The Deranged Defence Drillmaster

The storm had blown itself out by the following morning, though the ceiling in the Great Hall was still gloomy; heavy clouds of pewter grey swirled overhead as Ila, Ron, and Hermione examined their new course schedules at breakfast. A few seats along, Fred, George, and Lee Jordan discussed magical ageing methods and bluffing their way into the Triwizard Tournament.

"They're still going on about it?" Hermione asked as she checked her schedule.

Ron nodded. "To be honest, I would do too if I was in sixth year."

"You'd be an idiot if you did that," Hermione said.

"I would be an idiot with eternal glory," Ron said smugly. "And a thousand galleons to my name."

"Is that all you care about? Glory and money?"

"Not all of us care about finding our soulmate at eighteen," Ron said.

"You know Cedric Diggory's doing it," Ila said before an argument formed between them. "He's in their year too, isn't he?"

"Yeah, but he's already 17," Ron said. "I never thought he would try out for it."

"Why?"

"Hufflepuff," he simply said as if that was an explanation in of itself. "I mean, they barely win any of the matches in Quidditch. If he gets chosen, how's he going to win?"

"I'd rather have Cedric be one of the competitors than a fourth-year who doesn't even know a simple Summoning Charm," Hermione huffed.

"You're only saying that because he's handsome," Ron said scathingly.

"Excuse me, I don't like people just because they're handsome!" Hermione said indignantly. Ron gave a loud false cough, which sounded oddly like "Lockhart!"

"I was twelve," Hermione said.

"I don't blame you; most of the girls are in love with Diggory anyway," Ron said before slinging his arms around Ila, "Apart from Ila."

She remained quiet, wondering how to get out of the situation. She couldn't say yes, obviously, and yet she couldn't quite get the word 'no' out of her mouth.

"Right Ila?" Ron asked, and Ila looked over at the birds flying in to deliver mail. She hadn't seen Hedwig. "You've got to be kidding me…you too?"

"No," Ila said, her voice rising in octaves. That's why she can't say no.

"You do," Hermione said, aghast. "Your voice rises whenever you lie."

"Shut up!" she hissed. "I don't have that many tells."

Ron's face broke into a large grin. "That explains everything that happened during the Cup Final. Why you went over to talk to him, and you were so…girly."

"Well, I am a girl, thank you very much."

"Yeah, but you never acted like that before," Ron said. "You were…mushy."

"Mushy?" Ila said, exasperated. Was she acting mushy? No, she was – ok, maybe a bit. Could Cedric tell? Maybe he does know. Maybe everyone knows!

"Ron!" Hermione said, slapping his arm. "You weren't acting mushy; you just acted a bit different when he's brought up."

Ila moaned, hitting her head onto the table. She felt hands patting her head.

"It's not even that obvious," Ron said. "I doubt he even knows. He probably has most of the girls at school to worry about, and…."

Ron slowly came to a stop, probably because of a 'just – shut – up – Ron' look Hermione was throwing him. "You know what…today's not bad…outside all morning," Ron said as Ila's head came up and saw him running his finger down the Monday column of his schedule. "Herbology with the Hufflepuffs and Care of Magical Creatures…damn it, we're still with the Slytherins…."

"It's not like we could get rid of them," Hermione said.

"We could always feed them those cakes that turn you into canaries," Ila suggested. Ron's face lit up at the idea, only to be shut down by Hermione.

"We're not doing that," she said sternly. "Yes, they might a be a bunch of pricks, but that doesn't mean we should end up dragging ourselves down to their level and do that."

There was a loud crash towards the Slytherin table, making everyone, including the trio, turn around. Pansy Parkinson, a tall fourth year with jet black hair, stood there with an empty cup in her hand.

Her victim?

A third-year Hufflepuff, who looked like she was on the verge of tears. Parkinson's friends were beside her, smirking. Even Crabbe and Goyle were close by, laughing at the entire situation. Ila's eyes drifted towards Malfoy, who she assumed would be there, centre stage. But in fact, it was the opposite. He was at the back of the group, behind Crabbe and Goyle. But that wasn't the weirdest moment. Malfoy had actually slapped the back of both of their heads to stop them from laughing. The two didn't question why he did it, but it did the job, and they stopped laughing. Malfoy even looked like he…pitied the Hufflepuff?

Ila nudged Hermione, who looked at her confused until she pointed at Malfoy. Hermione shrugged her shoulders.

Just then, professors were starting to realise what had happened and rushed over to help. It was then when the three decide it was a good time to leave.

"Did you guys see that?" Ila asked as they trudged their way down the hill towards the greenhouses.

"I bet you the poor Hufflepuff didn't even do anything!" Hermione said frustratedly. "And I bet Parkinson isn't going to get any detentions. Snape'll probably step in and save the day!"

"Well…no," Ila said, unsure. "I meant, did see what Malfoy was doing?"

"No," Ron said. "Was he even there?"

"Exactly!" Ila said, causing her friends to look back at her confused. "You would have known if he was there because he would have made himself known. He would have been there. In fact, he probably would be the one to throw the water at that girls face!"

The three entered the greenhouse, and Ila could feel herself having to wade through all the water in the air. She could feel her hair begin to frizz.

"Alright, so where was he then?" Ron asked as once they made their way to the tables. In front of them was a strange-looking plant, but anything was strange in Herbology. It was similar to a cactus plant but more swollen. In fact, it looked like it was going to burst.

"He was at the back of the group, behind Crabbe and Goyle," Ila recounted the rest of the story and waited for her friend's reactions. Or, at the least, the reaction she thought her friends would have. She wasn't expecting them to gasp in shock, run around the room because they were so surprised or faint with one hand on their head because they couldn't understand what was going on, but she didn't expect her friends just to stare blankly at her. "Guys?"

"What?" Ron said. "What do you want us to say?"

"I don't know how weird it was that he stopped two of his friends from laughing at someone's embarrassment?"

"Are you sure that was the reason why he slapped them?" Hermione asked quietly when Professor Sprout entered the room. "He could have just done it because he was annoyed."

"But…that doesn't make any sense."

"It kinda does," Ron said. "He does that a lot of the time."

"Yeah, but-"

"Ila!" Professor Sprout shouted. "Would you like to share something with the class?"

"No, Professor," Ila muttered grimly.

"I thought you would, considering how much time you're taking up with the class."

"Yeah, but you're doing that-"

"Did you say something?" Professor Sprout said, unable to hear what she muttered.

"No."

"Good."

For the rest of the lesson, she stayed silent under the watchful eye of Professor Sprout, who made them squeeze Bubotuber's pus out of the swollen cactus. No one was really interested in doing so. Still, with some 'motivation' (detention if they couldn't fill a bottle up with the pus), people began to pick up the plant and squeeze bravely. It was actually quite relaxing, Ila thought. After the fourth or fifth plant, you become desensitised to the acidic yellowish liquid that oozed out of the plants. Even though there were no more conversations about Malfoy and his strange behaviour, it didn't stop Ila from thinking about it. Hermione was wrong; Ila knew it. She didn't see it actually happen. She didn't even get to see what his face looked like, watching the Hufflepuff. Not to mention that entire fight with Parkinson and how he was acting at the World Cup. When she saw him in the box, he didn't even utter a word to her or her friends, and his father was there. Ila thought he would have said at least a 'Mudblood,' just to please his father. But nothing.

And then there was the forest.

No matter how hard he tried to look as if he didn't care about Death Eaters terrorizing everyone, he was just as scared. Or was it a shame that his father was a Death Eater?

But that doesn't make sense; the rational part of Ila spoke up.

It's Malfoy, you know…the Draco Malfoy. The same boy who made fun of anyone who wasn't him. So then why was he didn't do anything to that Hufflepuff?

Before she knew it, the bell sounded for their next lesson of the day.

"Have fun at Divination!" Hermione said, waving them off.

"Yeah, yeah," Ron said, waving back smiling before four fingers went down, leaving on up, "No need to rub it in our faces, ok?"

Hermione smiled, shrugging her shoulders before walking to her next lesson. Ila and Ron waited with the other Gryffindor and Ravenclaws that also made the unfortunate decision to take Divination. Everyone chatted, unaware of the passing time until they no longer heard the bumbling of students rushing to get to classes. It was silent.

"Are we in the right place?" Parvati asked, checking her schedule.

"Yeah, look," Parthik, her twin brother, pointed out. "We're in the right place."

"But it's been 10 minutes since the lesson started," Lavender said. "Does that mean we don't have a lesson?"
The group of students excitement bubbled, saying things like 'If she doesn't come in two minutes, we're allowed to leave!'

However, it was very short-lived. The door to the attic, where their lessons were always held, slowly creaked open. The ladder slid down, right at the feet of Ila.

"Don't go up, Ila," Lavender said quickly. "We can still leave now and say that Professor Trewlany was late!"

Soon the group was muttering the same thing to Ila. She looked to her left to see Ron even nod too.

"What're we even going to do?" Ila asked Ron.

"Anything," Ron said. "It's a free, c'mon Ila."

Ila sighed, looking back up at the ladder. Even though she knew candles lit the room, it felt like she was staring into an abyss.

"Fine," she said quietly, not even looking back down. She stepped away, still looking up until she felt Ron nudge her and motioned her to follow him. "Are we just going back to the common room then?" Ila asked, following the group of Gryffindors.

"Might as well," Ron said.

"What happens if we get caught?"

"You've been hanging it with Hermione too much," Ron said before slinging an arm around her shoulders. "Last year, you would have done anything to ditch Divination."

"I know," she said. "I'm just not really in the mood to get detention on the first day, y'know? I have a reputation to uphold."

"Well, yeah, but that only happens if we're caught," he said, tapping her nose. "And do you know what you're not going to do?"

"Get caught?" Ila said dryly.

"Exactly!"

A sudden gasp echoed through the hall. The two turned around to see none other than Parkinson stand there, mouth agape, with her friends behind her, including a few boys.

What was he up to?

"What do you want, Parkinson?" Ron spat. Malfoy stared at Ila. She furrowed her brows, causing him to arch one of his in response.

Parkinson smiled, putting a hand over her heart. "Look how cute this is! The blood traitor and the half-blood, a match made in heaven!" Ila could feel Ron's arm clench as she spoke. "Although, I did think that the mudblood would have been with you, but then again…who'd want to go with someone who looks like her?"

"Just fuck off, Parkinson!"

"What did I do?" she said, her voice rising in octaves. "I only wanted to say that I'm happy for you guys…you know, there's a not a lot of people who'd want to go with Paki's, but it's good that you're doing the rest of us a favour!"

"That's funny, considering I could say the same thing about the guy who ends up dating you," Ila said, mimicking her voice. "I mean, there's not a lot of people that would go with a pug-faced bitch but, he'll be doing us a favour. Actually Ron…oh, I think he's right there" – Ila saluted Malfoy – "I commend you, sir, for your services."

The smile from Parkinson's dropped within seconds. Ila saw her grab something from her bag. Ila could feel the heat of her wand burning in her pocket. She slowly slid her hand in her pocket, just in case. Thankfully Parkinson didn't bring out of her wand. But something worse.

"You know, I decided that this year, I won't take what anything is said about me to heart," Parkinson said. "Because, you have to remember that some people just have it worse, you know. It's always better to be nice to people, especially with those whose father is such a joke at the ministry that they can't even spell his name right when they're writing a piece bashing him." She opened the paper and in big capital letters were 'FURTHER MISTAKES MADE AT MINISTRY OF MAGIC!' "But you see," Parkinson said to her friends, though Ila knew that they probably would have heard it before, "it's not just people's fathers, is it? It's their mothers, and they're siblings, even their house!" Ila's eyes trailed down at the picture of the Weasley family, smiling outside their house. "If you can even call it a house," Parkinson said, causing the Slytherins to snigger.

"Oh, shove off Parkinson," Ila said, tugging at Ron's sleeve, who was shaking with fury. His face looked so red, Ila needed to leave soon before it started to seep into his vision.

"Come on, Ron…"

"Oh yeah, weren't you staying with them?" Parkinsongibed. "Draco told me all about it. Saw you with them at the box…how do you even get there?"

"His mother probably bribed a few officials," Daphne Snotgrass said, tilting her head at the picture of Ron's family. "I heard some of them like it when they feel like they're going to suffocate just as they…you know…." The group's laughter grew, worsening by constant echoing, making it seem louder than it actually was.

"If you weren't, girl, you'd be on the floor right now," Ron muttered darkly.

"Well, thank Merlin, I have three guys right here that you could do that job," Parkinson said, pulling Malfoy to the front. His cool exterior faltered a moment as he snatched his arm away from Parkinson's hand.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he hissed.

"Defending my honour," she said as if it was obvious.

"Against who? Potty and Weasel?" Malfoy said. "I told you before…are we really going to spend time dealing with these people when we could do something better?"

Was he…stopping Parkinson from fighting with Ron?

"Fine!" Parkinson said before drawing out her wand. Ila wrapped her hand around hers, about to draw out her own before the clunk of a wooden leg and shout interrupted her.

"OH NO, YOU DON'T LASSIE!"

A blast of bright blue light aimed at Parkinson that was so bright, Ron blocked both their eyes. A few seconds later, when she couldn't feel the light, she pulled down his sleeve and burst out laughing. In place of Parkinson was a small…pug. The dog looked around wildly with bulging black eyes and what looked like a small tuft of black hair.

"Is that Parkinson?" Ron said, unsure if he should laugh or be impressed.

"Of course it is," Moody's gruff voice said behind his shoulder, startling Ron. "Jus' cos' I got a glass eye, don't mean I can't see!"

At this point, students from classrooms close by were peering out of the windows, like children at a sweet shop. In fact, students were so invested, many began walking out of the classrooms altogether. People gasped, whispered and laughed at the sight of Mad-Eye Moody casting a spell, making Pansy 'the Pug' Parkinson rise in the air.

"Professor Moody!" McGonagall shouted, pushing past students that formed around the group. "Just what on earth are you doing?"
He lifted Parkinson further in the air, barking furiously, or at least she thought it was furious. To everyone else, they found it rather adorable.

"Teaching," he replied simply. The pug then flew on top of people's heads, making students scream. All the while, her friends, barring Malfoy, who conveniently disappeared, were running all over the place, following Pansy the Pug with their arms out. Moody seemed to be having the time of his life, making her friends run all over the place more than having turned Parkinson into a pug.

"Teach – is that a student?"

"Yep," Moody said, Ila, seeing him smile for the first time. It would have been quite frightening if there wasn't a flying pug around.

"Mo – CHANGE THE STUDENT BACK NOW!" McGonagall roared, her face as she ripped her hat off.

"If you say so," Moody said slyly. Simultaneously, Moody lifted the transformation and levitating spell, which meant that mid-air, the small pug that her friends had no problem catching it, changed back to Parkinson. Unfortunately, there would never have been enough time for her friends to realise. Parkinson dropped to the floor as her friends broke her fall. All the students roared with laughter at the clump of Slytherins, including Ron, who was shaking with laughter, clinging on to Ila's arm, moaning that he couldn't breathe. As much as Ila wanted to laugh, there was one thing that bothered her.

Where had Malfoy gone?

"Moody, we never use Transfiguration for on a student, let alone as punishment!"

"But it wasn't a punishment," Moody said. "I was teaching a lesson."

"Exactly what kind of lesson were you trying to teach that needed to have a student be turned into a pug?" McGonagall said.

Moody looked back at Parkinson and smiled once more. Everyone sobered now that Parkinson was back to herself. They watched Moody's smile split his face, the scar on his face morphing. They looked like they were about to split. Parkinson mumbled a few things, asking for Draco mainly, but seemed to be fine.

"There are some that can't be explained, Professor," Moody said lowly. "Only experienced."

A silence swallowed up everything as students began to realise how strange Moody was. McGonagall put her hat back on, her face slowly turning pale once more. She cleared her throat, getting his attention. His smile dropped immediately.

"In case you forgot what Dumbledore instructed," McGonagall said coolly, "if a student misbehaves, we give them detentions, or we talk to the Head of House."

"Now you mention it," Moody said, his glass-eye rolling to the back of his head, as if it was filing through all of his memories, "I remember him saying something like that…." He moved towards Parkinson. "Slytherin, ain't it?"
She only nodded in response.

Moody let out a snort, bringing Parkinson up by her arm. "Professor Snape…I needed to talk to him anyway….now come on…" he said gruffly. Parkinson didn't look at either Ron or Ila; instead, keeping her head bowed down, she followed him down to the dungeons.

McGonagall let out a sigh, rubbing her temples before telling a few students to take the Slytherins to the Hospital Wing.

"I don't care, Malcolm. Take them now!" McGonagall shouted. At this point, everyone was beginning to file back to their classrooms. Ila took Ron's hand and slowly backed away from her, hoping that the large group of students would hide them. "Not so fast. Get back here!...why did I know that you two were the cause of this?"

"What?" Ron exclaimed. "Professor, we didn't do anything."

"Yeah, Parkinson was the one who came at us first," Ila explained. "She was making fun of Ron because of the article about his father."

"So then why was it that she ended turning into a pug?"

The two shrugged.

"Moody came out of nowhere just as Parkinson was about to use her wand on Ila."

McGonagall flickered her gaze back and forth, unable to make up her mind if what they were saying was true. "Alright," she said quietly.

"Thank you, Professor-"

"But 50 points off, for the both of you for skipping class," McGonagall said sternly before walking back to her classroom.

"And it's not like we even did anything, did we, Ila?" Ron asked. They were walking towards Hagrid's hut for their last lesson, Care of Magical Creatures with Slytherins. Currently, Ron was recounting the tale of Moody and Parkinson, though Ron wasn't telling it truthfully. Apparently, he was ready to start fighting Malfoy initially, but he was too scared not to do anything. Ila didn't care. It was half true anyway. Ila was too busy trying to see a mope of blond hair outside Hagrid's Hut.

"You two got lucky, only getting 50 points for skipping Divination," Hermione said. "And how is that the thing you getting caught upon? What about a Professor turning someone into a literal animal?"

"Well yeah, but she deserved it," Ron said, shrugging his shoulders as they reached the class. Hagrid was already there, looking into a large red crate. They weren't anywhere near him, but Ila could already tell that a putrid, rotting fish smell was coming from there.

"What is that?" Ila asked as she plugged her nose.

"Nice ter see yeh too, Ila," Hagrid said, chuckling at her face.

"Sorry," Ila said sheepishly. Most of the students were far away as they could be, and only Ila, Ron and Hermione had braved it to stand a few inches closer, as any closer, she was sure she would faint. She could feel the smell prickle against her eyes, making them water. "How've you been?"

"Never be'er," Hagrid said, smiling before pouring out the contents of the crate onto the floor gently. The three friends quickly stepped back, joining the rest of their group.

Scuttling out, were…Ila didn't know how to describe them. There were like black lobsters, except their shells looked far too big for them. They also had stingers, like scorpions, occasionally blasting out sparks from their tails.

"Is he on something?" Dean whispered to Seamus.

"Whatever it is, I want a bit of that," he replied.

"Hagrid?" Hermione asked, quickly moving to Ila when one of the creatures trotted towards her, making Ron move away too, making Ila the closest person.

"Yeah?" Hagrid said, breaking out of his trance of staring at the creatures in awe and looking up at Hermione, unaware that the entire group was edging closer to his hut.

"What are they?"

"Blast Ended Screwts!" he said excitedly. The group didn't give back the same enthusiasm, especially when one of them had tried to burn Paravti's shoe off, causing her to scream. "Shhhh! Yeh'll frighten 'em!"

"They nearly burnt my foot off; exactly what am I supposed to do!" Parvati whispered feverishly.

"Look, they're on'y newly 'atched. They don't know be'er," Hagrid said. "Yeh'll be able ter look af'er them! Yeh'll 'ave to be in pairs."

"For how long?" Ila asked, eyeing a skrewt, crawling over Hagrid's shoes.

"As long it'll take," Hagrid said before walking back to his hut. For solid three seconds, Ila never wanted to run away more. Unfortunately, as quickly as Hagrid went into his hut, he emerged out of his hut just as fast, this time holding a clipboard, something Ila didn't know Hagrid owned. Looking around, it seemed others were contemplating the idea too.

"He's upgraded, hasn't he?" Ila asked her friends.

"And yet we have to look after these demented…crabs!" Ron said.

"A'right! I know yeh want to be with yeh friends," Hagrid said, and Ila could feel disappointment weigh down, pushing down her stomach. Just anyone but a Slytherin. It can't be a Slytherin. "So I made a list, and yeh'll get a skrewt." He didn't wait for any confirmation from the group, mainly because everyone was far too terrified to say anything. "Lavender and Seamus."

It took a few minutes for Seamus to convince Lavender to leave the comfort of the group of students and find a skrewt to feed. In the meantime, Hagrid continued announcing. Ila was too busy at the beginning of the lesson to realise that most Slytherins had arrived at the lesson, but they managed to keep quiet. "Ron and Crabbe."

"You're joking," Ron said loudly.

"Ron!"

"What, Mione?" Ron said. "Do you know how much of an idiot he is? I wouldn't've minded if it was Goyle, but no, I get stuck with the guy who eats food that's been wiped on a table clean." By the end, it sounded like Ron was about to cry, which could explain the sudden departure.

"When are we going to tell him that we've seen him do the same thing?" Hermoine said to Ila as they watched the two boys try and catch a skrewt. It hadn't even been a minute, and the pair were already arguing, Ron, shouting at Crabbe for being stupid when he couldn't catch one of them and Crabbe yelling that he should do it instead.

"Mione and Dean."

"Of course, he'd put me with him," Hermione muttered before begrudgingly walking over to the creatures. All alone, Ila looked around to see that there were only four of them left. Parvati, Parkinson, her and Malfoy, who had caught her eye. She immediately looked forward, praying to anyone who could hear that she would be put with Parvati…or even Parkinson. In fact, she promised to be nicer to her, just as long as she didn't get put with –

"Ila and Draco," Hagrid said, ticking off his clipboard. "So, that just leaves Parvati and Pansy. Go on then."

There was a sharp pain spreading out on Ila's back as she walked towards the remaining skrewts.

It sort of felt like…oh yeah, like a knife that was stabbed in her back!

Being one of the last few people to get chosen, she had seen the attempts made by others to try and get their skrewts to follow them. Ila picked up a bucket filled with…various kinds of organs. She lifted one out of them out with her wand and dangled it in front of the closest skrewt. Picking up the scent of dead meat, the skrewt's antennae pointed at Ila and made a clicking noise. Ila did her best not to throw the bucket down and run far away from the creatures.

"Go any slower, can you?" she heard him say. Ila didn't take her eyes off the creature, relying on her intuition to guide her away from the group enough not to get distracted. Or far enough so nobody could see the skrewt attacking Malfoy.

"Come on, Potter, you're taking ages. Just let me do it." Ila heard him sigh before seeing a pair of brown oxford shoes walk to the side of her. She saw a pale hand come into her vision, his palm facing up.

"No."

"Why? It's not like you even want to do it anyway," he said before his hand reached for her wand and bucket. Except he wasn't expecting her to grip onto her wand.

"What the hell are you doing?" Ila said, tugging the wand hard, but his hand remained there, which for some reason, amused him.

"Sometimes it amazes me that someone like you can be Seeker for Gryffindor."

"Just let go!"

"I'm doing you a favour. Why can't you just take it?"

"Because it's not you!"

At that point, Ila's hands slipped, the bucket dropping with all the meat on the floor. At the same time, her right hand had let go of her wand, Malfoy taking it. Startled, Malfoy immediately dropped it. As soon as it did, a bolt of lightning shot out of her wand, hitting a tree branch before setting fire to it.

"Er – Hagrid," Ron said, pointing to the branch's fire that had now spread to the tree. While everyone had turned to see what happened, it seemed that all the meat had attracted the skrewts, all scuttling to Ila and Malfoy, tearing the meat from their bucket.

"Now look what you've done!" he muttered.

"Me?" Ila asked incredulously. "If you hadn't stolen my wand, then none of this would have happened!"

"I wasn't stealing it. What makes you think I want a wand like yours that just shot bloody bolts of lightning out of it randomly?"

"Well, it wasn't. I knew it did that."

"Of course you didn't," he said to himself. "I was trying to…."

"To what? To help?" Ila asked. "Because last time I remember, you're the guy who hates my guts and would do anything to get me into trouble and get me kicked out of the school. Why the hell would you want to help me?"

Draco stared at her as Ila waited for his response, but he didn't say anything else. Instead, he picked up her wand, which didn't shoot any more lightning.

Draco grabbed her hand and placed her wand in her hand, and whispered, "You're right."

He looked like he was going to something else but decided against it and walked away, leaving Ila staring at her hand as the rest of the class were rounding their skrewts and putting out the fire.