A/N: These are technically not really spoilers, but just in case, you can skip ahead to the chapter if you like - I know lots of you do that already anyway;)

Relatively irrelevant conversation from earlier tonight whilst watching SG1. Me: Yeesh! Husband: Was that a good yeesh or a bad one? Me: Both, actually.

And how much do we love our new grey buddy? He's like the Fred Mertz of the Asgard world or something. And I LOVE his timing.

Want a note relevant to what you're about to read? All-righty-roo. For those curious, I wrote this story shortly after a visit with one of my nephews, who was about Danny's age at the time. He therefore inspired much of Danny, and as those of you who may have read any of the 'Compromising Positions' series know, most of those were inspired by some of my own more embarrassing situations. To that end, the last part of this chapter is purely the fault of my stepson -although he wasn't my stepson yet at the time of what we now refer to as 'the incident at the bar-be-cue.'Regardless, let me just say... having this happen to you with an eight year old is even more unpleasant than the events depicted below.

Ch 18

Despite the scraped chin Danny had picked up on his last outdoor romp, he was full of energy and loved playing outside. He rode his tricycle around the driveway. Sam took him on a tour of the block, and when they got back, Jack had put the chalk they got at the toy store to good use. He'd drawn a little course for Danny to follow with his trike.

"What's this?" Sam asked.

Jack stood up and wiped his hands on his pants - leaving bright chalk smears - and said, "What's it look like? Follow the yellow brick road."

"Yay!" Danny caught on quickly and the three adults moved out of the way so he could navigate the little course Jack had made. When Danny's legs finally got tired of pedaling, he finished decorating the pavement with chalk, although nobody else could quite tell what he was drawing. Jack went inside for a while, leaving Teal'c to watch - and photograph - Sam helping Danny with his driveway-mural.

When Jack rejoined them, he entered from the gate that went to the backyard and patio. "Hey, I'm going to cook outside for dinner. Hot dogs and burgers okay?"

"Sure, sounds great, sir."

"Indeed," Teal'c agreed.

"Good, glad you guys agree, because I only have one package of hot dogs, four buns, and a half-eaten bag of chips. So who wants to go to the store and who wants to stay here?"

"I did not bring a hat, so I will stay here with Daniel Jackson."

"Okay. Sam?"

"I'll stay with Danny."

"All right, keep an eye on the grill because the charcoal's already heating up and…"

"On second thought I'd rather go to the store."

"You sure?"

"Yeah." She got to her feet and started brushing off the multicolored chalk that had found its way onto her pants, shirt, arms, and hands. Last time she'd been left in charge of the grill, she had built up the fire way too hot and everything had burnt - which didn't help her "Carter can't cook to save her life" reputation.

vvvvvvvvvvv

Sam ran to the store quickly - it was only a few minutes from her CO's house, and it wasn't the first time one of them had to make a super-fast shopping trip for a team night food shortage. She realized, as she zipped items through the self-checkout, that she could find things better at this store than the one by her own house. Her phone rang as she was swiping her credit card. "Carter."

"Teal'c wants pickles and I'm out."

"Hi to you too. I got pickles already."

"Oh. Okay, good."

"I was just thinking we should invite Janet and Cassie."

"Good idea, call them. Oh crap! Teal'c!"

"What's wrong?" Sam asked, alarmed.

"Danny… he found himself an appetizer."

"So?"

"It's a worm."

"Ewwww… he didn't…"

"Nah, Teal'c got to him in time. One more thing to add to the list of things to tease him about."

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

When Sam pulled into the driveway, the gate was open. She grabbed what groceries she could and headed straight for the backyard. "Hi sir."

"Hi Sam."

"Right. Sorry Jack. Where is Danny anyway?"

"He is in the flower bed," Teal'c stated. He was sitting on the patio railing, watching Danny discreetly.

"And… why is he in the flower bed?" Sam asked, leaning over the railing to observe for herself.

"He is digging," Teal'c informed her.

She looked down at the absolutely filthy little boy and sighed. "I was only gone half an hour, how'd you get so dirty?"

He looked up at her and grinned, waving with his little plastic shovel. "I wike da dirt," he stated with all the seriousness a two and a half year old could possess, before going back to his little dead flower-bed excavation site.

"I was wondering how he found a worm," Sam commented.

"That's why Teal'c's watching him now. Come on let's get the rest of the groceries."

They made another trip for the rest of the bags and took everything inside. "Oh, Janet's coming, but Cassie already had plans."

"A date?"

Sam shrugged. "Jan didn't say, but I suppose you can interrogate her when she gets here."

vvvvvvvvvvvvv

However, Jack wasn't in a position to interrogate anybody when Janet Fraiser showed up. Following the smoke from the backyard, she let herself in and went unnoticed for several seconds. Jack was standing at his barbecue, but the meat on the grill was coming close to combusting and he had no idea. He was watching the strange scene in his backyard and laughing like Janet had never seen him laugh before.

Danny, looking like a tiny mudman, was running around the yard stark naked. Sam was chasing after him with a handful of muddy clothes, calling, "Daniel, get your bare little bum back over here!" Danny was laughing and running in an unpredictable pattern. "This is not funny, young man!" Everything she said only made Danny and Jack laugh harder… finally even Sam was laughing as well.

"I'd like to think I was at the wrong house, but I know I'm not," Janet said with an amused laugh.

"Oh hey, Doc, I didn't see you there."

"I didn't realize Sam's dinner offer meant entertainment would be provided as well."

"Yeah. He was playing in the dirt, but the food's almost ready so they're trying to get him cleaned up."

"They?"

"Teal'c's inside getting towels."

"I see."

"You could go assist Carter with the Daniel-wrangling," Jack suggested.

Janet didn't have much to do - as soon as Danny caught sight of her he ran the other way - straight into Sam, who scooped him up expertly and hurried inside with him, calling a greeting to Janet as she passed her.

"Well, my work here is done. Do you want me to go get the plates or something?"

"Sure, there's a bunch of stuff already out in the kitchen," Jack instructed, still chuckling over the sight of Sam carrying a squirmy, dirt-covered, toddler-version Daniel Jackson away.

Janet headed inside and was surprised at all the noise coming from the kitchen. "Should we not do this in the bathroom, Major Carter?"

"We just need to rinse him off, it'll be easier like this… here, hold him up."

Slipping her camera out of her pocket just in case, Janet entered Colonel O'Neill's kitchen to find that Sam and Teal'c were using the veggie sprayer to wash the dirt off of Danny in the sink.

"Do you see a wash cloth?" Sam asked. She was doing the spraying - Teal'c was holding onto the muddy and slippery little boy.

"I do not, Major Carter." Sam picked up the scrubby brush on the edge of the sink and was eyeing it thoughtfully.

Janet, despite how much she was enjoying watching the show, jumped in and said, "Wait a minute, Sam, I'll get you one!" Who knew how many millions of germs lived on the Colonel's most-likely rarely-used scrubby brush?

vvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Soon, Danny was clean and dry yet again, and dinner was ready. They all ate outside even though it was beginning to get cooler as the sun started its slow descent, enjoying the hot dogs and burgers the Colonel had cooked, as well as salad, chips, and the usual assortment of barbecue foods. "I've never seen him eat so much," Sam commented as Danny reached for yet another cut up hot dog piece and smooshed it in both catsup and mustard.

"He seems to have burned off a lot of energy today," Janet said.

"Yeah - and made about two loads worth of laundry," Jack grumbled.

"I believe I now understand why young Jaffa remain unclothed when the weather is fair," Teal'c commented thoughtfully as Sam leaned over to wipe a fresh mustard smear off of Danny's shirt.

As soon as he was done eating, Danny wanted to get down and play - and wanted Jack to go with him. Jack let the little boy drag him out into the yard obediently and started tossing the Nerf football to him - intentionally making it bounce just in front of him or lobbing it really gently so he wouldn't get hurt.

By the time all the remnants of the meal had been cleaned up, Jack and Danny had progressed to playing tag. "I really don't think he should be running around like that after eating so much," Janet commented quietly.

"You can't keep him still when he doesn't want to be," Sam said.

"Indeed," Teal'c agreed. "In that respect he is as he always has been."

"Still… he should really have some quiet time to digest his food."

"All right, go get the dessert and I'll try to keep him still," Sam instructed. She joined her teammates in the yard.

"Sam to pway too?" Danny asked, running over to her and jumping at her. She caught him and tried to toss him up in the air, but it wasn't nearly as easy for her to do as it was for Jack or Teal'c. Still, he seemed to enjoy it.

"Janet and Teal'c are bringing out the dessert," Sam said. Jack nodded and was about to ask if it was cake, when Danny suddenly threw up. All over Sam.

Jack had never heard his 2IC emit such a girly shriek before… not that he blamed her, of course. Had Danny thrown up all over him, he was pretty sure he would have reacted the same way. Fussy and crying, because throwing up made you feel terrible, he was dirty, and Sam had scared him. Danny was whining and crying as Jack approached his two vomit-covered teammates cautiously.

He wanted to help but he didn't want to be contaminated. "You okay?"

"I'm covered in Daniel-puke!"

"Okay, dumb question. Let's…"

"Oh God," Janet exclaimed as she and Teal'c came back out onto the patio and saw what had happened in their absence.

"Shall I get the hose now, O'Neill?" Teal'c asked.

"Yeah! Good thinking, Teal'c!"

"Colonel," Sam objected.

"What? It's a warm night… and you don't want to pull that vomit-shirt over your head do you?"

"This sucks," she muttered.

Danny, seeing Teal'c approach with the hose, started wailing loudly. He'd already been washed off and re-dressed several times today and he was sick of it! "Spray 'em, T! Doc, go get some more towels."

Janet hurried inside and grabbed several towels as well as the camera. Hey, pictures of this could prove invaluable eventually. When she got back outside, Jack was holding Danny, as far away from his body as he could, so that Teal'c could spray mostly Danny and Sam.

"Okay, that's enough, Teal'c, cut it out!" Sam spluttered repeatedly until Teal'c finally decided she had a point and stopped spraying them. Teal'c released the nozzle and went to put away the hose. Janet hurried out to them with the towels, wrapping Danny up in one first and trading him for the other towels, taking him from Jack.

He approached his 2IC tentatively with a towel held out as a peace offering. "Sorry about that, Carter."

"You make one wet tee-shirt comment and Hammond will have to court martial me when I'm through with you," she said evenly, jerking the towel out of his hands and stalking back up to the house.

Janet realized her mouth was actually open, she was so surprised that Sam Carter had actually said that to her CO. She finally glanced at said CO, who looked like he was just as surprised - pleasantly surprised, though - at the remark. "What, I didn't say anything!" he called after her just before she disappeared inside.

He turned to Janet, who was giving him one of the looks she usually saved for when he was being an exceptionally difficult patient, and added, "Out loud anyway."