasn't being attacked as much, if you didn't consider the "harmless pinching of the rear end" as an "attack".

Sam also had an…interesting day as well (Duh…). She had felt oddly attracted to Danny the same way she felt before. The same feeling that she felt in the park yesterday arose again, only on a much higher scale, which led her to use every once of her self control to keep her hands to herself.

Oh how she wanted to touch Danny. She just wanted to hold his tight, softly stroke his hair, look lovingly into his eyes, and give him the biggest dang hickey Amity Park had ever seen.

Thoughts like this kept invading her mind; she couldn't stop them. These sensualistic images never started out as such, but rather escalated the more she thought about her dream guy. She couldn't stop everything though; she absolutely HAD to be near him at all times, almost like a bodily need. She couldn't possibly live without having his scent, his masculine, arousing aura intoxicating her soul.

She held his hand as much as she possibly could, and as tight as if her life depended on it. Sam was afraid other girls would take him away from her.

She didn't know though. Sam didn't know exactly the extent of Danny's love towards Sam, she didn't realize how greatly she means to him, how his love burns with a passion only measurable with numbers that haven't even been invented yet, borderline infinity; and the only possible equal for his love for Sam was her love for him… and maybe his Dad's passion for fudge, but that's a different story.

Besides the constant love notes, the flirtatious girls, and the catfight, Sam kept her cool, relative to how she reacted after lunch. All the "harmless pinching" had really gotten to her. Sam was aware of how unaware Danny was, and used this to her advantage. Yelling at the girls to back off would almost make her seem like the enemy. So Sam thought of the next best thing: showing the school that he was hers.

Sam normally didn't approve of the rest of the school's attitude towards "Harmless pinches" on poor Danny's buns of steel, but since she was minutes away from raping him yesterday, she really didn't have a say, so she just joined the crowd.

Danny could only blush at Danny's reply to the "harmless pinch of his rear end" it was cute little jump of surprise, some confusion, and a blush just to make it complete. Sam could only giggle at how clueless he could be:

(After deadly painful pinch at his backside)

"OW!"

"Oh, sorry Danny, it slipped…(cue nervous expression)"

"It's alright Sam, accidents happen…"

Clueless as ever.

The rest of the school day went by fast for Sam, because one could lose track of time when staring blissfully at the back of Danny's head. His messy hair with a few stray strands just teasing Sam so subtly.

Danny, of course had an agonizing afternoon, which of course was only the beginning.

Minutes before the closing bell rang, releasing students from school, a secret meeting of Danny's Fan girls met up and made a decision to get Danny, pin him down, and force him to make out with each and everyone of them.

Foolproof…right

Well, the plan was working so far; at least they had him on the run. Tucker could only collapse from laughing, and collapse from being trampled by Danny's Fan girls. Sam chuckled at this sight, but came to her sense and ran after Danny. A horde of hormone induced Fan girls can be more dangerous than any ghost.

Tucker and Sam sped out to the front schoolyard where dozens of screaming girls were dancing around a tree like a lion, waiting for a gazelle…to fall out of a tree. (Ok, bad example, but still…the point has been made.) Tucker could see Danny motion to Sam to start running, and Sam responded.

Tucker however took advantage of this situation at attempted to get a few phone numbers from the many attractive girls huddling around the tree. To even the surprise of Tuck, he got no response from ANY girl. Even the line "Danny's best friend…" couldn't get a rise.

Tucker did get something though, dozens of footprints scattered about his body, as the mob of ladies ran after the escaping Danny and Sam.

He just put on a very peeved expression and started walking home.

"Man, why does Danny get all the ladies? I bet if I just put on some of that stupid axe I could anyone I want too…hey! I got an idea! I'll use axe to get anyone I want! Tucker, why must you be so flawlessly perfect?" Tucker mumbled to himself as his walk turned into a sprint, and his destination has changed slightly.

In his excitement, Tucker almost ran into the clear automatic doors of the drug store, but stopped himself just in time to let them open for him. Somehow, automatic doors would just inflate his ego even more, something about the idea of doors opening for him just did that.

Tuck wasted no time, and dashed to the hygiene isle and grabbed a can of Axe, and promptly ran to the counter, where he was greeted by none other than the old lady from yesterday. She shot him an awkward glance, but accepted his purchase all the same.

Tucker happily shoved the can down into his pocket and ran towards the exit doors, while shouting a "Have a nice day" to the elderly cashier. Tucker didn't get far though, as he ran face first into the glass, and fell to his butt. Looking up, he saw the sign that said: "Out of order, please manually open". Tucker grumbled at this and pushed the exit open, without hearing the comment the cashier made concerning his desperate need for a girlfriend.

Tucker knew exactly where to go next: to the home of the only girl who couldn't possibly fawn of Danny…Jazz. Tucker knew the risks involved, and clearly remembered his friend's threats towards him, and put his hand to his jaw remembering the punch to his face. He knew that he could make up a good excuse, like how he made out with Sam in such…alright it would need work but I'm sure Jazz would happily agree to help him with that, especially after she had some "fun" with him.

Meanwhile…


"Uh… Mrs. Manson…uh…uh… I uh…" Danny was at a loss for words, while backing up into the bathroom, Mrs. Manson closing in.

"Please Danny, call me Pamela, or just Pam…Mrs. Manson makes me seem so old…oooh you've been working out haven't you…" Pam said while gesturing towards his chest and abs. Right now, Danny was at Freak-out level 5, he wanted to call out to Sam but couldn't think straight, so he just did what he was good at…continuing to back away.

However, this plot ran short as she tripped on the slippery linoleum, and fell into the tub.

"Oh…you naughty, naughty little boy… you want to take a bath with me? Well, then lets get you cleaned up you dirty boy.

Danny used the maximum extent of his will power to not upchuck everywhere, but it was getting progressively more difficult, as Pam was closing in to give Danny a kiss.

On instinct, he turned intangible as she closed her eyes and just jumped out from the tub, ran through her and dashed to Sam's room. She screamed slightly from the surprise of seeing Danny bursting through like he did. Sam also got a little worried from Danny's freaked out expression.

"Danny…what's wrong? It looks like you've seen something really disturbing…" Sam pondered.

"Uh…yea…about that… well, it's not important right now. Let's just focus on finding me a shirt or something?" Danny asked, while sitting down next to Sam on her bed.

Sam, suddenly getting a feeling that aroused her greatly, got aroused…suddenly. She put on a promiscuous smile, and nonchalantly threw a shirt she found for Danny out the window without him seeing. If things were going to get… "Intimate" things were going to get "intimate" without Danny's clothes…or at least not his shirt.

"Sam… what was that you just tossed out the wind-…oh dear…" Danny said but being interrupted by Sam shoving his body down on the bed in a violent fashion such as the way she did yesterday, only a lot more…uh…(what's the word..) erotic? Yea, erotic.

Sam began putting Danny in a blind state of confusion, leading him one way but then pulling a 180. Like tenderly placing her warm, sensual lips upon his, then jamming her tongue down this throat. Or like, carefully rubbing his back with her fingertips, giving him Goosebumps, but then scratching him to death, as if she needed something to hold on to while she was having her way with him.


Tucker was no out of breath and panting his way up the few steps to the front entrance to Fenton Works. He saw the Fenton Family Ghost Assault Vehicle…I mean the R/V gone, so the parents must be gone, or at least Jack, who would rip him apart with his bare hands for what was about to happen between Tucker and Jazz. He sprayed some of the fragrance all across his body, took a deep breath and rang the doorbell.

And when that large door opened, Tucker gazed into the eyes of the last person he wanted to see.

"uh…Mrs. Fenton…. I…uh…"

"This is bad…"


A/N: i know i know, not very orginal... but i thought that it would be fun to see Tuck and Danny share the Same problem. After all they do share everything... (quoted from "what you want") Anyway... prepare for some Awkward Tucker action in the next chapter: Can't we share him?

anyway... i would LOVE to hear what everyone has to say!

luv,

KITHN