AN: The next two chapters make mention of events from Leia's and Han's pre-ANH past. I thought I would take this time to clarify my headcanon a little, since when I'm on the reading end and an author makes illusions to these things I sometimes find myself wondering on their stance.

The only thing I adhere to 100% is the original trilogy films. Everything else I pick and choose from like a grab bag, adopting the things I like and completely ignoring and rejecting the things I don't. That relates in the following ways to the particular subjects I'll be bringing up:

(1) Han never knew his father and was raised by a single mother, Jaina Solo, until the time of her illness and death when Han was somewhere around 8-9 years old. From there, he was discovered on the streets and taken in by Garris Shrike to live aboard Trader's Luck with Shrike's band of pickpocketing orphans, where he encountered the Wookiee, Dewlanna, who would become a mother figure to him. That part is pretty much exactly like the EU/Legends, however in my headcanon: Han is an older child (if memory serves me, he was 2 in the EU when Shrike found him surviving on the streets alone, which I thought was ridiculous); Han was always aware of where he came from and who his mother was; no long-lost Corellian royal connections exist; and 'Solo' is his actual surname.

(2) Nothing from the film Solo exits. Neither do Bey as a big brother figure to Han (I don't see Han as having one of those until he meets Chewie) or Bria Tharen. I adhere to the rest of the EU events surroundings Han's eventual escape from Shrike, Dewlanna's fate, and Han entering the Imperial Academy as a way to get off Corellia and become a star pilot, until his eventual expulsion and beating near to dear for saving Chewbacca.

(3) Leia always knew she was adopted (though, of course, she had no idea who her biological parents were). I do follow the idea of Leia being raised alongside the orphaned Winter Celchu, but from the time they were about 11-12. I also see there being a very clear line of Winter not being Bail and Breha's daughter, as she already had parents whom she loved and cherished and continued to view as her parents, while viewing Bail and Breha more like an aunt and uncle. To the outside world at large, there was a huge demarcation between Leia as the "royal" and Winter as their ward but one who did not have the mantle of privilege or duty of the Royal Princess.

(4) I don't follow the notion that Leia was a tomboy who liked to run wild and had to be under constant check of her parents, aunts, security, etc., as I see Leia being crucially and constantly aware of the responsibility of her people, her planet, and its reputation. Also, while I'm sure Leia did have normal adolescent crushes here and there growing up, Kier Domadi or any other specific EU or new canon love interests do not exist.

Now, back into the story!

Serendipity

(n.) the development of events in an unplanned but happy and beneficial way; finding something delightful when you are not looking for it

That night, well past when they had all turned in, Han heard stirring out in the crew quarters and got up to see what was going on. Not wanting to startle her, he called to Leia first, but when he left his cabin and entered the adjoining one she wasn't in the room.

It didn't surprise him. He knew she was having trouble sleeping in the crew bunks, and for once he didn't think nightmares were to blame. Several nights and early mornings, he'd found Leia shivering from the cold, and while he'd loved to tease her back on Echo about his superior Corellian genes making him impervious to the cold, truth be told, space was a freezing vacuum that made Hoth look like Tatooine. One was completely reliant on a starship's life support systems to make space travel possible, and due to the unexpected nature of this particular voyage, they had collectively decided to turn down the heating at night to conserve resources. It wasn't a necessity at this point, but the Falcon could be buggy at the best of times and she'd recently sustained substantial damage. If the ship's enviro systems were to become overtaxed and diminish in capacity or completely break down while they were stuck out here on sublights, the consequences would be dire. They'd all agreed it seemed better to be safe than sorry. However, Leia appeared to be taking the brunt of it.

Of course, conditions aboard his beloved ship were still far from meager. Each bunk had a built-in heating unit in addition to the Falcon's whole-vessel system, but Leia was an incredibly slight woman and even turned up to full blast she couldn't seem to keep warm.

The first time he saw her suffering, Han had tried to fix it for her, get her to take his cabin after all, or at the very least work out a system of sharing every other night. She had frustratingly rebuffed every attempt he made, either downplaying her discomfort or flat-out refusing to discuss it. Discovering now that it had driven her from sleep yet another night was the final straw. He hastily threw on a shirt, the only concession he made to the chill of the night cycle air, and set out after Leia.

As he walked through the ship on a quest to find her — she'd likely either gone in search of further blankets or a warm drink to heat her up — Han determined that she would be taking his room from tonight on. He was aware that was sure to bring on an argument, and granted, his bunk had an identical heating unit that could go no higher than hers, but his bed was more recessed and offered the additional protection of being in a closed-off cabin that could hold the heat of the day. At any rate, it was the best solution he could come up with, and he'd be unswervingly persistent in his efforts to make her see reason. If need be, she would quickly find him to be equally as stubborn as she.

As predicted, he found Leia quaking behind the dejarik table, bundled up to her neck in the ship's thickest blankets. With her legs and feet tucked up beneath her too, she was just a little braided head popping out of soft Kashyyyk wool, but shaking so much she looked like a vibrocell with a short in it.

"Aw, Sweetheart, come here." He sat down beside her, wrapping himself around her and gathering her close against his body heat.

She was cold enough that she burrowed into him without protest, nestling her icy nose into his neck. Han rubbed his hands up and down her blanketed arms, hoping to encourage blood flow and help him in his efforts to warm her. Seeing her as bad off as this, he knew just taking his cabin wouldn't be enough, but for now, he was focused on easing her current distress.

When she'd finally stopped violently shivering in his arms, Han eased back to look at her, making sure the blankets were still tight around her. She was no longer quivering with cold, but he noted as he slid away from her that her hands were still freezing.

Leia whimpered in protest as her personal Corellian heater moved further and further away. It may be an exaggeration out of a moment of extreme discomfort but it seemed certain she'd never before been that cold — and he was so deliciously warm and soothing and Han. Her brain was too chilled at the moment to register the concept of pride and she reached out for him, begging, "Don't go."

"'M just heading to the galley to get you somethin' hot to drink. What'll it be: Alderaanian tea or cocoa?"

"Cocoa please," she answered, catching his hand to thaw hers out against his warm palm.

Han smiled, closing his fist around her fingers to heat them. "You want regular or Kashyyyk-style?" The Rogues called it Hoth chocolate, but it was really just a spiced cocoa; back on Echo, sometimes mixed with tauntaun milk, sometimes served plain. It was a staple Life Day drink and therefore old-hat to Han, but the Rebels were fanatic about it. Like her caf, though, Leia usually preferred her cocoa straight-up.

"Regular," she confirmed.

He got up from the couch and started to go, but she tugged him back by his hand. "Wait for me; I'm coming with you," Leia decided, pushing her feet out from their blanketed cocoon to land on the Falcon's deck. Hurrying to stand, she cuddled herself back against his chest and all his warmth. "You're just going to have to learn to make cocoa around my body — because I'm not letting you go."

Smirking, Han wrapped both arms around her, holding her to him. "That's a hardship I think I can manage."

Once he had them settled back at the acceleration couch, each with a mug of cocoa now in hand — Leia's half-gone despite the beverage still seeming scalding to him — Han took quiet stock of her. She at last appeared back to normal: no shaking, skin the standard temperature, and a healthy pink tint returned to her lips. That was all fine and good, but this still couldn't go on.

"Okay, I know we already had this out once," he began, bracing himself for the coming quarrel, "but you're miserable, Leia. Fuck propriety; tonight and from now on, you're sleeping next to one of us. Me or Chewie, you decide."

"Threepio's not an option?"

Her soft, playful reply wasn't what Han had expected, but he would happily take this response over the resistance he'd anticipated. "Didn't know you went that way, Sweetheart, but I'll make it a mental note of it: Princess Leia has a droid fetish."

She smiled, rolling her eyes at him. "You're a nut."

"Ain't much cold metal's gonna do to keep you warm, though. Nah, it's me or Chewie. But I warn you, Chewie sheds in his sleep."

"So do I," she quipped, waving the end of her loose sleep braid at him. Han laughed, and Leia grinned at him as she took another long drink of refreshingly warm cocoa.

"Seriously, you gotta look after yourself. If not, then look at me," he tried switching tactics. "How's it gonna look to High Command if I bring you back a princess-cicle?"

He was right and Leia knew it; she couldn't go on this way, and it only made sense for her to bunk with him. His bed was more spacious, his room a lot nicer, and he'd certainly proved himself capable of heating her up. "All right, Han. I'll sleep with you."

"Okay, so it's settled." A loaded silence fell after that, one Han itched to break. Something about the look on her face made him feel oddly guilty, though he didn't know why. He wanted her to be warm, yes, but he also wanted her to feel comfortable, not like he'd bullied her into this or was expecting anything more out of it. "An — and you can bring your pillow, blankets, whatever you want," he affixed, hoping that if she made herself at home in his room that might help ease the tension.

"Thank you," was all she said.

They fell into quiet again, only this one didn't feel quite so anxious to him. He figured maybe she'd just like them to finish their cocoa in companionable silence.

Leia, however, was lost in thought. His solution made every bit of sense on a practical level — she could even store her clothes in his closet rather than folded up in piles on the spare bunk. Yet, Han's unfailing ability to heat her up in the less literal sense was the very reason she hadn't been sharing his bed from the start of their journey. She knew what would follow if she did.

It had already become more and more difficult to say their goodbyes at night. Truth be told, she'd like to share the bunk with Han. Once she'd gotten past the initial shyness and embarrassment, she'd long enjoyed the comfort and feeling of safety in sleeping beside him on missions. But she acutely recognized that sleeping beside Han now would likely lead to more than just sleeping — and it had been just a standard week.

Leia's heart sped in a panicked rhythm at the very thought.

A mere week! She couldn't move that fast.

She couldn't go from not even admitting that she might have feelings for Han to having him inside her, all in the space of only a few days. She was too cautious and judicious a person for that. Especially after the trauma of Ord Mantell, when she'd tried to boldly take that leap, tried for once in her life to be open and spontaneous, only for it to lead to disaster and Han's determination to actually leave.

Her heart wasn't prepared to act so impulsively again. It would take longer than this, with some middle ground, some steps in between I don't know what you're talking about and actual sex.

Because of that conviction, Leia knew that accepting Han's offer of a shared bunk must first mean an awkward but necessary conversation with him.

It was going to come up sooner or later, anyway. Honestly, with the way they were lately, probably sooner. She might as well buck up and deal with it now. Organas never shrank from a challenge, all the more so when they felt unnerved or outside of their depth; her father had taught her that.

"Han," Leia tentatively began, searching for how to best word the deeply personal disclosure. This was far from the Senate floor, and oh so much more delicate than galactic trade relations. "I want to talk to you about something. Not really 'want'. Actually, far from 'want'," she corrected ruefully. "But need. I need to talk to you about this."

"Okay…" Han tried to keep his tone carefully even but her setup wasn't exactly encouraging. It left him downright nervous over what she felt she had to say yet did not want to reveal.

Leia pivoted on the coach to better face him; another thing Bail had taught her was to face her problems head-on — though she was certain her father, even in remembered advice, would want nowhere near the conversation she was about to have.

"I think I need to tell you that…all things considered, and with your —" What? His reputation? His renowned proficiency? His supposedly debauched past? She settled for waving a hand over him. "With all that." Wearing one of his infamous shirts that stayed open to mid-chest and a pair of form-hugging sleep pants slung low on his hips, hair rumpled and fresh from bed, he looked every bit the scoundrel seducer he was purported to be. "What I'm trying to say is that I…I'm not exactly…experienced. With these things." She looked to him meaningfully, hoping he'd gotten the gist of that and it was as detailed as she would need to be.

Han let out a sigh of relief. "Is that all? I thought it was gonna be somethin' bad." He grinned, reassured. "Sweetheart, I'm glad you said that. 'Cos 'm not experienced with it, either." He cast his eyes to the side uncomfortably before forcing them back to meet hers, looking uncommonly self-conscious. "Truth is, I've never been in a real relationship before."

He'd misunderstood her, she instantly knew, but his statement — or what it implicitly implied — nevertheless made Leia happy. "Is that what we're in?" she coyly inquired.

Han looked all nervous again, almost shy, as he told her, "I'd say so."

It reminded her of his expression, one she'd never forget, on the morning he'd come to the Command Center to say goodbye to her before leaving Hoth. It made her think now that perhaps she'd misjudged the entire encounter and Han hadn't been smug or trying to throw her feelings in her face to get some sort of trophy confirmation. He'd been apprehensive, and anxiously hopeful of receiving a tender sendoff from her before walking into certain danger.

Leia swallowed back a sudden lump in her throat and took his hand. "I'd say that, too," she assured him.

"Good," Han answered with a smirk, and he brought her hand up to kiss the inside of her wrist. "That's really good," he added, going back for seconds, sliding his hand around to the back of hers to press two additional kisses into her palm. "Like I said, I've never done an actual relationship." His eyes sparked mischief and he waggled his brows at her suggestively. "You're my first. And I gotta admit, Princess, I've been a little afraid I was gonna mess things up. Break some royal protocol — or, hells, just plain female protocol. I don't know." He threw his hands up. "These are uncharted skies for me."

"They are for me, too, Han. I've never been in a relationship, either."

"You? Come on," he said in disbelief. "Never?"

"No." She shook her head, amused at his incredulity.

"Aw, I find it hard to believe there wasn't a line of princes knocking on your door."

"There were a few, yes. Princes and otherwise."

"But no spacers," Han put in, setting his jaw. "No two-bit smugglers callin' on you — that I can bet."

"Two-bit?" Leia countered, weaving her fingers through his. "And here I thought you had quite the operation. What happened to 'might not seem like much but you've got it where it counts'? I believe that was the guarantee." Now she was the one to bring his hand to her mouth, placing kisses over each knuckle. "But no, there were no smugglers or spacers. Not any princes or nobility, either. Not really. At least nothing official, no courtship. Nothing I would call a relationship."

"Well, alright," he resolved jauntily. "I'll be your first, and you'll be mine. And if we mess somethin' up, maybe we're both so green neither of us'll notice!"

She laughed warmly. "I think that's a good plan."

"Whaddya say we get started on it, then?" Han gave her his bawdiest wink and leaned in to kiss her, but she put a hand on his shoulder, gently but firmly stopping him.

He looked to her in question. Leia tactfully cleared her throat, trying again. "It is a good plan, Han. But that wasn't the sort of inexperience I was referring to. I wasn't talking about relationships, necessarily. I — I meant that I've…."

She hesitated, reluctant to voice it aloud, knowing it would change the way he perceived her. It was her mother's voice she heard in her head this time, spurring her on: Out with it, my Leia; the reaction can't be as bad as you imagine. "I've never had a lover before," Leia told him frankly, feeling herself quite brave.

Han was confused; he thought they'd just pretty well covered not ever having a significant other. "How's that different than a rela—" And then the information fully processed: alover. She meant, as in, sex with a lover, he quickly worked out.

Leia was all but positive Han understood now — she could see the dawning light in his eyes — but to be certain, she more bluntly spelled it out. "I've never been with anyone before."

Yep, she absolutely meant sex, Han thought, and his eyebrow went up just a tad before he could check it. "Ever?"

"Never."

"You're a ––" He stopped short, as if to utter the word would be offensive to her.

"I'm a virgin. You can say it, Han."

"A virgin. Huh."

He looked her up and down, she was certain involuntarily. But that's what she hated about this; people knowing it always made them see her differently. "It's not that I'm a prude." She wanted that established right away.

Han met her eyes sharply at that, sensing troubled waters. "Never said you were."

"I'm not an oddity, or an antiquity. I'm not some relic from another time. And don't you dare blame Alderaan."

"Sweetheart, I'm not blaming anyone," he said cautiously.

Leia shook her head at herself. "You're right. I'm sorry. It's possible I may be a bit defensive about this. But it's a…sensitive matter — and when it comes to matters of sex, people often misunderstand and jump to the wrong conclusions. It was not a requirement on my home planet. Alderaan had very progressive sexual views. It had nothing to do with —" She took a breath, releasing it heavily, stopping herself before she fell into the involuntary reflex of defending her lost planet. "It's complicated."

It was evident to Han that the whole topic made her uncomfortable, the same way he imagined he'd be if he had to start listing off his sexual history. "Look, Leia, you don't gotta explain anything to me. What you do or don't do ain't nobody's business but your own."

"It's sort of yours now, too, isn't it? I mean…if we ever…." She looked away, her cheeks coloring in a deep blush. When she looked back at him, Han was waiting patiently and gave her an encouraging smile. "I don't like telling people," Leia admitted, "but if we're going to be together, I think it's something you should know. I think you should also know why."

"Okay." Han nodded supportively. "Whatever you want to tell me, I want to hear."

Where to even start, Leia wondered. She was known for her polished, impassioned delivery, but on the Senate floor she had always been prepared, routinely rehearsing and re-rehearsing speeches and policy ad nauseam. This was a conversation she'd never worked out or even once imagined. "To be clear, I wasn't oppressed. My virginity wasn't something I was forced or pressured to maintain. The fact that I've never had sex with anyone has been entirely my own choice, and no one else's."

"That I believe," he responded with a smile. "No one's ever made Leia Organa do anything a day in her life."

She smiled back, pleased that he appreciated that about her. Of course that it was all her doing brought things back to the whole prude misconception. "It's not that I'm against it, sex. I have the same feelings and desires as everyone else."

Han nearly stopped her there — wanting to hear all about her desires, in great detail — but he wisely stayed silent, knowing this was her time to speak, her truth to tell.

"I feel everything the same, I've just always known there were things of greater importance than my feelings. Not that I was selfless all the time," Leia clarified. "I had my own pursuits, enjoyments, and frivolities like anyone else. Believe it or not, I used to be funny — I used to enjoy fun."

"'S not hard to believe," he cut in. "Anyone who really knows you knows there's no 'used to' about it. You still are; you still do. You just gotta let yourself."

"That was easier before Alderaan." An understatement if there ever was one, and conceded heavily enough that it prompted Han to take her hand and soothingly rub his thumb over the back of it. "Even then, going all the way back to when I was a little girl, I could — I know it sounds crazy, but I could sense I was destined for more. I knew there were important things happening, and I wanted to be a part of them. I wanted to follow in my father's footsteps. I wanted to help end suffering and restore peace. That goal only further solidified in my adolescence. I wasn't immune to the changes that came with puberty; there were boys of varying degrees of interest, but none who managed to truly turn my head. My focus was on larger things. It always seemed — the way it does, I suppose, when you're very young — that I had all the time in the world to get to that. But how could I be concerned with such a trivial thing as what boy to see when the entire galaxy was falling apart? So while other young women of my age and social standing were planning their debutante balls, I was planning my Senate campaign. Can you honestly see me at a debutante ball, anyway?" Leia asked with a laugh.

"You'd've blasted the first guy who looked at you funny," Han smirked.

"Yes, I'm half convinced that's what my father had in mind when he saw to my self-defense and marksmanship training," she grinned. "No, debutante balls and I were never meant to be. But before you go thinking I'm so angelically altruistic, even if the galaxy had been at peace I still wouldn't have had any interest in displaying myself in some marriage market. And it wasn't only the tiresomeness of royal courtships that put me off. I didn't have much in common with potential suitors; we had entirely different priorities. I'm self-aware enough to realize I was an outsider amongst my peers, in a way that had nothing to do with being a princess. I started at University years ahead of schedule. I was running for office before I would have even graduated had I stayed in the traditional program. I spent more time around men my father's age, or older, than anyone my own."

"I can picture that, Young Leia in conference with a bunch of white-haired Dodonnas," Han chuckled. "Later, scouring the Net for more info, huddled over her datapad with a stylus in one hand and a huge cup of caf in the other. No idle holovision for you."

"Something like that, yes," she fondly confirmed. "Not to say my choice was primarily due to lack of opportunity. That was an issue, but there were much bigger obstacles because of who I was: the princess, successor of the Alderaanian Royal Families and heir to the throne. That alone made me potential fodder for holoreporters. I led a life in the public eye; it made me a person of interest. Add on that I was the youngest ever member of the Galactic Senate and it exponentially compounded the holotabloid interest. Anyone could have been trying to take advantage of me. Beyond the normal ways that men try to take advantage of inexperienced women, that is," Leia wryly adjoined.

"Having a lover would have meant giving a man unprecedented access — not just to my body, but to myself — and that would have been undeniably risky. He might have taken a compromising holo to sell. Or, Force forbid, made a holorecording. He may have stolen something from my apartments: trinkets to prove an intimate connection, or something far more sinister than that. A man may have attempted to bed me to manipulate me, to gain undue political influence in Alderaan or in the Senate." Leia used taking another sip of cocoa as an excuse to eye Han consideringly, trying to gauge his reaction. "I realize that sexual espionage may sound extreme, but that's—"

"Not extreme at all," Han interrupted her, shaking his head to the contrary. "High or low born, Worship, sex is used as a tool of manipulation everywhere."

"So you see what I mean," Leia approved. "Even sex that's kept purely physical still requires a degree of trust and vulnerability. Letting another person see you, experience you, in the throes of passion with all your guards down? Knowing the intimate details of your body, the expressions and sounds you make? That's blackmail potential all by itself. Even without any holos, someone could write a novel or an article. And that's not even getting into the dangers the Empire posed. They wouldn't have been above sending someone in that way, to infiltrate the daughter of the man suspected to be a leader of the Rebellion — a daughter who eventually became suspected of being a spy herself."

"The Empire ain't above anything, we both know that," Han agreed.

"It only made sense to be cautious," she went on, thrilled that he didn't appear to think her rationale paranoid or extreme. "From infancy, I was raised to be conscious of those who might try to take advantage of me: my name, my position. When I got close to being of age, my aunts began lecturing me all about the dangers of a —" Leia rolled her eyes in tolerant memory of the well-meaning but intrusive sisters of her father. "They called it 'romantic' but they meant 'sex' scandal. My position put me at unique risk of, at best, embarrassing my family, my people, and my planet. At worst, putting their lives in danger. I got that talk from them yearly — monthly, once I went to live on my own at University and then in the Senate — but it wasn't a warning that was needed. I'd always keenly felt the weight of my responsibilities."

She saw Han's eyes sharpen at that; riled, she speculated, at the idea of so many encumbrances being placed on someone so young. Perhaps, too, at the concept of existing all her life under such heavy scrutiny.

"Please don't get the wrong idea," Leia cautioned. "My choice wasn't unduly influenced by my aunts. They weren't telling me anything I wasn't already aware of. Although it's true they were conservative and old-fashioned, personally supporting celibacy before marriage, what they preached to me was caution and how to cover one's tracks. If anything, their lectures made it possible for me to have gotten away with an affair undetected."

Yes, she wanted him to understand the risks — the things beyond her control that had held her back and made her more reticent of pursing romantic and sexual relationships — but what Leia needed Han to know was that it had come down to her: her limits, her boundaries. Knowing that, he may better appreciate how, even limited as it had thus far been, what she was undertaking with him was so momentous.

"There was a lot — a lot — to consider in when and how and with whom to become intimate, but it was ultimately only my own decision not to. There may not have been as much freedom or opportunity as other women my age, but there was enough that I could have had a lover if I'd wanted to." Leia's eyes held Han's fixedly as she got to the very heart of it. "The truth is, my priorities being what they were, and given the complications, there was honestly never anyone I found to be worth the risk. I suppose I just never wanted anyone enough. Until you."

She smiled up at him, somewhat shyly given all she had just imparted — deeply personal things she'd scarcely told anyone, and never any man. Then Han's hand found its way around hers against her mug and it warmed Leia from the inside out more than the drink ever could. It was an easy decision to let go of it and hold onto him instead.

"I hadn't planned on you. In fact, you were distinctly against everything I'd planned," she told him, her lips quirking at the ironic folly of trying to rigidly plot her future, an all the more ridiculous prospect in such tumultuous times. "You weren't what I thought I wanted." Perhaps a person wasn't meant to say that to their lover, she pondered, but it was the truth nonetheless, and he already knew it. "You've been here the past years; there's no point in lying. Finding you happened at the most inconvenient time, under nearly impossible circumstances, and I fought against it with every fiber of my being."

"But I have no regrets," Leia vowed, lacing their fingers together against the dejarik table. "You were a difficult to reconcile but oh-so-needed change of plans." She laughed at herself, able to find amusement now in what had once tortured her so. "And suddenly I found myself wanting something more than seeing Vader taken down, more than watching the Empire pay for all it's done. For the first time, despite all the complications, I want to invite someone into my bed. And the surprising thing is, I find I love that feeling. You, Han Solo, are sexual serendipity."

For all his bluster over the years about how madly in love with him she was, it was difficult for Han to wrap his mind around what Leia was telling him. It was hard enough for him to believe she was actually agreeing to any sort of non-platonic involvement with him. The reality of Leia wanting him in the same way he wanted her, wanting to take him into her bed and share her body with him, that alone was something he was still acclimating himself to; that it was real, that it was actually happening and not just another of his hopeless fantasies. And now hearing this, that her desire for him was so singular, the feelings he engendered in her so wholly unique that he'd made her want and feel things no one else ever had….As true as all those same things were for him with her, it was impossible not to find it gratifying and unequivocally thrilling on a level Han almost couldn't fathom.

"Well, I — honey, I'm flattered." That didn't do it justice, the honor and privilege of the greatest woman in the galaxy only ever wanting him, but it was the closest he could come to it in words for a man who lacked her eloquence.

Flattered he was, though he was also compelled to immediately make it clear he wouldn't ever exploit that privilege. Even if he had it in him to be that despicable — which he didn't, never had; never once had taken advantage of any woman — he so particularly loved and respected Leia that the idea of dishonoring her was inconceivable. "And you must know by now, I'd never do any of those things to you. A sex scandal or whatever. I'm not a risk," he promised her.

"No, I know you're not," Leia wholeheartedly affirmed. Yet, she couldn't keep from adding, "You're not a risk of that."

"But of leavin' you," Han nodded, resigned. It was the point of contention they'd had out a million times since he'd met her, and it was nowhere near resolved.

"I don't want to talk about that right now," she answered, quick and adamant, shaking her head against facts she didn't want to face. "I don't want us to fight. The point is I simply made the choices I made because they were best for me and my situation." She exhaled deeply, eyeing him carefully. "But that means I do find myself a virgin in her twenties. The question is: are you shocked by that?"

"Not…shocked, no. Gotta say 'm a little surprised. It's not like I thought you were bed-hoppin' through Coruscant, but I'd've figured — a woman of your age and background? — there'd have been at least a few guys here and there, at University or in the Senate. But now that I think about it," he qualified, "what you said, someone in your position? It makes a lot of sense not to. And hells, you did more to help people than most being three times your age. Who's got time to worry about their love life when they've got a galaxy to save, right?"

"Yes. Exactly. In the meantime, I never expected to encounter you or all that goes along with us."

"I'm right there with you in that," he rejoined, still bowled away by it all.

Leia squeezed his hand fondly but wasn't ready to put the topic to a close. She hadn't yet had all the confirmation she needed from him. "So you're not shocked, but does it…." She took a long fortifying breath, telling herself it would be all right if he was put-off; she'd always expected a man to be. "….does it bother you?"

Han's brow furrowed in confusion. "Why would it bother me?" The question wasn't rhetorical; he truly didn't understand why she seemed to think it could.

She swallowed heavily, reluctant to have all her vulnerability laid bare. "Well….becoming involved with someone who's never — being someone's first, I imagine that would make it seem much more serious to their partner. And lacking practice in that area, it would follow that the inexperienced person wouldn't have the same skill set as—"

"Sweetheart," he stopped her with a tender smile, "I was pretty damn serious to begin with. If you're tryin' to put me off, you're gonna have to do better than that. So you need an initiation into sex — you think that'll bother me? Are you kiddin'? That's like a holoporn."

Han knew immediately by her expression that he shouldn't have said that last part out loud. She withdrew her hand from his and coolly replied, "I don't need you to initiate me into anything, thank you very much."

"'M sorry, Leia. Kriff, I'm an idiot. I do make it difficult, don't I?" he expressed, ruefully. That brought her eyes back to his so he continued hopefully, "I swear I didn't mean anything bad by it. I'm just sayin' if you're worried about a gap in experience levels, that's nothin' we can't easily handle."

"What makes you think there's a gap?" she countered defiantly.

"You just said you're a—"

"Just because I've never had a lover doesn't mean I'm asexual. I'll have you know that while my aunts lectured all about the dangers, my mother on the other hand…" Leia let that trail off baitingly, an affectionate spark in her eye for the intrepid, free-spirited woman her mother had been. "She didn't diminish the truth of those risks — particularly when it came to the Empire and my involvement with the Rebellion — but while my aunts talked scandal and how to prevent it, my mother showed me how to make it unnecessary in the first place."

"I don't wanna step in it any further here, Worship," Han trod prudently, "but can I ask, what does that mean?"

She leaned in conspiratorially, though there wasn't anyone else in the room to overhear them. "It's something of a longstanding secret passed among women of royalty, politics, and position to avoid the temptation of getting involved altogether by…shall we say, taking care of matters oneself." As predicted, Han looked a bit stupefied by that. "While my mother didn't agree with never getting involved, she believed women shouldn't be beholden to or reliant on any man simply to satisfy very human, very natural impulses and desires; that a woman needn't take a lover purely to experience that kind of gratification when it was well within her own power to give herself such pleasures." Leia said the next part confidently, almost bragging, delighted with the knowledge that this surely would shock him — she was fairly certain she was about to knock his socks off. "And my mother educated me in that vein."

"Wait, wait-wait, wait a minute." Han had to interrupt here, tactful or not. "Let me get this straight: are you saying your mother, the Queen of Alderaan, taught you how to masturbate?"

"I wouldn't put it quite that way."

"Yeah, sure, okay," he waved off the difference, rapt with interest, "but that's what happened?"

"It's not as if she sat me down and demonstrated. But she did encourage…self-exploration." Leia's cheeks pinkened, still finding it awkward to spell it out for him bit-by-bit, but she forced herself on, determined not to be embarrassed about this. She knew what her mother would say, had in fact said: If you can't talk candidly with a man about sex then you certainly can't expect to enjoyably have it with him.

"My mother wasn't just the queen, she was also the Minister of Education of Alderaan," Leia went on, "and for her, 'education' had a broad range; she considered this to be merely another part of it. Even on progressive planets like Alderaan, there was often still something of a biased taboo surrounding women's sexual enlightenment that never was present for men. One of her goals was to see that bias obliterated. She wanted woman of every station to be knowledgeable of sexual health as well as their own anatomy and what aroused them, so they could enjoy sexual fulfilment on par with any man, with or without a partner."

Boldly meeting his gaze, Leia divulged, "She gave me tips toward that end." With a mischievous twist of her lips, she added, "And when I was elected to the Senate, she gifted me with a discreet device to aid in that effort."

"A — a device?" Han stammered. Whether it was chivalrous to say so or not, this whole thing was like the set-up of a holoporn — and he couldn't believe he was lucky enough to be living it.

"It had all the appearance of a compact mirror," she revealed with a provocative grin, "so if anyone were to find it they'd be none the wiser."

"Is it here?" He didn't need to explore what aroused him; the thought of Leia and a device already had him there.

"Yes, Han." She rolled her eyes sardonically. "I escaped the Empire at Hoth with just the clothes on my back, but somehow I managed to take that."

"Right, yeah, course," he nodded gruffly, straining to rein himself back in, using the diversion of picking up his mug and taking several swigs to distract himself.

"No, my most personal belongings were destroyed with Alderaan, and I never recovered too much from my apartment at Coruscant. That particular gift was lost long ago, and it's not exactly something you petition High Command to requisition."

Shavit, what he wouldn't have given to be a flitnat on the wall for that hypothetical conversation! Han was sidetracked from further ribald imaginings, however, by Leia's next question: "Besides, do you need a device?"

He choked on his cocoa, half of it going down the wrong way and the other half ending up spattered over the table. "Me? Are you askin' if I ever use anything to get off?"

"I can guess what you use," she retorted smartly. Sliding away from him along the acceleration couch, she went to fetch a rag to clean up the mess. Chewie wouldn't take kindly to having his game board damaged, and she figured Han's spit-take was at least half her fault.

Having retrieved what she was looking for in his toolbox, Leia turned from where he'd left it beside the engineering station to wiggle her fingers at him pointedly. "Nature gifted us all with our own devices; we don't need anything additional. And come now, Hotshot," she tsked at him as if she'd expected more, "someone as inventive and resourceful as you are with the Falcon's repairs ought to know there are any number of objects in this room alone that could be improvised to that end if a person really wanted."

"What objects? Which ones? Be specific. What would you use?" he blurted, utterly transfixed.

"Han, you're getting off-track."

"Well, hells, Leia," he gaped, "you can't just start talkin' matter-of-fact about pleasurin' yourself and not expect me to get a little distracted." He caught her hand as she wiped the table and tugged her back down to the couch beside him, now on his opposite side.

"Fair enough," she allowed with a smirk, wriggling out of his grasp enough to deposit the cocoa-damp towel onto the floor. "But you can see why I don't need any introductions to sex."

"Maybe…."

She could tell by Han's tone that his opinion was far from ending there. "Maybe what?" Leia posed. "What is it you're avoiding saying?"

"Well, it ain't the same, though, is it?" Han's brow rose challengingly and he pulled her in closer by the edges of the blanket still wrapped around her. "You can't kiss yourself — not where it really counts. You can't press up against yourself," he whispered enticingly, doing just that. "You always know where your hand's goin' next; no surprise, no anticipation, no erotic teasin' there. And Sweetheart," he murmured against her ear, "I could touch myself all night and it wouldn't be anywhere close to the effect of a single touch from you."

Leia's stomach did a little flip at that, her heartrate answering in kind.

"Hells, just a swipe from one of your little fingers," Han hummed, his lips soft against her lobe as he played with those fingers now, just the same as he had that afternoon in the circuity bay.

The hitch in his breathing and the pick-up in her own told Leia things were quickly getting away from her. This whole discussion had begun as a means of safeguarding a night spent in his bed — and all the nights to follow. Yet here they were, somehow on the very perilous topic of touching themselves and one another.

"I see what you mean," she acknowledged, edging away enough to put a bit of space back between them. "And it's a valid point: one isn't anything like the other." It had occurred to her, of course, but the difference never seemed as real as it did in this moment. "Actually, I think I was bluffing before, Han," she realized aloud.

"About which part? Your mother? All of it?"

"It's all been true. I think I was bluffing about the 'gap in experience levels' part. That is a concern of mine."

"And that's why you told me? So I'd — I don't know…" Han shrugged awkwardly. "…be gentle?"

Leia laughed softly at that, grateful for the break in tension his shared discomfiture afforded. "I wasn't worried that you'd hurt me. I just — I know you must have been with women who've known exactly how to —" She broke off, shaking her head, not really wanting to finish that statement. Trying a different angle at the same implication, she said, "I'm a novice at…everything, all of it, and I—"

"Sweetheart, are you trying to say 'cos it's your first time you think it won't be good for me? Kest," he swore incredulously. "You can get that thought right outta your mind. Princess, you could just breathe on my neck and it would already be the most satisfyin' thing I ever felt."

"You're sweet, but I find that hard to believe," she scoffed.

"Believe it or don't, you'll find out." Whether that was a promise, a threat, or a warning, she wasn't sure, but it was delivered with the urgency of a blaster quick-draw — and it sent the same bolt of electricity down her spine.

"God, Leia, you leave me undone." Han's concern had been just the opposite: if he would be able to last long enough to satisfy her once she was naked against him; she had that strong of an effect on him, and he'd wanted her for so long. "All you have to do is be there and it's the hottest thing I could ever imagine. But kriff, honey, why're you worryin' about me? Your first time havin' sex?" The responsibility was all on him to make it good for her. "You should be thinkin' about how I can please you."

"I'm not worried about that," Leia dismissed with a smile. "Like you said, all you have to do is be there to get me going."

Han grinned, and Leia let him pull her into a lingering kiss — one in which she indulged herself by absorbedly sucking his lower lip, drawing it into her mouth even as he straightened away. "Undone," he rumbled in a breathless groan, his eyes falling down to her lips in a daze of hunger that he had to literally shake himself out of.

"For the record, Han, the reason I told you was in the interest of honesty, and," she explained, catching his eyes significantly, "so that you'd understand why I'm not ready to go to bed with you just yet. I know we're not teenagers and I don't want to sound juvenile, but—"

"Nothing juvenile about not wantin' to jump into someone's bunk," he cut in, hoping to dispel that idea right quick. "It's the opposite of juvenile, Leia. Treating sex too casually, offhanded — that's the juvenile thing. Believe me; I know a little somethin' about that."

Leia wasn't sure if that was an admission of a youth spent in heedless, impersonal sex; or maybe he was only saying that he used to think of sex that way, but now no longer did. She suspected it was a combination of both. Either way, it was a reassuring adjustment, but not quite what she was getting at. "Right, but you and I, we're not casual. This thing between us has been going on for a long, long time. It wouldn't be exactly jumping; we both know that. So I don't want you to think I have some deeper sexual hang-up. I don't, it's just —"

She grasped for an explanation, something to put it into relatable terms. "Well, take caf, for example. To most people, drinking caf is just a regular, everyday thing. Enjoyable, even needed, but still, a commonplace and routine part of life. But when viewed in light of someone who's never tasted caf, it suddenly makes much more sense to place such emphasis on a seemingly ordinary, run-of-the-mill thing. Can you understand that?"

"Yeah, I understand it fine, Leia. I understand it more than you think. That's what I'm tryin' to say here. I don't just mean I should've given sex more weight than I did, though that's true. I'm sayin', knowing that about you? I never would've thought of havin' sex with you as ordinary. Not at any time. But — okay, yeah, let's take caf," Han invoked her example. "So you fly around the galaxy and you find yourself wantin' a cup of caf? Alright, no big deal; just land on-planet and drink whatever caf you can find, whatever you can get. After all, it's just a regular part of life, nothin' special there. But if you do find someone special, and that someone's never had caf before? Not even once? When they want their first cup, you wanna give them the best cup of caf there is. 'Cos you want their first experience with caf to be an enjoyable one. And you want it to show all caf has to offer so they'll get the right idea about caf — and, you know, so they'll like it; so they'll see how kriffin' amazin' caf is and want to have another cup, and another and another. So, yeah, I get why you'd place emphasis on that. You should. I do."

All of that was lovely, but it still sounded to Leia like his concerns were with making it a pleasurable first time for her, and that wasn't the issue she was having. "But it isn't the act itself, that's not why I'm — This isn't maidenly fear, Han. That's what I'm trying to say. For me, this isn't everyday, and while you may have known me to be incautious at times about doing whatever it takes to help the Rebellion, in this, I can't be incautious. I can't go full speed ahead; I'm just not made that way. I need time. I need some levels in between. You know the old saying: learn to fly a speeder before you fly a starship. I'm not ready to…to drink caf yet," she fell back on their euphemism. "Not even with you. My whole life, long before the Death Star, has been spent in building boundaries. I can't tear them all down just like that — I tried on Ord Mantell and it led to a month of hell. I need to ease my way into caf; maybe start with tea, work my up," she quipped with a small smile, the analogy falling apart a bit since neither one knew what exactly 'tea' constituted. "If that means you no longer what to share your actual bed with me," she continued, "I understand."

"Who's being a nerfherder now? I shared a bed with you plenty of times before I could so much as kiss you. Why would I stop now?" Han instantly dispensed with that notion. "Leia, I don't need you to jump into bed with me. Not gonna lie, it'd be nice," he smirked devilishly, "but I don't need that. Don't even want that, not until you do. I'm a patient man when I gotta be. Willing and prepared to wait for you, for when it's right for you."

Leia raised a dubious brow. "Even though you've already been waiting years?"

"Even though," he confirmed, taking her hand again and looping it through the crook of his arm. "It don't matter how much I want caf, or how many cups I've had in the past, you…you're like Chewie's caf."

She blinked at him. "I'm sorry, what?"

"No, Worship," Han guffawed. "I mean actual caf, as in roasted caf beans. You know, back on Hoth? We'd all wait — even walk all the way across the freezin' base to the Falcon — rather than drink what was on hand. 'Cos a pot of Chewie's caf.…" He looked to her leadingly, waiting for her to complete the thought.

"It had superior flavor," she finished with a smile.

"Uh-huh. And, Sweetheart, you're the highest quality brew." He gave her a crooked grin and bent to kiss her forehead. "I've already walked across — how many bases? I lost track."

She shoved him playfully with her shoulder. "Oh, just for my caf, hmm?"

"No, to save your princessly ass. But yeah, I was hoping one day to get a taste of caf with you. Everyone knew that; there were odds on it, for kest's sake."

Leia cocked her head wryly. "Let's not forget that a good deal of those bets revolved around how much I wanted to get a taste of caf with you. Everyone knew that, too."

Beaming, Han kissed her temple this time. "Thanks for sharing all this with me," he told her, his lips still against her skin. "I mean it, Princess. I know it ain't easy lettin' boundaries fall."

True, but her reasons were less noble than that, more of a necessity in her mind than to bond with him, and Leia told him as much. "I am glad you know, but I'll admit, I wasn't thinking of letting walls down between us. It was something that would've had to come up at some point…wouldn't it?"

"Not necessarily." He pulled back to meet her eyes, judge the expression on her face. "If you're askin' if a guy would notice, he might not."

"You would have noticed," Leia replied without a doubt. "You're too in tune to me not to."

Han put his hand over hers on his arm, his gaze earnest and direct. "I'm in no hurry — I'm not talking about now — but when, if, the time comes when you're ready and you want to…" He paused, tracing the fingers of his free hand over her face along her hairline. "I will make it good for you, Leia; I promise you that."

Her answer was just as earnest, and laced with soft affection. "I know you will." With the magnitude with which she'd lusted after him these past years, Han wouldn't need to do much to get her to 'good'. And even beyond her desire for him, she'd never once doubted she would enjoy intimacy with Han, if for nothing else than the way he'd always been so careful with her, so mindful of her; she wouldn't expect their sex life to be any different.

"I'm ready when you are, Sweetheart. Till then, I'm fully okay takin' things at whatever pace you set. Just tell me if I overstep any boundaries with you."

Leia shook her head. "You wouldn't do that," she told him confidently.

"Like to think so, but you got a way of drivin' me beyond myself. Just promise you'll say somethin' if you don't like it — the nanosecond you want me to stop."

"All right, I promise. But, Han, being inexperienced doesn't make me a naïve innocent. Promise me you'll remember that."

Han laughed at the very idea. "There ain't a kriffin' thing naïve about you, Princess. Haven't been able to get nothin' over on you since our very first base — hells, since the Death Star. I don't care if you've been with a hundred men or none; doesn't change the way I feel about you. And you know," he asserted with an amorous half-grin, "I think your mother had the right idea."

Leia's eyes sparkled expectantly. "She did, hmm? Which part?"

"The part about explorin', figurin' out what you like. Only now, you can do it with me. We can figure it out together." Before she got the wrong idea that he would try to press her, Han added, "Don't gotta be naked. There's plenty of area in between — and lots you can get from it."

"Such as?" she asked with a coyly teasing smile.

"Such as this," he answered, kissing her with increasing passion as they cuddled together in the dimly lit hold.

AN: I based Breha's interactions with adolescent Leia on the actual mother of someone I know who truly raised her daughter that way in real life, which was initially a shocking concept to younger me but now I find rather marvelous and wonderfully empowering.