All eyes turned to the newcomer. He looked like a short fat crow. His greasy hair was combed forward ostensibly to hide his balding pate. He sidled towards the throne in a crab-like movement with slightly bent knees already bowing deeply to his esteemed patroness. Despite his looks, Darcy judged him to be no more than one or two and twenty years of age. Where Aunt Catherine had dug up such a specimen was anyone's guess. Darcy assumed whichever of the many seminaries in England he had graduated from, they were glad to rid themselves of him. He was odious in the extreme.
Darcy remembered the letter Aunt Catherine had sent him describing her new curate as the best of men, both intelligent and humbly aware of the great honor she had bestowed upon him by allowing him to attend to the spiritual needs of her flock. He visited her every day presenting his sermons for her perusal and took copious notes as Lady Catherine dictated the changes to be made so the lower classes would have a better understanding. Once Darcy read that last statement he knew what to expect from Mr. William Collins and he wasn't disappointed.
Mr. Collins bowed low to his patroness, then to Anne who ignored him. As he was introduced to her esteemed guests he bowed solemnly to first Darcy, then to Richard though the two men were standing within inches of each other. He was rambling on in an unctuous voice about the honor it was to be introduced to the nephews of his esteemed patroness and how humbled he was to be in their esteemed presence.
The man was a buffoon of the first order. Darcy thought he had seen it all, but this was a new one on him. He'd never seen such a combination of avowed humility and blatant pride as the squat clergyman glanced about the room taking in all the riches which surrounded him. He had obviously fallen into a situation that had raised him to an exalted position so early in his profession that it had gone to his empty head. Later, Darcy would swear he saw Mr. Collins actually lick his chops when the butler handed him a small sherry in a delicate glass of crystal.
"Tell me, Mr. Collins, did you find what you were looking for?" Darcy asked.
Mr. Collins stopped his inane and obsequious prattle and stared at Darcy in confusion.
Darcy continued. " I noticed as our carriage passed, you were bent over in what appeared to be a most painful position. I thought perhaps you had lost something."
"Oh, Mr. Darcy," Collins replied, "I was simply showing my humble deference."
"To my carriage? How very unusual, but very kind of you, I'm sure."
Beside him he heard Richard snort and Anne went into a spasm of coughing, holding her handkerchief to her mouth. Darcy poured a large brandy and handed it to her. "Sip this, Anne. It will help." His body hid her from her mother's eyes and she took a large gulp of the fiery liquid. Darcy's eyes widened as she took another gulp of the liquor draining the glass.
Anne threw her cousin a wry smile, "This should get me through dinner," she said softly. "Thanks, Darce."
This was the first glimpse of his old childhood friend since he'd entered the room and she was no nervous nelly ready to faint at the drop of a hat. It crossed his mind for just an instant that she might not faint if she saw him in his nightshirt. He smiled at the thought then noticed his aunt's smug smile and Richard's look of alarm.
Dinner followed in the same vein. Lady Catherine held court while Mr. Collins stuffed his mouth and nodded at everything she said. Anne looked bored and picked at her food. Mrs. Jenkinson patted her arm. To Darcy and Richard the meal seemed interminable and the thought of the next six weeks enduring such dinners lowered their spirits further. Darcy concentrated on his food and saw little of what was transpiring in the room. He was deep in thought. Anne was one and twenty years old and surely had been given the inheritance her father had left her upon his death. Twenty thousand pounds was a substantial sum which could give Anne a comfortable situation in London. If she was so miserable, why didn't she simply leave?
"Anne," came Lady Catherine's voice, "stop playing with your food."
Darcy looked up in shock. He could hardly believe his ears. That Lady Catherine would address her daughter in such a fashion and in the company of servants and that oily clergyman was beyond the pale.
Things went from bad to worse as Mr. Collins simpered , "a sumptuous feast like this should never be wasted. That would be irreligious."
Anne's face went scarlet as she held her handkerchief to her mouth.
"Anne," Darcy heard himself say, "I hope you can join Georgianna and me at Pemberley this summer. It's time we become reacquainted, don't you think?"
The look of hope that washed over his cousin's face shamed Darcy.
Richard added, "what a wonderful idea, Darcy. I'll be there in August and it will be a great reunion." He winked at Anne and added, "Georgianna can be Rapunzel and we can save her. Say you'll come."
Lady Catherine spoke for her daughter, "that is not feasible. I need Anne here."
"Indeed," Mr. Collins joined in, "a daughter belongs at her mother's side."
Very gently Darcy laid his eating utensils on his plate, "are you a practitioner of celibacy, Mr. Collins, or do you plan to live with your mother-in-law if ever you marry?"
He heard Richard whisper, "Steady."
Darcy was desperately trying to contain his fury. What he really wanted to do is reach across the table and throttle the greasy little toad eater. He reached for his glass of wine and realized his hand was shaking. His mouth tightened into a white line as he listened to the clergyman who puffed himself up to be addressed by such a personage and on such on such an important subject. Sarcasm was obviously not his long suit.
Not surprisingly, his reasoning was so much convoluted drivel. If this was how his Sunday sermons sounded, his parishioners must get an extra hour of sleep on the sabbath. In Darcy's mind the curate had started out as a moron and quickly descended to imbecile. He was now certain that Mr. Collins was a complete idiot. He wondered vaguely if there was any mental deficiency that was lower than an idiot.
Richard whispered to Darcy during his monologue, "I don't suppose you have any Amagnac Cames with you?"
Darcy whispered back, "two bottles."
"That won't be enough."
Once Mr. Collins had slithered out the door and Anne and Lady Catherine had retired to their rooms, Darcy and Richard made a beeline to the library where Darcy's valet, Thomas, had laid out the brandy snifters and a bottle of Armagnac Cames.
Darcy handed his jacket to his valet. "Thomas," he said, "if you have nothing better to do I want you to spend some time in the public houses and garner as much gossip as you can about Rosing's Park. I want to know everything about this house and the piece of slime who inhabits the parsonage. No piece of gossip you hear is insignificant. I want to hear it all. Got it?"
Thomas nodded, "got it."
Darcy handed over several large coins. "Do your best, Thomas."
Richard poured two drinks and handed Darcy a glass as they sat down facing each other. "Exactly what do you expect to find, Darcy?"
"I have no idea, but something doesn't smell right. There may be nothing at all but if there is, I want to know about it. "Richard, I've never been as enraged in my life as I was tonight. I felt like strangling that toad . Is he Aunt Catherine's Rasputin?
Richard sighed, "I wouldn't be surprised if he was conceited enough to think he could marry her."
"Who? Lady Catherine? That's ridiculous."
"For heaven's sake, Darcy, pay attention. I'm talking about Anne."
"Anne? He wouldn't dare aspire to that. Lady Catherine would have his head on a pike if she even suspected he aimed so high."
"Darcy, sometimes I think you're as naive as your friend, Bingley. Didn't you see him at dinner? His greedy pig eyes kept stealing looks at Anne. I wouldn't put it past him to try to compromise her in some way."
"Richard I swear you have compromising on the brain. First Caroline Bingley compromising me, now Mr. Collins compromising Anne. It's utter hogwash.
Besides, he surely knows that Anne is destined to be my wife, according to Aunt Catherine."
"Maybe he hasn't heard of her delusion." Richard added with a broad grin, "maybe he doesn't see you as serious competition."
"I'm a little confused, Richard. If Aunt Catherine wants me to marry Anne, why did she refuse her permission to visit Pemberley. I would have thought she'd be delighted."
"Is it possible that she doesn't want to let Anne out of her sight for fear she might meet someone else? It's common knowledge in the family that she's alway coveted Pemberley. Perhaps she wants to see some real affection from you before letting Anne out of her sight. Don't forget that this is the first time you've seen Anne since she was a young girl and you were still wet behind the ears.
"You could be right. Tonight I caught a glimpse of the girl we once knew and had such great fun with. I think I will start to court her."
Stood up and began pacing. "You can't be serious, Darcy! You can't marry her! I forbid it!"
Darcy leaned back in his chair in utter shock. He stared at his cousin for a long moment. "Forbid me?" he finally managed. "To my certain knowledge, no one can forbid me anything."
"Darcy, you're scaring the hell out of me. "You're only two and twenty, barely out of school. You haven't begun to live. And if you tie yourself to Anne, Aunt Catherine comes with the package. Think of what you're doing. You haven't seen Anne for five years. I have. She's changed from the laughing girl of our childhood. Once her father died, things changed. The dragon began to keep her close, hardly letting her out of her sight. I think that's when she hatched her plot to marry you off to Anne. Before that, no one in the family had ever heard of such a thing. The poor girl is miserable, I grant you, but you can't seriously entertain the thought of marrying her."
"Don't be daft, Richard, and do sit down. Your pacing is making me dizzy. Of course, I'm not planning to marry her. I'm planning to rescue her. That's what she wants from both of us. She wants to be rescued from the enchantress who's locked her in the tower."
"Richard dropped into his chair relief washing over him. "oh, is that all. You had me scared spitless."
"What on earth made you think I would marry Anne, Richard? You know my feelings about marriage."
Yes, yes. You've said it often enough but men can and do silly things all the time. I was afraid this was one of the times. So, what's the plan, and how do I fit in? he asked rubbing his hands together.
Darcy laughed at Richard's eagerness. He was reminded of their childhood when Richard was always eager to get into trouble, then wiggle out of it using his charm. If things went wrong this time it might take more than his charm to wiggle out of the scheme they were about to hatch.
"Let's not rush into anything without a lot of thought, Richard. We've got to use some subtlety. You will have to razzle-dazzle Aunt Catherine with your innate charm and a few half-baked lies. You cannot make any promises, only intimations,"
"Understood. If she thinks she's been duped, I wouldn't put it past her to compromise her own daughter."
"There's that word again. Richard, you really have become a cynic. Just remember, no promises. And I will plead innocence when it all comes to naught."
"Agreed. And she shouldn't object to Anne getting more acquainted with Georgianna...it's imperative that your sister like her future stepmother."
Darcy poured them another drink. "And if you happen to mention to Miss Caroline that whilst we were still in our cradles, Anne and I were betrothed, she'll stop strolling in front of my house with her parasol."