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Saph's PoV
The days where we got a break from not only training, but also from having to do chores was exceedingly rare. I had been originally planning to go into town to see if I could catch Brutus who had sent me a letter, but I didn't have such luck. Just as I was heading out, Petra stopped me.
"Would you like to go on a ride with me? The horses haven't been out in awhile, so I think it would be good for them to stretch their legs. I could get us some food to bring along."
My no was cut short when Levi came up. A white long sleeve shirt, paired with black pants was all he was wearing today. Not seeing him in his uniform was always a strange experience. That wasn't what made me stop though, it was the bag in his hands that had a pink ribbon tied to the top. "Here is the food you asked for, Petra," he gruffly said as he ignored me completely.
"Thank you so much, Sir!" Petra took the bag from him, fingers lingering on his wrist. Her whole face seemed to glow as she smiled at him. All teeth and sparkling eyes. "I'll go saddle up our horses, Saph!" Petra said turning to me, the remains of a blush still clearly on her face. With a lightness rarely seen in soilders, Petra happily jogged off to the stables.
"She didn't even get to hear my answer yet," I muttered.
Levi's gaze was still on Petra when he spoke. "I thought you had made up your mind to try to be less of an ass."
"I wasn't aware that meant I had to spend my days off with her. Brutus had contacted me that he had some info."
"Hm."
"It's not like he can just put the details in the letter. If it was ever intercepted that could be disastrous for me and my brother. Kenny could just as easily kill Suzu or murder me if he thought I was a danger." Turning around, I began to head into the house to get ready for the picnic. Brutus could wait a few more hours. Now that food I had been mentioned, I was a little hungry.
"You're not going to get her hurt, right?"
Tilting my neck, I focused on Levi's back. His figure was still in the doorway, eyes never straying from where Petra had disappeared moments ago. Ignoring the way my muscles tensed with pain as my lungs suddenly found it hard to breathe, I answered him without a hint of emotion.
"We are going on a picnic, not hunting Titans. I don't know why you are so worried now."
"You know that's not what I mean."
I didn't know what he meant. Just because people claimed that I could read him, didn't mean I knew what was happening to Levi at the moment. That scared me. Even if I never acted upon any of my growing attachments didn't mean I wanted him past my reach. It wasn't in Levi's nature to consider the emotional well being of other people. If he was giving me a warning to be careful about Petra's, then well something was happening inside of him that I couldn't see. That was untouchable to me. It's not like I could convey these warring thoughts to anyone though. Especially him.
Levi took my extended silence as a confirmation, without another word, he left the house. Black strands swayed in the breeze as he walked with his head held high. Not in arrogance, but a sturdiness the belied the idea that he would never waver. It hadn't been something I had seen so clearly since the deaths of Isabel and Farlan. Maybe caring for Petra had made this new growth happen. It was such a saddening thought that the feet that had been aching to follow him stilled with the cold realization that I wouldn't be the one he wanted by his side. Uneasy, I went upstairs to change into clothes I could ride in. Riding Lucifer was never a pleasant experience, but I hoped it would at least be a good distraction.
"So what was your brother like, Saph?" Petra asked as we set out the food.
It irritated me that she broached the topic so easily, like she was trying to discuss the weather. Few people knew of his existence in the Survey Corps, I would prefer to keep it that way. Years had passed, though, where I could openly share my memories of him without it centering around his disappearance. Sometimes, I worried that I had forgotten the small things about him because I never talked about him. Petra only seemed interested in talking, not trying to dig up what I know. Trust wasn't easy for me, but I decided it wouldn't harm anything to talk about Suzu with her.
"He is very headstrong and smart. Suzu might be the younger one of the two of us, but he is the real leader. When we would go on adventures, he was always the Captain while I was the second in command. It would get annoying if he ordered me around too much, but I always had fun with him."
Petra handed me a piece of fruit. "Did you still go on adventures in the Underground?"
"I don't know what you imagine the Underground to be like, but it's certainly not a place where a child can enjoy themselves. It's where I learned to pickpocket to survive. Suzu's sense of justice wouldn't allow him to steal. You don't have any siblings, do you?"
"No. But I can imagine that if I did, I would do anything to protect them like you did with Suzu."
"Even murder?"
Petra became quiet at that. Deliberating, I could tell that she was thinking of what situations would lead her to committing acts of violence against others in the name of survival.
"I think it was harder for Suzu to live in the Underground since his world is black and white while mine is eternally gray. His sense of justice meant he would have let himself wither away if the only way to live was to compromise his beliefs. You remind me of him because of that." Leaning backwards, I let the soft grass cushion my fall as I laid down on my back. There wasn't a cloud in sight, and all I saw was endless blue with the warmth of the sun bathing my skin. It was my hope that Suzu at least was on the surface, and not still stuck within the depths of the Underground. If not, I would want to show him the outside as soon as possible. "You who has always had the sky above you doesn't know how lucky you are."
"We will just have to be able to travel beyond the walls before we are truly free," Petra sighed as she lied down beside me, a fist resting on her stomach.
The two of us ate that way, eyes watching for birds as we dropped snatches of food into our mouths. Sometimes snatches of my past moments shared with loved ones was shared between the us. Petra's mother died because of a sickness, so they all surrounded her father. Growing up without parents for the most part meant that I could only return in kind with what I remembered about Suzu. It was a moment of realization where I saw that we each had a singular family member left in this world. When I mentioned this, Petra stretched her arm wide with fingers splayed, as if to grab hold of the glowing orb hanging in the sea of blue.
"That's not entirely true since I consider Auruo like family."
"Why is that?"
"We have been childhood friends since we were born. Our mothers were friends and neighbors. He's always been with me, protecting me. Would it be weird to say that I think he joined the Survey Corps to make sure he could still watch over me?"
Strands of grass was sticking to my thick, curly hair as I sat up. Taking my time to answer her question, I drank deeply from the canteen. "No. We all have our different reasons for joining."
"Except you and Captain Levi."
"Levi and I have our different reasons for staying. We weren't the most welcomed here when we were forced to join, but it has become a home for the both of us."
Petra began to pluck the petals off of a nearby flower. The yellow petals landed softly on her lap. "Saph, I think I really like the Captain."
A chill made my hair stand. My nails dug into the soft red peel of the apple in my palm. It takes more effort than it should for me to speak in a carefree tone. "Well he did save your life!" I wonder if Petra could hear the false note ringing in my voice, making me wince. I'm thankful that she was still staring at the torn up plant in her hands.
"I don't mean… I'm in love with him, Saph," she says forcefully, with conviction, so loud that even the tall trees on the edge of the clearing can hear it.
"What!" A shout makes both of us startle. Grabbing my knife, I'm about to sprint into the underbrush where the sound had come from, but the girl next to me stood up, huffing with anger which made me pause in my motions to murder the intruder.
"Why are you here Auruo? Did you follow us?" Her pointed questions are followed by her stomping up to the two figures coming towards, one sheepishly walking out with a shy smile, with the other striding up to a furious Petra in full blown confusion.
"You like Captain Levi? Since when?"
Leo stood still on the outskirts, observing the confrontation happening in front of him. Sliding my knife back into my boot, I sat back down on the ground. I watched with disinterest as Petra and Auruo began to argue. Their fights were commonplace, but my friend's confession wasn't. To discover that my best friend was in love with Levi, wasn't something that was sitting well with me. This distraction was only going to give me a brief respite before I'd have to respond to what she had said.
"You can't tell him!"
Auruo shouted back, "Why didn't you tell me?"
She hadn't known Levi as long as me. She didn't know that his kindness towards her was something special. I'm not even sure Levi had recognized his growing feelings for Petra himself. The end result of this knowledge made my breath catch, they were going to end up together. Grimacing, I dug my nails into my knees. There wasn't anyone I could talk to about this. It was the girl who I had begun to regard as my only close friend that was beginning to develop an attraction to the guy I deeply cared for.
"I just thought you admired him for saving your life that one time."
"Well I thought so too, but… I… it's different now."
There was so much pain and confusion, that I was left flustered and unsure of what I should do. Irritated that I was not in control of myself, I decided to push down the panic. Trying to calm the clamor in my heart that was making my whole body tense up, I closed my eyes, taking a few long breaths. One ability you learn being in the Survey Corps was how to let everything fade away until you can see clearly. Freaking out every time a Titan approached would just lead to a certain death.
With a serene quality I considered my options. I could tell Petra what I felt for Levi. That option wasn't appealing in the slightest since I didn't know where I wanted to go with it nor what she might do with that information. Slyly getting rid of Petra through demoting her so she wouldn't be close with Levi even seemed like a better idea. If I did find a way to get her off of the Special Operations Squad, that wouldn't just hurt her though.
"Just explain to me why you like him!"
"No."
Staring at Petra as she blushed and argued with Auruo over her crush on our Captain, I couldn't make up my mind on what to do. If it was anyone other than Levi, I wouldn't care. If it was anyone other than her, I would have them 'disappear' without a second thought. This is why I didn't want to be close with people.
"How are you going to respond?" Leon asked, picking up one of the sandwiches in the basket to take a bit out of it.
All innocence, I regarded the man standing over me. "Well I'm a little worried that it'll throw off the dynamic of our team."
After carelessly tossing the rest of the snack into his mouth, Leon stretched his arms above his head. "Is that all?" There was a forced ease in Leon's movement that reminded me of a predator pretending not to stalk its prey so it would lower its guard. I knew that Leon had the ability to hunt due to his prowess in slaying Titans, but I had never seen the aura of danger surrounding him other than the battlefield.
"What do you mean?" I questioned with a smile, never letting down the childish charade.
Anger and irritation flitted across Leon's handsome features before they were replaced by his usual jovial smile. "I just wouldn't want you to lose your best friend. Hey, you better be heading out. Didn't you have a meeting with someone?"
Brutus' ugly mug flashed in my mind, and I stood up with a start. "You're right. If I don't head out now, I'll be late for dinner."
Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I began to hurry off. "I'll see you later, Petra!" I called out as I sprinted through the forest.
"Bye!"
Not letting up on my speed, I found relief in the way my body felt lighter the longer I ran. The ache in my heart was replaced by a pounding that matched my feet hitting the ground. That was what I needed. This freedom. Not sitting in a meadow picking flowers and discussing romance. If only Levi was by my side, then I would be complete.
A flash of a terrifying thought made me almost trip over my feet. Pebbles skipped across the pavement as my legs locked. Panting, I felt a well of horror encapsulate my entire body. Had I been neglecting my younger brother in favor of the Captain? When did I begin to value Levi's presence over the memory of Suzu? Was I so twisted as to leave my remaining family member alone as I chased after another person?
I knew that what I could remember about Suzu had faded over the past years, but I would never believe my resolve to rescue him had. Was it Petra's confession that had brought up the strength of my feelings for Levi, or had it always been that way? When did me sacrificing everything for Suzu become a thing of the past?
Any leftover urges of resentment towards Petra evolved into a sense of thankfulness. She had given me the way out of this mess. A push towards my path and end goal. Would it really work though was the question. Even still, a dull ache remained somewhere in the pit of my chest as I envisioned Levi. I would have let the addictive agony of imagining Levi swell over my mind if I hadn't heard a door slam close.
"Are you going to just stand there?"
With a sharp intake of breath, I whirled around to find Brutus standing outside of his house. "I was just considering-"
"I don't want to hear about your problems. It's been hours."
I glared at him. "It's not like we had a specific time set! Lets just go in, so you can tell me what I paid you to find out."
"I could just tell you out here."
"No. Not really. Someone could easily be listening," I huffed before I began to walk up the stone steps to the front door. However, Brutus didn't move from his spot, his arms were crossed in a defensive position. Even when I tried to sidestep him, I couldn't get past his bulky figure. Realizing that the only way to get into the house would be to physically move him, I took a few steps back.
Brutus frowned as he realized what I was considering. "Throwing your informant around means they are less likely to want to give you the intel."
"This isn't a discussion we should be having out in the open," I hissed, gesturing towards the people who were walking to and fro. Everyone was leaving work to head home for dinner, so the streets were crowded. Anyone could easily spy on us. It was dangerous to have the two of us standing here so long talking.
"Then I'll be quick. There isn't anyone in the Survey Corps who has the motive to kill you."
Swiping my tongue over my lips, I shoved my hands into my short's pockets. What an odd piece of info. "How do you know that? You checked every single person's background?"
Snorting at my perplexity, Brutus gave a sharp tooth grin. "And why would I tell you how I got that? No one has any connection to Kenny or the Underground besides you and the little friend you brought last time. Unless your personality has brought forth some murderous rage in somebody, you're just being paranoid. Can't blame you, but my discounted service is done." Without a final wave, Brutus quickly ended our short meeting by returning back to his humble hideout.
There was nothing left for me but to take the stroll home. Confronted with new information, I let it roll around in my head. Trying to make sense of it. Was I really just letting my common sense go in favor of accusing imaginary people of trying to harm me? All my instincts were screaming that I wasn't wrong. Something wasn't right, but I just couldn't find the right words to what. If so, it would be best to take Brutus' indirect comment about my personality. Maybe I was just trying to connect it to Kenny because of my desperation to find my brother. Have a new lead develop.
The dining hall came in sight right as I heard an annoying voice complaining. "Why are we waiting for Saph even when we don't know how long she is going to be gone."
"Because it's the polite thing to do Auruo," Petra sighed.
Clicking my tongue, I gathered that the two of them were waiting for my arrival before they went to dinner. It was very Petra-like, but I had no idea why Aurora was compiling. His proximity to the pretty girl was closer than usual too. It was as if he was trying to protect her.
"I didn't mean for you guys to wait for me to eat," I cheerfully remarked as I approached both of them. "The food might all be gone since it's so late."
"I was worried! You didn't even tell me where you were going before you snuck out."
'Sorry."
"Well… don't worry about it. I made sure to tell Captain Levi to save us some food, so we won't go to bed hungry."
That just made me aware that I haven't yet said anything to her about what she told me in the meadow. Guess she was saving it for after dinner. Lucky me.
"Doesn't mean our meal won't be cold. Damn it, Saph, I hate chilly soup."
"No one required you to wait for me, so don't blame it on me," I snarled back at Auruo.
His shoulder clashed with mine as he stalked to the table where Levi sat. It would have hurt more if I hadn't been expecting his rudeness in some form or another. If Auruo wasn't being a piece of shit, then I was having a weird dream that wasn't reflecting reality at all.
Petra slid onto the bench right next to Levi. As usual, I took my rightful place in front of him. It wouldn't have been any different if there wasn't a soft glow in the usual steely grey eyes. Giggles filled the air as Petra and Levi chatted as if they were only two at the table, well, as much as Levi ever chats when he isn't drunk or dead tired.
Deciding to ignore the painful display in front of me, I observed Auruo. If anyone showed a large amount of hatred towards me based just on my personality, it was him. Trying to muster up a convincing grin, I let my food sit, untouched, as I sat by the guy who might be trying to kill me, and my best friend who was flirting with Levi.
I've had a lot of people asking about why I made Saph not physically attractive, so I decided to answer on here instead of individual reviews and pms. There were two big reasons I did this. The first one revolved around her lifestyle in the Underground. Due to the lack of nutrition, sleep, and sun exposure, it made her less appealing because she had lived a hard life. Which is to be expected. Second, I had binged on a bunch of OCxLevi stories and had gotten tired with the female protagonist that was pretty but didn't think she was pretty. This led to me wanting to write a character that couldn't rely on her looks to get out of situations, which Saph would have done to help survive in the Underground if she had that option. Also, Levi would never choose a lover based upon physical attractiveness, so it wouldn't make the romance part more difficult to write. Saph isn't repulsive (even if Auruo makes it seem that way), but she wouldn't be regarded as beautiful or cute in any sense. Sorry about the long author's note. I hope that cleared up all confusion regarding the matter! If anyone has other questions regarding any elements of the story, don't be afraid to send a pm.
I hope everyone enjoyed the latest chapter! There were a lot that needed to be included which is why it took me forever. I'll forever be interested to hear your guy's thoughts on the events that are happening (especially with this new development with Petra). Please leave any comments or criticisms you might have!
