A/N: Thanks for all the follows and comments! Might not seem like a lot compared to others, but i's the most I've gotten so far :) We go into a Paul and Mallory deep dive in this chapter.
Hope you enjoy!
Chapter 6:
The next weekend Paul asked me if I would go with him while he made three more apologies, and I agreed. There was slight hesitation still, but not enough for me to stammer or even blink when I said yes. He showed up in Jared's truck, and I was relieved I wouldn't have to fret about my body being too close to his on a motorcycle. The first two girls were in Forks and I didn't get out of the car. One seemed completely detached from the whole thing. She gave him an actual thumbs up and a sarcastic smile when he was done. I heard her say, "Didn't you ever think that I just used you for sex too?" And then sent him on his way.
The second Forks girl didn't haven't any of it and just screamed at him for a good 25 minutes. After she slammed the door in his face, he got in the car and started to drive towards the highway.
"How far did you go to get some?" I asked, wondering where we were going.
"Sometimes, very far," he stated. "But this next one… she was actually my neighbor."
"Was?" I asked. Paul and his dad lived in a small house on a large plot of land. He didn't really have any neighbors.
"In Tacoma," he stated plainly, "Before I moved to La Push."
My eyebrows peaked up, nearly slamming into my hairline, I was so surprised. "Paul! That's more than three hours from here!"
"Get comfy," he said, throwing me a bag of chips.
We listened to a lot of music on the ride there, he seemed to especially like house music. He told me about his interests in surfing and fishing, his favorite cartoon (South Park), and the best way to make chocolate milk (use vanilla and chocolate syrup together first before putting in whole milk). He talked more than I had ever heard him talk before, becoming very animated in his speech and really laughing at times. Not just smirking or snickering, but big uproarious laughs. I sat listening to him; it seemed he really needed someone to do that. To hear what he was saying, even if it was just about small novel things that made him happy.
He asked lots of questions about me. Many about general interests, but some very specific, like why I was wearing a Ruth Bader Ginsberg T shirt when I first confronted him on the beach, and what was feminism anyway, and about my relationship with Kim and what it was like to have a sibling so close in age.
"We're not like twins," I said, reflecting on our relationship. He nodded, gathering that much. "We're different in a lot of ways, but it's not a bad relationship. I think we know each other really well… I just really…" I paused, as I hadn't quite figured it out myself, "...I just really miss her, I guess. I mean she is with Jared all the time now." I looked out the window, thinking about my sister's relationship with her boyfriend and how cliche it was.
"I mean, Paul, she was gaga over him for forever, secretly pining away. And he had no clue who she was. And then bam, he notices her and she drops everything for him. It's kinda archaic, don't you think?"
"He knew who she was," he said flatly. I turned my head, surprised that he focused on that part of what I said.
"What?" I questioned him.
"He always knew who Kim was. He just wasn't ready for her, until one day he was," he said plainly. I was quiet.
"And, it's the same with you," I found myself boldly saying to him. He nodded, looking at me seriously.
"I knew who you were," he said in a low voice. I saw you last year at Lopez's party. "You were wearing that same jacket that you wore at the bonfire. You never looked at me, but I saw you laughing in the kitchen as you sat on the counter and drank a beer and thought you were hella sexy." I wanted to take in a deep breath or gulp, but I didn't.
"I liked your hair and your smile, your crooked teeth." I immediately closed my mouth. I knew being insecure about your body was a social construct and I refused to participate in it, but for whatever reason the crowding of my bottom teeth got to me.
"M my teeth?" I stammered.
"I fucking love your teeth, Mal. Everything about you is so perfect. It's the one thing that reminds me that you're like an actual human, teenage girl."
My brow furrowed. He made it seem that everything about my appearance was flawless besides the overlapping of two of my bottom teeth. I always assumed Paul thought that girls like Shalie Porter were "perfect." Classically sexy girls with long legs, slim waists, curvy bodies and shiny hair that bounced as they walked. Shalie, and many of the girls on the apology tour, could have fallen out from a magazine.
It didn't really matter to me, though. I was fully confident in my appearance. I appreciated my almond shaped eyes, broad smile and elegant neck. Of course I was aware that society might think my nose was on the bigger side and that my body was more square-cut, but it was mine and I loved it. I wouldn't tolerate any negative thoughts about my body. I immediately pushed them out when the creeped in, just like that Ted Talk said to. Still, I knew what guys like Paul thought were hot and I didn't think I checked his box. I wouldn't have ever thought he would think I was "perfect."
I looked over at him, trying to figure out what his game was. He continued.
"I was going to flirt with you at that party, but somebody spilled their drink all over the floor and like nothing you went down to clean it up. That house was full of kids ripping that place apart, Mal, but you were having none of it. There was a mess you didn't even make, but you could help so you cleaned it up. I knew you were too good for me then."
"So you didn't come and talk to me?"
"Would you have talked back to me if I did?"
I clenched my jaw slightly. "No," I said slightly. I remembered that party. In actuality, Sydney had spotted Paul and after I cleaned the mess up she wanted to leave so she didn't have to have a run in with him.
What did any of this even mean? He noticed me before, but wasn't ready and now he is? Why now? Sydney, Caroline and all those girls were too good for him. Why me?
We sat in silence for a bit. Then I pushed myself to speak.
"Paul, am I the girl you were talking about at the bonfire. The only girl you will be with from now on?" His hands gripped the steering wheel. He glanced at me and nodded seriously again.
"H, How do you know that?" I said, "We're not even together… I'm just starting to get to know you now,"
"I don't know, Mal. Call it whatever you want. Love at first sight. Soulmates."
"L love? Love at first sight? You really believe in that?" I said confused, as he just admitted he saw me before.
"It might seem crazy but I feel it stronger than anything I ever have felt in my whole life, Mallory. I feel it even more strongly the more I learn about you and the more time I spend with you." He looked at me and then back at the road and back at me again with a fervent urgency.
"And I know you feel it too. You might not be letting yourself feel it, but it's there," he argued. I turned away. couldn't look at him. I knew if I did my face would turn into a fiery blaze. It was silent and he pulled up to a small one story house in a suburban neighborhood.
"We're here," he breathed out, shifting his thoughts. We were both silent again.
"Who is this one?" I finally asked quietly, still hesitant to look at him.
"Candance," he said as he turned to grab something from the backseat. I turned toward his direction. It looked like a cassette.
Who played tapes anymore? Where did he even get that?
"She and I grew up together. She was my best friend and then my first girlfriend in middle school," tapping his fingers over the rectangular tape as he spoke.
"She was the first girl I really liked. But then when my mom kicked me and my dad out right before 9th grade and I had to break up with her. ...I didn't know what to do or say, I couldn't seem to get the words out to tell her. I kept putting it off. The night before we left, I went over to try and tell her, but we ended up making out and then… then we had sex for the first time. She told me she loved me right after and I just freaked out knowing I was leaving. I mean my own mom hardly ever said that to me. I just had no clue what to do. I got up and left right after she told me." We both were still at his words.
"My dad and I moved the next morning and I never reached out to her again," he said, rubbing his brow.
I looked over at him and his eyes were wet. He moved his hands back down and continued to fiddle with the cassette in his hands.
"She always loved these," he said, holding the tape. It's a whole bunch of songs we liked when we were kids..." His voice trailed off.
He looked up as a tall brown haired girl with icy blue eyes walked in our direction. She was walking two small dogs, maybe yorkies, and was holding the hand of a long and lean, tanned guy who was about her same age.
She spotted Paul through the windshield, and her face folded together in thorough confusion. Without missing a beat, he got out of the car and approached her. Candance looked shocked and a little scared, like she had seen a ghost. But she asked the guy she was with to take the dogs inside and then it was just the two of them. I watched on as Paul spoke to her for a while. She seemed to ask some questions, but I couldn't hear them. I also couldn't really see Paul's face, but I did see him bring his hand up to his eyes several times, as if he was wiping tears away. She started crying too and then hugged him, wrapping her arms around his neck and reaching up on her tiptoes. She then broke away and he handed her the cassette.
Candace took it and walked back into her house and Paul got back into the car. His face was flushed and two deep streams of tears ran down his cheeks.
"Oh, Paul." I said, my heart aching for him. I placed my hand on his shoulder. I knew this was his own doing. That the hurt of these girls and any suffering he felt was his responsibility, but right then in that car it hit me that he was hurting too. And maybe all the hurt was the reason for his actions. For whatever reason all the repressed feelings were coming up and out for him.
He didn't make a sound. He wiped his eyes with his sleeve and looked at me, looked right through me and directly at my soul and I felt him so completely in that moment.
But then, in a snap the thickness was broken by a very light tap at the glass of the driver's side window. Paul turned his head slowly and looked at a stout woman with wavy dark hair and big cheeks. He casually rolled down the window.
"Hey, mom," he said.
A/N: I know I said I planned for this to be short and sweet with 9 chapters and an epilogue, but I am enjoying writing these characters so much. Should I plan on a sequel? A Kim and Jared spin off or prequel that uses that same characters? What's your vote?