A/N: I'm really loving all your reviews, and loving the fact that you guys aren't minding all the cliches too terribly much. Your encouragement reminds me to get through another chapter before I go to bed everynight, although this story is done already, so unfortunately I can't incorporate any suggestions I get in reviews. That being said, this story uses so many fic cliches that what you'd like to see, you probably will see eventually. Thanks again, everyone!

Ch 4

Both Carter and O'Neill were so distracted by the drama that had unfolded in the infirmary that they weren't thinking about how other officers would react to their presence in the commissary with the little Daniel.

As it was, by the time they had made their way to the line and O'Neill had got trays for both of them, Carter picking Daniel up and settling him on one hip so he could see the food and tell them what he wanted, they had received more double takes than O'Neill would have guessed were possible in real life. And here he had been thinking people only did those on fifties sitcoms.

Then again, apart from the weirdness of arriving in the commissary early in the morning with a toddler, said toddler was drawing even more attention than usual, dressed in a tee-shirt folded into a diaper, giving him a bit of a wild-child, loincloth look. Jack only hoped the inadequate diaper wasn't 'used' during breakfast. Judging by the amount Daniel had already peed on him earlier though, the kid couldn't have anything left in him. Hopefully.

They loaded their trays with Daniel's usual favorites in addition to their own breakfasts, and made their way to their usual table, Jack balancing both trays carefully. "I'm guessing the commissary doesn't have high chairs," Carter muttered as they sat down.

"You don't mind holding him, do you?" Jack asked. The little boy clearly preferred Carter to him. He wondered if it was just because she was a woman, because she was nicer and hadn't yelled around him or anything, or if it was possible Daniel remembered things about their respective relationships.

"No, sir. It's kind of weird… because it's Daniel, you know… and it's not like I'm any good with babies but…"

"You seem like a natural to me," he said with a shrug, then immediately wished he hadn't. Not that it wasn't true - it was. But Jack spent a good portion of his time trying very hard not to think of Carter as a woman, and while it never really worked exactly, glaringly obvious illuminations of her more feminine, non-military-ranking traits, which definitely included things like watching her with a baby, weren't something he needed to be made aware of either.

Not if they both wanted to keep their jobs and positions on SG-1. If she'd even seriously be interested… They looked at each other uncomfortably for a few seconds, glad when Teal'c entered and they had something else to focus on.

They caught Teal'c up to date. Daniel seemed fascinated with Teal'c, particularly the Apophis mark on his forehead. Teal'c was understandably surprised, although only those who knew him best would be able to tell. An outside observer might have thought Teal'c was completely unsuprised to come down to breakfast and find that one of his teammates was now less than three feet tall.

After eating a banana and some dry cereal, and spending most of breakfast looking back and forth between all of the conversing adults, Daniel started squirming in Carter's lap, clearly wanting to be put down. She set him down cautiously, prepared to chase after him if he took off in any direction. To everyone's surprise, he ran around the other side of the table and tried to climb up into Teal'c's lap. Teal'c lifted Daniel solemnly into his lap before anybody could say anything, held the squirming child securely in his lap with one arm, and finished his breakfast while Daniel traced Teal'c's Apophis symbol carefully with two sticky fingers.

Sam and Jack both watched their largest friend (and now their smallest friend) interacting and were shocked. They knew Teal'c, while the toughest warrior they knew, was also one of the kindest and most loyal people they were ever likely to meet. And they knew he had a son of his own, who at some point must have theoretically been as small as Daniel was. But it was still more than a little bit bizarre to see them together.

After breakfast was over, Sam wiped its remnants off of Daniel and they took him back to the infirmary to see if Janet had managed to find him some clothes and, more importantly, diapers. Sam held his tiny hand in hers and the whole group walked slower to keep pace with his tiny legs. Carrying him would have been much easier, but he wanted to walk, and they were still a bit uncomfortable with the whole 'Daniel's a toddler' concept.

"How come he doesn't think Teal'c is scary?" Jack asked idly as they waited for Dr. Fraiser.

When she came into the room, Daniel let go of Sam's finger and slunk over to Jack, leaning into his leg heavily, as though he wanted to be sure to be close to him just in case the Crazy Needle Lady came after him again.

Sam smiled down at Daniel, imagining how much she would be able to tease both of them later about this, and said, "Maybe because Teal'c didn't scare him to death by screaming at him while he was sleeping."

"Who asked you," Jack grumbled as he tried to peel Daniel off of his leg. "Daniel, you don't need to go to the bathroom again, do you?"

Daniel looked up at him and blinked slowly, and for a moment he didn't look that different from normal.

"You volunteering to try potty training him, Colonel?" Janet asked, opening the package of diapers that one of her nurses had run out to buy.

"I don't think so, doc. Besides, he's not going to be small long enough to make it worth the effort. Hammond's got all the geeks working on that trunk thing. They'll figure it out."

"I hope you're right, sir," Janet said, trying to pick Daniel up to put a diaper on him. She assumed nobody else was going to volunteer to do it. The Colonel probably included it in her duties, since she was a doctor and all.

Daniel had had quite enough of Dr. Fraiser for one day, and latched onto Jack's leg more tightly than ever, pressed his face into Jack's knee, and yelled, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"She's not gonna hurt you, Danny," Jack tried, lifting his leg experimentally. Daniel clung to it, and stopped screaming, enjoying the impromptu ride.

"'Gain, Dack, 'gain!"

"Oh brother. I don't have the knees for this anymore, kid," Jack grumbled, obliging him nonetheless.

Daniel giggled and squealed, "'Gain!"

"One more time and then you have to let go, okay?" Jack bargained.

"Kay."

Daniel released him reluctantly after his third little trip, but twisted the loose fabric of Jack's trousers into his little fist and leaned into him. "No doc dough," he said firmly, sticking his thumb in his mouth.

"She's just going to put a diaper on you, Daniel," Sam tried, crouching next to him to speak.

"DANNY," the little boy corrected firmly around the thumb in his mouth.

"Sorry. Danny. You need a diaper. You don't want to wear that shirt forever, do you?"

He looked down at the funny outfit they'd put on him and said, "No."

"Okay then. So let's let Janet…"

"NO DOC!" he repeated.

"Danny… you have to wear a diaper." Sam was quickly growing frustrated. Daniel was hard-headed as an adult, but at least he listened to reason. Most of the time.

"Sam, no doc. Onwy Sam." Daniel let go of Jack's leg and went to Sam, patting her arm with the slobbery hand from his mouth.

"Looks like he won't let me near him. Sam, I think he'll let you put a diaper on him," Janet said.

"Sam," Daniel repeated, hugging her arm.

"Oh brother." She glanced up at her CO, who was clearly highly amused with the situation. He probably thought she didn't know how to change a diaper… okay, so technically she didn't, but that was beside the point. How hard could it be anyway?

She stood up reluctantly, picking Daniel up again, and took him over to a gurney, where Janet had spread a towel out. She lay him on his back and took the diaper Janet handed her, frowning down at it. "This is so weird," she muttered.

"He's just a little boy," Janet reminded her.

"Yeah, but he's also Daniel."

"Danny," the little boy corrected again.

"Right," Sam muttered.

Danny lost his patience quickly. He had been trying to lay still and good, as he always did when his diaper was changed, but this was just taking too long!

"Danny, be still," Sam moaned. "I'm trying to find all these safety pins… I might poke you."

"No pokes! No doc!"

"Then be still," she said firmly, trying to turn him back over onto his back. "Sir, you must have done this before, could you give me a hand please?"

"All right but if he pees on me again, heads are gonna roll," Jack warned, crowding next to her and trying to hold the squirming boy. "Come on, T, get in here."

Teal'c moved to the other side of the gurney obediently, in case they required his assistance, but remained characteristically aloof. Spotting him, Daniel tried to squirm so that Teal'c was no longer upside down and he could look at him properly. "Young Jaffa do not wear such strange undergarments," Teal'c stated.

So it was that when General Hammond stopped by the infirmary to check any progress, he found three grown adults, his flagship team, all trying to change the diaper of one squirming toddler.

"Report, people."

"Kinda got our hands full, General!" O'Neill called over his shoulder.

"So I see. Stand down, SG-1."

Jack, Sam, and Teal'c stepped away from Daniel and watched as Hammond quickly and efficiently got the new diaper on Daniel. It took about thirty seconds.

"Wow. How'd you do that, sir?" Carter asked, amazed.

"Lots of practice with the grandchildren, Major. But don't expect me to be volunteering my services again. Now, get some clothes on that kid and be so kind as to join all the people waiting in the briefing room for an update on this situation."

"Yes, sir," Carter said obediently, taking the little tee-shirt Janet was offering her. One of the Captains on SG-5 had had it in the backseat of his car, along with a few diapers that were too small for Daniel and a fuzz-covered pacifier. Luckily, his wife had swapped cars with him so she could take his in for an oil change.

Regardless, it worked to their advantage, because Daniel now wore a tee-shirt that more or less fit. It almost reached the bottom of his diaper. Heather grey, it said 'Property of the USAF' on the front. Jack laughed at how ruffled both Daniel and Sam were after she managed to wrestle him into it. "We should take a picture of him in that shirt - he'll hate it!" Jack declared as Sam picked Danny up and brushed his long hair back into place.

"What are we supposed to do with him during the meeting?" Sam wondered.

Jack shrugged. "Maybe he'll get a taste of his own medicine - see how bored the rest of us usually are in there."

"That's not very helpful, sir," Sam said as they all left the infirmary.

"No," Jack agreed. "But it's funny."