-1Ch 3

General Hammond, Teal'c, and Dr. Fraiser were waiting for them in the infirmary, but none of them had been told what to expect. So when Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter entered, talking quietly to a little child held tightly in Major Carter's arms, nobody quite knew what to do.

"Er, well, I guess I'll just fill everyone in," Jack started. "Daniel's clothes are in his lab. So was this kid. He told us his name's Danny and he's two. And, ah, that's pretty much all we know. Oh, yeah, he's got an impressive set of lungs. And allergies."

"Al-er-bees," the little voice piped up. Danny turned his head so he could take in his new surroundings, still clinging to Sam.

Janet gasped when she saw his face. The boy was just too cute for words. Most of Janet's nurses had trouble with a fully grown Daniel and his soft blue eyes, but on a baby... forget it! "So, you think this IS Daniel Jackson?" Janet asked, already knowing the answer.

Sam and Jack both nodded.

Danny pointed to his tummy, said, "Me!" and then put his thumb back in his mouth.

"Just once," Dr. Fraiser said, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. "I would like for one of you to come to me with a NORMAL problem, something that modern medicine has encountered at least once before - the flu, a sinus infection, a headache, kidney stones, anything."

"You're wishing kidney stones on us, Doc?" Jack exclaimed. "What the hell?"

"Ummmmmm," Danny said solemnly, pointing at Jack.

Sam tried very hard not to laugh.

Hammond cleared his throat and said, "I have other business to attend to. I'll send a team to Dr. Jackson's office. Dr. Fraiser, let me know when you get your test results back."

"Yes, sir." Hammond turned to go.

"Bye-bye," Danny said, waving.

Hammond stopped, turned to smile at the little boy, chuckled, and said, "Bye, Danny."

Once the General had gone, Janet waved them over to an examination area. "Okay, Sam, set him down on the gurney."

"That's... easier said than done," Sam said after unsuccessfully trying to put him down.

"Sam! Doctor! Scawy!" Daniel objected loudly, clinging to her neck with surprising strength.

"Okay, this is why I'm not a pediatrician," Janet commented. "Sam, sit down and hold him in your lap. I'll do what I can like that first. You're going to have to take the shirt off of him first though, it's so huge I can't examine him."

"But... he doesn't have a diaper on!" Sam exclaimed. "He'll be naked! I can't hold Daniel, naked, on my lap!"

"Sam, he's just a baby," Janet said reasonably, grabbing a blanket. "Here, you can wrap him up in this."

They pulled the huge shirt over his head and Sam sat down with the little boy wrapped loosely in the blanket. "Cold," Danny said, glaring at Janet, clearly blaming her not only for the temperature of the room, but his state of nakedness, and anything she was about to do to him as well. All of it had to be her fault somehow.

Jack laughed at the look on the little boy's face and said, "That's about how I usually feel in here, buddy. It'll be over fast."

The examination was the exact opposite of fast. Daniel squirmed and twisted so much it was nearly impossible for Janet to do an accurate examination, and she wasn't even able to check his teeth, temperature, or get a blood sample after nearly twenty minutes. "Dack, be scawy! Scawe da doctor!" Danny pleaded. "Sam, Sam, save me!"

"It's okay," Sam soothed, pulling off the blanket he had managed to tangle himself in. "Janet, let's take a break for a little while," she suggested, wrapping him up in the blanket again once she had it untangled and holding him to her tightly.

Well, that didn't take long, Jack thought to himself. It had been fairly obvious his 2IC wasn't used to being around such a small child, but he had no doubt she'd figure it out quickly and take to it like a duck to water. Apparently she had, although Danny hadn't really given her much choice in the matter. He was clinging to her like a monkey to a tree, and wouldn't let anybody else near him.

Janet busied herself fixing the tray Danny had knocked about with his foot during the wrestling match/examination, giving Sam some space and time to get him calmed down.

"Hey, Carter, want me to go get you a fresh shirt? Looks like you might be here for a while," O'Neill offered.

She looked at him in surprise. "Thanks, that would be great, sir."

He waved at Danny and said, "Back soon."

"Dack?" Danny called after him.

"He'll be back," Sam told him absently, patting his back.

"Sam, maybe he'll let you take his temperature," Janet suggested. As Sam widened her eyes, Janet laughed and quickly said, "In his ear!"

Sam sighed with relief as she took the thermometer Janet was holding out. Holding "Danny" was one thing, but she wasn't about to go anywhere near him with an "old-fashioned" baby thermometer. She let the little boy examine the aural thermometer for a while and said, "Okay, can you be still while I put this in your ear for a few seconds? It won't hurt, I promise."

"Kay Sam. Put in ear," Danny agreed, nodding.

"He certainly seems to understand most of what we're saying," Janet commented.

Sam took his temperature, waited for it to beep, and read, "98.6."

"Hungwy," Danny announced to the room, looking back and forth between the two women expectantly.

"Well, as soon as we finish these tests with Janet we can go get some breakfast," Sam tried to explain.

"Someone say breakfast?" Jack asked, returning with a black tee-shirt in his hand.

"Dack, I hungwy," Danny told him.

"Well then that makes two of us, buddy. Doc, you almost done here?"

"Not even close, Colonel -" Janet began.

Janet and Jack both turned their attention to Sam and Daniel, who were having a quiet 'conversation.' "...Daniel, I realize that you don't want Janet to poke you with the needle, but it has to be done so we can make sure you're okay. It won't take long and it won't hurt very much, and then we can go have breakfast, all right?"

"Sam, he's not going to understand all of that..." Janet warned.

"Sam, scawed. Han."

"Huh?"

"Han! Han!"

Something clicked in Jack's brain and he said, "Give him your hand, Carter."

She held out her hand and Danny grabbed her finger tightly, squeezing it with all his might. He scrunched his face up and closed his eyes tightly. "Um, I guess that means he's ready," Sam said to Janet, holding him still with her other arm.

Jack started fiddling with some supplies while Janet checked his heart and breathing, and finally got him to open his mouth. "Judging by these teeth, I'd say he's about two and a half," she said, jotting down a few notes. "Okay, now comes the not-so-fun part. Sam, you're going to have to hold him very still."

Sam tensed involuntarily as she saw Janet getting ready to take his blood. Danny picked up on this and started pleading, "No no no no no."

Jack crouched down in front of him to try to distract him from Janet, making a face like a hamster. Danny stopped screaming and watched him. "She'll be done soon, don't think about her," Jack encouraged, pulling out two tongue depressors he had picked up. He made them into antennae and made another funny face, then put them in his mouth like walrus tusks and made a noise like a seal.

Danny laughed out loud, just as Janet put a plaster on his toe. "All done," she announced, ruffling his hair. She smiled down at the Colonel and said, "Excellent work, sir."

"Yeah, well..." Jack trailed off, getting to his feet. As he stood, he caught Carter's expression for the first time and froze. They held each other's gaze for several seconds, Jack surprised at the look she had been giving him, Sam surprised at the look he was giving her back.

Danny bounced in Sam's lap and said, "Hungwy, hungwy!" They both looked down at him.

"Er... I should go get changed," Sam said quickly, getting to her feet and adjusting the blanket around Danny. "Do you want to hold him, sir?"

"Yeah okay."

This time, Danny went to him, but he still turned in Jack's arms to watch Sam. "Where you go?"

"I'm just going around the corner to put on a fresh shirt," she assured him.

"She'll be right back," Jack added, bouncing him around a bit.

Sam ducked into another exam area, pulled the curtain round for privacy, and changed her shirt. As she was tucking it in and fastening her belt, she heard her CO yell, "Oh crap! CARTER! DOC! GET IN HERE!" followed by Danny giggling and saying, "Oops. Sowwy Dack."

Sam and Janet hurried back over to them and stopped in confusion. Everything appeared fine, Jack was still holding Danny to him tightly. "What's wrong, sir?" Sam finally asked. Jack held Danny out away from his body, and the two women could see that the front of Jack's shirt was now very wet, but the stain began significantly lower than it had on Carter's shirt.

"He PEED on me," Jack stated unnecessarily, trying to hand him to Sam, who stepped away instinctively and held up her hands.

"Carter, I am ORDERING you to take him. Now!" Sam took him, holding him by the armpits, as far away from her body as possible. The blanket, which was partially wet as well, fell to the ground. Danny looked supremely unconcerned at this new, exposed position. Jack turned to Janet and barked, "Well? You got a shirt lying around here or what?"

"Right," Janet said, quickly finding him a fresh shirt. She and Sam caught each other's eyes and they both burst out laughing.

"Hey!" Jack barked. "This does NOT leave this room. Until we fix him, he's big again, and I hurt him for this. Severely."

"Yes, sir," both women managed in between laughing.

"Carter, I told you not to giggle. That goes for you too, doc. Somebody get a diaper on that kid before he does any more damage."

"I'll send one of the nurses to the store for some supplies," Janet said. "In the meantime, I'm sure we can... fashion... something." Using several safety pins and coming very close to using a stapler as well, they managed to turn the tee-shirt he had been wearing into a crude diaper of sorts. "Why don't you take him to get something to eat, and by the time you're done with that, we should have some real diapers and things," Janet suggested. "I'm also going to send out an e-mail to everyone on the base, requesting any personnel with children who have outgrown anything we can use to bring what they can in next time they report in. I know, for instance, that Lieutenant Grey has a car seat."

"Fine. Let's go," Jack grumbled. He was still understandably upset about being peed on, and still grumpy about how hard Carter was still trying not to laugh.

"Dack scaaawy again," Danny said quietly as they headed for the elevator.

"Hey, you peed on me!" Jack argued.

"I sowwy." Daniel did, in fact, look very sorry. And cute. Jack hated to admit it, but it was true.

"You know, you seem pretty smart and all, so how come you're still wearing diapers anyway? Shouldn't you be trained by now?"

Danny looked at him blankly. "Wha?"

"Never mind," Jack muttered.

Carter was still laughing quietly to herself. She supposed it really shouldn't surprise her that her CO had the exact same dynamic with Daniel that he always did. Assuming, of course, that this was really their Daniel, although she really couldn't think of another explanation.