Published July 30, 2020

"Questions"

The school couldn't decide if I was hero or villain, and I guess I couldn't blame them. I was having a hard time deciding that myself. … Some days I felt like both. Some days I felt like neither. It was all so complicated. ~ Jennifer Brown, Hate List

When Ben awoke, a young woman he did not know was sitting in a chair next to his cot. She had a kind face, not at all like the female officers in the First Order.

"Hi," she said, regarding him carefully. "It's … Ben, right? I'm Rose Tico." She seemed to be making a great effort to sound polite, but he could sense her nervous uncertainty.

"Are you a medic?"

"No. Engineering Corps." Seeing Ben's confusion, she explained, "I'm a friend of Rey's. She was here for a while, and then Chewie, and they asked me to take a turn sitting with you. There's been a lot to do since getting back, and she didn't want you to wake up alone."

Ben stretched in the bed, testing out his injured muscles. He was in considerably less pain than when he had arrived. His ribs felt normal, and his leg would probably follow suit very soon. "How long have I been asleep?"

"A day and a half." Rose turned to a tray set on a stand next to his cot. "There's water, food and medicine here if you need it."

Ben pushed himself half upright. "Water. Please."

Rose opened a bottle, passed it to him, and watched him take several slow sips.

"I don't talk with many First Order people," she said. "Let alone former Supreme Leaders. And I'm probably not supposed to talk much with you, but … can I ask you something?"

"You can ask. Doesn't mean I have to answer. Or is this how the questioning starts?"

She looked at him with a hardness in her eyes, almost challenging. "Did you really save Rey's life?"

That was simple enough, and it sounded as though she had already gotten the story from Rey, so Ben saw no reason not to answer truthfully. "Yes. A couple times, actually. She tends to run toward danger instead of away from it." Ben took another sip of water, then pointed at Rose with one finger while still holding the bottle. "Don't tell her I said that."

She smiled, grudgingly amused. "I won't. But you're not wrong." She stood up. "If you don't need anything else, I'll let her know you're awake."

"Thank you."

Rose paused at this, as though trying to decide whether to say more, but then she walked away.

While he waited, Ben looked through the rations that had been left for him, trying to ignore the handful of Resistance medics and patients in the infirmary. He had enough time to eat his fill before Rey came in, holding something black in her arms. She had cleaned up, changed her clothes, and left most of her hair down. It was longer than it had been when Ben last saw it styled that way, almost a year ago.

"Hey," she greeted him, tentative but cheerful.

"Hey," Ben returned.

She sat down on the edge of his cot. "How are you feeling?"

"Stronger. You?"

Rey smiled. "Never better."

Ben smiled back, and for a brief moment they just looked at each other. Then Rey abruptly looked down at the item she had carried in. "I brought you something." She unfolded the garment and held it out to him, and Ben recognized it as his own sweater. He had discarded it before having his injuries treated the previous day, when he had been given some mismatched clothes from the Resistance's supplies. As Rey held the sweater up, he saw that the hole where she had impaled him was covered with a black patch. "I mended it," she said.

"Thanks." Ben had not cared much for the sweater itself, but he appreciated the gesture. When he accepted it, he noticed that it smelled clean, not like the sweat and dirt of Exegol, and he realized she had taken the time to wash it too. "You didn't have to."

Rey shrugged. "I know." She did not say why she had done it, instead moving on to a different subject. "You met Rose."

"She seems … nice." And remarkably unafraid of him, given his history.

"If you're up for more visitors, Finn and Poe want to see you. You know who they are, right?"

Ben frowned. "The stormtrooper and the pilot?"

Rey nodded. "I told them what happened—everything I know about—but they want to hear your point of view, and you might be able to answer some questions I can't." Seeing that he was still puzzled, she explained, "Your mother named Poe acting general, and he made Finn co-general."

This was dismaying news to Ben. "They're in charge of the Resistance? You could have mentioned that before bringing me here." Had he unknowingly placed his fate in the hands of two of the people who had the most reasons to hate him?

"Don't overreact," Rey said. "Finn has been where you are—he deserted the First Order too, remember? And Poe was close to your mother. He's not in a hurry to punish her only son."

Ben looked at her with an expression that made it clear he was not reassured.

"I told them if you try to hurt anyone, I'll kill you; and if anyone tries to hurt you, I'll kill them," Rey said.

The corners of Ben's mouth twitched upward, and he nodded curtly. "I appreciate that."

Rey half-smiled and stood up. "They're waiting to hear when you're ready. Oh, and Chewie can help you walk if you need to use the 'fresher."

"Um … I think crutches would do."

"Sorry, but you're not supposed to be left unsupervised … and I'm not going in there with you," she said firmly, folding her arms.

Ben stifled a laugh, as much amused by the idea as by her attempt to hide her embarrassment. "I wasn't thinking you would."

Rey was blushing as she left.

Chewbacca came shortly, and Ben was able to freshen up. He put the sweater on over his borrowed shirt, as though it could protect him from whatever unpleasant experiences lay ahead.

After Chewie returned him to his cot, Rey came in with the two co-generals and a droid—R2-D2, Ben realized. Seeing the old astromech startled him even more than the BB unit or his mother's protocol droid. He had not seen it since his last day at the training temple, and he had assumed it was destroyed in the fire.

Now, R2 slid up next to the bed, beeping inquisitively. He sounded uncharacteristically shy.

"Yeah, it's really me," Ben answered quietly.

Apparently convinced, R2 started to beep faster and more indignantly, but Rey laid a hand on its dome to hush it. "Artoo is going to record the conversation," she explained to Ben.

He nodded and looked next at the two men standing at the end of his cot. Poe Dameron had one arm in a sling, and in his other hand he held a datapad. Finn stood next to him, arms akimbo. Rey positioned herself midway between the two parties, like a referee in a sports match, or a mediator in a diplomatic meeting—a neutral party, unaligned with either contender.

"Comfortable?" Poe deadpanned.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Ben said.

"Not really. I'd rather you weren't here at all."

"Yeah, me too." Ben looked to the former stormtrooper. "So … you go by Finn now?"

"Yeah." Finn tossed his head toward his co-general. "Poe thought of it."

"It's easier than FN-whatever," Poe said with a casual shrug.

"So what do we call you now?" Finn asked. "Ren? Solo?"

Ben half expected Rey to answer for him, but she was silent, and he understood that it was up to him to name himself. "Kylo Ren died on Kef Bir. You can call me Ben, or Solo."

"What about Skywalker?" Poe suggested lightly. "Your mom's family name, right?"

"Don't push it," Ben warned, pointing a finger at him.

Poe took a step back as though he expected a Force attack. He and Finn turned aside to speak in tones hushed but easy to hear.

"Should we put him in binders?"

"I don't think it'll make a difference."

"Guys," Rey cut in, calling them to focus.

Ben cut to the chase. "What do you want to know?"

Poe glanced down at the datapad, then held it out toward Finn, who tapped the screen for him. "There are some people we want to account for. Let's start with our mutual friends." Looking up again he asked Ben, "What happened to General Hux?"

"He's dead," Ben said at once.

"You're sure of that?"

"Allegiant General Pryde killed him after he helped you escape."

No one seemed saddened by this news. "I see," Poe said. "That's probably a good thing—it means we don't have to worry about him either way."

Finn spoke up next. "Hux had a contact named Boolio. He was the one who told us about Palpatine's return."

Ben remembered. "The Ovissian on the Sinta Glacier Colony."

"Yeah. Any idea what happened to him?"

Ben hesitated, not so much out of guilt as out of knowledge that his answer would be displeasing. "I killed him."

Finn and Poe both paused, processing this information and trying to hide their surprise and any other emotions—Ben sensed a little sadness and much anger. Rey did not share in these feelings, but she looked at Ben with a pained expression. It was not exactly disappointment—they were speaking, after all, of things he had done before he decided to help her, so she had not expected much better of him at that time. But perhaps she had still hoped in spite of herself.

"Okay." Poe moved on with a kind of efficiency Ben used to see his mother exercise. "Who ordered the destruction of Kijimi?"

Ben blinked in surprise. "Kijimi?"

Poe raised his brow at him. "You didn't know about that?"

"No. I was just there—when did this happen?"

"We learned about it after we left Kef Bir."

Ben thought over the sequence of events. "If it was the First—or Final—Order, Pryde must have given the command."

"He's got to be dead by now," Finn said, alluding to the destruction of the Sith fleets.

"Am I allowed to ask questions?" Ben inquired. "Like, did you kill all those stormtroopers?"

"Don't answer that," Poe told Finn before he could respond. Then he turned to Ben and asked, "After Kef Bir, why'd you go to Exegol? What did you plan to do there?"

"Kill Palpatine. That was my plan all along … but I realized I needed to do it for a different reason." Ben looked at Rey, and her expression was soft with understanding and gratitude.

"Alright, then it's time for the big question," Finn said. He sat down in the chair Rose had occupied, so that he was on Ben's eye level. Then he asked bluntly, "What made you decide to switch sides?"

A pregnant pause followed this question. Finn clarified, "I mean what made you decide on that day, at that moment, after you had been hunting us across the galaxy for days, and had a bunch of opportunities to switch sides before that."

"You can take as long as you need to answer," Rey said encouragingly.

"I'm honestly not sure I can." Ben had barely had time to process the events of the past few days in private, let alone in others' company. "It'd probably take more time than you want to spend on me."

"We don't need the whole saga," Poe said, gesturing with his good hand. "Just tell us what went through your head before you went to Exegol."

Ben clenched and unclenched his fists at his side, weighing how much they would understand, how much he could share without breaking down. "Do you know how Force bonds work?" he began.

"What, like you and Rey have?" Finn said.

"No, like normal Force-sensitive people have."

Poe snorted under his breath. "'Normal Force-sensitive.'"

Finn answered, "Yeah, I think I know what you mean."

"Well," Ben said, "my mother reached out to me, when Rey and I were on Kef Bir."

At the mention of Leia, they all fell silent.

"She didn't say much—just my name. 'Ben.' Then … she was gone."

Rey breathed audibly, a look of comprehension crossing her features. "That was why you were distracted," she realized. She turned to the others and said, "I felt Leia's death a moment later."

Poe shook his head in consternation. "I don't get it. You could have come back when she was alive, given her the reunion she wanted, helped her reach her goal of stopping the First Order; but you waited until she was dead?"

"She died reaching out to me." Ben swallowed. "I don't fully understand why …"

"She was already dying," Rey said softly. "I think she wanted to let you know you still had time to help us, even if she didn't."

Something occurred to Ben. "Is her body here?"

Poe answered with some difficulty. "Maz said it—kind of faded—disappeared—while we were on Exegol."

Amazed and relieved, Ben leaned back on his pillows, exhaling with a sound like something between a shudder and a sigh. "So she's one with the Force," he murmured. Perhaps he might be able to see her again, after all.

This digression seemed to satisfy their question about his motives. Ben was glad for it: he could not have shared how Rey and, more incredibly, Han had influenced his decision.

"Did you know what Palpatine wanted Rey to do?" Poe asked next.

This question gave Ben pause. "No. He told me he wanted her dead."

"Well, we're not sure if that was true. He might've been lying. Or he might have just changed his plans when you defected."

Ben looked to Rey. Now that the danger was gone, he was more curious than concerned. "What did he want you to do?"

Her lips parted, but no sound came out. Finn turned in his chair to look at her and asked, "Do you want to tell him, or do you want us to tell him?"

"What?" Ben demanded.

Rey seemed either unable or unwilling to say it, so Poe spoke for her. "He wanted her to kill him in a Sith sacrifice ritual so his spirit would live in her body."

"He … what?"

"Do I need to repeat myself?"

Ben felt slightly ill, imagining what had almost happened, what he had very narrowly prevented by coming to help Rey at the right moment.

"Ben?" Rey reached out slowly and put her hand over his. "It's okay. I'm okay—thanks to you." He looked at her with a helpless, penitent expression. The look in her eyes told him that she understood.

Finn stood up, moved back to Poe's side and spoke quietly to him. "I think he really didn't know."

Poe nodded, resigned. "Well, I guess that's all our questions at this point. Unless either of you have more." He glanced between Finn and Rey, who had drawn her hand back.

"Are you sorry?"

This question came from Rey, who had been silent for most of the conversation. The three men looked at her in surprise.

"That's the real heart of the matter, isn't it?" Rey said, looking pointedly between them before fixing her gaze on Ben once more. "Are you sorry for what you did?"

"If it's an apology you want, you'll have to be more specific than that," Ben said sardonically.

"Do you want a list?" Poe asked, matching his tone.

He and Finn started to confer on the side again:

"We don't even know all the things he's done."

"Maybe he should make his own list."

"Guys." At Rey's sharp voice, they turned back, but she was still looking sternly at Ben. He looked back at her, and in the space of a few seconds they seemed to have another entire conversation with their eyes.

Ben took a breath. "I … apologize … for all the times I hurt or tried to kill each of you."

Rey nodded approvingly. "That's a start. I accept your apology, at least as far as I'm concerned."

Finn seemed mildly impressed, if not entirely convinced.

Poe studied Ben and Rey for a moment, then spoke in a businesslike tone. "I think we're done for now. Thank you for your cooperation, Mr. Solo. Hope you're recovered soon." He pointed at Ben and said, "Don't go anywhere." Then he pointed at Rey and said, "Make sure he doesn't do anything." With that he turned and strode out of the infirmary.

Finn looked at Ben and then at Rey, started to open his mouth to speak, but then closed it and followed Poe outside.

"So am I a prisoner?" Ben asked.

Rey was uncertain. "I guess technically you surrendered."

"I said 'I come in peace,' not 'I surrender.' We didn't agree on any terms."

"Well, you're a guest now, whether they like it or not. And you don't have anywhere you need to go, do you?"

"Not really."

"You did well, by the way," she said supportively.

Ben huffed. "I don't know how you stand them."

Rey's smile was sympathetic and indulgent. "I know Poe can be a pain. Finn's not so bad, though. They're like the brothers I never had."

Ben's eyes traveled from her to R2-D2. "You're not still recording, are you?" he said suspiciously.

The droid beeped innocently, but then made a clicking sound as though turning something off.

"Artoo, why don't you catch up with Beebee-Ate?" Rey suggested, touching it lightly.

R2-D2 seemed to take the hint, and chirped a farewell to both of them as he rolled away.

Ben looked at Rey for a moment, trying to gauge her emotions. He was generally pretty good at reading her, but she knew how to keep her mind impervious to him, and he had misunderstood her in the past. "Are you angry at me?"

She sagged a little bit. "Not anymore. I'm just … sad that you took so long. We could have worked together all these months … with your help we could have ended the war sooner, saved more lives …" She broke off, and then shook her head. "Well, we can't dwell on the past, or what could have been."

"That may be the first thing you've ever said that I agree with," Ben said, smiling slightly.

Rey seemed to know what he was thinking, and countered him, "That's not the same thing as letting the past die. In fact, everything that's happened has made me want to look into it more."

Ben's smile faded. "Why?"

"To understand how we got to where we are now—and figure out how to avoid making the same mistakes again."

"How will you do that?"

She glanced around, making sure none of the medics or patients were listening, and confided, "I've been thinking about going to the planets that were important to our families, and trying to learn more about them, since they were so tied up with the events of the galaxy. I don't suppose you would have any suggestions?"

Ben considered her, and took a moment to decide whether or not to say anything. He was not convinced that her idea was a wise one, but he appreciated that she valued his opinion enough to ask. He could think of one place that was not particularly dangerous, that would actually be enjoyable to visit.

"We both had grandparents from Naboo," he offered. "That was Palpatine's home planet, and my biological grandmother's—that is, my mother's mother. There might be information about them there."

Rey smiled, a true, happy, thankful smile. "That sounds like an excellent place to start. Any others?"

Anyone who entered the infirmary for the next few hours caught sight of the two of them talking, pleasant and animated, as though they were old friends. Which, in a way, they were.

Author's Note: I ended up writing a lot more dialogue for this scene than I had intended, which is why I ended up turning it into its own chapter. The next one will finally decide Ben's fate. As you might have guessed, I was somewhat inspired by Kasiopeia's wonderful fan comics, which can be viewed on Twitter at KasiopeaArt and on Tumblr at kasiopea-star-wars.