I'm excited to say that I got a great new beta. This chapter would be riddled with grammatical errors if it wasn't for Forschia! I hope everyone enjoys the latest chapter, and comments/criticisms are always very much appreciated.
Warnings: Mentions of rape and a spoiler from the manga.
Disclaimer: I don't own Attack on Titan, just my OCs.
Saph's PoV
"Most people are surprised you have survived here for so long. The most anyone thought you could last was for two months," a woman with glasses said as she plopped down at our breakfast table. Her brown hair was pulled up into a messy ponytail and she smiled at us with ease. Slightly startled at the interruption of my breakfast, I scrambled for a response.
Levi, who was sitting across me, took the initiative. "What do you want shitty glasses?"
"It's Hanji. Can't I be curious about my new, elusive comrades? Is it because you had lived in the Underground? Is that what make you two so capable at surviving?"
Couldn't I just eat my meal in peace? We finally had a day off and the last thing I wanted to deal with was pestering from other people. I had thought eating with Levi would be enough of a deterrent to talking but I guess not.
"Maybe," I said, smiling brightly like I was hiding some kind of secret. "It stopped feeling like I was an outsider here awhile ago."
"You've survived enough expeditions to get the respect. I've been here for years, so I might become a squad leader soon. There has been talk of Levi becoming one too."
So that was why she came over to begin with. Her curiosity in Levi was what drove her over here. She must really be interested if his attitude didn't put her off. I found something akin to respect for her, at least Hanji was dedicated even if she was a little weird.
Instead of answering, Levi continued to drink his tea. Unperturbed by his silence, Hanji swung an arm around his shoulders, accidentally upsetting his cup in the process. Right as I saw the drop begin to fall directly towards his pants, I ducked. I could almost hear Levi's vein throbbing as he gently set the teacup down on the wood table.
"You're going to clean that up, shitty glasses!" Levi roared as he grabbed Hanji by the arm and threw her over me.
Hesitant to sit back up, I tried to gauge whether or not Levi was going to leap over the table and after her. Instead, calmly strode away from the dining hall, most likely to get a change of pants. Straightening my back, I gathered my own dishes. I almost dropped them as I heard cackling behind me. Turning around, I saw Hanji sitting on the ground, laughing on the verge of hysterically.
"I hadn't expected that!"
Gazing at her quizzically, I cocked my head. "That's what happens when you touch him, waste his tea, and then stain his pants. I'm surprised you got off as easy as you did. Anyways, are you okay? He threw you pretty hard." Holding a hand out, I waited for her to grab it.
Hanji gripped my hand tightly and hoisted herself up. "Thanks."
Before she could began to pester me with any questions about Levi, I gave the strange woman a wave goodbye. "No problem. I'll see you later."
Rushing out of there, I headed to my barracks to collect a few items near my bunk). If I was going to search Underground, I was going to need my knife and some money. It was a relatively nice day outside, which made me want to find a spot to nap instead of going down to where the sunshine couldn't reach. As I approached the sleeping quarters, I bumped into Levi.
"Sneaking off?"
Even though I had known of Levi's knowledge of my little getaways for months, I still didn't know how to handle it. Did he want to be bribed with money? Licking my chapped lips, my eyes bored into his. "Does it matter? We have a day off. We get to do with it as we please."
"Hmph. You're probably doing something stupid and going to get yourself killed, the idiot that you are."
Was he worried about me screwing up his new lifestyle? Or was Levi concerned about me getting myself killed so then he couldn't destroy whatever I lived for? "You have no idea what I'm doing."
"Maybe not, but you always come back smelling like the Underground."
A soft growl quickly began to claw its way up my throat. "Sometimes I like to visit the place I lived."
"In the middle of the night when all the criminals are lurking out from their hideout?"
"That place is only filled with thieves and murderers," I snarled out. "Nothing else. We aren't that much different than them. No matter how many times you wipe your hands with that handkerchief of yours, it's not going to remove your past of living in dirt and blood." There was no need for all these questions, and the fact that Levi was asking them with such an indifferent face made it so much worse.
Biting back any other sharp retorts, I slid past him and rushed inside. After slipping my knife into my boot, I walked back outside, refusing to look down at Levi.
When the Survey Corps headquarter was out of sight, I began to jog. Letting my feet slap against the stone road, I inhaled breath after breath of fresh air. My legs stretched out to their full length, eating up the ground. A laugh bubbled in my veins as I pumped my arms at a steady beat. Picking up speed, I ignored the curious looks of the people around me as I openly smiled. Letting go all the anger that had been building up inside my chest,I felt nothing but an overwhelming elation. Only too soon did I reach the entrance to the Underground. The guard jerked his head and I was led directly to the descending staircase. My steps were steady even if my eyes hadn't adjusted to the darkness yet.
It was one of Agni's rivals that had eventually informed me that Kenny once had a sister who was a prostitute in the Underground. The facts weren't much, but that was all I had. Hoping that the owner of the brothel would be open for a bribe, I had brought enough money to do so.
The place was easy enough to find. Wary of what was inside, I approached with stealth. Door giving an eerie creak, I peaked inside the tall, shabby building.
"How can I help you today, miss?" An old man sat behind a makeshift counter. His teeth were yellow and his hair was a greasy black. If he hadn't asked me that question, I might have mistaken him as a patron. Nobody would sleep with a guy who smelled and looked like that without being desperate.
Nose wrinkling slightly, I stood in front of him. "I was told by a friend of mine that Kenny the Ripper's sister used to work here once. I'm looking for Kenny and was wondering if you could help me." I placed a few coins on the surface to show him I meant business.
His eyes glinted at the money before looking up to scan my body. Giving me the once over, his tongue darted out to lick his blubbering lips. "How much are you willing to pay?"
Feeling gross, I emptied more money out of my bag. "A good amount, but it also depends how reliable and worthwhile the info is."
A hand reached out to tug on a strand of my hair that was in my face. I could have jerked away, but that would only make the man pissed. This was my only lead. I needed to find Suzu. My little brother was still out there without me.
"It's very dangerous to hand out intelligence on Kenny the Ripper," he said in a hushed voice, sounding a bit wary. "He could always come back here out of revenge. I'm already rich." His hand slid down to cup my chin with two clammy fingers. It was a curious thing that the counter didn't break underneath his weight as he leaned over to touch me.
"I could always torture you for the information. Here I am trying to be fair about this whole deal."
I could smell rotten meat as he spoke. "You won't know if it's credible or not. Should probably get on my good side, Sweetheart, if you want good intel."
"I'm not pretty," I whispered, feeling queasy.
The man paused and squinted at me before the leering look came back. "No. You're not, but you're young, full of fighting spirit, and I would like to see what Survey Corps training does to a young girl's body."
"No money?"
"No money."
"One time?"
"One time."
The facade of calm was beginning to crack as panic set in. I was backed into a corner. If I refused, I would reach a dead end. If I consented, there was hope for finding my brother. Little Suzu.
"I have a room right here that we could use," the man said softly, as if to comfort me.
Swallowing down something large and heavy in my throat, I nodded. I was led to a small room that had a bed in the middle. A dresser and desk were on one side of the wall. He grabbed the bottom of my tank top, but I shoved his hand away.
"I can't have you ripping my clothes off."
"Sure."
He went on the other side of the bed. Rolls of blubber bounced as he took his own shirt off.
Disgusted, I discarded my own clothing quickly, like it was painless. Folding my clothes neatly, I put them underneath the bed with both of my boots near the head on the splintering wood. His squinty eyes narrowed in delight when they took in my naked body.
"You're face is pretty ugly, but at least you won't be easily broken."
I took a deep breathe,I'm not gonna show him how sickened I was. "One time."
"One time."
Parts of me, which had no business feeling hurt, ached. Sure, I sometimes had cramps when it was my time,but I had never felt so dirty before. We laid side by side, neither of us had rushed to put our clothes on once the deed was done. Him, because he was satisfied to just lie down in contentment, me, because a part of me was gone and I was having a hard time breathing without it. Whatever dignity that I had scraped up living in the military was now trashed. I had always been called filth, but this was the first time I felt like it.
"Kenny's sister got sick and died a good few years back. She had a kid though." The man whose name I still didn't know glanced at me. "You listening? This is what you paid for."
"Go on," I huffed out, trying to keep myself from groaning in pain.
Pudgy fingers wrapped themselves in my hair to yank my face up from its spot on the pillow. I barely resisted crying out. My head was still tender from the same action before.
"Looks like you broke. All hopeless now and shit."
"Doesn't matter. I want to hear," I growled out.
The man let go. "When Kenny had come to the brothel after his sister had died, he decided to raise the child. Abandoned it after a few years, but that one knows the most about Kenny as far as I'm aware of." He began to rub his pot sized belly. "His name is Levi. Heard he joined the Survey Corps just like you."
That was a shock. The person best for leading me to my goal was right beside me this whole time? There were other matters I had to take care of before interrogating Levi.
"Is there any other information you're keeping from me just so you could try and get a second time?"
"I told you Sweetheart, you're worthless now. No reason to keep details from you if you have nothing I want."
Snatching my knife out, I pressed it to the guy's neck as I straddled him before he could let out a peep. Bruises in the form of hands ranged from my arms to my bony hips. "I've been meaning to ask you about something. Who told you I joined the Survey Corps?"
"Come on, girlie. It was the man who sent you here. Told me ahead of time what you would be asking for and who you were."
"Jolls told?"
"Said you would probably be willing to pay with your body too."
My teeth grinded together as a fearsome growl made itself known in the room. "What's your name?"
"Theo. Why?"
I angled forward, so each word would send spittle straight into his face. "Just want to know whose grave I'm going to have to spit on now."
Before a word could come out of his nasty mouth, I slit his throat open. Blood sprayed onto my uncovered skin, dotting brown with red. Slowly, I got off of Theo's convulsing body. Sticky, I found a blanket to clean myself with. I was definitely going to have to take a shower when I returned.
It took a bit of time to put my clothes back on. My muscles were sore and my stomach was twisting with nausea. There were still things I had to do though. Figuring that I shouldn't abandon all these valuable items, I pocketed all the money I could find. I was right when I told Levi that we were no different than thieves and murderers, at least I wasn't. Leaving the dead body on the bed, I exited the room and the quiet brothel.
With my mind still churning over what I had been told, I was thankful that my feet at least knew the place to go. The house was a good jog away from Theo's workplace. At least, I still had a bit time before dinner, I wouldn't want to miss my meal.
"Hello, Jolls," I said as I opened the door. The barrel of a gun was what greeted me as I entered his humble little home. Should have known a black market dealer in weapons would have some illegal ones lying around near him.
A grin stretched his mouth until it revealed a set of perfect white teeth. "How did your visit with Theo go?"
"Now I wasn't expecting to walk in here with the threat of a bullet in my brain."
"You didn't get here soon enough, Saph. One of Theo's girls heard the commotion and went downstairs to check after you left. The news, that a client of mine had died, naked in his bed, spread faster than you can run. At least I hoped the old boy enjoyed himself one last time before you slaughtered him like a pig."
"It's bad business to tell on your clients. No wonder you're second to Agni."
Blonde eyebrows raised at my nonchalant attitude. Guess he was expecting me to rage at the reminder that I had sex with Theo.
"Paid more money than you, that and I thought he would owe me a favor if I sent you over. Guy has always had a weird taste in girls. That plan went right out the window. You here to kill me?"
"I meant to just do it and get out. Didn't think that his body would be found so quickly." My knife was already in my hand, but I wouldn't be able to throw it before he could pull the trigger.
"Sorry, Saph, I can't just let you go."
Throat dry, I scrambled to come up with a distraction. A way to gain the upper hand in this situation.
"Jolls!" A lady screeched, slamming open the door, "somebody murdered Theo!"
I jumped to the side just as the gun went off.
"Shit!" Jolls cursed as I lurched to my feet.
Before Jolls could reload, I already had my knife in the flesh of his chest. "You lied. That was the messenger that should've gotten here before me. You knew I was going to kill Theo. No. You wanted me to murder him, so you would have an excuse to execute me. Who put you up to this?"
"Like hell I'm going to tell you," he coughed out as blood steadily fell from his mouth.
Just as he began to sag, I ripped my blade out. Quickly, I side stepped so the body wouldn't touch me as it fell forward. The death hadn't been as satisfying as the last one, but I couldn't complain too much.
"Sorry that you had to die for me to live," I murmured to the messenger who had a bullet wound in her head. Tip toeing around the puddle of red liquid, I left.
My trek to the surface was short. I wasted to time on pleasantries or the scenic route. It seemed as if I was radiating an evil energy because crowds of people would part for me. A fight might have sprung up if somebody had accidentally bumped into me. I was on the edge, so close to falling off of it.
I flat out sprinted as I saw night was beginning to fall all around me. The run here had felt so enlightening, but this time I could only feel my lungs begging for a break. My head was pounding, matching each stride.
Lights were on at the mess hall, eating wasn't on my mind as I made a sharp turn towards the showers. Thankfully, I was alone as I dumped bucket after bucket over my head. Breathing heavily, I scrubbed my body with soap. It wasn't getting off. His touch. His smell. His words weren't going away no matter how many times I dragged my nails over my wet body. A flashback hit me out of nowhere, making me bend down and puke my lunch up. With all dangers fading into the back ground, I was free to have the full retribution of what I had condemned myself too. It hurt. I hurt. There was just pain and misery. My shivering body leaned against the side as if I too had a knife plunged into my heart.
This wasn't what was supposed to happen. The thought of having Suzu by my side once again should have pushed away all of the bad things. If I didn't have Suzu then I was alone. I couldn't be alone. I refused to be alone. Agony like this was nothing compared to emptiness. You were numb when you're empty, you're empty when you're alone. Suzu would make sure I would never be alone.
Filling another bucket of water, I splashed it over the vomit below me. The contents spread far and wide as I continued to wash it away. No longer sticky with sweat and blood, I put on my sleepwear. It wasn't usually regarded as appropriate to wear your pyjamas to dinner, but since it was our day off, I wouldn't be the only one. The only problem was that I didn't usually wear my boots with them. Where was I going to hide my knife when I confront Levi tonight?