White Desire
Chapter 26
Once they had left the heavy atmosphere of the banquet room, Tifa gave a rather large sigh. It felt wonderful to be free of all the attention that she knew she and Rufus were bound to get. Her other hand reached up to idly tug upon some of her hair. She couldn't quite look at him just yet. She was still picturing the two of them locked in that kiss, and as she thought about it, she began to turn a lovely beet red. "I don't think it's ever felt so good to just breathe." It was about all she could squeak out. She had to find a comfortable subject with him, because she wasn't sure just how he felt about what had so recently happened.
He looked over at her for a moment and there was a fond expression that had come over her face. She looked nice at that moment, not any nicer than normal, but different and refreshing. There was a nod given and he found that he couldn't agree more. Unlike her, however, he was quite good at handling attention. After all, it was his doing that caused them to receive such. Perhaps he should have thought of that before executing the action. "It was a bit stifling, was it not?" No matter, though. In a couple of days he could say he was merely filling the moment with something it was missing.
Tifa laced her hands together thoughtfully. She really didn't mind so much. It just happened to be that she wasn't used to having eyes on her. In fact, when Rufus had turned his sights for the interview, she had become more withdrawn. Perhaps it was the idea that he had specifically looked at her. She knew he wasn't the type of person to approach someone else. He typically had someone do his work for him (and she knew that from first-hand experience now). "It's not that it's entirely bad." After all, she was awfully fond of the Turks, and she'd felt that when she joined the company, she was making some kind of a difference. That was her intent in the first place. And slowly, faintly noticeable, she was turning some things around. If she had her way, she would turn Shin-Ra Electric Company into a respectable one as opposed to a feared one. "I think it's nice that I have some sort of influence over the people here. I like making a difference as a single entity as opposed to relying on some type of union." She recalled how Cloud had told her it wasn't possible. Hearing that and thinking about it, made her push herself even harder to prove otherwise to him. It was the greatest kind of encouragement that he could have given.
Her blonde-haired companion felt it was quite interesting to listen to her. She had just said something he did not expect to ever hear out of her. She knew she had influence over people. That meant if she was aware of it, she probably used it to her advantage. He enfolded his arms over his chest and shot her a knowing smile, small of course. "So you do like the taste of power." He was curious to see what her reaction would be to his...seeming challenge.
"I didn't say that!" How preposterous! He was accusing her, of all people, of having a lust for power. That was completely untrue! ...Wasn't it? As she looked over his features, she thought about the power he has as president of the company. It may have possibly been that her position as his secretary did make her an influential person, just like Scarlet. How odd it was for her to think of that name at the time. She was quiet for a few moments and then her expression turned completely serious. "Maybe I do... Just a little, though! It's just a little bit! Nothing more!" She was trying to keep some of that hard-earned dignity. Rufus was such an interesting person to bring up things of that nature. He was awfully observant and for the first time, she thought it couldn't hurt him not to be so...or to such a great extent.
There was an odd sense of fondness that he had for her. She overreacted so easily, and he thought it was charming. He found her to be overly modest and it was refreshing. "I thought so. That would explain why you two liked to fight with one another." He was indicating Scarlet with that statement. He recalled their time together in Junon. He'd heard the two stories, each from the other and decided that they were close to being the same. Had he been in that situation, however, he would have withdrawn that double-barrel shotgun and ended it there. How expected that women were not as straight forward as he would have liked.
Tifa's jaw dropped at the implications he had planted into her mind and she found her eyes narrowing at the handsome young man. How dare he! Seriously, how dare he! She was incredibly annoyed with him at this point. Typically she would have hid it or ignored the feeling, but they weren't exactly on the president and secretary terms now, so she wasn't forced to abide by that rule. "Pardon me, but I fight for justice, not for the thirst for power, which is completely nonexistent." Even if she did like having power just a little bit, she didn't fight to get such things. It was absurd to even have that kind of thinking.
It seemed he had crossed the line. It was an excellent way to test the waters, though. She so rarely spoke out of tongue, except that time back when she got a little too close. He really hadn't meant to overreact towards her, and vowed never to do something else of the same. Rufus shook his head at her, unfolding his arms and they walked in silence for a few moments. What could he say to put her mind at ease? He didn't really want her to be angry with him, or annoyed, or whatever it was she was experiencing. "I did not mean that as an insult. I was only pointing it out." Rather than staying on this controversial subject, he decided to change it. The entire time they had begun their journey, he wondered why she didn't question him. Did she really trust him so? It wasn't as though he had ill intentions. He was actually leading them up to the sixty-fourth floor, so he could have his drink. "Would you care for something to drink as well?"
Her wine-hued eyes looked over their surroundings. She had just followed him into the elevator and out and paused when she found the familiarity. She had been in the original Shin-Ra building and again, there really wasn't a big difference between the old one and the new one. The same layout had been used, perhaps to make it easier on the employees. The floor they were on was the same that the employees went to in order to get some kind of peace. This was the ideal place for them to go. There wasn't anyone else around, and it would give them a chance to speak with one another on a more personal level. That, was something she didn't mind too much (as long he refrained from being irritating). When she returned her gaze to his face, she remembered that he had asked her a question. There was a faint nod of the head given and she smiled. "I would, actually. Thank you."
Stopping in the cafe that they had lunch in that particular day, the president paused behind the counter, taking a couple glasses and filling them to the rim with water. When he returned to her, he held out a glass before taking a sip of his own. Sometimes nothing quite fit the moment like ice cold water. He preferred to be warm, however, and therefore only once in a great while could he withstand the cold temperatures inside and out. It was nice to know that for once, he wasn't exactly being pressed for information. Oh, yes. Tifa had often asked him many questions. Those tired him out and made him want to go find a place where he could avoid all contact with the outside world. It wasn't that her intuition was a bad thing. He just felt she should follow more orders as opposed to questioning everything.
Tifa took a few minutes to examine the transparent liquid he had handed to her. She loved water. She really did. She liked swimming, bathing, showering, hot springs, absolutely anything that dealt with water. Many years ago when she was training in martial arts, both her father and her instructor had informed her that the longing for water was a sign of built-up stress. She didn't understand too well at that point in time, but as the years had progressed, it was becoming clear to her, almost as clear as the glass within her hands. A sip from it caused that rose hue to bless her cheeks again. "Oh...that's nice. I was caught a little off guard back there." She was talking about the kiss, of course, not that she'd come right out and say anything, though.
It was a serious moment. It was so completely serious. So...why was he having the urge to laugh? It must have been the way she looked. He couldn't quite read what she was thinking, but she appeared to be rather horrified with herself. As he analysed her, he made the mistake of releasing a chuckle, which caused her to go into a panicky frenzy. She immediately thought she had something on her and tried to regain her composure, which only caused him to chuckle harder. He didn't even stop when he noticed that her eyes were narrowing. She couldn't be enjoying this at all.
"Y-You're laughing at me! You're so mean! It's not nice to make fun of other people!" She lifted that same hand from earlier and shook it back and forth at him. She was trying so hard to scold him, but the smile upon his face made her begin to crack. She hadn't quite figured out why he was laughing or at what, but the fact that he was caused the surroundings to brighten a bit. This Rufus…he wasn't such a bad guy after all (it'd just taken her ages to find that out).
At her description of him, he tried to mock a hurt expression, but was having trouble due to his laughter. He shook his head at her in disapproval. "Mean! Me?" She must be teasing. She had a nice smile, he decided. She had a lot of nice things about her. Of course, those weren't the only reasons he was fond of her. The list could just go on and on, or so he thought. He didn't have time to think on such things though, so it was easiest just to push it all to the side.
The left eyebrow rose with that amusement. Aha! He was going to get what he deserved all of this time! Tifa leaned forward and tried to mirror his expression, which only caused them both to laugh harder. "Ohhhhh! Did I hurt your feelings, Rufus? I'm so sooooorry!" It didn't take a genius to understand that she was being sarcastic. It fit her pretty well.
The blonde-haired president finally took a couple steps back and he sat upon the table where the two had planted their masques and their glasses of water. His sides were beginning to hurt and he realised he couldn't remember the last time he had laughed so hard. "I am forever emotionally and mentally traumatised." It was about all he could manage to say, lest he was to burst into chuckles again. It was nice to feel that he could finally act that way. Around Tifa he didn't have to be completely stiff and rigid. He could lighten up, just a little bit anyway. As long as he continued to have his presidential flair nothing else really mattered at all.
His dark-haired companion watched him for a few moments. He certainly looked 'happy', as one would have titled it. She personally knew he would never use such an odd word, especially to describe himself. A few moments of merely examining him, she finally sat down next to him. She was going to use that word, the one he probably didn't want to hear. "I've never seen you look so happy before. It's nice, for a change." She was fond of both his serious attitude and this new one appearing. It seemed he was finally beginning to let his guard down. She couldn't be more pleased at this moment.
At that comment, Rufus was taken far, far away, into the bowels of his mentality. He was happy as a child, wasn't he? With his mother and Dark Nation? How long had it truly been since he felt this way? How long had it been since he had felt anything? He had dreamed that emotions were nothing more than a weakness to him. And yet, here they were beginning to creep up on him. It was time to withdraw that melee and do away with them all! That was his plan, anyway. Sadly the young man did not have enough experience to understand that his scheme would prove fruitless in the end. There would be no succession. "Has it…really been so long?" It was more of a rhetorical question he was asking himself. For that brief moment, the idea that Tifa was sitting next to him had completely left his registry. As far as he was concerned, he was alone. Sitting on a table in the café, alone.
Poor guy. He always did so much thinking. She thought about telling him such things could be hazardous to his health. He probably wouldn't listen anyway. Those were pointless words to use. Tifa pushed herself to her feet and she stopped in front of him, a foot away at the most. "I always saw you smile back then, but it looked empty. When I saw you earlier tonight and even now, I feel like I'm really seeing you."
He was a little lost for words. He didn't quite know what to say to that. Was she just being nice or was that the truth? Had he always seemed so empty? Rufus typically didn't care what anyone else thought, but for some very odd reason, that was tearing at his insides. Why was he so concerned? Anyone who didn't like him…well, that was their loss. It didn't matter to him. He had to look out for himself only. "………" His head ducked and he felt it couldn't hurt to think just a bit longer. As long as he didn't completely lose himself, that was fine.
Tifa paced back and forth a couple of times in a rather thoughtful fashion, herself. She was trying to think of a way to bring him back to life, a way to get his attention. He really did need help with being too serious. That was where she was supposed to come in. She could take that all away, with his permission, of course. Then she turned to him and slipped her hands behind her back, the trace of a smile upon her lips. "Rufus, would you…hug me? Like you did on the dance floor? Just for a little bit." Out came the bold statements and questions again. She thought it would at least get his attention.
Her male companion turned his sights onto her. Her plan had worked. "A…hug?" That word seemed somewhat undefined to him. He tried to remember what had happened on the dance floor before he had decided to pull that move on her. Then he slyly pushed himself off of the table and approached her. A hand reached out and he tugged her into his arms with a gentle embrace. This feeling he had, was one he could not quite describe. He wasn't sure it was fair to even give it an explanation. It would lose its mystery and be gone from him forevermore.
She hadn't quite expected that. Rufus seemed the type of person to push others away. Instead, here he was complying with her request. Was she compromising the type of person he was? Was it right of her to ask something like that of him? It seemed that she, too, had been feeling the same type of…thoughtfulness. It must have been a curse. She'd blame it on him…or the empathy she suffered from. Tifa bent her neck and planted her head against his shoulder. The silence that surrounded them she thought to be better than the music from the banquet. It wasn't that she didn't like music, she just happened to be fond of the particular moment.
Although he had been fairly pliable to her inquiries, he found his form still a tad rigid. Of course, he wasn't accustomed to affection of any type. He was still trying to figure out what he was doing and what he was supposed to be doing. If he did something wrong, would she get angry? Would she hit him? Just what would she do? He inwardly chided himself for thinking about such things. As long as he remained courteous and considerate, he would never have to worry about such things. Besides, Tifa didn't seem as though she was in the proper mindset to cause any damage to him. Thank goodness. He'd tamed the wild beast. At least, he had for now.
No matter how nice she felt, Tifa knew Rufus couldn't be comfortable with such things. She finally pulled her arms from his frame and took the initiative to scoot away from him. A vague curiosity took her and she began to wander through the café, merely looking around. The last time she'd been in here, she'd been dismissed when Cloud called her on her cellular phone. She would have preferred more time in order to get to know the new Shin-Ra building. That didn't seem likely to happen, though. Rufus needed as much of her help as he could get, since he didn't like doing those contracts on his own. (After her last return, she had scolded him for letting his work pile up like that. And following the remarks, she was denied any further vacationing, which didn't really faze her at all.)
Before he could even try to protest (not as though he was going to), she had drawn back from him. In a way he was much too pleased she had done so. He was getting to the point where he didn't want to think anymore and if she kept on saying things like that, he would never be able to escape. It wasn't that he was entirely uneasy (although a rather good portion of him was); he just needed to be able to sort things out. He needed to find out what was what exactly. For the first couple of minutes, he watched her acquaint herself with various inanimate objects behind the counter, and then he decided to follow her. The faint sound of metal hitting metal echoed in the silence from his shotgun colliding with his belt faceplate. "I apologise. I must be confusing you."
The brunette turned to him and she shook her head. How odd. She should have been saying that exact thing to him. "And here I thought I was the one doing that." A hand rose and waved off his apology. It wasn't as though he had done something wrong. If someone had, it would have been her. "Besides, it's not very presidential to apologise, is it? I mean, presidents don't really make mistakes, so to apologise would imply that one does…make some type of misjudgment." She couldn't think of another way to put that. She didn't want to insult him, but he didn't seem the type of person to take responsibility for his actions either. Well…he did, but he didn't at the same time. She couldn't explain her reasoning for such thoughts.
"…Presidential." He echoed that word and his eyebrows furrowed. He could have responded to her in so many different ways. For instance, how did she even know what it meant to be presidential? It wasn't like she had ever done anything of the sort. Even her leadership in AVALANCHE couldn't compare to the type of company he ran. "Sometimes I would much rather be like everyone else. I would be able to avoid scrutiny and such." It was the first time he'd ever uttered something like that. It was the truth, though. Although being a president had its perks, like all situations and positions, there were bad things as well. Two sides to every coin, pros and cons to every obligation.
Tifa's lips pursed in reply to his surprising statement. He liked power, though, didn't he? He had this enormous lust for power and yet he claimed he sometimes wanted to be like everyone else. Was she missing something here? Perhaps Rufus was much more human than she had previously wanted to believe. His intents did not always appear to be as bad as they were often deemed. A little more thought and she understood what he meant. Everything he did, everything he said, it all had a consequence. The public would judge him as a person by the actions he executed and the words he spoke. It must have been difficult to live that kind of life. "…For what it matters, I don't scrutinise you." Although she had those years back, she no longer harboured the same type of feelings (obviously). In fact, a lot of the time she wasn't around him, Tifa often scolded herself for the actions she had taken in the past. AVALANCHE had been in the wrong quite often. She wished she'd had her knowledge know back then. Perhaps she could have changed things so drastically.
He watched her only momentarily and nodded in agreement. His blonde eyebrows furrowed in response to the other thing she had said and he suddenly felt he needed to know what exactly was on her mind. She was mysterious, indeed, especially when she withheld information. He also knew that without the right supplies, it was near impossible to crack her open. Then again, it was unfair to think of her as a nut or a lock. She was a person. At least, that's the way he should have thought. He still wanted to reach into her mind and retrieve his answers. "Tell me what you do expect out of me then." His expression grew serious, the same way it always was whenever he was discussing something like this.
She wasn't sure of what to think when he had questioned her. That type of inquiry caused her to fill with that crimson shade and then she gave a soft smile. "I don't expect anything out of you. If I did, I would only expect that you are honest with me always." It was both the most simple and complex answer she could give. Best of all, it was the truth. She really didn't want anything more from him. After all, he'd done so much for her already. He knew her position, who she was, her past, and he accepted all of it with that same eloquence.
Her response made him think and his gaze washed over her face. She looked just as lovely as before, except he knew that if at that moment he reached out a hand to touch her, he'd feel the flesh, rather than the silky soft material. Pulling his mind away from such matters, he thought back to his inquiry and her answer. He couldn't quite understand why anyone would be so curious about him. "Why is that so important to you?" If he could get something out of her, maybe he could comprehend her better. He did not know what her motivation was behind her thoughts and actions.
Just once she would have preferred that he just took things for granted. Why did he have to question every damn thing? She thought that she had begun to grow trustworthier in his eyes, but clearly that wasn't the case. When it came to questions she didn't want to answer, she tried her hardest to dodge them, whether by changing the subject, walking away, or something else of the sort. This time would not be too different. She leaned forward, reaching out her right hand and she traced her index finger over his chest. "You should not concern yourself with what I think. How about you think about what you want for a change?"
His eyes lowered to that bold hand and he was hesitant for a few moments. Now he had a few different thoughts that were beginning to jumble together. He wasn't entirely sure on how to handle the situation. He was not weak for women (except for his mother), and Tifa was no...exclusion to that rule. Of course, there was something about her, as he had discovered before on the dance floor. "It is what I want." He wanted to know what she thought. He honestly wanted that information. As he continued to watch her, he made absolutely no advancements in her direction.
Tifa pulled herself back, slipping her hands behind her back thoughtfully. Darn. This guy was smart. She couldn't expect any less, though. After all, he was the president of a company. He was expected to pay attention and not fall for such lame trickery. She remained quiet, trying to think of a way to answer him. Why did she care so much? What was that so important? Surely it had something to do with her fancying him. She couldn't say that, though. If she did, there was hell to pay, she was certain. "I suppose it's because I care. These things aren't trivial to me, although you may see them as such." An odd expression flitted across her face when she spoke. It felt just as weird to say things like that as it was for him to hear them. Lordy, Lordy, someone caring about him? There was no way he could be okay with that.
"I see. That sounds remarkably similar to something I think Scarlet would say." He failed to mention that the treacherous woman probably would not have used the same words. In all honesty, that outside female intimidated him, not that he would ever admit (save Tifa, possibly). The look upon her face was not of pleasantries. He wondered if he might have said something wrong. Unlike him, she was quite easy to read. One gaze into the eyes and she had opened herself up to him, subconsciously anyway. "What is it? Why do you look that way?"
Anything that dealt with Scarlet was a very touchy subject for her. Tifa didn't like that woman in any possible way and the fact that he had implied a similarity with the outside female irritated her immensely. The brunette had tried to spend every waking moment being different from absolutely everyone else. She was trying to avoid being molded into a mindless vessel. She didn't want to try explaining that to Rufus, though. Chances were he wouldn't understand. He was the president. He didn't have to worry about being like everyone else, because he was most definitely his own man. "It's nothing. You think a lot about the company. Sometimes it's better if you just forget about them for a little bit, you know? You could stand the break."
He started to protest and then shook his head at her. How could she possibly understand? There was no possible way that he could so easily purge his company from the mind. As the president, it was his responsibility to make sure things ran smoothly at all possible times. Unless she was in his position, there would be no comprehension on the subject. I do not think you understand well enough, Tifa. I will not hold that against you, though. His posture turned from her, and he began to fall into thought again. He wasn't just thinking about the company, but about her as well. Of course he was. How could he not? She was most beautiful and most intriguing. He would have preferred to think about her than the company any day.
Tifa wasn't quite ready to let him go so easily. He so often vanished miles away and for once, she wouldn't let him do something like that. She had to do something drastic. It was time for another bold action made on her part. Approaching him from behind, a hand reached out take one of his and she gave a bowing gesture. Lifting the back of his hand to her lips, she planted a kiss against the leathery material of his gloves.
Her gesture was an admirable one, he thought. He instantly turned to her, the only person he wanted to think about at the time. One look at her formality and his sights brushed over the hand she had taken. In a rather gentle movement, he took her by the wrist and drew her in for an embrace. If he could, Rufus wanted to live this moment set on a 'repeat' mode. This day was much better than any other he had recently come across. On the other hand, his defences were still up. What exactly was her intent? Could he trust her? Yes, he had given her access to almost everything in the company, fully aware of who she was. If she had a plan at all, when would she pull it off? Surely this couldn't be an act. His hand finally released the grasp upon hers and he tilted her chin again.
His eyebrows furrowed as he looked into that same hue as the red wine he was so fond of. And yet, all he could see there was the colour. Red was also the colour of passion, so perhaps that was the way she looked at him. Taking another look at her face as a whole, he realised she must have been questioning exactly what it was he was trying to do. He couldn't think of anything else he would rather do. He needed to know if he was really feeling anything at all. And he needed to know the same on her end. He leaned forward and again his lips planted against her, in that same tender manner as he had before. Feeling that vague response from the young female, he pulled back, only slightly, trying to think of some sort of worthy reply. She probably could have used some type of explanation.
Tifa couldn't quite understand what had just happened. Oh, yes. He'd kissed her again. That much she got. She didn't know why, though. The way he had looked at her was filled with such an intensity, that it caused the small flame within to expand. Was he making her nervous? No, not at all. It was more the opposite. He looked as though he wanted to say something. She was curious, but she wasn't going to ask. If he wanted to tell her, she assumed that he would. What could she possibly do to reassure him, or to help him? She felt a little in the dark. Actions spoke louder than words, though. A tilt of her head to the side slightly and she left a kiss at the corner of his lips.
And as she had pulled that, he found he couldn't quite resist and his grasp upon her tightened, before returning that kiss. This time was different, however. It was not as chaste as the previous two. With a tighter embrace, came a more passionate feeling that was released. It seemed he may have been mirroring Tifa's feelings, or testing the waters. Whatever the case may have been, he was lost. Lost within the deepest thoughts of hers. When a hand had lifted into his hair, he ducked his head, breaking that symbol of affection gradually. His tone was soft, much softer than it typically was. "I..."
She had tried to look at him, and finding it not so simple, she was forced to tilt her head to the side again. Her lips pursed in a questioning manner, but again, she wasn't going to say anything, although the urge to do so was rather great. "...?" Her brown eyebrows were raised and from the corner of her eye, the dim lighting in the cafe had caught on the lone opal earring in her left ear. That was the one piece of jewelry she never went without. Of course, it was so rarely seen for her feathered hair in the front concealed it from the outside eyes of the public. She could have waited an eternity to hear what he had to say. After all, she really was most curious about his innerworkings.
Was she looking at him? Was she waiting for him to continue? Now it was his turn to feel nervous. He rose his head to meet her gaze. It was time to be a man and swallow his pride. Who cared if his relationships with women weren't his forte? He would die before admitting it and it was time to act like he had a better head upon head shoulders, unlike his old man. His expression became extremely serious, knowing that what he was about to say was something he had never dreamed of saying to anyone else, much less the female currently before him. "...I care for you." That phrase was something quite unheard of with him. He wished that he could have used different words for such, but he was still trying to figure out that part. With more time, he would grow to understand just to what extent he did indeed care for her.
Had he really just said that? Rufus Shin-Ra, the president of the Shin-Ra Electric Company had just told her, Tifa Lockhart, that he had feelings for her? Of course he hadn't gone into detail, but from what the brunette gathered, he most certainly must have been fond of her on some level. Perhaps she should have been giving Marlene more credit. And just think...! Once I tell Marlene about this, she'll be so happy! No matter how she was feeling on the inside, she was a little shaky and yet very straight forward as well. It was only fair, after all. She had harboured her feelings from him for a while, and it was finally time to come out in the open. She nodded to him, the vaguest smile curling at the corners of her lips, "And I...care for you as well, Rufus. Much more than I thought ever possible." She wanted to say so much more, but she was still frightened. If she said the wrong thing, he would retract back into his shell and she would have lost her chance with him for eternity. That wasn't something she was looking forward to, so she needed to be particularly careful with what she chose to say.
Of all of the answers he had received in response to his inquiries, this one satisfied him the most. There was nothing better at that moment, than knowing that she reciprocated his feelings. Sure, he could spare that time to understand her (and himself) better. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he believed that things would become easier for him. He would be allowed to see her almost every day, and nothing pleased him like knowing that. It was as though a rather heavy load of weight had just been lifted. What a wonderful feeling! It caused him to give another rare genuine smile and he pulled her back in for another kiss. It was the perfect way for the two to celebrate...whatever it was they had just established. That was another one of those things that he had yet to understand. She probably would have an answer to it either. Perhaps if he asked Scarlet...
