Saph's PoV

My arms laid limply by my side, the new bandages, crisp and white, so unlike the bloodied rags I made out of the ones wrapped when I got out of that hell. Slouching in my upright position in my bed, I could feel the hard wood of the frame pressed into my arched spine. A firm surface digging into my bruised skin. The creaking of it so unlike the sound of my stone cell. I might've been home, but I held no happiness in my heart about my return. My surroundings and people didn't give me the comfort I'd yearned for not too long ago.

"Are you done?" Levi asked, coldly, noticing my posture of defeat and weariness. Forced to stand watch over me since he happened to be the only one who could somewhat restrain me in my fits of suicidal rage and depression, he saw all my grief in its unadulterated form. Fits led to me clawing at my wounds to open them in the hopes of bleeding out and rejoining my brother in the afterlife. All attempts cut short by the man in front of me. They used a lot of resources to find and rescue me, it'd all be a waste if I just killed myself in the end.

The suppression of my murderous rages had come from a simple revelation peeled open within the depths of my thoughts. Not yet ready to share my inkling to the tired Levi, I instead mused over what I'd have to do. The splashes of brown and red seeped onto my sheets caught my interest, pulling at my consciousness to study the colors I'd become intimately familiar with. They'd stopped cleaning and changing the bedding after the third day. Weak but filled with a strong enough desire to fight the clutches of life, I made a fine mess of my room. It surprised me that Levi hadn't started cleaning it on his own yet. Levi. He would want to know why the change of heart. I owed him my life and that meant I'd give up some information, but not enough for him to be able to stop me. I loved him. I knew that, and yet I felt to urge to claim him. I just wanted the comfort of his presence.

A knock on the door startled me from my mind and signalled the presence of an unwanted visitor. Peeking his head over, the doctor grimaced at me. "How is my least favorite patient doing?"

Neither Levi nor I answered him. Instead, Levi approached my side with the doctor in case I tried to attack the health professional like last time.

"I see that you have already bandaged her wounds with some new cloth. Hmmm? Were you trying to kill yourself again little one?"

Refusing to acknowledge his morbid question, I left it to Levi if he wanted to respond or not. My complacent actions didn't match my stubborn silence but they both seemed uneasy about the simplicity of my check-up compared to the others before it.

"Hanji put them on yesterday morning," Levi gruffly responded. "Nothing happened then or today to indicate she'd like to die."

"Well it's nice to hear that you're not trying to murder yourself and everyone around you."

I gave a toothy grin at him. "Oh I wouldn't be so sure of that."

He hurried up and left after that. I began to hysterically laughing when he pretty much lunged for the door, muttering about how he wasn't getting paid enough to deal with shit like this.

Cutting myself off when the room once again contained only two people, I swung my legs to the side of the bed.

"What made you change your mind?"

"Someone sounds quite curious. But then again, everyone else has been shouting about how suicide isn't the answer when you've remained quiet except for calling me an idiot." Stumbling to my dresser, I pulled off my nightgown to put on a pair of pants and a loose fitting t-shirt. If I put anything tight, it'd clearly show the outline of my haggard form. "If I die now, I won't be able to face Suzu. There are a few things I have to do first before I get to off myself."

He may have remained silent, but I knew him well enough that he was curious about what I had to attend to first. Grabbing my bottle of pills, I tucked them into my pocket. I'd definitely be needing those for this long day. Breakfast was an hour ago and I wouldn't have the chance to eat lunch.

"Revenge mostly. Sorry, Levi, I know Kenny raised you and all that stuff, but I'm going to make that fucker die in a very painful way. Not that I think you'll try to stop me since he almost stabbed you just over 2 weeks ago. I already took care of Ethell." I pointed at Levi. "You remember Ethell right? That girl whose guts were all over the ground when you found me? Anyways, bet she's not missed since she seemed quite the bitch. Then you got Brutus and Rod Reiss who have to be taken care of. It's obviously going to be easier to take care of one than the other two, but you gotta start somewhere. You know?"

"Where are you going?"

Rubbing my thumb over the handle of my trusty knife, I smiled. "I know you won't be going around spreading the word. That doesn't mean I trust that you won't try to stop me yourself. That's why I just gave you the rundown, but I'm not giving out the details. You wouldn't want those anyways. Besides, you heard the doctor, I have enough of my strength back that I can do most stuff without help."

"I don't believe that included inducing a bloodbath which you know isn't going to bring your brother back."

"That's not what I'm aiming for. I want to be able to look into his eyes and tell him I delivered justice."

Levi shook his head. "That isn't justice."

"Maybe in a perfect world, but in this one, it's as close as it's ever going to get." I left, only to almost run into Petra in the hallway.

"Where are you headed?"

"Does it matter? Who are you to keep track of my comings and goings?"

Petra glanced up towards Levi who headed out of my bedroom and joined us in the hallway.

"Just let her go," Levi said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "I don't want you getting involved in this."

Anger mad Petra's brow furrow. She seemed suspicious of Levi's words as she stared down at me. "Where are you going?"

Huffing as she moved to block my exit, I growled low under my breath, "It doesn't concern you."

"You've just begun to heal! Go back to bed, Saph. Please."

My efforts to push past her were in vain. Stumbling as she resisted, I tripped over my own feet to hit my side against the wall. Slouching down, I struggled to remain composed as Petra infuriating refused to let me go.

Petra leaned down to softly grip my arms. "Come on. Let's get you back to bed."

"Don't! Don't touch me. Don't act like you know what I'm dealing with. Don't get involved," I shrieked while throwing my hands about. One of them accidentally caught Petra under her chin, forcing her head to snap back. She let go, only to tumble backwards, barely avoiding falling to the floor.

Harshly slammed back, Levi pressed a forearm against my neck hard enough to still my breath. Memories of Kenny doing the same flashed instantly to the forefront of my mind. Taken back to those days of never ending agony, I couldn't see or hear anything but my desperation to break free. Dragging my nails across Levi's forearm, I panicked completely. All I could do was resist the barrier blocking my freedom.

"Calm down," the order barked at me settled my nerves instantaneously. Once I stopped flailing, Levi let me go. "Remember, you're here, not there."

Focusing on those solid grey eyes brought me back to the present. Inhaling sharply, I let my fear evaporate. I gave a small nod to my Captain to signal that I my nerves were settled for the moment.

Recognizing my fit was over, Levi rushed to Petra's side. He inspected the bruise forming on her jaw, all deft movement, but something clicked in my head seeing how he maneuvered around the short statured woman. A gentleness I'd never seen since his interactions with Isabel. Those hard lines and bored expression relaxing to an easy kindness.

"Are you two going out?" My words held a bite to them but I couldn't help but sound somewhat amused. Of course they couldn't be. They'd just grown closer over my disappearance. Right?

Petra made a small gasping sound, her lips parted to give me answers with none spilling from them. Just a gaping black pit of silence. Levi looked over his shoulder at me, his demeanor careless like his actions were no big deal. "Yes."

Stunned, I wrinkled my nose in a moment of disorientation. "That's a pretty funny joke right there, Levi."

"It's no joke, Saph," Petra came out of her stupor to deliver me the news in her timely manner as always. "We were going to tell you but-"

"But what?" I asked in hysterics, my brain emptied of ideas leaving a bare room with just the sound of cackling toying with me. "It's not like I care." Bending my knees, I released the cackling that'd built up inside me. Laughing like mad, I banged a closed fist on the wall in time with each ache in the pit of my stomach. Each hit shook the wood causing a rhythmic thump to join in with my howling until it eventually splintered. Staring at the pieces stuck into my bleeding knuckles, I repeated," It's not like I care, and why should I?" Dropping my fist to my side, I turned to the shocked people. "It's just that my Captain and my best friend were busy fucking while I got tortured."

"We didn't know!"

"Do you blame us for your brother's death?" Levi calmly questioned me.

All of my merriment at the situation disappeared in a flash hearing him say that. Licking my lips, I approached him, got right in his face, in his personal space until my body hunched over his. "Should I? Do you want me to?" Sparing a glimpse to see what Petra's expression held, all it conveyed was horror, and I reveled in it. Bringing myself down to Levi's level, I gave him a grin. "But I won't, which will make it so much worse for the both of you." My forehead rested against the wall as I whispered in Levi's ear, "And here I thought you were going all soft. Guess we aren't so different. I stood and did nothing while two comrades got eaten by Titans, while you fucked a girl's best friend when she was being held against her will and tortured daily." Straightening up, I took a few steps back. "I don't have anything else to say to either of you, so I will be headed out now."

"Saph, please."

"Save for acting like you actually care about me for later. I have lives to ruin and people to murder. Bye bye." Not waiting for either of them to get a chance to move, I quickly fled from the house.

The moment I told Suzu that we should stay so my comrades wouldn't get slaughtered played inside my head in excruciating detail. If we left if when Suzu suggested too, he'd still be alive. In exchange for the lives of Levi, Petra, and the rest of the squad. A moment of weakness, letting my growing love for Levi and friendship towards Petra ruled my decision making instead of getting my brother out of the dangerous situation. Now, Suzu was gone forever and Levi and Petra were together. "What's the point in trying to be a good person when you end up losing everything in the end?" I murmured underneath my breath as I approached the entrance to the Underground.

Holding the gun straight at Brutus, I gave him my most dazzling smile before offhandedly gesturing towards the chair at the opposite end of where I was seated. Food laid spread out on his side where mine remained bare besides the blood spatters covering every surface of the room. Bodies of Brutus's comrades laid strewn about, their throats effectively sliced open or heads cut off with my 3DMG.

"I've been eagerly waiting for you to come back to this dump you call a home," I said without letting my grin slip from my face. "Please, sit, enjoy the buffet before you. I can guarantee you that it'll be your last."

While Brutus couldn't hide his surprise at the carnage awaiting him in the dining room, now he seemed calm, almost jovial. "Did you put poison in the meat or something? Just shoot me now so we can get this over with. I see you have effectively taken out all of my guards so there's no hope of me getting out of this alive."

"Either you sit down and start eating or I put a bullet in some place that won't kill you and start force feeding you the food."

Shrugging his shoulders, Brutus sat his heavy body down on the creaky chair. Picking up some clean utensils, he piled his plate with the meat and fruits offered to him. "Now I'm guessing you're here because of what happened to you and your brother."

"I never figured that you'd sell out one of your clients. It's hard to get business when you do that."

Brutus took a sip of the water in the glass before answering me. "In most circumstances, I'd never consider doing that, but when Kenny the Ripper comes knocking on your door 'asking' you to do him a favor, it's hard to decline. Honestly, Saph, I had no idea what they would do to you in that dungeon. I just knew that they had your brother and wanted you."

"I've paid you for years, Brutus. Did they get to you even before you found out where they kept my brother."

"I only found out recently before they figured out my snooping and decided to give me the option of either turning on you or having everyone I care about, including myself, killed in a horrendous way. Figured that you wouldn't be able to seek revenge since you'd be dead. I'm surprised to see that you're still standing here with what I heard was done to you. Didn't give me the chance to set my things in order now did you?"

"I'm surviving off of the need to kill you guys alone. Never underestimate my bloodlust."

Brutus wiped some sauce off his face with napkin, the gesture pulling some of his wrinkles along with it. "Yes, I've heard of that murderous rage of yours. It's what made you kill your brother, isn't it?"

My eyes narrowed and I bit my lip at his snickering. "That was an accident." I raised the gun with more vigor. "It's your fault that he's dead."

"What do you have to live for now, Saph? All those years searching for your baby brother only to kill him in the end? It's a wonder you don't put a bullet in your own brain to end your misery right here and now."

I turned the pistol, letting it the coldness of the end of the barrel press against my temple. "You're right. Death would be a nice reprieve from all of this living I have to do. You want to know what else is fucked up? I'm in love with my Captain and he started dating, having sex with my best friend while I was being tortured."

Brutus let out a heavy laugh hearing that, allowing me to see the mushed up food still in his mouth. "Isn't that great! That dry boring man you brought to my house that one day? Hahahahaha I almost pity you, you poor ugly, broken, little thing."

"So you did all of this in fear of Kenny's wrath if you didn't obey his orders?" I put back on my amicable smile to continue our pleasant conversation.

"I got a decent amount of money for my cooperation, none of which you'll find here by the way." Brutus took a huge bite off of the tender, juicy meat slab. "This is really good. Thanks for having such a tasty meal prepared for me."

"You're welcome. Now second to last question, do you have any idea where Kenny or Rod Reiss might be?"

"Nope, and even if I did, I wouldn't tell you. You might be a killer, but no one is nearly as fucked up as Kenny." Brutus shivered after saying his name, probably recalling an incident he, himself experienced.

"You might have been right not so long ago, but now you shouldn't be so sure." Letting my hand drop, I placed the gun on the table. "I've grown up in the Underground, fought Titans for a living, been severely beaten, killed my one reason for existing, and got everything I've ever wanted taken away from me. If that doesn't constitute insanity nothing does."

Brutus raised his eyebrows to implore what I meant but I didn't want to continue. "Now, I have to ask, what is your last question since you mentioned that was your second to last one?"

Letting my pointer finger trace the trigger, I dropped my gaze down for a second. "It doesn't have anything to do with Kenny or what happened to me. I simply want your opinion on something." I raised my eyes, cracking my mouth wide open to show off my yellowish teeth in a smile that I hoped would haunt him until the moment he would die by my hand. "What do you think is worse? Accidentally murdering your little brother, your only relative, the reason you fought to live, or unknowingly eating the flesh of your only child, your one son?"

It took a minute of complete immobility before Brutus spat out everything in his mouth. He dry heaved over and over again.

"Now don't spit out your meal. You called it tasty not too long ago."

"You wouldn't."

Throwing a pocket watch at him. I let him catch the accessory and read the inscription on the back. Letting him confirm that it was the birthday present he gave his son.

Brutus lunged across the table, his body moving incredibly fast for its large size. Instinctively, I curled my fingers around my weapon, lifted it up, and fired a single shot at the blob heading towards my direction. His body slouched across the table, dead instantly with blood flowing from the hole in his head.

Sighing, I got up from my spot and approached the dead body. "Guess you won't get to answer my question now, will you? I bent down and tilted my head until I could peer into the empty irises from just a few inches away. "Sorry about that. I'm not used to shooting a gun and I can't aim that well yet. Just meant to hit your shoulder, but," I held my hands up in a what can you do gesture, "I see now that I need to practise a bit. Anyways, I'll tell you the answer in case you're still listening from somewhere. It's not which act is worse since they are both not on purpose and involving someone you love, what makes one worse more so than the other is how long the person who did the deed will have to live with the knowledge of what they did. Since you now don't have to suffer with that burden, I win. No hard feelings of course."

Rolling my neck to let the crinks pop, I straightened up. Stepping over the multiple bodies, I tried to avoid getting any more pieces of human flesh and liquid onto my clothes. I contemplated setting the whole building on fire, but I wanted Kenny and Rod to hear about the incident that happened. To fear for their lives. "Well, gentlemen, this party was fun, but all this activity has got my tummy rumbling. Now if you excuse me, I'll be heading home for a nice dinner." After wiping off as much gunk as I could, I left the slaughterhouse to head back to the headquarters.

I hope everyone enjoyed the latest chapter. It'd be awesome if you could leave a review!