Time for another round of my self-indulgent little nostalgia trip and goofy shenanigans. Are you ready? Yeah we're ready.

I had this one written for a bit, I just hadn't caught up yet. Sorry about that!

Anyway, Let's get this terrible party started!

Chapter Eleven

The Fire Temple is Too Hot and We Hate It

Goron city was eerily quiet. Not silent exactly, there was a soft grinding sound down below, but the normal crunches of rocks and chattering of Gorons had faded. It was just as King had said- The Gorons had mostly vanished.

With a quick hop, King thrust his weight to the middle floor, blocking it. With a noisy thud, a small Goron rolled right into him.

"Ow! Geez! Who dares stop the goron hero, Link!"

"It's me, kid." Scoffed Dodongo. Linkle, confused as hell, scooted down, followed by her monster squad.

"Uh… Hi?"

"Oh! Mr. Dodongo sir! And… You!" The little Goron pointed, eyes huge. "You're the hero who saved the Gorons! You're Linkle! Omigoshomigoshomigosh!" He bounced rapidly. Linkle awkwardly stared at the little rock boy until his bouncing slowed.

"Sorry! This is so exciting! My dad Darunia told me all about you! He even named me after you!" He gushed excitedly.

"Wait, are all Gorons male?" Linkle tipped her head, puzzled.

"Yep!"

"They're grown from rocks, kinda. It's complicated. Involves magic and using some kind of soul essence." Navi shrugged. "Not my area of expertise. I studied Monsters and Geography in Fairy College."

"Can I get your autograph- Er… Actually, now… isn't the time." Link lowered his head meekly. "Please, Ms. Hero! You gotta save everyone! I-if you don't… Vovlagia will…" He sniffled, rubbing a hand over his eyes. "He'll eat them all…"

"Volvagia was alive even before the Dodongos." King scowled. "He was a real nasty piece of work. Ate Gorons pretty much for fun."

"So… He ate rocks, but only living ones?" Phantom crossed his arms. "That seems rather pointlessly sadistic; it doesn't seem like it would be more or less nutritious."

"He did it because he thought he was some kind of god of the mountain. Like it was his "right"." King growled. "And now, Ganondorf has brought him back."

Link raised his head, scrubbing his face. "A great Goron hero was the one who beat him. He used a special magical hammer that he forged in Death Mountain's crater, and went right to Volvagia's nest, where the Fire Temple was eventually built. He smashed him good, and buried his body in magma! Like smash, bam, crunch! " He threw his fists wildly as he spoke. "M-my dad, after Ganondorf grabbed as many Gorons as he could, he went to the temple to try and fight him, but… But he doesn't have a hammer or anything…"

"I was planning to find my way in, but then I ran into you lot." King concluded, nudging the ground. "I fancy my chances a lot better with some backup."

"I mean, we gotta go to the Fire Temple anyway." Gohma grumbled. "Not… looking forward to the heat."

"Oh geez. That's true." Link grimaced. "The Fire Temple would be bad enough for monsters, but it'd cook a hylian alive…" He paused, then perked up, eyes wide. "Oh wait! My dad made a thing! He thought you might come back, Linkle! Hang on!" He dashed into a small side room, returning with a red tunic. "This is made from goron magic! If you wear it, it'll protect you!"

"Neat! Fire-resistant clothes!" Linkle crowed, examining it. "Hm, I still think green is my color, but this one is nice too."

"The color is less important than the purpose." Navi huffed, batting her.

"Uh…" Barinade nervously glanced about. "And what about me? Will I horribly dry up and die? I am technically a sea creature."

"Well, a sea abomination crafted from a parasite and dark magic." Phantom hummed thoughtfully.

"I will make a law that makes being a pedant an actionable offense." Barinade snarled.

"I was not being a pedant, I was merely saying that you should be fine."

"I. Am. Not. Fine." Barinade wheezed softly. They weren't doing too horribly bad; They weren't on the verge of death or anything, but it was clear that the heat was running the anemone ragged.

"I'm okay!" Linkle cheerfully tugged the tunic. "It's a little toasty and uncomfortable but not the worst!"

"You. Suck." Gohma huffed, as the volcano hissed and crackled around them, waves of heat rushing into them. Linkle shrugged, as they approached the Fire Temple.

"Well there's the floor thing." She gestured at the emblem on the ground, the symbol marking the Temple's presence. "So the entrance is here."

"Indeed." Sheik said.

Linkle nodded sagely, then jumped in shock, whirling on the mysterious figure, who was casually waiting against a stone pillar.

"How are you not boiling alive?" Phantom tilted his head.

Sheik laughed.

"Oh, that. There's a simple and clear answer." There was a pause, and he stumbled, groaning. "I am. This place is hell. I would normally give a dramatic speech about time or something but I'm just gonna teach you the Bolero and leave, okay? This is hell. This is actually hell."

It was horribly out of tune- the heat was making the strings sound off. But Linkle got the gist of it, and the magical clay ocarina was handling the heat much better.

"Okay… Okay that's good." Sheik groaned. "I'm going now, so uh, good luck? Don't get fried?" Sheik backed up, and moved as if to do his usual ninja-vanishing trick, but lowered his arms. "Oh fuck it. Too hot…" And slowly slumped away towards the exit.

The entrance of the temple was marginally cooler than the volcano outside. Barinade collapsed feebly on the floor. "Guh…"

"Maybe we should have done this place before we went to fetch you, huh?" Navi sympathetically murmured.

"If I die, I will forsake my duty to serve and protect just to torment you." They promised, voice burbling.

"This is probably the worst dungeon yet." Gohma huffed. "And we've been inside of a fish's stomach ."

"I- I do not want to know." Phantom mumbled, shaking his head. "So… where to?"

"I guess we just search the place for Darunia? Or Volvagia. Whichever we find first." Navi hummed thoughtfully, flitting from side to side. "So…"

"So we bumble about until we find the end?" Gohma rolled her eye.

"Its worked so far!" King cheerfully trotted past, gently scooping the barely-concious Barinade onto his back.

"You're not wrong." Navi sighed. "You should be, but you aren't."

Linkle hummed, batting aside some flaming Keese, as she picked (more or less on a whim) the door on the upper left. To say she was surprised to see Darunia across the lava pit in the room was an understatement.

"Woah!" She waved. "Uh, hi!"

"Woah! Uh, Double Woah!" Darunia straightened from the door he was trying to pry open, grinning. "If it isn't our sworn sister! Man, you're looking healthy and strong! And-" He blinked, as he noticed Barinade and Phantom hovering nearby. "And you've made even more monster buddies! Man, you never fail to surprise!" He threw his head back, letting out a booming laugh, before his face became serious.

"So… I take it you've heard? About Volvagia."

"Yeah." Linkle nervously glanced about the room. "Ganondorf brought him back and he's gonna feed the Gorons to him."

"Ha! That's what he thinks is gonna happen. But it's not!" Darunia punched his fist into his hand, smirking. "Especially since you're here now!" His smile was a bit forced, but his eyes shone with fight. "So… Here's my plan. I didn't have one before, but I've got one now!"

"Hey, that's better than us!" Navi cracked.

"Ganondorf forced most of the Gorons into this place, locking them all up in cells." Darunia crossed his arms. "Sooner or later, Volvagia will leave the deepest part of the crater, and he'll devour them all." He smirked, cracking his knuckles. "So, I'm gonna delay him! I don't have the legendary hammer that was used to slay him before, but I'm still gonna give that stupid bastard a taste of Goron might. Last time Ganondorf attacked my people, I was weak. Not this time! So, while I'm doing that…" He gestured at Linkle. "I need you to find and free the Gorons!"

"Sounds good to me." Linkle nodded. "Do you know where they're at?"

"Not sure." Darunia shook his head bitterly. "But there's gotta be at least a handful of them. They're locked up in cells… Probably shivering." He sadly lowered his head. "Most Gorons are pacifists. We're not warriors like we used to be. But I'm not gonna stand and let this dragon eat my friends and family! I'll tear him apart! So… You'll help, Little Sister?"

Linkle saluted, grinning. "I'll do my best!"

"Atta girl!" Darunia thumped his chest. "Once you free them all, find your way back here. I'm sure you can find your way around. Just be careful, yeah?"

"I'll do my best!" Linkle chirped, in the exact same tone that she did last time, her face a bit more serious.

"Try not to die." Gohma hummed sardonically.

With a final nod, Darunia ducked through the door.

"Well… Shall we begin?" Phantom hummed.

The fire temple was truly a hellish place to navigate. While opening the few goron cells that Linkle had found wasn't too bad, actually reaching those cells was truly a pain in the ass. Her crossbow was useful against the Fire Keese, and her hookshot was essential for darting from room to room.

It really was a pain though. She'd been burned, battered, stabbed, nailed by traps, and nearly swallowed by a Like-Like. Luckily, Navi warded Linkle off.

"Careful! They can digest some clothes! Even metal! I've heard of people losing shields to them!"

"Yikes." Linkle grimaced. "Losing my heatproof stuff and my shield? Awful!"

Of course, that was how bad it was for someone like Linkle.

For someone like King, it was as simple as casually scooping the creature up and swallowing it. Unlike the others, the heat and magma had no effect on him. The few cooler rooms they encountered were a goddess-send. Even Phantom, despite being a spirit, or some kind of lich, or… something, was visibly drooping.

"Ugh… So this is "heat exhaustion"." He grumbled.

Barinade was basically unconscious. Occasionally they would mumble some gibberish, but they were effectively useless. They could barely even toss a few sparks out of his tentacles.

"I hate this." They managed to whimper.

"We probably should have done this place without you, huh?" King sympathetically hummed.

Linkle took a moment to rest, now that the Like Like had been dealt with… Only for the floor tiles to begin flinging at her.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS!?" She yelped, diving to avoid the spinning stone tiles, as they flung at her, shattering against the walls.

"OW! Ow, ow! " Gohma cursed as several smashed into her carapace. " Dick! "

"Why the hell-?! Who would make this nightmare?!" Phantom whirled his spear about, shattering and smashing tiles as they launched at him.

One by one, they found and freed Gorons from cells. It was slow, laborious going, but they were making progress.

"We're going to Zora's Domain after this right?" Linkle whimpered, wiping her brow. "Because you said it was frozen over and that sounds real good right now."

"You're all babies." King cheerfully hummed, waltzing right through a flame wall.

Linkle gripped the door to open it, only for it to suddenly begin wiggling at high speed.

"W-wha-?!" She blurted, before it crashed down and flattened her. For a moment she just lay on the floor, whimpering.

"...Okay. Evil doors." Navi mumbled, wings drooping further. "This place had architects of pure evil."

With a maddening cackle, the Flare Dancer emerged, darting towards Linkle. She jerked her shield up, forcing the creature to splash against her shield. The flames licked at her tunic, but the Goron weave caused the flame to splutter out instead of igniting her sleeves. It whipped its arms forward, the bladed limbs thrashing at Linkle. The girl rolled out of the way. Before the Dancer could strike again, King quickly stepped forward, slamming his full weight on the dancer. The flames did nothing to stop the enormous bulk of the King, who opened his maw wide, swallowing the creature in a single deep gulp.

"A bit dry." He mused. "Sorta sulfur-y flavoring. A bit like-" Suddenly he coughed violently, as the dancer exploded inside him, eyes wide. "Agh! Uff! Horrible aftertaste!"

Linkle carefully stepped up to the center of the room, opening the chest that had been shielded moments ago by flame. She broke into a wide grin as she lifted up its contents. "Whoof. Heavy… but I think I can make use of this. " She grunted, hefting the Megaton Hammer, grinning as she held it in both hands.

"What are you gonna do with that, knock the fuckin' wall down?" Gohma mumbled, eyeing the gleaming weapon.

"I was thinking about cracking a dragon's skull…" Linkle smirked.

While the place was still hellish- being pursued by flaming walls, ambushed by all manner of beasts, forced to trek past pits of magma and freeing Gorons from the most unlikely of places, the Megaton Hammer was proving to be an invaluable asset. While she had to use it two handed and lacked the strength to use it alongside her shield, Linkle found it great for bashing through obstacles.

"That girl is a monster." Phantom hummed. "No formal weapons training, but she certainly makes up for it in terms of raw muscle."

"She's getting stronger too." Navi admitted, a bit worriedly. "And better at actually, y'know, fighting. She can shoot that crossbow of hers pretty well."

"Hm. I think my creator is in for a painful time."

As far as they could tell, the Monsters and Linkle had rescued all the Gorons. Which meant it was time to rejoin Darunia.

Linkle crossed her fingers as she opened the great sealed door. "Please don't be eaten, please don't be eaten…"

Good news: Darunia wasn't eaten yet.

Bad news: He was not doing well. Volvagia hissed, dangling the Goron high in the air, long coiling body wrapping around and constricting him tightly.

It was clear that Darunia had underestimated the dragon, because Volvagia seemed mostly unharmed, as he squeezed tighter around Darunia, both bodies wreathed in the glow of flame.

"Hey!" Linkle shouted, firing a bolt from her crossbow. The bolt slammed into Volvagia's head, and the dragon dropped Darunia to the floor with a crash. He bounced, landing harmlessly in the magma below. It didn't seem to harm him, but the Goron Chieftain was unharmed.

Volvagia snaked and twisted in the air, hovering over the monsters, a wicked grin gracing the dragon's features.

"Ah…" He hissed, forked tongue slithering out. "Finally. I was growing bored toying with that fool." The dragon's maw opened, flames gathering in his throat, ready to roast Linkle with a spray of hot fire. The flames crashed into her shield, and she grimaced under the heat as the dragon moved rapidly, rapidly burrowing into a magma pool.

Volvagia

Subterranean Lava Dragon

AKA

Asshole

"Wait, that's it? Just… "Asshole"?" Gohma hummed under her breath.

Volvagia emerged, lashing at her suddenly with his flaming mane, wielding it like a whip, forcing the arachnid to retreat as her carapace was scorched and burned.

"Once I've burned you to cinders, I will devour the Gorons down to their last members…" He cackled, emerging fully from the fire pit, charging at Phantom hovering just above, ramming him with his large curled horns. "Then, I shall rain hellfire upon that little village below. Perhaps I'll behave like the ancient dragons of yore. Demanding a sacrifice in exchange for their pitiful lives." He cackled, twisting.

Phantom groaned, having been headbutted flat into the wall. "Oh, so this is what a broken ribcage feels like…"

King growled, pacing. Barinade was useless here, and that obnoxious dragon was floating out of his reach.

But not out of Linkle's reach. Apparently having failed to learn his lesson from last time, Volvagia held still long enough for the girl to reload her crossbow and get a bead on him, putting another bolt into his head. With a screech, he dove back into the flame pits.

Linkle warily drew the Megaton hammer, watching the flames. Volvagia emerged, only to freeze momentarily in horror as he recognized the weapon.

"What?! Where did you-?"

There was a massive crack , as Linkle brought the hammer down right on his skull. Volvagia uttered a gurgle of agony, flopping weakly to the floor as Linkle raised the hammer again, this time slamming it down on one of the bolts still sticking out of Volvagia's head.

"Ooh." Dodongo cringed. "That was a nasty one."

Volvagia slowly began dragging himself back towards the pit, clutching his head in agony, only to choke again, as King stomped on his neck.

"Hi." He grinned at the dragon, pressing down. "Not a fan of you."

"Kill… You…" Volvagia hissed. He pushed up viciously. Much to everyone's surprise, Dodongo was actually lifted into the air somewhat. With a twist, the dragon freed himself, shooting towards the ceiling of the great cavern, and grinned down hatefully, beginning to slam his tail into the roof.

"What is he-?" Navi puzzled, before her color changed to an alarmed yellow. "Whoa! Incoming!"

Linkle dove under King for cover as the flaming boulders began to fall, the cavern coming apart as Volvagia tore at the ceiling.

"He's bringing the whole place down!" Gohma screeched, leaping from side to side to evade the rain of boulders, dragging Barinade along with her.

"It's raining, it's pouring…" They slurred, dizzily.

"Stop that!" Phantom bellowed, hurling his spear at Volvagia. The weapon missed, landing square between two large boulders. With a twist, Phantom recalled the spear, magic snapping it back to his hand. Which incidentally led to the large boulders tumbling down, knocking Volvagia to the floor.

"Kill… You… All…" Volvagia giggled maniacally, trapped on the floor, lashing his hair and talons about, firing off great gouts of flame.

The whole cavern shook, and all eyes slowly turned upwards.

The roof crumbled, then sank slightly.

"Whuh-oh." King mumbled nervously, backing towards the edge of the chamber.

"Hmm?" Volvagia looked upwards. "That's odd. It didn't happen before."

The roof crumbled inwards a bit further. "...Uhhh…"

And then with an incredible racket, something massive tumbled through the cavern, smashing down directly on Volvagia's body. It was a massive Goron, far larger than any Linkle had seen inside of Goron City before. With a groan, he sat up, rubbing his head, yawning.

"Oh… That nap was much too long. What happened?" He sleepily scrubbed his eyes, whilst Volvagia gurgled under him.

"Geez, you couldn't have woken up when Ganon first showed up?" King grumbled. "Well, I guess falling on the bad guy isn't a bad way to handle it. Hi Biggoron."

"Mmh… Gotta climb back up." He grumbled, standing, stepping on Volvagia a few times as he began the long climb back up the volcano walls.

Linkle shrugged, casually giving Volvagia a quick slash with her sword, fully expecting the usual flash of light.

Instead, Volvagia's head rolled off.

"OW! Oh you little rat!" the head screeched.

"Ah… I guess since Volvagia was always evil, even without Ganon-magic, he's just kind of a head now."

"Alas poor Yorick." Phantom hummed, scooping the head up mockingly. Volvagia snapped at him, but without a body, he seemed unable to belch flame or ignite his hair.

"I'll kill you! I'll kill you all!" He screamed as the blue light began to engulf and surround them.

Darunia scratched his head. "Huh. I feel bad I couldn't help ya out more, but… I mean…" He gestured at Volvagia's head. "He's pretty much harmless now."

"I'M NOT HARMLESS!" He screeched, thrashing in Phantom's grip.

"He's almost kind of adorable." Linkle hummed. "But careful, he bites."

"I'd offer ya more help, but I guess I'm the fire sage now!" Darunia chuckled. "Gotta hang out here and put my newfound sagehood to use undoing Ganon's magic."

"You can hang out with Saria I guess." Navi hummed. "She's a little scary but-"

"Who's a little scary?"

"GAH!" Navi squeaked, hiding behind Linkle as Saria appeared on her own green pedestal.

"No one!" Gohma covered quickly. "Just uh, talking about random stuff."

Saria stared blankly, before shrugging with a smile. "Well, I guess at least I'm not alone. Good job. Two down, three to go!"

Linkle nodded, stretching. "At least we don't have to be inside a volcano anymore."

"I… AM… ALIVE!" Barinade suddenly yelled, sitting upright. "It's cool and nice here! What'd I miss?"

Linkle held up Volvagia's head. The dragon-head snapped and bit at Barinade, who was out of reach.

"Ha! It would seem another criminal has been brought to justice!" They punched a tendril into themselves, imitating how a human might smack their chest. "Well done, deputy Linkle!"

"I'm a deputy now?"

"Always did like a girl in uniform." Saria giggled and Linkle paled.

"OKAY, time to go, see ya later byeeeee!" Linkle shouted, relieved when the magic of the sacred realm began warping her away.

"Aw." Saria pouted. Now it was just her and Darunia.

"...So." He hummed, crossing his arms awkwardly. "...Got any cards, or…?"

The Sages are gonna be stuck there for a while, huh?

Anyway I hope you enjoyed! Let me know whatcha think! Goodnight everybody!