Saph's PoV
Frustrated with my messy stitches, I threw my practice pallet to the side as I huffed angrily.
"You'll never learn if you keep quitting every time it gets difficult," Hanji scolded me as she picked the piece of material up. "I'm still unsure why you believe you need to learn this. It's not like if someone needs stitches during an expedition, you'll have the ability to patch them up. A Titan could snatch you up too easily."
Shrugging my shoulders, I scrambled for an excuse that would at least sound reasonable. "I thought that if I showed some capability with this, I'd get my vice-captain position back."
Hanji didn't look like she believed me, and I couldn't blame her. I held no sadness towards the lost of the position, especially since Eld became my replacement. The following few weeks surprising revealed how little had changed the Special Operations Squad in some aspects. I kept my separate room and Lucifer. The only aspect that really changed was the dynamic in the team. Gunter seemed to appreciate having someone older holding the position so the man became more comfortable around us. Eld also held a close watch for any snarky comments that might come flying from Auruo's mouth directed towards me. Animosity still existed between us, but almost all verbal and physical fights had come to an end. The team itself now moved with more easy fluidity and group effort on and off the field. I, on the other hand, started to grow more and more restless. Escaping to Bells to release enough rage that it left bruises on her hips with the sheets around us torn.
"I thought you wanted to learn how to do this before the next time we go out to the walls?" Hanji examined her own handiwork. "Why don't you just ask Petra to help you? Out of everyone here, besides the actual physicians, she's the best when it comes to medical practice? I'm better at dissecting things instead of putting them back together."
"Because that would defeat the purpose," I muttered, distractedly. Too busy trying to poke a hole that didn't equate to stabbing. With the silence following my statement, though, I recognized my mistake.
Of course Hanji didn't know my reasons for why I went about learning medical information from her because my feelings for Levi should never become known by anyone. If Petra helped me become adept at dealing with injuries, and I ever used that information to help or save Levi, all the credit would go to her.
"Which is to spend more time with you!" I gave a bright smile to the scientist.
"Ahhhh! What a sweetie!" Hanji knew I was bullshitting her, but she played along anyways, "I'm still going to have you help me with future Titan experiments though!" She threw an arm around me, haphazardly pulling me to her side while I struggled to not drop my needle and thread to the floor. Laughing at her antics, I only noticed the door opening because of the squeaky hinges.
Petra walked into the room, all smiles until she saw the two of us laughing. Then, her grin dropped before returning so fast I almost missed the moment it disappeared. "I was wondering where you were, Saph. Could I please take a moment of your time and talk to you?"
"Will it be quick?" I sighed with displeasure. Avoiding Petra only worked when she didn't confront or take action. Her passive friendliness made letting our friendship dissipate easy since I thought she wouldn't express any negative emotions towards me. It's not like I wanted to explain my reasoning for wanting to keep distance between us.
Her smile wobbled but her voice stayed steady with her answer. "I don't know, but, it is important."
"I'll see you later, Hanji," I grumbled as I put on my shoes.
"Bye!"
Following Petra outside, I recalled the time we had a picnic in the sunshine. Oh how the world evolved since then. As if reading my mind, Petra led me to the same meadow from the time before. A blanket laid stretched across the grass while the smell of wild flowers wafted into my nose. The moistness in the air, however, indicated rain was coming. "What did you want to talk to me about?" I asked as I sat down, cross legged on the fabric.
Petra sat across from me, an uncharacteristic frown on her face. "Are you mad at me?"
"Why would you ask that?" I smoothed out a corner to avoid eye contact with the soft brown orbs unflinchingly staring at me.
Adjusting her position, she leaned closer. "You've been avoiding me."
"If you mean that I've been spending less time with you, then yes, that's true. I wouldn't completely place the blame on me since you've been spending a ton of time with your boyfriend," I snapped at her. With others, I would have been worried that my pointed hostility towards the subject of Levi would eventually lead them to believing that was the source of my distress. Might guide them to assumptions that were too close to home, but I knew that wouldn't happen with Petra. She might be good at reading people, but the idea that I might be in love with Levi wouldn't even cross her mind. Her innocence made sure of that.
"No. It's not that because I've made sure that I didn't abandon you just because of my relationship. I thought," she drew in a shaky breath, "I thought that you needed space to grieve."
"Maybe I blame you."
"If you truly blamed me for your brother's death, I wouldn't be alive right now. I might not know exactly what you've been up to, but it's not hard to guess with the way you've been acting."
Licking my lips, I leaned back until I toppled onto the blanket. Stretching my limbs wide, I let my a few raindrops kiss my skin. "Must be hard to consider someone a friend when they would feel no guilt at your death."
"You would," Petra stated without hesitation. "You like to pretend you don't feel but that doesn't mean that you don't."
"What's the point of this conversation? What do you want from me? For things to go back to the way they were before I got kidnapped? That's never going to happen and you're smart enough to know that. Don't waste my time." Closing my eyes, I folded my arms underneath my head. A picture of nonchalance as I tried not to get riled up lest I let loose my pent up thoughts and emotions. "People change, Petra."
"I hope you know that doesn't mean I've abandoned you. I'll always have your back, Saph, even if you don't want it."
"So you're just going to ignore my wishes and do whatever you want?" I snarked while swallowing the ball of guilt building in the back of my throat.
"I learned from the best."
Laughter slipped between my lips before I could contain it. Sitting back up, I tilted my head as I considered the woman in front of me. "Maybe I have rubbed off on you a little bit."
She remained silent while she let her vision travise over our surroundings. Taking in the darkening sky and the rustling leaves as the wind increased.
"Is that all you wanted to talk about?" I inquired as I stood up.
"I was actually going to ask if you wanted to have a picnic with me after we resolved our issues, but it looks like neither you or the weather will permit that."
"Looks like it," I said with a tight smile. About to walk away, I stopped. Offering my hand to her, I helped Petra up and folded the blanket with her. "Here."
"Thank you."
"It's nothing," I muttered. I jogged off back towards the medical center to see if Hanji would go back to my lessons.
Panicked, I considered just how I could make Auruo appear to have an accidental death. Disgust, I always felt towards him, but never to the degree that I wanted him dead (at least when he hadn't pissed me off to the edge). However, I never had a better reason to want to kill him then at that moment.
"You're in love with Levi?" He asked, not quite believing what he heard.
"No. I didn't say that," I grumbled. Of course Auruo was the one to walk in while I talked out loud about my plan to help Levi by learning medical care. Then of course I had to say that if it wasn't for being in love with the little bastard I'd be out looking for my Suzu's killer. "I didn't say that," I repeated again in a whisper. Nothing came up that I could justify those words.
Auruo pressed his hand to his forehead as his eyes widened. "It makes sense."
"No it doesn't."
"How you've been treating Petra lately. Why you completely freaked out when you heard they were dating. Why you always make snotty remarks to him about her."
"I don't do that."
Auruo dropped his arm away from his face. "Why didn't I see it before? How long have you been in love with him?"
"Are you deaf? Because I keep telling you that I'm not!" I snapped in anger.
"Do you really think you should be giving me that kind of tone? I bet you wouldn't want me to go telling the others what I just discovered."
Snarling, I marched forward until my nose almost touched his. "Do you think anyone would believe you?"
Backing away, Auruo let out a bark of laughter. "No. Most of them wouldn't. I doubt Levi even would, but that doesn't matter. Petra would believe me."
"She wouldn't. I'm her bestfriend."
"That's true, but she also knows that you're not the best person in the world when it comes to having values and morals. Even if she denied it and reassured you that she thought I was just lying to get a rise out of you, there would still be a nagging feeling that existed in the back of her head."
Gnawing on my bottom lip, I considered his words and what options were left to me. "I didn't say that," I repeated, I knew the statement wouldn't change his mind but I couldn't do anything else but repeat the mantra. I didn't say that. I wasn't in love with Levi. I didn't say I was in love with Levi because I wasn't in love with him. "Don't consider yourself untouchable" I shouted, brokenly, "because I would have no qualms about disposing you right here and now."
Rolling his eyes, Auruo opened his mouth to speak when the door behind him opened.
"Dinner is ready and Levi said that if you don't come down soon, you can eat cold soup and clean all the dishes when you're finished," Gunter said, annoyed.
"Let's go then, Saph." Auruo placed his hand on my shoulder and we walked to the dining hall today, with a shocked Gunter following behind us by a few steps.
So confused and taken back, I didn't move away from his touch even when it usually repulsed me. Stepping into the dim light of the building together, I could see the matching raised eyebrows of everyone sitting at the table. Only Levi's facial expression gave no hint at the unexpected events taking place in front of him.
"What have you two been up to?" Eld asked with concern.
Finally shrugging off Auruo's touch, I sit down at the table with a thump. "Nothing."
"Oh I wouldn't go so far as to say nothing," Auruo laughed, taking his seat next to Petra. "You have no need to be embarrassed by it either, Saph."
Shoveling the food into my mouth with every intention to get out of there as soon as possible, I pause to glare at him. "Don't you dare say a single fucking thing," I say with soup spit flying everywhere.
"Don't talk with your mouth full. It's disgusting," Levi chastised me while wrinkling his nose in disgust.
Usually I would've just swallowed and stuck my tongue out at him in retaliation, but I couldn't. Staring at my leader, I tried to imagine what would happen if Auruo told him my feelings. How would he react?
His long eyelashes fluttered as he resumed to consume his meal. No matter how much he ate, the sharp angles of his face never softened. Those grey eyes which seemed so full of anger, hate, and yet indifference at the same time when I first met him were unusually content now. I couldn't help but wonder if it had anything to do with how Petra's arm grazed against his every once and awhile.
His gaze finally snapped to mine after a minute. "What?"
He really didn't seem intrigued about what Auruo might be referencing too. Would his face still seem so passive if the truth came out? "Nothing."
"It's not nothing, Saph. I believe you should just tell everyone here-"
"What might you be referring to Auruo? You're certainly making Saph uncomfortable with whatever it is, so I believe you should just keep it to yourself if she doesn't want to chat about it," Petra defended me.
"Yeah, Auruo. We all have things that we don't want others to know about," I gave him a toothy smile as I gently inclined my head towards Petra's direction.
"I'd say you have more secrets than anyone else, Saph," Gunter spoke up.
Glaring at him, I considered what I should say to his unasked opinion. "I'm out of here. I don't need this." Digging my nails into Auruo's arm, I dragged him back outside with me.
"I thought you two came here to eat dinner!" Petra shouted, about to get out of her seat.
Waving my hand, I motioned for her to sit back down. "Stay here. We will be back in a moment. Continue eating without us."
"I'm speculating if you would be so kind as to not say anything. I don't want to have to threaten you."
Rolling his eyes, Auruo dragged a hand over his face in irritation. "I don't want you to hurt Petra."
"So you thought that the best way for me to not hurt Petra is to reveal the truth at dinner? That sounds like the completely correct decision," I shrieked at him. "You always assume the worst of me!"
"Yeah. Sure. You've shown how a great of a person you are."
Biting my tongue, I looked to the side. "I'm in love with Levi. That doesn't change the fact that he wants to be with Petra, so I wouldn't hurt Petra because that would just lead to Levi being in pain that he doesn't deserve. I respect Petra, I care for Petra. Why would I hurt her when I like her as a person and as my friend?" Facing him, I scowled before letting my tone take a shaper turn. "Besides, how do I know that you won't try to hurt Levi?"
"I couldn't even if I wanted to," Auruo snorted. He then gave a long, drawn out sigh. "I agree with you. I may be in love with Petra but they are happiest together."
"Then we are in agreement."
"It seems like it."
"We are both condemned to silence then on the other's behalf."
"Sounds lovely," Auruo spoke with a bored drawl, contrasting his nervous eyes and twitchy fingers.
Extending our hands, we shook on it. The first time I had ever entered some sort of peace with Auruo. One that only existed because we knew of each other's pain, misery, and inability to change that fact.
Wow! It has been awhile! I'd like to thank everyone who is still reading this baby even after the long wait time for this chapter. College has certainly sapped me of free time. But! I do have exciting news! I have reached over 300 followers! Thank you for everyone who has decided to follow this story and who has continued to follow. I'd certainly have no motivation if it wasn't for you guys. Also, the next chapter will be the Battle of Trost! I was thinking of keeping it a secret, but I've had so many people ask me when the story will finally connect to the anime that I couldn't help but just say it here. Now that summer has officially started, I should have much more time to write. Thank you readers for being awesome, and please leave a review!