Saph's PoV

Cold drips of water rolled down my back as I searched through the shelves. Frantically, I turned each glass container over to read the label. I couldn't find it. My intakes of breath were short and sharp, each piercing my ribs.

It had been hard to pretend everything was fine at dinner. Levi had scolded me for not drying my hair and leaving it dripping into his bowl of soup. The wet stands hadn't been near it, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to complain. I had almost grabbed his wrinkle free collar right then and there to demand where Kenny was. Each mouthful of food was excruciating as I waited for the moment I could be alone with him. That was until I overheard a conversation that had set me into a panic.

"Has anyone ever been pregnant and gone on a expedition?" A girl asked, eyeing the round belly of her superior.

While my own parents had been in the Survey Corps, it was incredibly rare for one to be in this military position and to raise a family. The fingers that were reaching for my drink stilled. I hadn't thought of what would happen if I had a kid. Horror spread quickly, fueling my body with adrenaline.

"No. That is as long as the woman knows she is pregnant, they won't send her out. While some say we are throwing our lives away for nothing, the Survey Corps regards life as a very precious thing. However, if you do choose to engage in those activities, there is a medicine we have to prevent girls from getting pregnant."

"Really?"

"Yes. All military bases have it. My husband is so excited for the child. Even in this terrible world, we can still create something as beautiful as a baby. I'm so happy that I have this chance to have a family if with my dangerous job." The woman smiled serenely as she rubbed her protruding stomach.

Standing up, I quickly grabbed my dishes. "I need to go," I told Levi who was staring at me with slightly wide eyes. Guess I startled him. Regaining his composure, Levi grunted and began to leisurely sip his tea.

That was the reason I ran to the infirmary wing to search for this miraculous medicine. My reading skills were what kept me from finding the correct bottle. I could usually get by since I had to do some reading in the Underground, but it hadn't prepared me for the long, complex words labeling each container.

"Are you looking for something?"

A voice scared me, making me whip around with my hands behind my back though I held nothing in them. It was Hanji, standing right at the door frame behind me How long had she been there?

Frantic, I tried to gauge if I could sprint away without repercussions or not. The wary look Hanji was giving me was a clear signal that I couldn't leave without explaining myself. "Not really."

"You just decided to come to the dispensary for fun?"

My gaze dropped to my feet. There was no way I could tell the truth, but I could create a story. If I played the guilty child well enough she wouldn't go looking for incidents in the Underground recently. Probably wouldn't expect me to be the killer of two men. "I-I heard of a medicine that pr-revents pregnancy if you t-take it."

Hanji's eyes darted towards my stomach, but before she could say anything, I waved my hands. "It's not for me but for a friend."

"A friend?"

Nodding dutifully, I gave a weak smile that was supposed to reassure her that I was telling the truth.

I wasn't expecting her to grab my wrist and pull me forward. The fairly maniacal smile that always seemed to be plastered on her face had delved into one of a thin hard line. "What happened, Saph? Did someone attack you? Is it Levi? I know you two were in the same gang in the Under-"

"Levi?" I asked, almost forgetting about my role as a sniveling girl. The thought was so preposterous that I wanted to double over in laughter. "He wouldn't ever do something like that," I exhaled slowly, trying to keep my lips from curving into a smile.

Hanji seemed to consider the possibility about Levi not being involved. Though the skeptical gleam never left her brown eyes, her face was beginning to soften. Maybe she didn't believe that I was telling the whole truth, but after giving her one last pleading look, Hanji relented.

"This is the medicine," Hanji sighed, taking a small container from a shelf. "It's usually used as a preventative, but it will work either way. Have your friend take these two doses with some water."

"Thank you so much!" I wrapped my arms around her. Her hands patted my back softly, comfortingly.

The last time I had hugged a person, it was Isabel. How many months had passed since the last time I saw her alive and well in reality, instead of a bloody screaming mess in my nightmares? Six months?

"I guess I'll go give it to her now." Extracting myself from the embrace, I ran towards the kitchen, intent on getting a glass of water.

The dining hall was practically empty when I arrived. It was a pitch black, starless sky outside, with clouds obscuring moon, an eerie reminder of what life had been like in the Underground.

Limbs steady, I tilted the glass down and gulped the contents. Using my hand as a napkin, I wiped away the remaining residue on my lips. Patting my boot, I checked that my knife was still secure within its depths. Now I was ready to face Levi.

Inhaling, I tied my hair into a ponytail. Mentally prepared for the battle ahead, I turned around to leave, only to jump back.

"What are you doing in here?" I shrieked at Levi. He was just calmly sitting at a table with a tea cup in his hand. I could barely catch his silhouette, but I knew it was him.

"Drinking tea so I can take a good shit later. Problem with that?"

I slammed my foot on the bench and rested my elbows on my knee. Leaning forward, I narrowed my eyes at Levi. My hand was slowly inching down my leg as I let my fingers crawl towards the handle of my knife. "I just have a question for you."

If I hadn't been around Levi as much I had, I might not have noticed the way his muscles tensed underneath his white cotton shirt. Slowly, he set his cup down. "And what would that be?"

"Where is Kenny?"

Whatever he had been expecting, it hadn't been that. A frigid silence fell between us as I waited with a bated breath for his answer. Cautiously, I gripped my knife, prepared for an attack, prepared for anything.

"I don't know."

My body lurched to the side as I whipped out my weapon. Pointing it at Levi, I growled out, "don't lie!"

Inclining backwards, Levi crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't."

Sweat began to pool in the creases of my skin. He was lying. Levi had to be lying. "No. Tell me what you know! I know he raised you! You must know something!"

"You've been snooping, haven't you?" I could detect a hint of anger in his tone.

That did nothing to dissuade the rising hysteria in my own. "I'm looking for Kenny."

"You're looking in the wrong place."

I snarled, lip curled to reveal two sets of teeth. "There must be something that you know."

"I haven't seen him in years."

The blade flew out of my hand as I screamed in frustration. I was drained, and I hurt everywhere. Digging my nails into the wood surface, I flipped the table. Levi had dodged the knife, but he didn't miss the moving piece of furniture on top of him. "Tell me the truth!"

Taking a moment to dust himself off, Levi craned his head to see the knife sticking out of wall. "Why do you want Kenny?"

I threw my body at him. Fist raised high, I swung at his face. "Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!"

He effortlessly dodged my attack. Sweeping his leg out, Levi made my knees buckle. Collapsing to the floor, I bent forward until my head rested on the dirty ground. Each digit dug into the bark until slivers inched themselves deep into my tips. I wondered if the cracks made by the man were showing through my thin nightgown. Each one revealing a new flavor of vulnerability.

"There is nothing for me to tell you."

"If you're lying I'll kill you."

"I know you will try."

My veins weighed heavy with stone. Bone with steel. This wasn't going to break me. My eyes were dry along with my heart. It was hard to stand up underneath all the weight, but I somehow managed. "When I find Kenny, I'm going to do worse than kill him."

Levi didn't say anything, just nudged the mess I had made with his toe. "Are you going to clean this up?

"No. You are."

Reaching to grab me, Levi scowled as I scrambled out of the way. Frantic to not be touched, I winced as if his touch would burn me. The remainder of today's events still scarred into my skin and body. It wasn't my usual reaction, but I wasn't acting like my usual self either. Levi's face slowly morphed into one of puzzlement as I stared at him in fear. Wrapping my arms around myself, I hunched my shoulders inward. My body curled into itself as if that would protect me from my own memories.

"What happened?"

"Like you care. I just tried to kill you."

A smirk appeared on his face. It seemed so out of place after what just happened. "You and I both know you didn't try that hard. All I saw was a brat throwing a tantrum because she didn't get what she wanted."

"Fuck off."

Ignoring my insult, Levi gave me the once over. Unlike the other man who had disgusted me with his peering eyes, Levi's gaze held one of concern, but that couldn't be right. He would have to care first before he worried about my well being.

"It's just the backlash for getting the information about you and Kenny."

The way his eyes darkened dangerously reminded me of the way he would get protective over Isabel at times. "Where is he?"

"I'm not sure. Last I saw, he was bleeding out like a pig in his own bed. Might be buried behind the brothel he owned by now."

"You murdered him?"

"Of course."

His eyebrows raised slightly, but I could tell it was all for show. I had never put the act in front of him, and that meant Levi knew what I was capable of. While it was risky sometimes it was nice to not have to pretend.

Levi grabbed a mop and bucket from the corner. "Lets clean this up."

"Both of us?"

"Unless you prefer to do it alone," he gruffly stated.

I hadn't meant for the knowledge of me sleeping around for the information to inspire sympathy, but I wasn't going to argue. Drained, my eyelashes kept fluttering against my cheeks in desperation to stay awake. It was easy to blame my tiredness for what came out of my mouth next.

"I'm looking for my brother, and I heard Kenny has him."

Levi gave a noncommittal grunt, but I continued.

"One night, I tried to pickpocket Kenny. He beat me up, left me for dead. When I finally crawled back home, Suzu was nowhere in sight."

"Put the bench back in its original spot."

"He is three years younger than me," I stated as I did what I'm told. "I was told by an informant that Kenny has my younger brother. That's why I'm looking for him."

"You trust this information?"

I nodded as I swept up the splinters and dust into a pan. "I paid enough for it to be true."

When Levi said nothing, I whirled into his direction.

"I'm going to get him back no matter what it takes."

"Hmmmm."

Back straight, I snarl, "you don't sound as if you believe me."

"I know you'll do whatever it takes, but I wonder with all these things you're sacrificing if it's going to be really worth it in the end." Strands of black hair hovered near his eyes. It made me nervous to not see the usual bored or angry expression imprinted on his features. There was something else he wanted to say, that was for sure.

Avoiding those steel eyes, I scurried away, not wanting to hear any harsh words at the moment. Swallowing hard, I went outside to empty the pan. "That's good enough," I declare as I set the cleaning equipment down.

I could feel Levi trailing behind me as I headed inside the sleeping quarters. It surprised me when he didn't mention anything about how dirty my nightgown was as I lifted myself up onto the mattress. Springs squeaked as I settled down for the night. The calming, light snores below me had become an odd comfort.

I would like to thank everyone who has been reading thus far. All of you guys are incredibly awesome. It's a wonderful feeling getting reviews from my readers. I adore all of you.