Saph's PoV

My vision wobbled while I blearily blinked my eyes open. Rubbing my aching jaw, straw dropped away from my cheek. I tentatively touched the bloody seeping wound at the back of my skull. A blunt weapon had bashed in a bit of the back of my head. Small wound compared to the ones received by the people that'd been after us. I'd gotten the kids out with the help of Mikasa, but I'd been knocked out as I'd rushed back to the dining room for Levi. My breath stalled as I noticed him leaning across the wall from mine watching me.

I pushed myself up to sit up. "I can't believe you got kidnapped. This is really going to bring down morale."

Levi snorted. "I'm not immune to drugs. We're lucky that only Armin and I drank it. Did they get Eren?"

"They had the castle surrounded, but I was able to get all three of them out."

"I'm sure Mikasa contributed to that fact."

"She sure can fight," I admitted. "Do we know who we are up against anyways? I didn't get a look. None of them wore uniforms."

Levi sighed before looking out of the bars. "No. Nobody has come here since I woke up. There's nothing here. There's a hole in that corner," he pointed with his finger, "if you want to take a shit."

Tucking my legs underneath me, I tried to get a little comfortable. "Do you have a plan?"

"No."

Nodding slowly I took a good look around. I never considered myself a thinker, planner, or strategist. I left the brain stuff to Erwin and Hange, so I doubted that I could conceive of an idea if Levi couldn't. Stiffening, it took me a second to realize that my heart was trying to claw out of my chest. The remnants and memories of my time with Kenny came back in sharp shards that impaired the physical reality around me. Stillness flooded my limbs even as a cacophony of fear flooded my senses. Trapped. Once again. Being at the complete mercy of a sadistic human, the mere threat of existing in such a situation again sent me into a panicked frenzy.

"Do you think it's Kenny again?" I gritted my teeth when I locked eyes with Levi.

His gaze never strayed from mine. "Wouldn't put it past that fucker, but if you didn't see him when the attack happened then I don't think so. You'd know more than me about his whereabouts."

I nibbled on my bottom lip as I contemplated how many people I've cut down in my quest to hunt that man to make him pay. A certain craving for his death licked at each of my senses but I didn't want us to be at his disposal. Things have been shifting since Wall Maria, more than I or informants can keep up with. "All I know is that he's working closely with the Internal Military police at the moment under Rod Reiss." I peered outside the bars of our shared jail. All sources of light in the room were torches lining the walls. "I don't feel like we traveled far enough to be in the innermost wall."

Levi nodded in agreement.

His less threatening and aggressive demeanor towards my presence confused me, but I didn't want to ruin it by questioning it.

It was like he heard my trail of thoughts though because Levi tilted his head back until it rested on the slab of stone behind him. Eye contact broken, he stared unblinkingly at the ceiling. "I don't blame you for their deaths."

"That's not what it sounded like before."

He sighed. "I know. I blamed you when I really felt that way towards myself. It felt like that rainy day all over again."

"I miss them," I said, choking on a small sob. There hadn't been a moment to grieve, but they were all gone and not coming back. "Eld, always supportive and kind. Gunter, so eager to learn and show his capability. Auruo even amused me sometimes. While Petra, she never stopped being nice to me even when I treated her like shit."

The entire squad would never return to us. Auruo might have survived but he'd never be able to fight another Titan. While the Survey Corps did have room for people whose injuries prevented them from more rigorous physical positions, Auruo would never want to stay around with memories of Petra staining his entire environment. I'm sure Levi found it difficult as well. Our duty meant that we remained in the graves with our fallen comrades. Their presence closing in all around us as the mountain of corpses only continues to rise.

Levi's head dropped. "I know you do." I thought that was going to be the end of it until he whispered, "we're both very different people than the ones who reached the surface that day."

I never wanted to tell him that I was in love with him more than in that moment. He could see me. That I could be genuine. That I am. With him. Because of him and how our time together changed me. The heavyweight of grief in my chest, however, kept my words still in my heart. "There's a lot we have now that we didn't have back then." I smiled slightly at the thought of how much Levi grew into such a gift in my life. Someone who not only protected and cared for me in his own way, but an individual that's not just the strongest of humanity but the best. One who only sought out to make sure others were cared for. With such power, Levi easily could have taken what he wanted from the world, but he chose to help instead.

"And a lot we have lost along the way." An edge of tiredness filled Levi's voice making him sound ancient. His body slumped against the wall as his rough hands rested upon his knees. Eyes vacant. Emptying himself of emotion before it could overwhelm him.

It broke me to see him covered in filth and sweat. Accepting it without complaint. I could only imagine how much his pain could be compounded with the loss of Petra. Now, the empty sadness hollowing out his bones drained him of all the energy to care. Completely resigned to his fate. Did he feel like he'd lost a part of himself?

Wearily, I stood up. I hobbled forward as my sore body cried softly in protest to its own jarring movements. As I settled down next to the man, I couldn't help but remember how I used to put my sleeping bag next to his when we went on supply runs and expeditions. It'd been awhile since then. I'd given him and Petra plenty of room because being near them would be unbearable. Now, we'd just lost everyone who gave us happiness and hope once again. Only a handful of people in the Survey Corps had been fighting longer than us. This cycle of new recruits joining and concurrent rash of deaths that inevitably follow isn't one that leaves much joy to hold onto in life. Attachment in general always seemed to be a dangerous game to play.

"Even if I die in this crusty old cell, I'm glad I got out of the Underground. I'm glad I joined the Survey Corps," I nudged Levi in encouragement.

"You don't have any regrets?"

My dry lip bled when I nibbled on it, the taste of copper trickling onto my tongue. "There are things I would do differently, yes, but…"

"What about your brother?" Levi interrupted me. His eyes finally regained interest as he turned to bore them into my soul.

Nose wrinkling, I struggled to hold his gaze. "I told you," I whispered, "I wish I hadn't killed him. I don't wish you were the one who died instead." Answering honestly left me shaken. How could telling him this not expose me in all my devotion? He knew how important my brother was to my every decision. That I'd committed sacrificing my resources, health, identity, possible future, and other potential relationships in the pursuit of Suzu. My brother had been my everything for the first half of my life, and now here I existed with Levi in the present. I couldn't conceive the thought of Levi not being a face I saw every day. I woke up every morning with the goal of achieving a variety of expressions from him whether it be a scowl or a chuckle. Each one is so precious to me. It made me feel awful as someone who loved Suzu and his designated protector, knowing I wouldn't change having Levi in my presence instead. The rare taste of guilt flooded my mouth, a bitter feeling to swallow, letting it settle down heavy into my stomach.

"I'm sorry," Levi spoke, his words soft.

"I'm sorry too."

The only door in the room creaked open as a man hurriedly walked out. He had dark eyes and a mustache that covered his upper lip. There was a nervous energy about him even though he would've towered over either of us if we were standing next to him. A moment that if given the chance I would use to rip out his throat with my teeth. His eyes darted between the two of us, measuring each with intrigue and fear. "Which one of you guys is the manipulator?"

With my hands tied behind the chair, every time I squirmed the wooden arms would rub uncomfortably into my elbows. "I don't know what the fuck a Marley or Eldian is," I growled out. Just another subject, like a manipulator, that I couldn't give them anything on. "Why don't you explain that one to me and I might be able to tell you something."

Instead, the man whispered to the woman next to him. "What's Levi?"

Confused, I gave them a blank stare. "Humanity's Strongest Soldier?" That didn't sound like the answer they wanted but I didn't know what else to give them. I looked to my left as if I could see through the wall next to me. I knew Levi was experiencing the same set of questions in the room over there. Just surrounded by quite a few more weapons. The gun resting in the belt of both the man and the woman's glinted like the hidden treasure. The object of my desire that both threatened and enthralled me with its glimmer of promise.

"I don't think she knows anything. She doesn't sound like she's lying," the woman sighed. "Do you think they are having any more luck over there?"

"Not if he's still giving them the silent treatment for the third day in a row."

While Levi refused to speak, I at least tried to wiggle some information that could be useful out of them. They ignored me constantly. However, their own ignorance reflected through the gaps in how they seemed unsure of the right questions and lack of conviction when it came to us knowing anything. With their current behavior, it seemed more likely that they were waiting for something or someone to come. It nagged at my conscience that we could be killed once this mysterious figure arrives.

We needed to get out of here and as soon as possible. Every day that passed I felt more and more stuck within the walls. When Kenny captured me, torture filled my days. This was different. Fed and pretty much left alone. Nothing occupied my attention while back in the Survey Corps, we were either training for expeditions or battling. Long periods of rest were rare in our case. The tiny cell began to not only drive me insane but make me feel physically unwell. Levi and I worked out in our respective corners and tried to stay out of one another's way, but it left little privacy. Something I needed to relax for a moment that couldn't be granted to me.

Lost in my thoughts, I jumped slightly when the man and woman began to walk towards me. They each grabbed one of my arms and dragged me back to the shared cell without another word. Levi had gotten there before me and commenced his daily ritual of push-ups.

After they threw me in, I joined him by committing to a particularly long set of push-ups. Levi continued even after I decided to switch onto something different since my arms were shaking in exertion. Stretching my legs out, I felt the heat and tension building within my muscles. Pops and cracks could be heard as my two limbs adjusted to the position.

"I wonder who gave them the information," I mused afterwards as I curled up into a comfortable seat.

"The spy?" Levi breathed out as he took a break as well.

"Do you think it was someone in the Survey Corps or in the Military like Annie?" I paused as I contemplated the options. "Or do you think it was Annie?" Maybe they thought she'd be coming back before she froze herself into an impenetrable crystal.

"That could be it."

Grinding my teeth together, I tried to dispel the instant frustration at the thought of the blonde. So many people she killed with no repercussions. Including poor Petra who she'd smeared against the base of a tree. Auruo who'd she left crippled, both physically and emotionally. Gunter and Eld. And then there are the many questions left unresolved in the wake of her self-destructive entombment. My own helplessness made me want to weep. Leaning against the wall of our small shared jail cell, I felt defeated. Who knew what was happening outside of these four walls?

"I miss the sun."

Levi scraped the ground with his foot, a futile attempt to create a clean spot to sit down. "I miss being clean."

"The first thing you're going to do is take a shower when you get out, aren't you?"

"What else is there?"

"Get drunk."

"Is that your plan?"

I laughed, "when we get out, I'm sure I'll have to wash up as well. They don't usually allow people covered in blood and mud to attend bars."

My mind turned to Bells with that statement. Who I wouldn't kill to be sleeping in her luxurious bed while nibbling on high-class sweets. Not that I wanted to stop sleeping next to Levi or anything. He'd allow me to sleep next to him even though there was a good bit of space that could have been used to act as a barrier. The temptation to run my fingers through his hair or to press the back of my palm against his back made me tremble every night. Oh how daring it would be. The consequences, difficult to imagine. But we might die anyways so would it matter?

"Have you ever been to a bar?" Levi asked, his eyebrows raised in disbelief.

I chuckled darkly, "never to enjoy myself. Always for information or murder."

"How people do you think you have killed at this point?"

I didn't know. I lost count years ago. I knew how many Titans I've killed. Almost 70. People? "I'd say almost a hundred or more." I shrugged. "Coworkers. Bodyguards. Spouses. They might not be the target, but they meet my blade one way or another."

"Hard to imagine with how young you are."

"I'm not a child!" I hissed, indignant. I hadn't been one for a very, very long time. My age did nothing to reflect my experience of life.

Levi smirked at me. I didn't know how to keep up with his moods anymore. Anger. Sadness. Teasing. Silence. His usual composure fracturing more and more in front of me. First, destroying his own room. Now, these swinging emotions. It unnerved me to see the cracks. Knowing that these slips of vulnerability wouldn't be viewed by everyone made me feel both honored and terrified. For how could I support him in this grief without my own feelings getting in the way? Or my own violent descent into revenge? He needed someone stable and soft, not a bloodthirsty beast.

"How old do you think you are now?"

I scoffed, "Who's keeping track? I'd guess my early 20's." Nudging him with my foot, I smirked right back. "You're getting old aren't you? Reaching 30 soon? Or have you already?"

Ignoring my comment, he didn't take his eyes off of me. "You don't look much different than that day, already with so much blood on your hands."

Leaning against the smooth stone of the inner wall, I stared straight back at him. "I knew you were different than me as soon as we met. That you were not only a survivor but a protector as well."

"You were looking for your brother."

"And how'd that turn out? Now I have to avenge him because I didn't protect him."

"No. You protected me."

I didn't say anything in response. Absorbed in the mysterious grey orbs of this broken man, all I could think of was how could I not protect him? Nobody existed with such delicacy and strength. Such brutality and gentleness.

Plopping my back onto the ground, I stretched myself out into a comfortable position. My whole body felt heavy with emotions I didn't want to deal with. It'd been so long since Levi and I spent time alone together, much less for such an extended period of time. I could never be a romantic and loving individual even if I happened to be in a relationship with someone, but I found myself constantly wanting to slip in these gentle mannerisms towards him that I knew would give me away. While this time allowed us to grieve, Petra passing away meant there'd be no betrayal if touched or told him. On either of our ends.

My fingers skirted through straw and pebbles as I traced patterns in the dirt with my finger. I wanted to take a nap, but I didn't know if sleep would take me away for even a moment. Nothing in my environment really encouraged anything so cozy as sleeping. Surrounded by constant filth, I sometimes struggled to just not constantly sneeze. Also, a kind of stickiness began to never leave my body anymore. Growing up in the dirtiest place in existence, grime and slime became my childhood companions. Levi's need to be completely clean always seemed slightly ludicrous, but by now I've developed the habit of bathing. The soothing slight chill of water lapping at my skin as it erased the filth of the day. I wanted that. I might've lied when I told Levi that a bar would be the first place to go after cleaning myself up. Sleeping in clean sheets after a good wash sounded better than even the hardest liquor.

"Even the cells in our dungeon have beds," I muttered to myself in irritation. A few blankets or a pillow would be acceptable, but they seemed to think we'd turn anything into weapons. The truth was I didn't need any weapons, I just needed to be able to get my hands on them while they can't use any. An opportunity must arrive soon before time runs out for us to escape. Eager to create a window if necessary, I closed my eyes, hoping a wave of unconsciousness would overwhelm me so I could awake to the next day.