A/N: Kudos to those of you who guessed Haley's secret from the past..and thanks for all the wonderful reviews:)
"I came back because... I was pregnant.."
The words echoed over and over again in Nathan's head. "How-what..." he stammered. Haley flinched as he quickly removed his hand, that had been resting on her leg, and started to pace the floor.
"Nathan, let me explain..." Haley called to him, desperately. "Please."
Nathan caught the look on her face, the tears welled up in her eyes... and he stopped pacing.
She sniffed and cleared her throat. "When I came back to tell you... I was already three months pregnant-"
"It was mine right? The- the baby?"
Haley gave him a look. "Of course it was, Nathan. Don't start up with the Chris nonsense," she continued wearily.
"I was on the tour still when I found out, obviously... so I figured I should-"
"At least let me know about it right?" Nathan interrupted again. "How thoughtful."
Haley winced, but continued as though she hadn't heard him. "So I came back, and then the whole thing with your dad happened... and I didn't have the heart to tell you. You were already so upset about that, I couldn't bare to lay something else on you."
"Haley- you were my wife, still. That wouldn't have been 'laying something else on me', if would have been telling me the truth! We could've..." but he stopped, and shook his head. He grabbed his shirt that was lying on the ground and put it back on, the moment they were having obviously ruined.
"I was going to tell you!" Haley exclaimed, as Nathan shoved on his shoes. "That night, after the funeral. When you said you were leaving for High Flyers in the morning... and that if I wanted to continue our marriage I should just come back at the end of the summer."
"So that's the real reason you didn't come back?" Nathan roared at her. "What was the reason you gave me that you never came back because of...? Oh- that you didn't want to come back to a dead relationship and give up your dream!"
Haley was shaking slightly, trying not to break down totally in front of him. "Nathan," she said gently. "I didn't want you to have to give up High Flyers for me, or anything else. If I had told you I was pregnant that night, would you have gone to for the summer?"
The cold look in Nathan's eyes softened slightly and he shook his head.
"And would you be playing basketball now, and going to college?"
Nathan shook his head again, a little sadly. He sunk onto the couch, looking defeated. He was silent for a moment. "But you took away something else away, Haley. Yeah, you let me keep playing basketball, to go to college..." He paused for a moment, clearing his throat. "But I would have given up all of that in an instant... to have a family with you. We could still be married... we could have a baby, and a family..."
Haley couldn't stop the tears from flowing down her face. "You don't know how many times I've thought that myself, Nathan."
Nathan ran his hands through his hair, in frustration. "Where's the baby now, Haley? Did you have it? What happened?"
This was the part of the conversation that Haley had been dreading. When Haley didn't answer right away, Nathan paled considerably. "You didn't have an abortion, did you?"
Haley shook her head. "No. I remembered what we talked about." When the two had decided to get married and have sex, they had had that discussion about what would happen if Haley got pregnant. Both were against abortions, no matter the situation. Haley knew, for Nathan, that it had to do with his own brother almost not existing... and Haley just couldn't do something like that.
"Then you had it?" Nathan asked her gently.
She nodded, and couldn't restrain the sob that she had been holding in for the whole conversation. "I was still on the tour, but not singing... I was well taken care of, don't worry."
"What- by Chris?" Nathan asked her sarcastically. Haley looked away from him. Nathan made a disgusted noise and Haley sobbed again.
"I had the baby here, in New York. It was a girl... a beautiful baby girl. Her eyes were as blue as yours..."
Nathan got off the couch again, trying to decide whether he was more angry at Haley for lying to him all this time... or for taking away the opportunity to see their baby.. to hold their baby. Their baby. He squeezed his eyes shut against a surprise burning sensation of tears.
"..and I gave her up," Haley said in a broken voice. "I didn't even bring her back from the hospital... I gave her up right there."
Nathan's first instinct was to comfort her... but he couldn't. How many times had she lied to him now... hurting him in the process? This was the biggest, most heartbreaking lie of all.
But curiosity took over. "To who?" Nathan asked, not even noticing his own voice was choked.
Haley's lip trembled, but she didn't answer. "You're not going to tell me, are you?" Nathan demanded of her.
"Do you lie about everything! First about kissing Chris... then about the baby... how many other things are there that I don't know about?"
"Nothing, Nathan, I swear.." Haley said as she rose off of the couch and tried to grab his hand. He backed away from her.
"I forgave you for everything Haley," Nathan said softly. "For kissing Chris, for leaving me for the tour... for not coming back at the end of the summer to be with me, for signing the annulment papers. I forgave everything because I wanted us to be together. To have a clean slate- without the marriage.. without any of it. I did that because I wanted to be with you."
"We can still have that.." Haley stammered weakly.
Nathan shook his head slowly and sadly. "You had our baby, Haley. Our baby. And then you gave it up, like she meant nothing to you-"
"-Nathan, you don't know how hard it was to do that... I.."
"And then you kept it a secret- for three years!" Nathan went on, not even hearing what Haley said. "We have a daughter- somewhere- that's three years old. She can probably talk and walk. What was her first word? What's her favorite stuffed animal that she can't sleep without?"
He stopped ranting, his chest rising and falling rapidly. "I don't even know where she lives... when she was born.."
"November 15th..." Haley supplied. "At two in the morning."
"I wasn't even there with you... to help you.."
Nathan looked broken. It was unusual for Haley to see him this way... he had gotten emotional with her around.. but it wasn't like this. He looked defeated, sad... maybe even devastated. He got up abruptly and headed towards the door.
"Nathan.." Haley pleaded, but didn't make to follow him. "Please understand. I did it for you. I didn't tell you, for you."
"It wasn't your choice to make, Haley," Nathan said, his hand on the doorknob, his face towards the door. "We're done," he said, while his voice cracked. "For good this time."
His hand turned the doorknob, and the door opened. He cringed as he heard Haley's sobs behind him.
"Tree Hill," she managed to say to his back. "She was adopted by a couple back at Tree Hill. They named her Emma."
Nathan froze in the doorway, but didn't turn back around.
"Nathan please... please don't do this."
But he bit his lip and kept going, shutting the door behind him.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Lucas lay in his bed, waiting for sleep, but it didn't come. His brain wouldn't shut down tonight, and he knew exactly why: Peyton. It was exasperating really. He just couldn't stop thinking about her.. and it was driving him absolutely crazy.
And then there was Nathan and Haley. Where did that come from? How long had they been sneaking around for? All those stupid talks him and Nathan had had, over games of one-on-one, about why he wasn't with Haley, or Chris still working with Haley- they had been together all this time! He should give Nathan a kick in the a- wait did Peyton know about them? She didn't seem surprised about it at all. She only smiled, that perfect smile of hers... back to Peyton then. Shifting in his bed, a memory came to mind.
start flashback
He heard Peyton sigh in her sleep next to him, and her head nestled itself further into the hole it had created at the base of his shoulder and his chest. Her hand pressed itself onto his chest, directly above his heart. He pulled her closer to him, so her curls were pressed up against his face. He buried his face in them, trying to get back to sleep. He had been awake for an hour, since waking up in the middle of the night, his chest hurting him. It was like a dull ache, resounding from his heart. Lucas knew that probably couldn't be good, but he didn't have any more medicine to take for his HCM and since Dan was dead and his mother was still in New Zealand, there was no one to pay for a new order of pills. There was nothing to do... but deal with the pain. This wasn't the first night he had woken up feeling like this, but it was the first time that Peyton was there when it happened. He had decided to spend the night at her house, just to sleep, nothing more. But he decided that was good enough for him.
He shifted again, trying to reduce the pain he was feeling, while trying to not wake Peyton. Peyton moved again, pushing her hand harder onto his chest. He winced and sucked in a breath involuntarily. He waited for a few seconds and she didn't move again. Lucas took note that she was still asleep and pressed his eyes shut, begging for sleep to come.
"Luke...?" came a mumble from below his own head.
"Yeah?" Lucas asked without opening his eyes.
"Why is your heart beating so fast?"
Lucas' eyes popped open and he moved his head off of hers, only to find Peyton's eyes meeting his own. Her hand didn't move from on top of his heart. Her eyes didn't hold any sign of fatigue you usually see when someone wakes up, but instead, they held concern.
"What's wrong?" she asked him.
Lucas didn't respond, but looked away from her persisting eyes, instead. "Nothing," he said eventually.
She was silent for a moment. "Then why would you flinch when I pushed against you... and why wouldn't you have been sleeping the past hour?"
His eyes widened and he brought his gaze back to meet hers, a questioning look upon his face.
"It's hard to sleep when you keep wiggling all over the place," she responded quietly to his silent question. She wore a slight smirk on her face and she -thankfully- removed her hand from his chest. "Now what's going on?"
"I told you- nothing," Lucas responded, slightly hesitantly. He knew that Peyton was going to see right through him... and she did, he could see it in her expression.
"Does it hurt..your heart?"
Lucas bit the inside of his cheek. He didn't want to worry her, but he didn't want to lie to her either.
Peyton made to move off the bed, but Lucas grabbed onto her arm. "What are you doing?" he asked her, bewildered.
"I'm going to take you to the hospital," she told him primly.
"Peyton.."
"Come on," she said, as she tried to pull on the arm that was attached to hers, up with her.
"I don't need to go to the hospital," he said as he sat himself up on the bed to face a standing Peyton. He winced again as he did so, putting a hand involuntarily to his chest.
She gave him an "I -told-you-so" look, but he shook his head. "I don't need the hospital," he repeated. "The- the doctor said that if I was to stop taking my medicine at any time... that this could happen."
It was a lie. The truth of the matter was that this was probably not normal, but he wasn't about to drag Peyton down to the hospital in the middle of the night, nor did he have the money to pay for it.
Peyton was examining him slowly. "Are you sure?" she sighed.
She had believed him. Lucas felt bad for lying, but at this point, it was necessary. So, he nodded, in response.
Coming over to kneel next to him on the bed, she scambled up close to him. Lucas brought himself up into the same kneeling position, facing her and trying to ignore the sharp pain that seared through him. Her head was almost level with his at this position and she was looking up at him strangely.
"Let me help you pay for your medication, Lucas," she said gently. "My father left me plenty of money before he went to work..."
Lucas shook his head adamantly. "I'm not going to take your money," he said as he brought both of her hands up into his.
"Please," Peyton pleaded as her tiny hands squeezed his. "I..." she trailed off.
"What?" he asked her, quietly.
"I don't want to lose you."
Lucas swallowed the lump that formed in the back of her throat at her words.
"You won't, Peyton," he responded in a whisper.
"You don't know that," she choked back, her voice tight and tense.
He pulled her against her chest, not caring if it hurt or not. Wrapping his arms around her, Peyton curled up her arms and leaned into him, lying her head on his shoulder. He could smell the shampoo that she always used in her hair. It reminded him of flowers and of meadows. Happy days and careless moments. Like moments with her.
end flashback
She had helped him pay for a bottle, which he still felt guilty for even today.
XOXOXOXOXOXXOOXXOOXOXOXOXOXOXXOXO
Nathan's roommate, Tom, greeted him from his seat on the couch when he entered the room.
"Hey, I was getting worried, it's almost two in the morning."
Nathan glanced at the clock for confirmation. Guess that was a long walk that he took. "What are you still doing up?" he asked, reaching for something to talk about other than what he had been doing for the past few hours.
Tom scrunched up his face. "Chemistry exam tomorrow. Have to pull an all-nighter. Besides- it's your night for the bedroom. When's Haley getting here?"
Nathan gritted his teeth at the mere sound of her name. "You can have the room every night from now on, Tom."
Tom stared. "Something happen with you and Haley?" he asked tentatively. He didn't think they were able to actually have an argument about anything.
"Yeah- reality." And with that, Nathan stormed into their room and slammed the door shut behind him.
Tom, with a muttered "okay", went back to his fascinating chemistry.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXO
The next morning, Peyton found herself standing outside of Lucas' and Brooke's house. After last nights fiasco, she was amazed at her own bravery to get here, but now ashamed of her own cowardice to knock on the door. She ran her hands up and down her arms to banish the goosebumps. She had come to the realization that she hated the cold. A lot. How long had she been standing out here... five.. ten minutes? Taking a deep breath and shaking her head at her own lack of gall, she raised her hand to knock on the door. She was inches away when it opened and Brooke was on the other side, a look of humor on her face.
"I just saw you out here... sorry," she said as she stepped aside for Peyton to come in through the door. "Lucas was the one that's been watching you stand out there. I only just figured out what he was staring at so adamantly for the past ten minutes."
Brooke threw a glare in his direction as he disappeared into their bedroom. Peyton rolled her eyes at his adolescant behavior. Just because they... felt uncomfortable with each other at the moment was no reason to leave her outside - in the cold – for ten minutes. Of course she had been the one that had stood outside his doorstep. But that was different. Really. It wasn't adolescant at all. And now hiding in his room- what a child! She was glad that he was in there. She didn't have to see his stupid face then... okay, so maybe they were both children.
"I actually have a favor to ask of you... and Lucas, if he can get himself back out here," Peyton began tentatively.
"Sure," Brooke responded, as Lucas came back out into the room, not meeting Peyton's gaze.
"I need someone to take me to Nathan's dorm- I don't know the way there or where his room is."
"Okay," Brooke said slowly. "But I'm sure he'll be here later. He's always here, remember?"
Peyton shook her head. "No, he won't be."
"What do you mean?" Lucas asked, speaking for the first time.
Peyton sighed. "Him and Haley..."
"Don't tell me they broke up- right after we just found out about them!" Brooke whined.
"Something like that," Peyton replied. "And I want to go talk to him about it," she continued. "And Brooke, I was wondering if you could maybe take Haley somewhere today. Somewhere fun. You're good at the cheering up thing."
Brooke nodded, and Peyton could see the mall and movie plans forming in her head already. "I can do that," she replied.
"Good," Peyton said. "Just don't mention Nathan," she warned.
Nothing too exciting...right? Next up, Peyton and Nathan talk and a special LP flashback. :) Please review!