Published September 18, 2020

"Relocation"

This should have been a noble creature:
he hath all the energy which would have made
A goodly frame of glorious elements,
Had they been wisely mingled; as it is,
It is an awful chaos—light and darkness—
And mind and dust—and passions and pure thoughts
Mix'd, and contending without end or order,
All dormant or destructive: he will perish,
And yet he must not; I will try once more,
For such are worth redemption; and my duty
Is to dare all things for a righteous end.

~ Lord Byron, Manfred, Act III, scene I

Ben had never expected to set foot on the Millennium Falcon again. When he realized that was the ship Rey intended to use, part of him wanted to ask her to choose a different one.

But he had resolved to stop running from the past, and that meant facing it—and all that reminded him of it. So he followed Rey, C-3PO, and R2-D2 up the ramp, stood watching as the door closed, and then turned around to face the ship's interior.

It was just as he remembered it, only now it was even shabbier than it had been in his childhood. There was no jolt of recognition, no shock at being back; in fact, it felt normal, as though it were natural for him to be there. Almost as if Han might round the corner and sit at the dejarik table, where the droids were now settling in for the journey.

Rey had started toward the cockpit, but then realized Ben was not following her. She turned back and found him running his hands absently over the walls. "Are you okay?"

Her voice broke him out of his reverie. He folded his arms and shifted his weight, glancing anywhere but at her. "Yeah."

"Does it bring back memories?" she asked quietly.

"… Yeah."

"Maybe—if you want—you can tell me some on the way."

He looked at her then, a small smirk tugging at his lips. "You probably heard them all by now. You've met pretty much everyone who owned or flew this hunk of junk."

"Yeah, but none of them were you."

They looked at each other for a moment after she said that, until Rey's cheeks colored slightly. Clearing her throat, she glanced back at the cockpit and then at him. "I, um—I could use a copilot."

Ben stared. Perhaps he should have realized, since no other pilots had joined them for this journey, but he was still surprised.

Rey saw his reaction and said, "Or I could ask Chewie—"

"No," Ben said quickly, "I can—I don't mind." He gestured for her to lead the way. Rey turned down the familiar passage, with Ben following behind.

He had to stop and grasp the doorframe when they entered the cockpit. This was the setting of his clearest memories of Han. This was where Ben had most often wanted to be as a child, watching the flashing lights, staring out the viewport, listening to his father's jokes and stories and explanations for how everything worked. On good days, Ben had thought him the funniest, smartest, bravest person in the galaxy.

He turned his face upward to fight the stinging sensation in his eyes. As he did, he was startled to see the object hanging from the ceiling at the front: Han's aurodium-plated dice. That was when he finally stepped forward, coming up between the two chairs. Rey watched him curiously from the pilot's seat.

"They're still here," Ben murmured, reaching out in disbelief. He grasped the dice loosely between his fingers and looked to Rey. "My dad … he put them in every vehicle he flew. Said he had them when he was a kid on Corellia, and that he used them to win the Millennium Falcon from Lando. He used to let me play with them. I thought—on Crait—"

He stopped, and Rey regarded him with surprise and, for the first time since Exegol, suspicion. "What about Crait?" she asked.

Ben lowered his hand. "Skywalker must have brought them—or a projection of them. I found them inside the base." He glanced sideways at Rey. "I was actually holding them when I saw you. But then they vanished, right after you did."

"They've been here since the day I found the ship."

Ben folded his arms, leaning against the dashboard. "I never asked you—how did you find it?"

Rey smiled, and her answer was both nostalgic and a bit rueful. "It was sitting at Niima Outpost on Jakku for years. When your men were chasing Finn and BB-8 and me, it was the only ship we could reach in time to escape."

They had the same thought then: There was still so much of the story—even the parts that they had caused, or experienced, or felt results of—that they had not pieced together. There were so many strands of fate that had become intertwined without their knowing.

Rey stood, and Ben stepped back as she stepped forward, reaching for the dice. She took them down from their hook, shook them once in her hand, and then held them out to Ben. "You should keep them. If I get the Falcon and Chewie gets the medal, you should have something of your father's." Before Ben could take them, she reached into her bag with her other hand and produced Leia's lightsaber. "And your mother's."

Another surprise. "You'd furnish me with a weapon?"

Rey smiled in that wry way Ben had seen so much in the past few days. "Well, I couldn't in front of Poe. But I, for one, don't expect you to go slaughtering your new neighbors."

Ben shook his head. "You were her student."

"You're her son."

"I didn't act like it."

Rey frowned at him. "Do you think that mattered to her?"

Ben matched her expression. "It matters to me. I don't deserve it."

"Maybe not before. You do now." She held out both her hands, presenting the dice and lightsaber to him, and Ben could see from the look on her face that she was not going to let him argue more.

He grasped both items, but he did not lift them from her hands right away. As their eyes met over their hands, it occurred to both of them that they were once again making physical contact in a confined space. But the chatter of the droids in the back and the sight of rebels through the viewport reminded them that they were not quite alone.

Before they could say or do anything more, Poe Dameron's voice sounded from the control panel. "Rey, what's the holdup?"

That was when Ben took the heirlooms and sat down in the co-pilot's chair. Rey pressed a button and answered, "Nothing. We're ready. Preparing for takeoff."

Ben had never seen Rey pilot before—he had barely been conscious the only time they were in a vehicle together. It quickly became apparent that she knew the Millennium Falcon well, which was impressive in itself. As they left Ajan Kloss, going back and forth about what to do and what not to do, he learned that there were some modifications to the ship that she was aware of and he was not. It was a little off-putting that she now knew it better than he did. But then again, hadn't the same thing happened between her and each member of his family? That had particularly been the case with Leia, since Rey had spent an entire year training under her, whereas she had only spent a few days each with Han and Luke.

After making the jump to hyperspace, they passed a few minutes in silence, just watching the hypnotic blur of light through the viewport. Ben knew it would be the last time he saw that strange, beautiful sight.

Finally Ben broke the silence: "Did she ever talk about me?"

Rey did not need to ask to whom he referred. "Not often. We were always busy, whether we were together or working separately. And I think it hurt her … but sometimes you couldn't be avoided. After Starkiller, she asked me what happened. I told her everything I saw." She watched Ben's expression, but he managed to keep it neutral as he heard this. She continued, "Then after we escaped Crait, I asked her about you, about what made you change. After everything that had happened … well … I couldn't bring myself to tell her all the details. I didn't want to give her false hope. But she held out hope for you anyway." She turned the chair so she could look directly at Ben. "She loved you to the end."

Ben nodded, his throat tight. "I know."

They sat in silence for a few moments, until Ben spoke again. "I didn't tell your friends this, but … on the Death Star, after you left … I thought I saw my father."

Rey was confused, though not disbelieving. "You mean—like in the Force, or—"

"No. It was just a memory. It was like … everything I'd been trying not to think about finally broke through."

"Did he say anything to you?"

"He said he missed me. He asked me to come home. And we talked about—her. I knew what I had to do, but I didn't think I had the strength … and he said I did." Ben shook his head. "I couldn't—say what I wanted—but he said he knew anyway."

"Of course he did," Rey said softly. "I didn't know him long—and I haven't known you as Ben Solo much longer—but you remind me of him, and your mother."

Ben was surprised by this. It was one thing for Chewbacca and Lando to make such comparisons—they had known Han and Leia for years—but he had not expected them from Rey. "Do I?"

"Little things. You have some of the same mannerisms. The way you carry yourself—when you're not in a helmet and cape, that is. I didn't really notice until you came to me on Exegol."

Ben deliberated for a moment before he decided to speak. "That's another thing I didn't want to say in front of your friends. My mother was one reason I went. My father was another. But you were one too."

She looked at him with gentle, understanding eyes. "I know."

A series of beeps and whistles alerted them of R2-D2's approach. They both turned to see the little droid coming in. It asked if either of them wanted to play dejarik.

"You know, Artoo, I think I will," Ben said, standing up. "It's the last chance I'll have for a while."

"I'll play the winner," Rey volunteered.

Half an hour later, Ben heard Rey laugh for the first time. She seemed to find the tension between him and his family's droids quite amusing.

"Did you let me win?" Ben demanded. He turned to Rey and said, "He used to do that when I was a kid, learning how to play."

"Well, I'm not going to let you win," Rey promised.

"Of course not. You never do."

The droids watched the game with fascination. Ben had learned it from a younger age, but it had been a long time since he last played it, whereas Rey had learned and played it recently.

When they were almost near the end of the game and the end of the journey, Ben asked casually, "Are you going to tell me where we're going now?"

Rey raised her brow at him. "Are you trying to divert my attention?"

"I'm just wondering whether we have enough time to declare a winner."

"We can finish the game after making planetfall if we have to."

"Rey. I'd rather not be surprised when we get there."

"Fine." She switched off the game, making the holographic pieces vanish, and folded her arms on the table. "The name of the planet is Ahch-To. The locals are a race called the Lanai. They're not the friendliest, or the most intelligent, but they're helpful for some things. And they know how to throw a good party."

The amused look on her face as she said that afterthought could not be missed. "What makes you say that?"

"Oh, just some stupid joke your uncle played while I was there."

"My uncle … played a joke?"

"Yeah … but I'll tell you about it another time. In fact, Ben …" She became more serious. "… when we arrive, after I show you around, there are some things I think we should talk about. Things we haven't had time to until now."

He nodded, agreeing. Though they had discussed quite a lot in the past few days, there were some topics they had not had the time or energy to broach yet.

As it turned out, they had enough time to finish the game, but it ended with an unsatisfactory draw. In a show of sportsmanship, they shook hands, then returned to the cockpit for the final leg of the journey.

Ben did not recognize the route, or the system they entered, or the planet they approached. Ahch-To was mostly covered by water, but as they came closer he saw that there were some bodies of land. Rey directed the ship to an island that stood alone, with some large hills—or small mountains—forming peaks, slopes and valleys. Its coast was made up mostly of rocky cliffs, not well suited for water travel. There was a landing platform, but the only buildings seemed to be primitive stone structures.

"What is this place?" Ben asked.

"It's where Skywalker hid all those years he was missing. It's where the original Jedi temple was built. Some of it is still standing. The Lanai who live here have kept them intact."

Ben felt the enormity of this new knowledge as they made planetfall. He could sense Luke's presence as keenly as he had once felt it on Dagobah, the planet where Luke had begun his Jedi training.

He could not keep his anger out of his voice as he said, "You brought me to live where he lived?"

Rey shot him a look. "It's the most unfindable place in the galaxy. You'll be safe, and everyone will feel safe from you."

Ben could not help but think back to the day his parents sent him away to live and train with Luke. He had felt abandoned, rejected, forced onto a path he had not chosen. At least at that time he was surrounded by other Force-sensitive children and felt safe in his uncle's care. Now, he would be even more alone—more than ever before in his life.

The feeling of Rey's hand on his shoulder startled him out of his bitter thoughts. When he looked at her he saw concern and contrition in her expression.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't realize it would bother you. I thought it was the best option. I'm sorry I can't do better."

Her frank, sincere statements immediately chastened Ben. Of course this was different from that time.

For one thing, Rey was determined to visit and keep an eye on him. Even if their bond was no longer intact, he would never be alone so long as she was alive.

For another, he had not done anything wrong when he was a child; his present circumstances were the natural consequence of his actions. He had hurt too many people to be trusted to live among them. They were right to fear him. During his time in the First Order he had worked very hard to be feared. It was ironic that he should have succeeded so well.

Author's Notes

This chapter was going to include some time on Ahch-To, but it was getting so long and taking so much time that I decided to split it in half. I hope this story doesn't feel terribly slow as a result. I keep realizing how much emotion each moment would have if this were playing out onscreen. Ben has a lot to work through, which is why this story feels so necessary to write.

Media referenced: Rey and Snoke's "Age of Resistance" comics; a deleted scene from The Last Jedi; and Resistance Reborn by Rebecca Roanhorse.