CH 14

A/N: so, not the last chapter. Will it be the next one? Who knows. My crystal ball broke. But I do have some very. Ute Jared antics on this chapter for you and some insight in Mallory's head. Enjoy!

Would LOVE your reviews!!

"You totally got laid last night."

My face froze on Jared, smirking at me like the smug idiot he is, as I made my way down the stairs.

Did my mom let him move in here officially? I mean we're still in high school and he's ALWAYS here.

He shoveled some cereal in his mouth as he looked at me like he knew something, which he fucking didn't. Kim padded over with her own stupid smirk plastered on her face as straight stands of her black bob jiggled as she walked over.

"You're glowing. That's a sure as hell Conweller after sex glow," he puffed out his chest, "I know that look all too well." Jared started to chuckle arrogantly, but it was abruptly stopped when Kim smacked him on the shoulder with the back of her hand.

"Will you just…" I huffed out. No witty retort came to me as I stood halfway up the stairs in my signature fuzzy PJ shorts. I crossed my arms and rolled my eyes, because that would tell this asshole to fuck off, right? Wrong.

"Oh, shit," he drops his spoon, letting it make an audible clank. "You're never speechless. You did fuck Paul!"

Another eye roll from me. And then a deep, penetrating glare into his beady little brown eyes that are definitely the most super annoying eyes I have ever seen in my entire fucking life. My hands weaved through my thick, black hair before planting them on my hips.

"It's none of your fucking bisness Jared," my head shook to each word, "but we didn't, okay? We just…" I paused as I made my way down the stairs and sat next to him at the kitchen table. Kim sat across from me. "Snuggled. We snuggled. For most of the night, we snuggled."

Jesus, I just said 'snuggled' three times. They both looked at me, expressionless.

Their non-reaction made me feel like I needed to continue speaking for whatever reason, elaborating on details that I just said were none of Jared's business. "For like, hours. He held me in my bed for hours and he gave me an unbelievable back rub. And we listened to Mom's 90s music. It felt really…"

"Weird?" he cut in.

"No, asshole." I glared and pointed a spoon at him. "Intimate. It felt really intimate."

Jared blinked and then piled more fruit loops on his spoon. "Sounds like a 40 year old woman's wet dream, Mal," he mocked me and then rammed more brightly colored cereal into his unrelenting trap.

My third eye roll in under 10 minutes flashed to my sister's boyfriend, and then I let my eyes land back on Kim. "Anyway, he left me this note… and this is why I am glowing, or whatever."

I slid a small, pale yellow sticky note to Kim. Of course it was intercepted by Jared, but then swiped back by my sister with some side eyes, cause she wasn't taking his shit that morning.

Fuck yeah, Kim!

Her eyes glanced down reading the note. Jared leaned over to read too.

Baby,

Had to sneak off to run patrol. Holding you in my arms last night was heaven. You look like an angel when you sleep. I want all of you always.

I love you,

P

"Oh my god," fell out of Kim's mouth. And then a quizzical look. "You're letting him call you baby?" I snatched the note back from her, perturbed by her attention to that detail.

"Yeah, I don't know. I just realized that his intentions with it weren't patronizing, or meant to put me down in any way. It really is in adoration. And he likes it a lot, and I just like him so fucking much," I slapped my palms down on the table as I let that slip from my lips. "So I just gave in to it. Whatever. I guess I am growing. Sue me." I threw some chex mix and milk in a bowl, hoping that eating might stop some of my babbling on.

Jared squinted at me. "Your fem psycho babble is weird. When are you gonna bone him?"

"Jared!" Kim and I both shouted in unison, irritated by his bluntness.

"What?" he said nonchalantly with a shoulder pop and a wide grin before he slid his chair back from the table, making it screech across the tile floor. He shot up to chuck his bowl in the sink and then sauntered back over to us. Jared gave Kim a peck on the lips before finally leaving my house. I don't know where he went. Maybe he drove by to say a brief hello to his actual family that never seemed to mind that he didn't really live with them anymore.

Kim's attention didn't waiver off of me. "So just snuggling? For hours?" She inquired, after the front door clicked shut behind Jared.

"Yeah. I mean I was all ready to go on the date with him, but after Syd left… I just…I guess he just knew that's what I needed." She looked at me wide eyed, and seemed to understand, giving me four solid bobs of her head.

"I did… take off my shirt. And I let him touch me." Her lips curled up and as her cheeks flushed in amusement. "I'm so attracted to that boy, it's stupid," I felt my face get warm thinking about it.

"I know," came out in a breath from Kim's mouth. "I feel the same way about Jared. Can't seem to take off those love goggles."

Gross.

"So it was just amazing? Being in his arms for hours like that?"

My lips tugged together a bit as I recalled how much time I spent in my head last night. It should have felt entrancing and most of me did, but other parts felt anxiety inducing and overwhelming.

I sat my spoon down and took a deep sigh. Kim gave me a 'what is it" look with her eyes.

"I mean, yeah. Being in his arms, getting notes like this. It's unbelievable, Kim. Like a love I never thought I would ever have, like a love I thought I didn't deserve. And I love Paul so fucking much, but… I'm also trying to figure out who I am now with all of this."

More, 'what the fuck are you talking about' eyes from Kim, soliciting me to elaborate.

"I was the tough feminst that stood up for my friends. That was my whole identity. And then my friend who I felt like I completely failed, somehow exonerated me yesterday. And now, what am I? Just the spunky sidekick, the doting girlfriend to Paul the gorgeous hero? Is that who I am now?"

I sat there silently, my elbow propped on the table and my cheek cupped in my hand. Why was I so focused on this stuff when I was wrapped in the arms of the man I was hopelessly attracted to and in love with?

Kim looks at me and crosses her arms.

"Does this somehow have to do with dad?"

Dad. That word cut through me like a knife. Why do we even call him dad? He's never been our dad. His name is Rodger.

"What?! No. Who said anything about him?"

"You said you never thought you deserved a love like Paul. Is that because you never got dad's love, so you never thought you'd get love from a guy?"

Once again, I was thrown off my game.

"What the fuck… who made you Dr. Phil?" Really, that's what I was going to go with? I mean, I guess so as I couldn't even comprehend what she was saying. Did she have a point? Was it all because my dickhead dad skipped town when I was a baby? Feeling like I had to be strong and stick up for others because no one would stick up for me? Because no one, no guy, could ever love me. And now that one is I'm just thrown through a fucking loop?

"Look, Mal. You don't have to know or figure all this stuff out now. Your identity, or whatever. It's okay if it changes and shifts. I mean, all I did before Jared was read romance novels and journal. It's okay for the people in our lives to influence us. Dad, Paul, whoever. Things change, people change, we all react. But you like being with Paul, so just get out of your head and be with Paul. You will figure the rest out.

I took a deep breath and nodded silently, hoping I could comply.