Sarcasm no jutsu

by jcshauni

A man in his thirties get somehow thrown two dimensions to the left in the Naruto-verse. And he's way too old for this shit. Also, he's 'reborn' in the most immature clan that exists in Konoha. What could possibly go wrong?

15. Chapter 15: The Power of One

Author's note: door-stopper warning. I might cut this chapter into two parts later, but I can't find where to do that now.

Chapter 15: The power of One

"My story starts when I was born. Forty-something years ago." My grandfather started his story, no trace of emotions in his voice.

"My father was killed a few months before the end of the first war, my mother also died during childbirth. Medical science wasn't developed enough to save her. I was brought to the ritual soon after. I don't remember anything about it but the caretaker of the Inuzuka orphanage told me when I was older that no ninken tried to bond with me.
According to him not even one looked in my direction. All of them staying in the shadows. He deemed me a failure, to be assigned to clan duties. But at the same time 'something' managed to slip inside Konoha's defenses.

At that time, the village was young and not so well defended. Just after the first Shinobi war, half of our clan decided to form a rebellion, which failed, and were driven out of the village. Not that I had any idea about that then. Our workforce was completely depleted and having someone to take responsibilities not related with fighting was considered a boon to the clan.

But this was not meant to be. Because the 'something' I mentioned was slowly forging a path toward the Inuzuka compound, leaving a trail of injured shinobi in its wake.

We discovered this when, in the corridor after exiting the ritual room, a white wolf appeared in front of us. The beast was at death's door, judging by the injuries it sported and the kunai planted in its body. But still the light in its glazed eyes was nothing out of pure rage while looking at us and the door behind us leading to the ritual room.
Understanding that the feral beast was about to attack, my caretaker slowly took out a kunai, ready to sacrifice his life for me. Nothing is more important in the eyes of the clan than our children, even a 'failed' one. But before the beast attacked apparently, I made a sound. Not a cry of distress or fear, but one of curiosity.

Then the wolf lost all its savagery and fell to the side, all its strength leaving it.
In an howl of pain the beast… Gave birth to a young pup right in front of us, then life left her body.

Too stunned to move, my caretaker looked bewildered at the small naked pup stumbling and awkwardly sniffing the body of its late mother. Then he slowly made its way toward us. Yapping some cute noises in search of comfort. Understanding what was happening, the caretaker put me on the ground. The pup sniffed me a few times before licking my cheeks, and rolled itself close to my body, looking for warmth. It was then that I… Heard the rules.

All the ninken in the ritual room, who stayed silent until now howled at the same time toward the heavens. Apparently, I joined them, not that I remembered what I screamed but the words The Alpha Protects ringed in my head. I couldn't get its meaning at first, being a few months old, but the phrase somehow stuck in a part of my mind and never left.

While technically having failed the ritual, our tradition very precisely dictates that any bonding must happen in the ritual room, my handler understood this was no mere happenstance and falsified the records. In his report, the mother entered the ritual room while the ritual was taking place and gave birth here, the pup then bonded with me.

After a little research, he discovered in our clan archives that some of our members were indeed recorded having wolves imprints, but no details were truly recorded. He then decided to formally adopt me and watch my growth. The Fierce of that time accepted, so he gained the title of 'Sire' and I gained the best father any orphan who never knew his real parents could ever hope for."

I noticed that a few tears were growing on my grandfather's eyes but not falling.

"My father decided to raise me in his orphanage. One because, after the war and its many casualties, his responsibilities made it impossible for him to truly spend time with me and secondly because he wanted me to grow up surrounded and playing with other children. At first, he was wary of the reaction of the other kids, me having a father when they didn't, so he waited a few years before announcing it. But this fear vanished when I was formally introduced as his pup.

That day, when he formally introduced me I got some angry looks, as he feared. But his worry was soon replaced with incredulity when all the ninken in the orphanage, even those of the staff, rolled themselves on their back, in a textbook show of deference in front of my friend. You must understand that, for a dog, being on its back means being defenseless. The hidden meaning is that they trust the one in front of them and expect him to protect them.

This was the first time I heard my friend speak to me. It scared me, at first, but the words I heard immediately calmed me.

In a young and childish voice, my friend told me he didn't think he could protect everyone. He was scared that he would fail and would regret not being strong enough. That this was too much for him.

I did the only logical thing that I could imagine. I reassured him that he won't be alone. That I will become strong enough so that we could protect everyone together. Because an Alpha protects. And then I baptized him. I named him Shiroi (white). And I swore to him that I will protect him so that the shadow of war will never darken his fur.

Of course, it was only after the fact that I noticed that every adult in the room was frozen. Because I spoke to my Friend in our mind but gave him his name in normal language. Meaning that I had learned the Inuzuka techniques by myself, without anyone ever telling me those things even existed.

So. Immediately after that, despite the many protests of my father but in accordance with our clan rules, I was sent to the academy.

The academy was…Nice. Clan kids, civilian kids, we were all equal. It was a straight break up from the orphanage where, believe it or not, I slowly became the leader while living here with my father.

It was gradual. At first older kids tried to pick on me, before their ninken turned on them when they tried to do something truly mean. They were children that didn't know any better, but Shiroi always scared their ninken into submission. I started to grow bored, so I created a small clique of Inuzuka children and played merry head with my father. We stole the food, we slipped out of the orphanage to look at the stars and howl at the moon, we were… Happy. Soon I had a family with me, always willing to follow me because things were always fun.

Then the academy decided to make me skip not one, but two years. I was to go from fourth year to sixth year. Shiroi was teaching me everything he knew and I understood immediately what the academy told kids my age. My friend was an excellent teacher. Scent tracking, sight reading, even emotion faking. He was a natural born teacher, and I was a natural born student. Heh, one of his favorite pastimes was to track and find the Shinobi that dealt a blow against his mother, sneak into their home and release killing intent during their sleep so they dreamed finding themselves immobilized in their bed while a biiiiig white beast slowly approached their bed, leaving them pissing themselves in terror until the beast fangs found their ways into their throat. He always was such a prankster…"

My grandfather was smiling and mimicking fangs with his hands, clearly enjoying telling a story to his grandchild.
Ok, this part is kinda scary. Funny in context, but scary.

"But this class… Oh this class... Where to begin… Well. At first when I came here, I didn't know anyone. Standard fare for any kid that recently transferred but I didn't mind it. I had my family in the orphanage, and I wasn't here to find another one. But that's not what welcomed me, and I soon understood why they made me jump for two years and not only one.

In this class were two other geniuses. The first one was called Amane."

I noticed that the eyes of my grandfather became different. They were… Smiling?

"She was a daughter of simple civilians. Traders, the lowest on the social rug. But she was smart. She had no blood limit, no clan jutsu, she just compensated by being the most underhanded fighter you could imagine. Nothing was beneath her, tests about the shinobi's rules? She'll have them engraved in her pen. Test about the shinobi's history? She'll have everything embroidered on her sleeves. She'll never lose, be it in class or fighting. In our Taijutsu classes she almost always comes out on top because whatever comes her way, she'll find a solution. She was the top kunoichi of her year and the only reason she wasn't the rookie of the year was… Because of the other genius in her class.

His name was Hyuuga Koji. A stuck-up, by the book and above all, stoic member of that clan. If you know about them."

Well, I know a few Hyuuga. Neji and Hinata, but they aren't born yet. Oh wait, they are. I think. Maybe? Did I miss Hinata's kidnapping?

"Figures." Continued my grandfather, mistaking my confusion about the timeline for a confusion about the name.

"The Hyuuga are one of the four 'noble' clans of the Leaf, among the Senjuu, the Uchiha and the Akimichi (wait what?) and they are best considered as… Well, if you should ever remove the stick they have in their ass then you'll have enough room for another shopping district."

I completely agree with the sentiment, but you're kinda ruining the mystique here, gramps.

"So, here I came. Right in the feud between two geniuses trying to be the biggest child in the kindergarten. One was a civilian kid, being the best kunoichi through sheer willpower and acceptance that, as a ninja, you must do things that would be considered 'improper'.
And the other one was the perfect definition of the noble ideals that Konoha wanted to promote. Always proper, nice and above all deadly.
And, in the middle. A genius from a clan where 'If it moves just kick it until it stops' was considered a high level strategic solution. So, Shinji, what do you think happened?"

"You graduated together and were put into the same team…"

"Good, because that is exactly what happened. Our team was unbalanced. Koji, Amane and I were pure fighters. We spent… A lot of time staying genin and taking out weed out of gardens, fetching lost pets. I was kinda good at that, to be honest.
Koji wouldn't use his blood limit for something so 'mundane', Amane was too busy destroying everything in her path out of sheer frustration and scaring the poor pet away.

Actually, now that I think of it, it was the time where we started to have some semblance of teamwork.

We were asked to retrieve a lost pet? I'll catch it.
We were asked to escort a merchant? Koji will go forward, and every ambush will become ruin in front of his eyes.
We were asked something weird? Amane will find a way.
Something we had never done before? Shiroi would explain it to us. It was… Peaceful. We all grew closer during this time.

Koji was the stable one, he stopped us with logic when Amane and I became too heated arguing about logistics.
Amane was the practical one, trashing us when Koji and I became too heated talking about clan ruling and proposed a simple solution we couldn't even imagine, because it was…Well… Simple.
I was the normal one, the one who had to be the mediator when Amane proposed a solution for whatever problem the village had, and the solution didn't rely on the 'noble' families, so Koji took offence to that...

We were changing, growing together. One plan at the time. It was fun…

Until the second shinobi's war started, and our mission became… Different… But first, let me go back a bit.

When I was ten, back at the academy, the Fierce of my time was killed in a mission against Cloud. I was, for all purposes, still a kid at that time. But even while still being at the academy the clan called for me, and I took the mantle of the Fierce.

The precedent Fierce had no descendant and, from the moment Shiroi bonded with me, I was slowly groomed to learn the rules of the clan I called my own. I still remember the proud air of my father when I took the oath to protect the pack. I was to have a speech in front of the clan. Koji and Amane were with me. Out of boredom for Amane, out of duty for Koji.

Everyone in the pack remembered the ones that defected and seeing me continuing the will of the first Hokage, that the pack was everyone we call friends or teammates was… Received mildly. But I expected that, and I threw the final bombshell that I have been keeping in my head since I found my team. Let me show you how it happened."

Gramps then looked me directly in the eyes. His presence completely overpowered my own, showing a young kid in front of a crowd. A young kid that looked a lot like me.

The kid then threw its hand above his head and proclaimed loudly.

"DON'T FUCK WITH THE KEEPER! THAT'S ME YOU MORONS! I'LL PROTECT EACH AND EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU WITH MY LIFE! SO DON'T MAKE ME DO IT! PROTECT YOURSELF! AND I WON'T HAVE TO DRAG YOU BACK FROM THE DEPTH OF HELL IN ORDER TO KILL YOU MYSELF!"

I 'saw' the rest of the Inuzuka clan in front of me, shocked by what I quickly understood was a young Kiba screaming at them.

"RESPECT THE SIRE! THIS IS YOUR FATHER! YOUR MOTHER! YOUR CARETAKER! THOSE THAT LOVES YOU! DON'T MAKE THEM CRY BECAUSE YOU DIED BEING AN IDIOT! BECAUSE I'LL HELP THEM DRAG YOU BACK FROM THE DEPTH OF HELL SO THAT WE COULD PUT YOU BACK HERE OURSELVES!"

I saw the eyes of a few people in the audience change from surprised to soft. They were the parents. The 'sires' that were training their kid to die for the village and didn't like it.

"PROTECT THE PROTECTOR! SO! WHO DO YOU THINK THAT IS? ME? NO! I'M ALREADY THE KEEPER! THE PROTECTOR IS THE ONE THAT WILL PROTECT YOU WHEN THE TIME COME! THEY ARE YOUR FRIENDS! YOUR TEAMMATES! WE HAVE SPENT ENOUGH TIME BEING AT WAR! THE PROTECTOR IS THE ONE YOU TRUST WITH YOUR LIFE! SO, I SAY, WHY DON'T WE PROTECT THOSE THAT PROTECT US? THEY ARE THE TRUE PROTECTORS AND WE NEED TO PROTECT THEM BACK! AND IF YOU EVER KILL ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS THEN I'M DRAGGING HIM FROM THE DEPTH OF HELL SO THAT HE CAN KILL YOU HIMSELF!"

I noticed a few Inuzuka, those who married outside the clan, if the men and women without clan marking besides them was any indication, grabbed their loved one's hand.

"So, that's pretty much it." Continued the young kid in a normal tone of voice. A voice that carried thanks to the sheer intent behind it.
"I'm your keeper and these are my rules. We are at peace. So, believe me when I do not WANT to write any of your eulogy.
I'm changing the rules, yes, but our rules were meant to be changed, you all know that.

What I want is for you to listen to my words.
What I know is that I will fight for each one of you.
What I wish is that someday the Inuzuka clan will be acknowledged as the Keeper of the Many.
What I hope is that no child must live without a Sire like all my friends in the orphanage.

So, what I hope is that you understand my words and the worth of your life.

What I hope is that you will reflect on the importance of those around you.
What I hope is that you will understand why I'm doing that.
What I hope is that you agree with me, so that we can finally live in peace."

I exited my grandfather vision, be it because the story was told or the fact that he has FUCKING WHAMMY, I don't know but I was back to my bed.

"So, this is my legacy. This is what I wanted my pack to be. But the story doesn't stop here.
I became the Fierce during my school years. So that means that I had to attend a LOT of clan meetings… When I was supposed to go to school..."
"So, you failed the academy. You were the dropout…" And that explained how he finished in the team of two genius.
"Yes. And I accepted it. I wasn't here for the tests because I had to manage the clan, I failed every Genjutsu course we had at the time because I had to redraft clan taxes. My taijutsu was so removed from the one that was taught in school that I failed every one of those too. Across the board, I was the lamest student around, if you only looked at academy scores…"

I saw my grandfather smile.

"And so, I was put in the best team that ever was. With Koji and Amane. The dead last with the rookie and the kunoichi of the year. They never held that against me. Koji knew the responsibilities of a clan head, he was the clan heir himself. Amane had no idea, classical civilian education, but respected the fact that I rarely lost a fight but was never credited for it because I used a style 'not allowed'.

And then, another Shinobi war began.

Our sensei was a Yamanaka, I suspect he was put here to watch over us. A civilian, a noble and a knucklehead.
We spend a lot of time before finding a balance. Koji refusing to listen to our plans, Amane refusing to accept that what he did is "how things should be" and me refusing to accept that 'pedigree' was the end to all things.
I found the idea insulting, being an orphan.

So, we became a team.
Many times, I had to explain to Amane that Koji was NOT being insulting when he said something insensitive.
Many times, I had to explain to Koji that Amane was NOT trying to undermine his position when her ideas were better than his.
Many times, I had to explain to our Sensei that he was not 'failing us' when we discarded his plans because the one we improvised was just better…
It was... Nice… It was… A new home… A place where I wasn't alone… And then something happened."

"The war?".

"Worse. Puberty". Answered my grandfather with a smile.

"We spent our days together, with our sensei keeping us safe but… It started to show. Amane started to hate the way that Koji was always stating that the Hyuuga were better. I started to agree that that they weren't really that great. And… Before I could even notice it, I fell in love with her.
But then I realized that she only had Koji in her mind. She was always so driven, and she now wanted to prove herself, as a civilian. To be worthy of the eyes that were so desirable to the world…

Our missions, at that time, were becoming more and more dangerous. Sabotage, destruction, assassinations… We became strong but we weren't balanced. Koji and Amane were geniuses, I just wanted to have friends. And we had a few dances with death.
Each time Amane would worry about Koji. His eyes were the most prized bounty of our enemies at that time, the Village Hidden in the Clouds.

We, as a team, were added to our enemy's bingo books. Our team became known as 'Red'. Part because my way of fighting often left me soaked with my enemies' innards, part because Amane pure rage was sometime visible, and mostly because it annoyed Koji to no end… But we held together.

And we were sometimes deployed as bait. Koji was the bait that Kumo will never ignore, and we were here to react to it.

Then, Sensei died.

We were ordered to assassinate a Seven Swordsman of the Mist. He was… Just stronger than us. We only managed to escape due to his sacrifice. Sensei died using a Yamanaka poison that started a sickness inside him. An incurable, deadly sickness. The swordsman died a year later, bedridden. Our Sensei was never credited for the kill because the very knowledge of the poison he used was a clan secret but… Well… everyone that knew him immediately made the connection.

Our team was thus broken and we were sent on individual assignment. Shiroi and I went to the front lines against Kumo, where we were the most useful. Amane went to the Logistic and Intelligence division, where she helped reorganize our supply lines. Koji stayed in the village to finally direct his clan.

Then, one night, Koji asked us to meet him outside of the village. We often did this when we were all on leave but… This was not one of those times.

When Amane and I arrived at our usual meeting place, Koji was geared up for a long-lasting mission.

He told us like it was yesterday's gossip that now that Sensei, the only non-Hyuuga he respected, was dead he saw no point of dying for Konoha and was defecting to Kumo. They were eager to have their hands on an unsealed Byakugan but still asked him for a proof of commitment. So, he volunteered the heads of team Red, the most infamous upcoming team beside Minato's one.

They were, according to him, extremely eager to accept.

And then, when we were too stunned to face the truth, our brother attacked us with every intent to kill.
Amane and I tried our best, he was just stronger than us.
All the teamwork between Amane and I was born with Koji in the middle.
He disabled all our plans; he made a mockery of our improvisations.
Even Shiroi, a powerhouse in his own right, was interrupting his attack because he couldn't get close.
Everything we threw at him was shrugged off as he kept trying to kill us.

No one of us could do anything against him, our minds were lost. Be it because the friend we knew for years was trying to kill us or the fact that he was countering everything we could imagine was because he had been thinking how to kill us together for a long time…

Then, Koji trapped Amane in a paralyzing genjutsu and disabled my legs with his Jyuken. We didn't even KNEW he could cast genjustu.

At that moment, as I was falling to the ground, I saw Koji turning away from me and rush toward the girl I loved…
I awakened my Focus for the first time and everything stopped.

I had the time to think how Amane won't be able to dodge. How she wouldn't even see the attack that will end her life.
I watched, with all the time I was now granted, how Koji's hand were blue. It was his sure-kill technique.
One when he simply places his hand on your heart and, with a pulse of Chakra, make it implode.

Amane, the love of my live, the one I decided to protect, will be dead the moment I lost my Focus.

I had all the time in the world to analyze the situation. Time was all but stopped except for me. Just like you, when you discovered the technique for the first time, I couldn't move. I couldn't make a simple hand sign, I just wasn't strong enough.
And I was going to powerlessly watch my love being killed.

So, I said no.

I noticed that my Chakra was still responsive, so I used a seal-less replacement justu with a rock that was between them.

Maybe the time I bought her would be enough. Maybe she'll be able to get rid of the genjutsu and avenge me.

Looking at the crazed eyes of Koji that was now aiming for me, I refused that sight and closed my eyes.

And then I felt his hand on my heart, but no shock came.

After a few seconds, I opened my eyes and saw that he was now smiling at me.

Time resumed his pace, and I noticed that it was the first time I saw him smile like that.
It was a pure, honest and warm smile.

While I was trying to get my bearings, Koji told me the truth.
No, he never wanted to defect, but he had to make sure of something that have been in his mind for many years.
So he told me his story.

How, as a clan heir, he was married at 8 to a woman he knew nothing about. But a woman with an excellent Byakugan. Just so their offspring will strengthen his clan.
How he hated her. How he always tried to be with us, his team, to escape his 'wife' and upset his clan.
How he hated me, a clan head who was free to love whoever I chose.
How he hated Amane, his first love, for not even having to imagine what was tormenting him.

How he felt so alone, and how we changed him by being ourselves.

How Amane and I, argument after argument, shown him that he wasn't perfect like his clan told him he was. And that it might be alright... That sometimes, maybe... Just maybe... Him being himself wasn't that wrong...

And finally how, after years of soul-searching and dialog... He finally understood that the woman he was betrothed was truly a kind person, someone he learned to appreciate and finally came to love.
How he discovered that the feelings he first as 'love' for Amane and 'hate' for me was just different kind of jealousy, and that now he had someone who truly understood him.
He found his place.
Oh, and by the way, they were expecting twins. He wished that we would be their 'unofficial godparents'. His clan rules were apparently weird about that.

So, he thought that he would just play with it and helped us realize that we were meant for each other. That he wished us the best.
By throwing myself in front of his attack I made myself worthy of her. She was in good hands and he could finally let her go.

He said that he was proud to call me his friend. And how he expected me to protect her…

Yeah, that was the moment Amane suddenly moved and punched him. Hard.

I'll be honest, I still don't know if her outburst was because she just got rid of the genjutsu and attacked him because he was 'the enemy', or because she dispelled it long ago and was just insulted by the fact that Koji thought she needed me to protect her… She was weird like that and we never spoke of that incident again."

My grandfather, for a few second, silently laughed. I didn't said anything because it was a nice story. A story about love, friendship and everything that was sappy, pink and cute in the world.
So the finale will sucks. If not, the man in front of me would not be the way he is.
I'll let him find solace in his memory for as long as he deemed fit.

"So, the three of us talked, after Koji regained consciousness of course, and Amane admitted that she had a crush on me for years. She was scared, she feared that it would ruin our team and kept it hidden in her heart. I confessed to her that night and we became bounded. But after that, things... Things got worse..."

Fucking called it...