I really believed I was going to the beach that day, I couldn't believe my luck and I put out all the horrible things that had happened to me out of my mind. My sorrow would be replaced by happiness and I watched out of the car window the moving green hills and clouds outside, not know where exactly we were going but I was overcome with a feeling of relief. I so full of excitement and hope and I felt my eyes begin to fill up and the tears ran down my face and dripped on to my white dress. The entire drive was silent. I was sat in the back, whilst the nun and my uncle sat in the front.
At the top of a long hill, the car suddenly turned through a gate and drove along a tree lined street. I had a sinking sensation and my happiness began to dissolve. As we turned a corner, a large grey stone building appeared in the windscreen of the car and it sent me in to shivers of fear. It was like a dark monster and as the car drew closer, I could see iron bars on the window. Why were we going here? My fear turned in to panic and I dug my nails in to the storybook I had on my lap.
As we drew up to the front door of the building, it looked even more forbidding. I saw that another nun was waiting at the door and my uncle grabbed me roughly by the hand and we went through the entrance. The waiting nun, the Reverend Mother, escorted us in to an office. My uncle then turned to me and said, "You're going to be staying here for a while." I looked at him in bewilderment and said, "But I can't. Mommy will be looking for me." I still had not grasped to idea of my mother going to prison, everyone had just told me she was going on holiday with my brothers. He said to me he would tell her were I was and that she would come and see me.
"No," I cried. "I want to go home."
It was then he let go of my hand and althoughI didn't like him very much, when I held his hand I felt secure.He looked at me again and said, "You're staying here." Then he just turned and left.
I had butterflies in my stomach and I knew that there was something terribly wrong. It was a hot day and I was shivering. Everything about that place was cold and frightening. Why was I here? Why? But slowly I began to work it out. I was here because I was a bad girl and I was trapped here. The Reverend Mother appeared and sat at her desk. She was fat and ugly and didn't look kind. All I wanted to do was play by the ocean like a normal good girl. A voice in my head kept saying "I am a good girl. I am a good girl. I am a good girl." The teachers, my father and those boys were all wrong. But it was no use; I knew I was about to be punished. I stared down at my shoes, as I could not bear to look around and I was to scared to meet the eye of this horrible, big nun with a cruel expression on her face; an expression of hate and contempt.
"Well, madam," she said finally, "Do you know why you are head?"
"No," I whispered.
"You are here to do what you are told. There will be no more of your bold behaviour. We will make a lady out of you. Speak when you are spoken to and it will be 'yes, Mother' and 'no, Mother.'"
She glared at me and my heart sank even further.
"Well? Did you hear what I said?"
"Yes, Mother."
"From now on," she then said, "You will be known as Kate."
"Yes, Mother," I replied though I hadn't clue what she meant. At the time I thought she must have made a mistake but I was too scared to correct her.
"What do you mean by bringing that in to a holy house?" she asked.
I had no idea what she was talking about at first and then I realised that in my hand I had my story book. My fingers were gripping it as if I was holding on for dear life. She whipped the book from my hand, raised it and hit me on the head. I was stunned and shocked that a holy nun would do such thing and I started to cry.
"There will be no time for storybooks in here. And no need for tears."
I couldn't stop the unhappy tears running down my cheeks. She didn't even know me and she had hit me for no reason. I wiped away the tears with my shaking hands and I knew then that this nun would show my no more mercy than my dead father had done and that my life would be even more miserable because I would not have my mother to give me the love that I craved.
I was taken in to another room were I gave a nun my coat and my sliver bangle to another nun and I was handed a bundle of clothes and two big towels and then led me up stairs, where there were three green bathrooms. The nun filled the bath and told me to get in. I took my clothes off and did as I was told. She handed me a large bar of soap. I remember thinking, 'this is why I am here. I have to take a bath because I am dirty and the nuns know it.' I scrubbed myself again and again, hoping that somehow I could make myself clean inside and out.
When the nun told me to get out of the bath she handed me a towel and it grated at my skin. I then put on my clothes I had been given which we plain and horrible. I was also given a medal with a picture of Our Lady on it and the words 'prey for me.' I don't know what happened to my dress or my shoes; I never saw them again. The nun told me to follow her.
I kept my eyes downward, I was afraid to look around. Eventually we entered a large dormitory which contained 16 beds. It seemed to stretch out forever and I had never seen so many beds in one place. I wondered which one was mine. The nun, as if reading my thoughts, pointed to the bed on my left.
"This is where you will sleep," she said.
I stood still and lost as I looked around. The walls were magnolia and there were iron bars on the window. The sun was spilling through on to the wooden floor. The tears welled up again and the nun looked at me coldly and said, "No time for tears in here." She then took me to another room where there were more girls that I had ever seen in one place. It was the recreation room and the girls where chatting, arguing and fighting with one another. They all looked so much older than me. They all looked so much older than me. As soon as the nun left, some of them started picking on me and shoving me around. They wanted to know where I had come from and how old I was and what my name was. Despite the Reverend Mother had said to me, I told them my name was Sara and they started to taunt me, saying that I was a 'posh bitch' and 'thinks she's something special.'
Later we were marched to the dining hall. We were served some sort of slop from a big bucket with ladles. It was a cold, depressing room. One of the nuns stood up and announced, "We have a newcomer and she will be called Kate." It was only when everyone turned to stare at me I realised she was speaking about me. I sat there, unsure of who I was.
We were marched again in single file and directed to our beds. The lights were turned out straight away and we were warned about the consequences of any chatter, I lay there in the dark, waiting for sleep.
The next morning I was woken by the loud clapping of a nun's hands. Everyone jumped out of bed and my eyes were swollen from crying all night. They were so sore, I could barely touch them. I washed alongside the other girls in the bathroom. After we got dressed, we were marched down to Mass and then it was back to the dining hall for another bowl of sludge. We were then marched to a classroom. Again it was miserable and cold: the whole place had the same dank and depressing atmosphere. There was no colour in the room, everything was black and white. We sat behind old wooden desks and we were not given anything to write with. An old nun stood at the front of the classroom talking and writing on the blackboard. I didn't know what she was trying to teach us. We sat in silence while she went on and on but I remember feeling surprised that all the girls kept so quiet. I would soon find out that reason was the big leather strap that lay on the desk in front of the nun. At lunch time we were given our bread and grey slop. In the afternoon there were more classes and then at five we were gathered in to the great hall to say our prayers and then giving another dosage of the offal tasting goop. After that, for about an hour, we were aloud to go in to the recreation room and at seven or eight we were marched up to the dormitory.
I'd give anything to be back at my old school. I was smart and until the nights in the shed started, the teachers were considering to let me skip a grade. It was just another dream that was crushed. But I soon discovered that the nuns were not going to waste their time teaching us when they could use us to do their dirty work instead.
The next day I was downgrading from pupil to slave.
