Saph's PoV
After the discovery that a past Survey Corps member had found a Titan that spoke, Hanji convinced Erwin that it would be vital to have an expedition solely to capture some Titans. The whole thing went well, without a single death. With two captured Titans safely locked up, Hanji had the greatest time of her life with her experiments. As a precaution, the Special Operations Squad would usually oversee everything to make sure nothing would happen. However, I felt like shit during one of those mornings.
Curling up into a ball, I wrapped my arms around my stomach as I whimpered softly. The rest of the team had left hours ago, and it was far into the afternoon now. Most of the military there due to curiosity, so I'd been left by myself in my agony for hours.
"What the hell are you still doing here?"
Head rushing, the only reason I knew who stood in front of me because of the voice. Rolling onto my side, I gripped the sheets as I faced Levi. "Go away," I said weakly.
Floorboards creaked as he approached me, I winced as I saw a hand in the air, ready for a smack on the head. What I felt was a gentle touch on my forehead. His fingers cool on my heated skin. "You have a fever."
Slightly delirious, I wrapped my fingers around his wrist to keep his hand there. "That's nice. Keep it there." The pulse humming against my thumb added an extra comfort. I despised being seen as powerless, but I desperately didn't wish to be by myself.
My flimsy constraint broke easily. Yanking his arm away, Levi left the room without a word. Figuring that he had left to go where the rest of the team had left to, I struggled to get comfortable. Stuffy and hot, the room was difficult to breath in and my whole body felt sticky.
It was rare for me to fall ill, but I had dealt before when I was by myself in the Underground. The first time was the worst. I hadn't stockpiled any food or water for emergencies. All alone in my small hole, I suffered for days, using my willpower to make sure I got out alive. Defenseless, weak, I was an easy prey if anyone stumbled upon me. Awake due to fear and discomfort, I yearned for when I could rely on my parents to coddle me. To take care of me. That had been one of the few moments that I had gotten truly angry at them for dying. Leaving me to care for myself.
Memories dissipated as I heard the door creak open. Before I could say anything, a wet cloth was placed on my head. "Here," Levi muttered as he set a cup of steaming tea on my table side, 'this will make sure you won't vomit all over the place." Believing his job to be over, Levi got up, ready to leave.
"Wait!" I yelled or whispered, there was so much noise in my head that I didn't understand how loud I shouted. "Don't go. Please don't go. I don't want be alone. Please stay," I begged as I grabbed a fistfull of Levi's cotton t-shirt. All the movement caused an alluvion of dizziness to sweep over me, but that just made me hold on tighter.
"Let go," Levi growled as he tried to shake me off. "Damn it, Saph. There is no reason for you to be so frantic. You're not in the Underground."
Lacking strength in my body, I swayed over the edge of my bed. Grip loosening as I began to careen down. Coughs racked my bones making me bite my tongue while I tried to regain coordination. I was ready to hit the wood, hard, when I was stopped by a pair of strong arms lifting me back onto my mattress. It wasn't gentle, but Levi had enough considerable control to make sure that I didn't get hurt as I was placed back inside the blankets.
"Fine. I'll just do the shitty paperwork in here."
"Yay!" Delighted, I held no awareness for how strange I was acting.
I could just imagine him rolling his eyes as he went back to his room to grab the papers. Snuggling my face into my pillow, I awaited his return eagerly. Finding the tea cup without steam anymore, I sat up enough to drink some of the warm liquid from the container. There was a bitter tang of herbs in the contents. Tea was supposed to be enjoyed, but I couldn't help downing it to make sure I wouldn't have to taste the sharp medicine inside. A calming warmth spread from my stomach to the tip of my toes. It was very unlike the stuffy hotness that was causing a sheen of sweat to make my clothes plaster themselves on me. Feeling a bit better, a soft smile tilted the corners of my lips upwards.
"Thank you for the tea, Levi," I expressed my gratitude the moment he walked in. All I'm replied with, a huff and a sharp nod. That's what I needed, however, as I settled back down to watch the man sit in the single chair. Pen in one hand and papers in the other, Levi began to read the documents silently.
Sliding my arm underneath my head, I observed him as he read through whatever it is he had with him. Since we had the day off for those of us that weren't on guard for the experiments, Levi wore a simple white tee paired with some black pants. Strands of hair shielded his glinting eyes. I wondered what his hair felt like. Was it soft? Was it fluffy? It hadn't changed much since the years we left the Underground. However, any youth he had retained while there disappeared with every expedition. I guess seeing comrades die everyday can do that to you.
There were callouses on his hands that revealed just how long he had been wielding the blades. Such rough skin, but it had been so gentle when he set the cloth on me. Brusque but never hurtful. Did Petra know all these different sides to him? A whimper escaped my lips as an ache squeezed my heart.
Noting the sound, Levi looked up. Eyes locked on me, he didn't falter as I stared back at him. Such a watchful gaze, it made me feel safe. A comfort I craved that I couldn't find anywhere else. Would it all disappear if Petra became the only one for him? Did this rare peace I obtain never to be mine again if I lost him? Thoughts clashing together, my panting stopped completely when he spoke.
"Do you need something?"
The grouchiness in his voice made me instantly settle. A minute hint of worry could be heard in that sentence if you listened well enough, and I was captivated at the moment by his every movement. Wanting to devour more, I posed a question. "Could you tell me a story?"
"No."
"Sing me a lullaby!"
Levi scoffed at me. Blinking, I almost missed the amusement reflecting in those pools of gray. "Just go to sleep."
"I can't. Everything is too hot and fuzzy." Sitting up, I tried to take my slip on off. "Help me get this off." Focused on the moment, I didn't understand why it could be considered odd to get out of the outfit that seemed to be the source of my discomfort. Getting the gown over my head was a challenge, my arms were sticking up as I struggled.
"You're an idiot," I heard a grumble as my gown was pulled back down. "Undressing won't help."
I giggled at Levi as he fought, trying to keep me still. Suddenly, I patted his hair. "It's softer than Lucifer's coat."
"It smells better too."
Happy that he made a joke, I began to laugh way harder than necessary as I was scooped up. "Is it hard to carry someone who is taller than you?"
"Only when they are wiggling around like a moron. You're acting ridiculous."
Before I could answer, I began to hack. Coughs shaking my entire body as I tried to cover my mouth with my arm. "You want to take a bath with me?" I teased, voice hoarse with sickness. .
We had arrived at the washing area. A container full of cold, clean water beneath me before I could comprehend what was going on. Unceremoniously plopped in, shivers wracked my body. "This is freezing! Get me out!"
"You were whining about being hot not to long ago," Levi said as he dumped some of the water on my head. Still wearing my clothes, Levi then grabbed a bar of soap. "Wash yourself. You smell like shit."
"That's because I'm sick!" With a chill setting in, I wasn't as delirious nor foggy as before. The memory of tangling his hair within my fingertips would have made me wince if my anger towards him wasn't at the forefront of my mind. "Isn't this going to make it worse? Where is a doctor?"
"All of them are either in town or at the experiments in case of a medical emergency. For someone who was being so clingy just awhile ago, you are are acting like a brat now." After I tried to throw the soap at him, he gave up and decided to just do it himself. Suds trickled down my face as I was scrubbed.
Deciding that escape was impossible, I sat there with my teeth clacking together. Methodical but not invasive at all,it didn't take long before I was humming in enjoyment despite of myself. Muscles relaxing, I basked in the attention I oh so rarely received. Twisting my limbs, I made sure to give him easy access even if the clothing became an obstacle. "It's been years since I was taken care of like this."
Memories of my parents wrapping bandages over flesh wounds, making oatmeal when I had an upset tummy, and telling stories vividly bloomed into my mind. A warm smile of contentment graced my features when I concentrated on the touch of his hands. We had never been physically closer. Pleasant tingles spread from the skin contact. "Thank you, Levi," I said, tilting my chin up. Droplets of water graced my cheeks when I continued to memorize his facial structure. Fixated on his thin lips, I hadn't closed my eyes when he dumped a bucket of cold water on me.
"Stop staring."
"You have a booger in your nose," I sputtered out a lie as I gasped for air. Before I had fully caught my bearings, another one was poured on me. Getting rinsed off had become the worst part.
"You're done."
Hopping out, I grabbed the closest towel to me. It was difficult to sprint with how badly I tremors invaded my nerves, but I made it to my room in good time. Haphazardly drying myself off, I peeled the wet night clothes off and get into some clean, fresh, and better yet warm ones before Levi walked back in. Jumping into the bed, I burrowed within the covers. "I never want to do that again!"
The pads of his fingertips pressed lightly against my furrowed brow. 'It broke your fever. Stop complaining."
Wanting to go back to sleep, I didn't mind the mess of my wet hair, but apparently somebody did. A sound of disgust echoed in the room before I felt the towel being rubbed into my scalp. Squeezing and mussing, Levi was all business as he dried my hair for me.
"I used to do this for my little brother," I said when the silence became too deafening.
"Is he just as incompetent as you?"
Tilting my head, I considered the man in front of me. Too focused on the task at hand, he didn't notice me trying to figure the events that were happening. How was I supposed to stick with my goal when Levi did things like this? Was it so bad to want more?
"Will you help me get my brother back?"
Quiet, Levi didn't say a word. I decide to continue on telling him my plan.
"Brutus did mention that the Reiss illegitimate family daughter was forced to join the Survey Corps for some reason. If they didn't kill her on the spot, they must have some reason for keeping her alive. They are a powerful family that have the ability to pay large sums of money. If I kidnapped her…"
"What are you two doing?" The question is posed without a hint of threat, but that didn't mean my cringe lessened. Pulling away from Levi, I gave a meek smile to the intruders entering my room, specifically Petra.
"I had a nasty fever, so Levi made sure that I didn't end up dead."
"Why didn't you get her a doctor?" Petra exclaimed as she felt my cheeks. All concern and no anger.
Puzzled by what I had been expecting yet clearly wasn't there, I glanced at Leon for answers. What I saw made my throat go dry. Eyes narrowed, tongue peeking out, it seemed as if he had become a predator considering how much to toy with his prey before he ate it. Not a hint of his usual cheerfulness lingered. Lively eyes morphed into distant and bleak. I couldn't discern if it was due to the remnants of the fever or element entirely.
The bizarreness ended, however, when he saw me looking at him. Leon gave a sly smile and casually tilted his head towards Levi. Not knowing what he was trying to say, I shrugged my shoulders in confusion.
"There weren't any doctors at the headquarters. It would take to long to go to town to fetch one."
"How are you feeling now Saph? Do you need something to eat? Something to drink? I could see if we have any medicine for you." Petra was pulling the sheets up as she bombarded me with the questions.
Wincing at the high pitched worry, I tried to wave her off. "I just want some sleep at the moment.
Leon stepped in, guiding Petra away from me. "That sounds like the best medicine to me."
The two of them left, leaving Levi and I were alone once again. Trying to gauge his intention, I became clueless. Not sure that my inability to read him was due to my own weariness after all the excitement or his own undecipherable emotions.
He broke my concentration with a scolding. "Don't do something stupid."
"I'm getting desperate. It's been almost six years since I last saw Suzu alive. Wouldn't you have done anything if the same was applied to Isabel or Farlan?"
Creacking, the mattress bent underneath his weight when he sat on it. "...neither would have wanted me to act carelessly however."
"Is that concern I hear?" Not exactly wanting to know the answer, I hurried on. "Fine. I won't kidnap the girl, and I'll keep you informed if I decide to do anything dangerous. I don't want you or anyone on the Survey Corps for that matter to get injured."
When no words were spoken in confirmation, I considered what else he could be waiting for. My mind stumbled upon a painful notation. The sentence tumbled out sooner than I could note how much the implication could hurt. "Especially Petra. I won't get her involved in the search for Suzu."
The way he jerked his head towards me made a bitter taste consume my tongue. I took no pride in knowing what bothered him at that moment. It wasn't easy watching him struggle with what to say to my pointed words. Flames scorched my lungs and smoke curled in my consciousness. A feeling of wanting to sink my teeth into where his neck and shoulder connected until a mark remained feasted on my sanity. Dragging my nails across the expanse of his pale skin until welts of red trailed across his body made my fist clench. It would be a possessive but simple claim of mine. That no one could see or touch him without knowing that Levi belonged to me. Bowing my head, breaths ragged, I seized the bestial anger filling me. Yanking it back to submissiveness, I was glad that he was too occupied with his own contemplations to see what must have been feral passion displayed. Fear blended with rage boiled over into a feverish tangibility.
Peeking up underneath my lashes, I contemplated the man silently staring off in the distance. Unaffected about how my actions could be taken, I rested my forehead on his shoulder, tenderly. Unlike the sinful cravings that had possessed me a bit earlier. "I'll be fine. Besides, I have Humanity's Strongest Soldier on my side. You'll be there to patch the problems up if they arise."
Surprised, Levi shook off my touch. A heavy sigh left his slightly parted lips. "Dumbass."
Satisfied, I leaned back, letting myself fall into the mess of pillows and blankets. "Thank you for today, Levi. While taking care of people isn't usually your thing, I'm glad you made sure I didn't die today."
"Isn't that just like any other day?" He said in a deadpan tone.
Rolling my eyes, I nudged him off the furniture with my foot. "See you tomorrow."
Him leaving sucked any warmth out of the room. In the dark and dusty room, I considered what I would do next. After today, I couldn't ignore my desires without the risk of losing a part of who I had become. Maybe the problem had formed because of my own greed and selfishness. I wanted every piece of happiness. While I didn't know how to go about it, no way in hell was I going to give up on Levi.
"Saph?"
It was the girl I least wanted to see strolling into my room. How did I go about telling her about my new resolution? Did I have to tell her? "What is it Petra?"
She shut the door behind her. "I was just wondering if you wanted me to bring you something for dinner later."
"No. I'd rather not be woken up."
"Okay." She turned around, seemingly satisfied to have gotten what she wanted. Palm pressed against the doorknob, she paused. "Saph?"
"Yes?"
"I know you have told me before. Many times actually, but I just wanted to make sure. You and Levi are only friends, right?"
"Yes." That wasn't a lie. At the moment.
"And you don't have any regard for him outside of that?"
Raising my eyebrows, I weighed the pros and cons of speaking about the subject matter. "Would it change anything? My answer?"
"I guess not."
At least she didn't seem to half-hearted in her pursuit. That would have been incredibly irritating. "Then that solves that."
A lull fell, squeezed itself between the two us. For a second, I wondered what she saw when she looked at me. Did she still perceive some goodness in the cracked facade or had it dissipated with me not answering the posed question?
"I'm going to tell Levi that I'm in love with him, soon."
Not knowing what she wanted from me, my eyelids fluttered closed. "Do what you will. I'm tired, Petra. Leave me to my rest."
The idea that I had perceived the room to be dark and dusty before made me snicker. It didn't hold up to what I felt the moment Petra left. Now it reminded me of the small hole in the Underground I used to live in all alone. Scared and resentful, I dreaded tomorrow. I went to sleep that night enveloped in my own bareness and vulnerability.
Here is the fluffiest chapter I've written so far (ignoring the ending of course). Don't worry, the train of pain will continue right on chugging along with the next chapter. I hope everyone enjoyed the update, and it would be fabulous if you could leave a review!