Imagine Being Loved by Me

The sun shone through the Great Hall, a rare occurrence to see in March, especially since the last few days were full of nothing but overcast grey clouds. It had lit up the Hall in a way that the students hadn't seen yet. There was something…magical about the way its rays reflected against the golden plates and goblets. The Hall was filled with mindless chatter of students about their weekends, the clatter of knives and forks hitting the plates. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood.

"Some fucking teachers we have – why haven't they done anything yet?"

"Cos they don't care! Where were you yester – oh. Unconscious…"

"Maybe they're trying to come with the best solution without trying to draw any attention."

"Fuck attention Mione, we were literally attacked – Ila was nearly killed!"

"I wasn't nearly killed. I did handle it."

"Not according to Malfoy," Ron muttered.

"Since when have you been speaking to him?" Ila asked Ron quietly.

The seven of them were eating their breakfast the next day. Since last night, they hadn't heard a word about what happened to them in the forest from other students nor any of their professors. One would think that someone would have at least commented. But nothing.

Ila glanced behind Ron's shoulder. Draco was sitting there, in between his group of friends, not speaking a word. He was the only other person there with Ila. In fact…as much as she didn't want to admit it, he practically saved her life.

How strange to think that just a year ago, he probably wanted to sacrifice her to save himself. And now…

There it was again. That warm feeling. Merlin, what is it? It was constantly with her. Though, she didn't mind it. It was nice to feel like that. Especially since her life was constantly on the line and it seemed that no teacher cared.

"I only talked to him when you guys came back," Ron grumbled, shoving a spoonful of beans in his mouth.

"I can try to talk to Dumbledore," Ila suggested to the whole group.

"Good idea," Lavender said. "We can go with you."

"No," Ila said quickly, before realising just how harsh she sounded. "No – er – he might not say anything useful if all of us turn up. I'll go after lessons."

The group looked at the Professors sitting at their designated table. Dumbledore was sitting the head, on his golden throne, muttering away to Snape and McGonagall, the latter not having touched her food.

"Do you think Mr Crouch will be alright?" Hermione asked.

"Who cares about him?" Ron mumbled.

"Just because you don't like him, doesn't mean you can't be concerned for him, Ron. He was poisoned for Merlin's sake. Someone's out to get him. I mean – that's probably why your brother couldn't get in touch with him. Maybe someone was slowly poisoning him, just little doses every day for a few months and he wouldn't realise – not until now!"

They all looked at Hermione, matching the same concerned look on their faces.

"You know what you need Hermione?" Lavender said. "You need a spa day!"

"A what day?" Seamus asked.

"A spa day – it's a muggle thing, you wouldn't get it," Parvati said, waving her hand dismissably.

"Er – it's not like you two are muggles either," he countered.

"It's a muggle's girl thing," Parvati said before turning back to Hermione. "Me, Lav, you and Ila are all going to have a girl's day, once Ila comes back. You guys can do it too," Parvati suggested to the boys. "Even invite Draco too. He seems like the kind of guy to enjoy it. Right, Ila?"
Ila choked on her pumpkin juice. "Fuck if I know," she said, wiping the juice from her mouth.

"Whatever – all you boys needs are a few cucumber slices, if you want, I can get you some facemasks. I've got strawberry, lavender, coffee, apple, coconut, vanilla – but you guys can't get first pick though. We're claiming lavender, coffee, coconut and strawberry."

"Damn, I was really sold on that coffee one," Dean tutted sarcastically.

There was a loud thump that caused Ila's goblet to spill and Ron's sausage to fly into the air only to be swiftly caught by Hedwig who flew away before he could even react.

"Fuck you sky rat!" he yelled, waving a finger at the bird before meeting Ila's titled head, daring him to continue. He cleared his throat before shoving his goblet before he could say another word. Ila read the letter.

It was from Sirius.

"Dear Ila,

I appreciate the sudden interest in my life, though after everything that's been happening, maybe now's not the time to divulge in all the horrible, irresponsible things your father and I got up to. I'll let you know in the summer. But about my brother – first of all, I do have one. His name was Regulus, he was only a year younger but unfortunately - " There were a few lines that had been aggressively blacked out "- he died. He ended up succumbing to my parent's pressure and joined the Dark. I'm not too sure how he died – no one does. I don't even know where he is. But that's it. It was just the two of us until I started living with your dad. Hope that answers your question. I hope you're staying safe and not causing too much – oh who cares? You're a Champion. It's not like they'll throw you out if you do something bad.

Good luck with the Third Task. Don't have your tail between your legs. I'll be there – cheering you on!

Love from your favourite Godfather

Snuffles.

P.S – sorry that I took you guys to my sex cave. And letting Ron sit in the hammock…"

Fuck.

There's goes, basically her only lead to whoever that mystery man was. But…Ila groaned. That meant she had to go to Borgin and Burkes. While Draco did help her in escaping the floating cloak last night, she didn't trust him entirely. Not in the – oh his father works for the same man who's out to get Ila – way but more of a – he's genuinely not experienced enough to fight off a bunch of potential Death Eaters – way.

Well…he didn't have to know that she has no potential leads, does he?

A light bulb slowly flickered, hesitating before completely turning on in her mind. She just had to avoid Draco long enough. The Third Task is coming up soon. She just had to ignore him for the next few weeks.

Doesn't sound that hard now, does it?

"What's that?" Ron asked, eyeing the letter.

"Nothing important," she said. In the corner of her eyes, there was a flash blonde. A flash of blonde seemed to get out of their seat from the Slytherin's table and slowly take over her vision. Shit. "C'mon, we'll be late for Divination!"

Ila grabbed Ron's sleeve over the table and pulled him out of his seat. She stopped dragging him by the sleeve until they reached the ladder that led to the classroom, ignoring the looks and wolf whistles she was getting from the other students. She's already had enough articles about her love life – she couldn't care at this point.

"Why're we here so early?" Ron moaned, seeing all the empty tables and even Trelawny's empty desk. Which was strange considering Ila thought this would have been her bedroom. It would give a reasonable explanation to the vast number of pillows. And the beanbags that were placed oddly enough into a bed…

"Where do you think all the professor's sleep? Do they sleep in their classrooms or - ?"

"Stop changing the subject Ila," Ron snapped. "Why did you do this to me?"

"Oh get over yourself Ron, you know what Divination isn't even…." Why did she have to be such a shit liar?

Ron looked over at Ila in a way that she hadn't seen in quite a while. It was the same look he would give to Ginny when she came crying to three of them when something happened, or the same look he would give his mother whenever Percy had said something to upset her.

"Are you ok Ila?" he asked softly.

She knew what he meant. He wasn't asking generally. And yet, she couldn't help saying –

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm great why?"

He sighed. "I had to find out from Malfoy off all people that you nearly died Ila."

"Are you sure I can come in?" Draco asked as the Fat Lady was staring at him with disgust. He raked a hand through his hair, messing it up more.

"They aren't bad," Ila said, though she could already picture Ron's fuming face. "Besides, you went through it too. Surely, you'd need someone to talk to."

"I could talk to you, can't I?" he asked, looking at her. She looked back.

"You'll be fine," she said soothingly before muttering the password. The door swung hesitantly. Ila stepped through the portrait, only to be ambushed by a bunch of arms, all wrapping tightly around her. She felt that her legs could give out any moment and they would still all be there to catch her. If only Draco could feel the same. As they let go, there was a pit in her stomach. A burning sense of guilt. She could already see Ron's face morph into annoyance as he kissed his teeth and made his way back to the fireplace. Hermione was confused but didn't want to push it any further, instead of asking Ila –

"We thought something bad happened – we were going to use the map but - "

"I had it," she said, showing Hermione the paper. "And don't worry, nothing bad happened."

Ila could feel his eyes on her. It felt like the guilt burned a hole in her stomach. Hermione bought her to the sofa, while the rest of the group found their seats. Lavender and Parvati sitting on the armchair, Dean and Ron taking the floor, near the fireplace. Draco stood there, unsure of where to sit. Ila looked at Ron, raised a brow. He sighed, not wanting to comply, but he still moved to the left and beckoned Draco over. The burning seemed to have simmered slightly.

"What happened when you guys left? Did you get hurt?" Hermione asked.

Ila could hear the boys having their conversation.

"We got chased by this er – well, it was a floating cloak…I don't know, it just kept throwing spells at us. At one point, even we got split up. And...Ila looked to see Parvati and Lavender muttering things to one another. "It said it wasn't Him," she whispered to Hermione.

"What? So, who was it?" she asked.

Ila shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno."

"Whoever it is, surely they know about whatever He's up to," Hermione said. "Or otherwise, why mention him in the first place?"

"Do you think it could be the Sisters?" Ila asked suddenly to Hermione. "They're the only other people that know about what's going on with You Know Who?"

"Have you told Dumbledore?"

"We got a bit side-tracked," Ila explained. "When we came back, Barty Crouch was there. We found him on the floor, coughing up blood. He kept saying that he was poisoned. Anyway, we went back to get help. I mean we tried telling them, but I think they were a bit too caught up with Barty Crouch potentially being poisoned."

"Merlin…" Hermione said speechlessly. For the first time, she didn't have an explanation for it.

"Do you think they'll send everyone back home again?" Lavender asked the group. "Like how they did in second year?"

"Depends on if they care," Dean said.

"Of course, they'll care," Ron countered. "We nearly died!"

"It's not like anyone of us actually saw who attacked us," Dean said, waiting for someone to object, "and it's not like we have any actual proof."

"What about our injuries? What about Seamus?" Hermione asked.

"They'll play it off as us messing around in the forest – they won't take it seriously."

"They'll be a bunch of idiots if they don't believe us," Draco said. Dean looked at him and for the second time, Ila thought they would be another fight but all he said was –

"You don't get it, do you?"

"Get it exactly?"

"Look at us," Dean said, pointing to himself, Hermione, Ila and then Parvati. "Look at how many people are claiming to be attacked. They might you believe you lot when you said that you were attacked, but they couldn't give a fuck about us would they? It's the same with Muggles. My dad said that the only time they'll actually pay attention to people like us is if they need someone to blame. How do you think it'll look if we said Ron and me had another fight before we got attacked? How do you think it'll look on me?"

"But Hogwarts isn't like that. They don't do that stuff."

"Really?" Dean countered. "Were you ever called into Dumbledore's office after our fight?"

Ron shook his head. "Why?"

"I was nearly expelled. I had to fight to stay in this school all because of some fight that you started cos you don't want your sister to get ruined by some black guy!"
Ron stood up. "I never said that – why the fuck would I say something like that? I literally have…" Ron's arm, which was pointing towards Ila and Hermione, who were daring him to say the next thing, slowly lowered as his sentence fizzled out.

"Listen yeah, I'm not trying to start anything," he said, holding his hands out for surrender, "I don't care who they were attacking or why. All I care about is that this isn't going to go anywhere."

Dean took one last look at the group before walking away, heading towards the boys' dorms.

"You really have that little faith in our school?" Draco asked.

"In a school where I have to make sure I don't get expelled for other people's fights?" Dean said as he stepped onto the stairs. "Yeah."

"I think we should all get some sleep," Hermione said, standing up and pulling the girls to their feet one by one. "G'night."

The rest of the girls bid Draco and Ron good night apart from Ila, who stood there.

"Ron, aren't you coming up as well?" she asked hesitantly.

"I need to talk to him first," Draco said. There was a glint in his eyes. She had a suspicion as to what he was going to say.

"Make sure it doesn't take too long," Ila said before leaving the common room and heading towards the girls' dorms. As she made it to the last step, she could hear the angry echoes of Ron bouncing off the walls. She closed her eyes momentarily, before sprinting back to her bed.

"So?" Ila said, starting to take her things out of her bag. She placed her parchment on the table and was ready to get her quills when a pale hand wrapped around her wrist, stopping her.

"You nearly died Ila," Ron said darkly. "I don't understand why it's not clicking for you. You nearly stopped living. You were about to never see us again and all you can say is so?"

She could see the tears brim his eyes, threatening to go over the edge and pour down his face. She could feel the grip around her wrist tighten with every word that he said. This was why she didn't want to tell anyone about anything. She knew that the moment those words came out of Draco's mouth, Ron could never be the same again. The Ron from yesterday morning and the Ron from last night were two different people that perhaps could never find each other again. The Ron that was sitting in front of her, would probably have nightmares from now on, imagining not just Ila, but Hermione, his family dying at the hands of whoever. It was a fear that he hadn't realised could be on until last night. Until it nearly happened. He never knew the worry of not hearing from the person you loved for hours. He'd never found himself running through all the scenarios that made the person late, all of which ended with them dying. For the first time, Ron knew why his mother stared at the clock so often. Why she would stop everything that she was doing for ten minutes before his father arrived. Why she never wanted him and his siblings to go out all alone and at least have someone with them? He knew why she wouldn't eat as much. She couldn't anymore.

"I'm sorry," Ila whispered.

"For what Ila? It wasn't your fault - "

"I made you worried. I made you live in a world where you live out of fear now. You could've avoided that. I was more careful – you probably didn't have to ever live with that. But now you do, and you can't get out of it. You'll have to live, knowing that any moment could be your last. You'll have to live with the terrifying idea that at one point, anyone that you love could die. You'll never get to see them again," was what Ila wanted to say.

But she couldn't bring herself to tell him her thoughts. Mostly because people were finally pouring into the class, taking up their seats. Ron let go of her hand, wiped his eyes with the back of his sleeves and Ila went back to taking her quills out as if the conversation between the two never happened. That it would be locked in a box forever labelled 'Private Conversations that are never to be discussed again!'

The other reason why Ila couldn't say it, was because her body wouldn't let her. She couldn't only spill some much of herself to one person without feeling bad.

"Good morning my darlings, I hope all of you had a fantastic rest over the weekend!" Trelawny announced as she burst through the door, bursting through any worries that the two friends shared.

Ila quickly packed up her things and headed down the ladder before Ron could even pack away his things. She wasn't ready to talk to him again. Not after what happened. Merlin, why did she need to avoid so many people. Speaking of…she used her map to see where he was. She'll have to take some secret passageways to avoid him. There was surely no way that he could –

"You're avoiding me - "

"ARGH!" Ila yelped, clutching her chest as the flash of blonde came out of nowhere. "What the fuck Draco? Why the fuck do you keep scaring me?"

"It's not my fault that you seem to be making a habit of avoiding me," he said stepping in front of her and before she could leave, he placed an arm next to her. She was trapped between him and the walls. She wanted to kick herself. "Have I done something wrong?" he asked gently. His eyes roamed over her face, checking to see if something on her face would give away what was going on with her. She looked frightened but then again, that might be because of the whole ambushing her in the middle of the hallway that no one's supposed to know about.

"No," she said.

"Then why the fuck have you not spoken to me?"

At this point, Ila was starting to get annoyed. Yes, while he was correct that she was trying to avoid him, he doesn't know if that's actually true. It's only been one lesson. Why was acting as if she's been avoiding him for years?

"Relax, ok?" she said, placing her hands on his chest. Draco gulped, glancing momentarily at her hands. They were against his chest. Merlin, his dreams are going to have a field day. Draco pushed the urge to lean against them and lean towards her and kiss… as he said, he pushed that urge down and tried his best to listen to her. "It's only been first period – it's not like I've been ignoring you."

"…Sorry," he sighed, "after last night…I thought I might've done something wrong and…"

"I wouldn't want to be your friend?" she finished.

He looked at her. Just as he was about to agree, she opened her mouth once more.

"Actually," she said before pushing him, "why did you tell Ron I nearly died?"

"What do you mean why? He's your friend. He has a right to know," he said as if it was the most reasonable thing to do.

"Not if it puts him in harm's way, does it?"

"How? If anything, he'll stop you from getting into harm's way," he countered.

"Exactly," she said, waving her arms. "He'll get too worked up about things that he shouldn't be, like me. Like I've said, I've already got enough people worrying about me, I don't want to add my friends to that list. I don't want to do that to them."

"Why not?" he asked. "It won't be the end of the world if they care about you!"

Ila stopped, breathing heavily. "It's not that," she said softly.

"Then what is it? They're your friends, aren't they? I mean…if you can't talk about this with, your friends, what about the people that'll be closer to you?"

"Like who?"

Draco shrugged his shoulder, rubbing the back of his red neck. "I dunno, like a – like a…a boyfriend or husband…what happens then?"

"I guess I'll never have a boyfriend then," she replied.

"What? You can't say that - "

"Y'know, you seem weirdly upset about that," she said as she stepped towards him, now pushing him towards the wall. She never outright said the question, but rather she let it linger between the two.

What the fuck is this?

"You need to know someone is looking out for you and wouldn't care about what you'll tell them – that's all I'm saying Ila," he said nervously, his eyes shifting between her forehead and eyes.

"Are you sure?" she said her voice barely above a whisper.

He glanced back down to her eyes. "I-I – I don't know."

"It doesn't matter anyway," she said, stepping away from him and started walking towards her next lesson. "There are more important things to worry about."

"Like if we need to go to Borgin and Burkes," he said once it felt like he could breathe fresh air and not a mixture of Ila's perfume and shampoos, though he wasn't complaining. If only everything he owned were scented like –

"We're not going," she said to him, her back to him.

"That was only if we had a lead with the Quibbler in Hogsmeade," he said, starting to walk with her. "Did you get a letter?"

"No."

"You're lying – I saw you get it during Breakfast," he drawled.

"Kutta," she whispered before pulling out of the letter and handing it to him.

"Why does Sirius call himself Snuffles when he's talking to you?" Draco asked, handing back the letter. She stared at him. "Dumbledore," he explained.

"The letters could be monitored. There's no such thing as being too careful."

"Do you miss him?" he asked.

"He's the closest thing I have to a father and was the closest person to my father…talking to him – I don't know. Whenever I talk about anything with anyone else, they – they don't get it. I don't know why or how Sirius does, but he understands what it's like. Whenever I talk to him, he doesn't sound pitying or tries to dumb it down for me – he tells me as it is."

"Maybe your future husband will tell it to you straight," he said.

"Drop it," Ila warned. "But if we're on the topic of families…do you think you'll ever tell your parents about this epiphany?"

Draco sighed, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I don't know…sometimes I get so riled up, all I want to do is shout at them for choosing the side that they did and other times, I get so scared of what they'll do to me if I do say something."

"Like what?"

"Kick me out of the house, disown me, sacrifice me Voldemort for the greater good," he said casually.

"They'd actually do that to you?" she asked, horrified that parents like that would exist. Before remembering who, she had to go home to in the summer.

"Depends on if they're in the mood – I mean don't get me wrong, they're definantly y'know, nice parents," he said quickly when he saw Ila's brows raise in surprise, "but…you never know about these things. No one's done it before."

"Sirius has," she said. "Apparently, he ran away to my dad's house right after telling him about what happened."

"But I s'pose his parents would have expected it," Draco said. "He was put in Gryffindor; he was friends with the least pure-blooded wizards that lived – how much more would you need to realise that he wasn't going to side with the Dark anytime soon?"

"Well what about after?" she asked. "Hypothetically, say all of this is over within the next few years and the Light had won. What then?"

"I guess they would realise something was off when I was on the other side, fighting against them," Draco said. "But…I don't think I even want to tell them at that point. I think, my main question would be why? Why choose the side of the man who killed millions of innocent muggles and wizards? But that would be the only time I'd talk to them. After everything, I'd be free, wouldn't I? I wouldn't have to listen to their bullshit anymore."

"So that's it? You'd cut them off just like that?"

"I don't have any other choice do I?"

"What about your wife? Your kids? What're you going to say then?"

"I s'pose I'd have to find a wife who'd understand," he said, glancing at her. "And I'll just tell my kids that their grandparents are dead."

"Draco you shouldn't say that," she said, hitting his arm.

"They basically are," he said.

"At least give them a chance," Ila said. "Imagine what everything would be like now if hadn't given you a chance." Draco stared at her as they two walked. "What?"

"Nothing," he muttered.

"Then you can stop staring," she said staring ahead, though she was hiding a smile. Well, maybe she hadn't hidden it well.

"You like it when I look at you," he whispered. It was enough to stop Ila in her tracks.

"What?"

Draco stepped in front of her. "You like the fact that I look at you," he said. "I know when you realise that I'm looking at you, Ila. And I know you don't mind it."

"W-what are - "

"I know it's obvious to you Ila," Draco said, not knowing where the sudden burst of confidence came from considering just moments ago, he wasn't able to breathe. But…there was something agitated within him. Something was bouncing against the walls of his stomach and the only way to stop it is to –

"Is it the same?" he asked. Ila didn't say anything. She didn't know what to say if she was going, to be honest. She hadn't really…was anything even there?

…

Draco took a step closer to her. Something was pressing against her chest, though the two weren't even touching. He leaned down. He was getting so close. She was hyper-aware of herself. How she was standing, how she looked. Merlin, what did she look like from that angle? She was aware of the tingle on her lips as Draco breathed. She felt the warmth of his hands slowly spread out from the small of her back, warming her entire body, and yet she couldn't stop shaking. The same hand brought her closer unexpectedly that Ila had put her hand on his chest again for the second time, to stop herself from falling. There was a look on his face. She wasn't quite sure what it meant. Ila wondered if he knew what he was doing. If he was in control or was the puppeteer moving his arms and legs for him? She wasn't sure which she would have preferred.

His face was slowly filling up her vision as he leaned down closer and closer to her lips. His forehead touched hers. He angled his face to the left, to stop her glasses from knocking into him. Their lips brushed momentarily, lighting Ila up all over but –

"This Saturday. Borgin and Burkes. Meet me by the statue of the one-eyed Witch," Ila whispered into his lips, brushing them once more before tearing herself away from him and slowly walking to class, leaving him frustrated.