Darcy sighed and turned his attention to the thought of Thomas. He was soon to discuss with Mr. Gardiner the future of his old friend; unfortunately he had yet to discuss anything with Thomas. He didn't want to raise expectations if Mr. Gardiner had no interest in the plan. On the other hand, if Mr. Gardiner was interested, what on earth would he do if Thomas looked upon the plan as idiotic. The answer came quickly. Darcy would end up looking like an idiot. He sighed again as he stepped into his bath.
"Problems, sir?" Thomas asked.
"Only of my own making, Thomas." He considered his next words. "Thomas, when you're finished with me, I want you to don your street clothes. Pack a bag that will do you for a full week in Town. When you're ready, order the coach...the stable is prepared. I've made an appointment with Darrow & Sons for you this afternoon so when you get to Town I want you to go there directly. I've given them instructions about what you will need and they should ready for you.
Thomas stared at Darcy in confusion. "I'm afraid I don't understand. What is it that I'm to do at Darrow & Sons, sir?"
"It's simple enough, Thomas. You are to be fitted up with several suits and other necessities. If you are to pass yourself off as a gentleman, you must look the part. It's a gift from the Darcy family for all your years of service."
Thomas stared at his master for several seconds unable to speak. "I'm overwhelmed, sir," he finally managed and indebted to you."
Darcy nodded in embarrassment as moved as Thomas was. Darcy had been little more than a babe when he'd first met Thomas and now in less than six weeks Thomas would be leaving his protection to start his own life. His last task would be to dress Darcy for his wedding. He masked his sadness with a smile, "you won't shame me will you, Thomas? I mean, when the tailor measures your inseam you will be brave and not smack him. And when he asks you 'right or left' you will simply answer him and not smack him for his impertinence?"
Thomas grinned, "I will be on my best behavior, Mr Darcy. And thank you, sir. It's most generous of you and quite unexpected."
Darcy nodded. "Miss Elizabeth will apprise Miss Lucas of your whereabouts for the next week. Are you and she still sure of what you're doing?"
"More than ever, sir," was the quick reply.
Darcy smiled. "Good man. Then I'll see you tonight at my townhouse."
After a leisurely breakfast Darcy, Bingley and Richard boarded another coach and headed into town. The trip was uneventful and once arrived they went directly to their solicitors and started the process of binding themselves to the women they had chosen to share their lives. Of the three men, Darcy's contracts were the most complicated. His estate was so vast and contained so many properties that he and his solicitor were still working on it long after Richard and Bingley had finished and gone their separate ways. By the time Darcy decided to call it a day he was mentally exhausted and with a promise to return the next day departed for Cheapside.
Darcy found it difficult to come to terms with the difference between Elizabeth's mother and her brother, Edward Gardiner. Where Mr. Gardiner was intelligent and clever and worked hard to give his family a comfortable life, Mrs. Bennet was lazy and without a modicum of sense. Mr. Gardiner was a few years younger than his sister so Darcy gauged his age at about six or seven and thirty. His wife Madeline was yet a few years younger than her husband, not more than three or four years older than Darcy. Together they were rearing four youngsters, the eldest just ten years old. They lived in a comfortable home which was appointed in a restrained elegance. The few times Darcy had visited the Gardiners, he'd felt a touch of envy, wondering what it must be like to have a home which was filled with so much warmth and affection.
He was ushered into Edward Gardiner's study where he was greeted with bonhomie and welcomed into the family. "You must stay for dinner," Mr. Gardiner insisted. "My wife and I were absolutely shocked when we received Elizabeth and Jane's letters." He added with a jovial laugh, "but delighted! They are our favorite nieces and they both sounded so happy. It did our hearts good to know they've found love and plan to be the happiest of women."
Darcy smiled, "Bingley and I consider ourselves very fortunate."
"Is Mr. Bingley in Town? I would certainly like to offer my sincere congratulations to him also."
"He is and I hope you'll join us for dinner at my townhouse on Friday."
"That would be our pleasure, Mr. Darcy."
The civilities done with, Darcy considered his approach and hesitated for an uncomfortable moment. Sitting alone in the comfort of his library and sipping a fine wine, his idea had much merit and would serve the needs of both Mr. Gardiner as well as Thomas. Now, in the light of day, he feared his brilliant idea would seem nothing short of ridiculous.
"I was shocked," he began, "when Miss Elizabeth informed me that you were her uncle. I only learned of your connection yesterday when I first mentioned your name. You see, I wanted to talk to you on a matter wholly unconnected with our marriage."
Mr. Gardiner poured them both a glass of wine and handed one to Darcy who sipped it gratefully. His throat seemed parched.
Edward Gardiner sat down at his desk once more and quietly watched Darcy, unperturbed by Darcy's obvious discomfort. "You have my undivided attention, Mr. Darcy."
Darcy took another sip of wine and nodded at it's excellence, then mentally shrugged. God hates a coward, he thought. "I understand you are acquainted with with Miss Charlotte Lucas."
Mr. Gardiner nodded somewhat in confusion. "She has been a close friend of my nieces and has been a guest in our home on many occasions."
"Well, she has fallen in love with my valet and they are thinking of running off to the Caribbean," Darcy said. The minute the words were out, he realized how silly it sounded and felt himself blushing. He felt as awkward as Charles Bingley.
His words were greeted in silence, then Edward Gardiner threw his head back and laughed hardily and Darcy rather hoped that this man who would soon be his uncle was laughing at the situation and not at him. Mr. Gardiner's laughter was so contagious that despite himself, Darcy began to laugh at how his words must have sounded. Both men placed their glasses on the desk in fear that if they didn't, the wine would be splashed on the walls. They were laughing so hard that they didn't hear the discreet knock at the door.
Mrs. Gardiner opened the door and stepped in quickly. When she saw Darcy she curtsied and smiled. "I'm delighted to see you again, Mr. Darcy. And may I say how happy I am about you and Elizabeth."
Darcy stood and bowed and thanked her.
"Maddie," Edward said, "do join us. I can't remember when I've been so entertained in my own home."
Husband and wife focused on Darcy who returned their interest with a wry smile, "at the risk of provoking more hilarity, perhaps I should rephrase what I have to say."
"I think," Edward Gardiner replied, "that you should start with your valet and why his emigration to the Caribbean should interest me."
Darcy was impressed with this man's astuteness. He had grasped the significance of Darcy's opening remark and was obviously interested.
For the next two hours, through an excellent dinner followed by an excellent Port, Darcy spoke of Thomas enumerating his virtues, cleverness and knowledge about gems and fine art. By the end of a most enjoyable evening Elizabeth's uncle had agreed that connecting himself with Darcy's valet showed great promise and he would be available to speak with Thomas at any hour on the morrow.
"Have him come to my shop, Mr. Darcy. I'll run him through a few tests and if he passes, as I suspect he will, we will speak further. I think this falls under the definition of a serendipity and I look forward to meeting this man."
Once home he dismissed Thomas without speaking of his meeting with Mr. Gardiner, nor did he ask how the fittings went. He was mentally and physically exhausted and he still had to write to Elizabeth. He knew how much she must be missing him and he wanted to reassure her of his devotion. She had received his first letter that morning and on the morrow she would receive his second. He wanted her to know everything he was doing. He wanted her to know how important she was to his well-being and thus planned to consult with her on any matter that she was remotely concerned with. He wanted to share a laugh with her as he described her uncle's reaction when Darcy had opened the subject of Thomas and Charlotte. He also desperately wanted to be back in Hertforshire, to hold her and taste her kisses.
In the morning while he bathed, Darcy related to Thomas the entirety of his meeting with Mr. Gardiner. "I do apologize if I have been presumptuous, Thomas, but I did not want to raise any expectations if Mr. Gardiner had no interest. However he was very interested I'm happy to say and would like to meet with you today. He mentioned giving you a few tests...probably to see whether you know the difference between a diamond and a ruby."
Thomas tried valiantly to suppress his excitement and failed miserably. "Sir, I can't tell you what this would mean to Miss Lucas and myself. Don't misunderstand... we are still very committed to each other and we will succeed at whatever we choose to do we have no doubt. But to have a definite plan...even if things don't work out, I will be eternally grateful for your thoughtfulness."
"Thomas, you will be very busy in the next few days so you need not consult me about your plans unless absolutely necessary. Be at Mr. Gardiner's beck and call without reference to me. If that means you can't make your appointment with the tailor, so be it. Your clothes can wait. Agreed?"
Tomas nodded. "And once more, Thank you sir."
Darcy waved away his valet's thanks. "It was nothing, Thomas. I just hope it works out for you. Miss Elizabeth and I would feel so much better if we knew you and Miss Charlotte had something waiting for you."
After breakfast, Darcy returned to his solicitor and continued to work on the marriage contracts. He also made arrangements for money to be sent to Wickham each month. Finally, he started the process of procuring a special license which would take another three days. At his gem shop he showed the owner his design for a wedding band and was assured that it was feasible and to return in three days time. When he finally reached home his butler informed him that Mr. Bingley was in the library.
When Darcy entered the library, Bingley was pacing as he hadn't seen him do in years. Darcy's heart sank. "What is it, Charles?"
Bingley groaned. "It's Caroline, Darcy, who else?"
Darcy sighed and poured them both a brandy. "Sit down, Charles, and tell me what your sister has done now."
"It's not so much what she's done, but what she said."
"Well, then," Darcy replied, with as much patience as he could muster. "what has she said?"
"She said that Jane has no passion."
Darcy blinked, processing this information, wondering what exactly Caroline Bingley meant by passion? Did she even know what passion was? Did Charles? The silence had gone on too long. He tested the waters, "surely she's still not saying Miss Jane is marrying you for your wealth?"
"No. She's moved on. And Darcy, I said passion, not love. You do know the difference, I trust."
"Charles, are we talking about sex?"
Bingley glared at his friend. "Of course we are! Do I look like your cousin-to-be William Collins? Do I look like the sort who could talk passionately about the fireplaces and the number of windows in a residence? Of course I'm talking about sex. She says that Jane is so placid that our marriage will be platonic and I'll end up a dried up old man"
"Good heavens!" Darcy considered for a moment, "Have you had any...er...um..."
Bingley stood up and glared down at his friend. "Sex? Is that the word you're groping for?"
Despite himself, Darcy began to laugh. One of the reasons he was so fond of Charles Bingley was the fact that Charles could appear almost hysterical at times but always retained his sense of humor. He knew how to laugh at himself, an excellent trait in a friend.
The door opened and Richard strode in and immediately headed for the liquor cabinet where he poured himself a large brandy. "And what is so amusing, cousin?"
"We are talking about sex, Richard, and you have my permission to remain silent on the subject if you can."
"Ah, sex," Richard replied, "a most amusing subject. Tell me Darcy, did you ever locate the barrel of wasp venom you've been searching for so diligently"
"No. And before you ask, I don't have a round hole in the middle of my bed."
"What," Bingley asked, "are you two lunatics going on about."
"The Kama Sutra, old chap," Richard replied. "First rub your penis with wasp venom and when it swells let it dangle for ten nights through a hole in your bed. Guaranteed to make you a stalwart lover."
"If it doesn't fall off first," Darcy drawled.
Richard, ignoring his cousin continued. "Press her against the wall and lift and place her feet in your armpits, then pleasure her. Your lust will grow as she scratches and pummels you with her small fists before she fastens her teeth in your neck as you have done so many times before."
"Bravo," Darcy cried. "You have an excellent memory, Richard."
"Good heavens," Bingley moaned, dropping his head into his hands. "I'll never survive my wedding night. "
Richard stood up and climbed the library ladder and slid his way to the end of one of the bookcases. From the end of the highest shelf he counted ten books to the left and pulled a tome out and briefly glanced at it. He climbed down and handed Bingley the book.
With trepidation Bingley opened the book which fell naturally to the centerpiece which if memory served, an illustration of a foursome was depicted. Darcy watched Bingley with amusement as his friend's eyes widened in shock. "You don't have to follow all it's instructions, Charles. You're allowed to use your own initiative. Oh, and before I forget, The Gardiner's will be joining us for dinner on Friday. I hope you don't have previous plans."
"How can I sit down with Miss Bennet's aunt and uncle after reading this...this..."
"Sex manual are the words you're groping for," Darcy drawled.
"You can never have too much information," Richard allowed. He took the book from Bingley. "If you don't mind, Bingley," he said, "I need some reading material. You can have it tomorrow night." He poured a generous amount of brandy in his glass and left the library to read himself to sleep.
"Richard is really incorrigible," Darcy stated, "but he means no harm."
Bingley looked at Darcy with surprise. "I know that. But can you imagine what it will be like for your cousin Anne if she gives birth to three or four little Richards? Perhaps we should warn her."
"It would do no good. Anne has loved him all her life. They will be very happy together. As you and your Jane will be."
"Darcy...? I've been wanting to ask you... Oh, never mind. None of my business."
It had happened so long ago, Darcy supposed it made no difference if he finally spoke of it. And it was really what Bingley wanted to know.
"Charles, during my first year at Cambridge I met a young chap. I won't mention his name because it isn't important. His father was taking him to Paris for a week as a Christmas present. I was invited along and as you can imagine, I was delighted. The night we arrived the three of us enjoyed a marvelous dinner and I'm sure I had too much to drink. After dinner we drove to a large house in a fashionable section of town. It was a beautiful house and there was a party going on. There was a wonderful orchestra playing gently in the background. I'd never seen such beautiful women. They were dressed in the finest silk in every color of the rainbow."
"Well, as you might suspect, that evening was the real Christmas present. My friend and I were to be initiated into the art of lovemaking by the finest artisans in France. It was an experience I'll never forget and one I never felt a desire to repeat."
"Why?" Bingley asked.
Darcy shrugged, "hard to say why. As much pleasure as I received, it all seemed so studied, so artful. I had absolutely no desire to stroke her body or to arouse her desire to match my own. I was with a beautiful woman but I might as well have been alone. I had no feeling for her and I'm sure she was thinking only of the money she was making."
"And you never had any desire to have another woman?"
Darcy laughed, "no, I didn't say that. But what was I to do? Slink around with a scullery maid? Seduce a tradesman's daughter? Compromise a woman of the Ton and end up in a loveless marriage? And visiting a brothel carries too many dangers, too many diseases. Can you imagine me running into Wickham?
"Bingley laughed. "No I can't.
"Charles," Darcy said gently, "anyone who has seen you and your angel together can see how much you love each other. And Charles, where loves exists, passion is never far behind. Don't let Caroline destroy your self-confidence. You and Jane will find your own way as millions of men and women have for time immemorial."
For the first time that evening, Charles Bingley allowed himself a genuine smile. "Once more I let my imagination run away with me. I guess I've just got the jitters...I just want things to go right..."
"I'm just as uneasy, Charles. And though he would never admit it, so is Richard. Women aren't the only ones who are frightened of the unknown. Just let her know how much you love her and let nature take it's course."
The two old friends sat in companionable silence for several minutes before Bingley said, "There is one thing I would like to know, however."
"Does it have something to do with wasp venom?"
Bingley laughed, "how on earth could you get enough venom out of a wasp?"
Darcy shrugged, "I'm still working on how a man could be crazy enough to rub it on his penis."