Sorry that the last Christmas special took forever. That was my bad, but I hope you guys enjoy it. The next chapter update will be in a bit because of finals week and the rest of my fics need attending too. The date for when that will happen will be posted on my profile for all those who are curious. I love you guys! Please leave a comment or criticism!

Saph's PoV

Petra was openly staring at Levi as he scrubbed down the counters. Flicking water at her, not even Auruo could get her attention away from our Captain. It was our designated cleaning day, one we had almost once a week, and we all had our separate chores to do.

"I never imagined that Captain Levi was like this when I first heard about him," she said in absolute wonderment. Her cheeks red while her eyes sparkled.

Stretching my aching arm, I considered the girl in front of me. Not even knowing his quirks had dimmed her complete admiration for him. I guess it would take more than knowing your hero is a clean freak to erase the reverence brought upon by having your life saved. "He doesn't care what people think of him, but it would ruin some of the Survey Corps image if the Strongest Solider wasn't as cool as everyone thought he was."

"He's still cooler than you," Auruo snorted.

Shoving my mop in his face, I watched as he sputtered out the dirty water with a disgusted look on his face. "You have no room to talk. The first day here, you pissed yourself."

"That's because I looked at you."

"Don't worry, Saph. It must have been because he had never seen such an amazing creature before," Leon said as he tried to take my hand in his. I swatted his hand away and resumed mopping.

"Or it was because I was horrified and disgusted."

"Auruo!" Petra reprimanded. "You're just jealous because Saph is Levi's second in command."

Leon nodded with her. "Even Levi likes to have pretty women by his side. Sorry, Auruo."

"She's second in command because of standing around yapping, she's cleaning." I glanced to see if I could catch Levi's eye, but his attention went to Petra. "I would like another cup of that tea, Petra"

"Of course, Sir!" Petra handed her supplies over to Auruo and went to the kitchen. A slow burn began to lick at my ribs, the heat turning the stark, white bone to ash. I had no knowledge of how to prepare tea, and suddenly, I wish I did.

Levi turned back to his task at hand, leaving Auruo, Leon and I to exchange suspicious looks with each other.

"Someone's playing favorites," Leon said, tilting his head in the direction of the kitchen. "I never thought Levi could ask politely instead of just demanding obedience."

Auruo seemed to disagree. "We all know that he loves his tea almost as much as cleaning. Of course he would choose the best person to make it."

"Is someone jealous?"

"I bet you wish you were making Levi his tea," I snarked at Auruo.

Draping an arm over my shoulders, Leon pulled me close. "Saph, Saph, Saph. That's not what I was talking about."

"But?" I tried to start while squirming away from his touch. Finally, I just stomped on his toes to make him let me go.

"Ouch! Leon stumbled away from me, knocking over the bucket of dirty water in the process. "Shit!"

"Language!" Petra shouted

"What the hell happened?" Levi asked stopping what he was doing and fixing us with a glare.

Auruo stood up from his stooped position. Straightening his jacket as he did so. "These brats were screwing around, and they accidentally made a mess."

"Stop acting like the Captain!"

A head ache was threatening to take over my senses. All this noise, all these people who didn't know a single thing about personal space. I couldn't deal with it! Without drawing attention to myself, I slipped past an arguing Leon and Auruo. "I'm going to take a break," I whispered in Levi's ear. A small inclination of the head was the signal I needed to leave.

Walking out the door, I let the fresh air hit me. That was all I need to feel much better. Since it was pretty warm outside, I shed my outfit until I was only in a tank top and shorts. Easing my tired feet from the boots, it felt wonderful to have the soft grass embracing them.

Stretching my limbs, I was prepared to go for a run in the woods. The simple happiness of jogging with nature surrounding me was so close to my reach. Birds chirping. Small animals diving into the underbrush. Almost the complete opposite of the Underground.

"Where are you going?"

Twisting around, I found a curious Petra watching me. "Out." The reason I got out of there was to be alone, not to bring company along with me.

"I've been wanting to talk to you," she hesitated, stepping forward as if I was going to bolt any second. "What you said to me those few weeks ago-"

"When we were on the expedition?"

"Yeah."

Figuring that she wasn't going to leave me alone about it, I sat on a nearby stump. "What do you want to know?" It had been in the dark recesses of my mind, the idea that she was going to bring it up on her own terms. Her reaction belied a caring nature that made her want to help others. Nothing like me. However, I had hoped the suddenness and bluntness of the statement made would have put her off for a bit longer. This wasn't a conversation I was looking forward too in any way.

"Does anybody else know?"

Those open, trusting eyes were gazing at me with such concern, that I couldn't lie to her. Not when she had showed me such kindness since the beginning of us meeting. There weren't many people like her in the cruel, distasteful world we lived in. I could see why Levi softened around her. It wasn't pleasant truth to face, but I couldn't ignore the fact that our attachment to each other was more due to time, than a general liking. "I told Levi the day it had happened." Revulsion was boiling in my stomach, making my hands tremble with the contained feeling of shame and sickness. Oh how carelessly I had informed him of what happened when I had made my way to the Underground.

"What happened?"

It was vulgar to think that she was inquiring about the details of that hellish experience. Instead, I assumed that she was asking about how her dear Captain responded to my admission. "He asked me where the man was. I said that he was dead, maybe buried. Levi just said good." An unsettling amount of satisfaction shrouded my features as I watched her's morph into a mixture of puzzlement and horror. "You must value human life a lot if you're saddened by the idea of that scum losing his life."

"Of course. That's why I joined the Survey Corps. To save humanity. Every loss is a blow."

"You sound like Levi. While he didn't grieve the death of a pig like that, he too doesn't like to see life wasted. Mankind can die off for all I care," I mumbled. A bit louder, I said, "Now you see why I believe that we couldn't get along. You probably think I'm a monster."

"Why did you do it? You must have had a reason?"

It as false. The hope offered to me with those two lines. A rope entwined with her wishes to believe that I'm not condemned, offered to me as I hang over the abyss of being a villain. "Does it matter? Sometimes bad people do good things for the wrong reasons, and sometimes good people do bad things for the right reasons. Do you base one on their actions or motives?"

Silence fell on us. Neither one relenting in the staring match I had unintentionally started. Sweat was beginning to dampen my shirt as I was faced with an enemy who would not bend. Scrutinizing her facial features, I was the first one to dip my chin to avoid the courage and purity that made her without fear. "And what was your 'right reason'?"

"For my brother."

"Then I believe-"

"I've done a lot for my brother. To find him. To be with him again. Killing a filthy man to find an innocent child is black and white to you. To most it would seem that way probably. But, I've done more. I've allowed the bad things to outnumber my one right reason. The scales aren't in my favor anymore, and that is why I'm a monster."

Petra paused, seemingly to think hard about what her next words were going to be. "I've done something for the wrong reason."

Snorting at her, I sarcastically said, "And what is that?"

"I joined the Military to get away from my family. They wanted me to marry-"

"So you think we are the same? That's laughable."

It was odd to see such a human emotion such as irritation beginning to get to her. "I'm not trying to say that…" Her trailing off confirmed my suspicion that she wasn't sure of what she was trying to do.

Deciding to save the two of us from the awkward, drawn quiet that was about to happen, I asked a question that had been bothering me of late. "Why do you want to be friends with me so badly?"

"Because I like you!"

"For one, that's selfish. Just because you like me doesn't mean I wanna hang around you. I also believe that answer is void since I just explained why people shouldn't and don't like me."

Petra tilted her head to the side, considering me while speculating on various things I would guess. "Doesn't Levi know all this?"

"Yes?"

"Then why do you not try to push him away? From what I've seen and the squad thinks, you two are pretty close."

There wasn't a ready answer I could give to her. Confessing my growing attraction and affection to him would be worse than just running off right now. What she would do with that info, I don't know, but I couldn't imagine a pleasant scenario. Even if she did keep it secret, saying those words out loud meant that they were real and I couldn't take them back. Never mind having that nagging at my heart, if I said it, it would be in the air, suffocating me every time he was near.

Despite my grumbling, Petra approached me. Her smile bright and wide as if I wasn't glowering at her. "Why don't you just try it? Come on, let's go eat dinner together."

Lying on bed with my hands on my stomach, I stared at the ceiling. Dinner hadn't been bad, even though Petra was way chattier than the person I usually sat across from. It was also nice when she gave me her roll to eat. Maybe having a friend wouldn't be too bad as long as they gave me food. That I could live with.

What if she betrayed me though? Sitting up on my covers, I placed my chin in my hand. I had never had a friend before, so I didn't really know what to do. Maybe I did before Suzu and I were forced to live in the Underground, but memories of that time when everything was peaceful was foggy. Kept me from being all sentimental on the past. Not that I couldn't remember what happened all those years ago when I had first snuck into the house Levi, Farlan, and Isabel shared. What was odd was that deciding to sneak into the Survey Corps to fight Titans had been an easier decision to make than whether I should trust that Petra wasn't lying about her intentions. There had to be some part of me that wanted a relationship with her, or else I would have dismissed the idea entirely. Fidgeting, I got up from my position. Slinking into the hallway, I began to pace. My footsteps were light, but the aged wood would sometimes whimper underneath my weight.

The pale, blank walls were what listened to my troubles. A hint of cleaner was in the air with the smell of flowers not to far behind. Petra's own doing I was sure. There wasn't many pretty plants that grew near by, but she always seemed to find the oddest looking ones. They were used to 'brighten the place' up in her words. Make it feel more homey than a stark barracks, used to host Titan killers.

Her presence had certainly evoked more than a few changes in our little squad. Most of them pleasant and positive. She was a relaxing effect on all of us. Would it hurt to try not avoiding Petra? Maybe. As long as she tried to not to murder me while I slept. Wait. Was Petra the one that had messed with the gear to kill me and make it seem like an accident? Gasping, I was about to run downstairs to confront her, when Levi walked out of the his room.

"Is there a reason you're pacing around in the middle of the night?"

"Do you think Petra was the one who tried to kill me?"

Scowling at me, I could tell Levi was close to slapping me upside the head. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"It makes sense doesn't it? I mean she has been trying to get closer to me recently, and-"

"Are you going to ignore the fact that she wasn't near the training grounds? Petra wouldn't do something like that."

Something red and hot pulsed in the pit of my stomach. "Like you have known her for so long."

A single arched eyebrow made me reconsider the biting words I had let loose..

Standing there, in front of a very confused Levi, I felt alone and mixed up. My emotions were clashing together, a wave of terror, want, and helplessness. A deep ache of loneliness combined with the intense fear of being betrayed made my body still as my heart picked up the pace. Suzu wasn't here to keep me from being alone, so I turned to a new a source. Someone who I relied on. "Can I stay in your room tonight?"

"No."

"Please? I'll just sleep on the floor. It won't be a problem. It'd be no different than when we are on expeditions!"

Levi grimaced. "Stop shouting. How do I know you won't stab me in my sleep?"

Pleading, I gripped his sleeve even as he tried to avoid my oncoming hand. "Do you really think I would do something like that?"

Halting his escape, Levi peered at me. Without removing his frown, he peered at me, making my breath hitch in agitation. Flickers of vulnerable emotion were revealed to him, I wasn't in control, I wasn't contained. Something there made his gaze drop. An action which he had never done towards me before. "Go," Levi thunked me on the head with the palm of his hand, "get your damn blankets."

"Really?" Giving a genuine smile, I couldn't help but reach up to grab his other sleeve. The soft cotton bunch up in my fist.

"You want to sleep on the floor without any covers?"

Letting go, I playfully smacked his arm. Smiling, I said, "Of course not," before I turned away to open my door.

I began to gather my things. Grabbing a few blankets and a pillow, I was a weirdly feeling giddy and soothed. Also a little exhausted mentally and emotionally. Knowing that I would have the comfort of someone sleeping in the same vicinity as me was a sweet, tantalizing, luxury for tonight.

Stepping into the room, I saw Levi sitting up in his bed with a few papers in hand. Lying the blankets down a foot away from the mattress. I couldn't stop grinning at the joy I was feeling at that moment.

"Can't believe you're beaming like an idiot while looking so pleased to be on the floor when you could be in your own room."

Spreading the fabric out, a soft warmth came over me. "I'd rather sleep next to someone I trust on the floor, than in an empty room on a mattress. Makes me feel safe." Tucking myself in, I stuck my feet out as I laid my head down.

"Why are you sticking your feet out, stupid?" His voice was deep rumbles that made my mouth go dry.

Peeking up at him, I saw him lounging underneath the covers, papers discarded. His head resting on his hand, elbow sticking up so he could observe me. He was always so much more talkative before going to sleep.

"I don't like my feet to get hot, so I make sure nothing's on them."

It was his usual snort of derision, but this time it sounded more like a snore.

"Don't act as if you don't have your own little things. Like how your tea is prepared and the whole obsessively cleaning-"

"Which you didn't finish today."

"It's good enough!"

"If you're gonna be loud, I'm going to kick you out of my room."

I squeaked out a, "No." Realizing that he was probably too tired to fight with me, I decided to talk about what had been bothering me. "Everyone was so noisy that I had to take a break. Leon is always flirting with me. Auruo is always picking fights, and Petra is trying really hard to be my friend. Eld is nice even though he almost never speaks"

"Hmmmm."

"They're good people, and I get that, but I'm not used to people who aren't trying to use me for their own benefit. This place is so different than the Underground, and sometimes I can't relax because of that."

"Hm."

"Or it's probably because I don't' deserve to be around such kind people. You said it yourself, I'm a terrible human being."

I heard him give an annoyed huff. This hadn't been a good idea. Levi wasn't the only one who got more talkative during the night time. Here I was spouting off dumb shit because I didn't want to be by myself.

"Do you regret your choices?"

"Some of them." Which ones, I wasn't quite sure on, but I knew that I would do stuff differently if I was to start all over.

"Everybody lives their lives judging what route they will regret the least. You're no different. None of our squad members are any different than that. Instead of giving up because you believe that you're terrible, change it." Flopping onto the bed, Levi was done with our conversation. So many words strung together must have exhausted him.

Mulling over what had been exchanged, I wondered how our relationship would have changed if I had been more like Petra. Would Levi look at me the way he looked at her sometimes? Did she remind him of Isabel or was it attraction? Like what I had towards him? Everyone adored Petra because of her optimistic outlook and generosity. How could I have thought that someone like her had attempted to kill me? A slight sting of guilt wedged itself like a splinter. There wouldn't be any harm in making nice with her. Well, at least I will try changing my attitude towards her. We'll see what happens.