Saph's PoV

My fingers brushing the warmth of Levi's hand awoke me with a recoil. I'd only pulled my hand back slightly when I froze, not wanting to wake him up. Swallowing my gasp, I felt it reside into my chest, heavy and awkward. Only furthering the overwhelming pressure encompassing my body and the atmosphere around me because of how close together we were. I could feel the heat of his body along every inch of my own. The patches of exposed skin from the holes in shirts and pants between the two of us, generating only more friction with our slightly naked state.

Still not breathing, I felt my soul soften at the sight of Levi's sleeping face. Gazing without a care, I only realized in that moment that he'd developed new wrinkles because of the relaxation and smoothness in his current expression. Levi's slightly parted pink lips blew puffs of air on my neck every time he exhaled, tickling my skin slightly. The damp heat caused an array of goosebumps to spread in its wake. Fixated on his lush black hair, his dipped head made it difficult for me to see how asleep he could be. I wished that I could bend down a little without disturbing him, but I could content myself with this. Not touching. Not talking. Not staring into his eyes. I could marvel at every small feature of this man I loved from afar, up close.

There would be no exaggeration to say that every bit of Levi's muscles were toned to almost the extreme. Not buff in the way that most people imagine, but hardened as if even his bones were composed of sheer strength. Like he'd grown up and stayed alive with sheer willpower instead of love and care. I realized that while I knew of brief completion and joy when my parents lived, Levi most likely didn't even have that. While his mother might have cared for him, brothels left little room for any happiness in a child's life. Male customers would despise him. The owner most likely treated him as a nuisance. He'd been born in an environment that didn't care for him. Even if they didn't abuse him, which would be unlikely, they would have left him to fend for himself in every way. But, in that same vein, the disillusioned innocence at such a young age lent to an extreme delicacy is about him as well. His features lent to a refined childlikeness that had nothing to do with his height. With no childhood, it's as if every bit of that vulnerability to his emotions. As if that lack of love caused a hole to be in his very being, one that hollowed him out and left a frozen innocence making him forever fragile in the face of losing family. I feared that it would cause him to crumple if the pain ever became too great. If his own heartbreak weighed more than hope. He might be Humanity's Strongest Soldier but he always and only fought for the people he felt as if they were family. Not in how he would prevent his duty as a soldier, but that Levi wakes up and does what he does every day for them.

Still yet, that same sensitivity and hardness didn't leave Levi feeling cold and empty. His kindness could be felt in the most subtle of ways and his tireless efforts to defend/care for everyone can only be described as admirable. His generous heart didn't just extend to the people he'd become close with, but everyone who needed a hero like him. That he could extend such a helping hand to others when one had never been offered to him, It's why people gathered around him even if it would be presumed his quirks might keep most away. Yet, very few people had ever been let into the depths of his heart, even fewer remained alive. It worried me that his grief could already be consuming him.

Feeling awash with sudden concern, I curled my fingers slightly, allowing them to hover at the tips of his. Would it be so bad to fold my hand into his? Lent him some of my presence to keep him company. Not able to hold the air in any longer, I tried to breathe out quietly, causing the wisps of hair on his forehead to bounce. Growing aware of how precarious of my situation happened to be, I felt torn between turning away and pressing closer.

Before I could do anything, he murmured in his sleep and gripped my hand himself.

"Hmmm?" I choked out, both questioning what he'd mumbled and why he moved.

"Petra," he whimpered.

I felt shot. Blinking rapidly, I realized that he'd come closer because he thought I was a different person. My efforts to dismiss the tears appearing were in vain. They trickled down my cheeks. Their slow descent leaving a wet reminder of their presence. Shame and hurt both radiated outward from my chest into every corner of my body. Digging my nails into my palms, I curled my fingers into a fist. I'd never want to take advantage of Levi, but I almost did with the oppertunity. How crass and insensitive of me when Petra had been killed only a couple weeks ago.

Instead of moving closer to him like I'd been considering, I rubbed Levi's shoulder like I'd seen Petra do before, "I"m here. Go to sleep," I whispered in the calmest tone I could muster before shifting onto my back. I couldn't look at him, but I kept our hands interlocked.

Staring up at the cell's ceiling cooled my erratic thoughts and emotions as the nightmare of our situation came back to the forefront of my mind. He didn't need me trying to replace or be better than Petra. He needed a friend. Someone that cared for him and just wanted to see him happy. I'd never even tried to be one to him, or anyone in a meaningful and sincere way really. I didn't usually enjoy company. His, of course, but not when paired with Petras. Which it had been for the last year. Hard to imagine when it seemed like it lasted forever. Both her and Auruo had only been in the Survey Squad for a year before I got kidnapped and everything changed. Their lives cut so short because of this life. What they might have become if they'd never joined. Would the two of them have been happily married. Without Levi in the picture, could Petra potentially have seen how much Auruo loved her? A life with a real family and home.

That had never been an option for Levi and I. We either wasted away in the Underground without ever seeing the light of day or we fought Titans not just in the open air but beyond the walls. It's a choice that didn't need to be contemplated much. Thinking back to when we finally reached the surface for the first time, it dawned on me that we'd been in the Survey Corps for 6 years. It's why I could apply the title of friend to Levi even though it wouldn't be an accurate term to describe our relationship.

It'd become so much more complicated than I thought possible when we first met. Everything has changed between then and now. I'd fallen in love with him somewhere along the way… after a first meeting of trying to kill each other. I could recall with fondness the night he let me sleep on the floor when I knew somebody wanted to kill me. Chuckles made my body stutter as I tried to keep quiet, but remembering that he'd asked how he knew I wouldn't stab him in the middle of the night made it hard for me to not guffaw.

"What are you laughing at," Levi drowsily asked as he loosened his grip and extracted his hand.

Craning my neck, I found myself caught in two half-lidded pools of grey. "Just thinking that you'd been worried I'd stab you in your sleep not too long ago, and when we first met, you would've been correct. But now… I feel safe next to you." I gulped, "I don't want either of us to die."

"We won't."

"How do you know?" I asked, my eyebrows scrunching in concern.

Levi sighed. "We'll protect one another like we always have."

"I'm useless compared to you," I confessed my growing concern that I'd hold him back. Be the reason he can't escape.

Levi shifted slightly so that his arm rested underneath his head. "You think?"

"Well, maybe your ankle slows you down a little, but I'm not as strong as you."

"That hasn't stopped you before," his tone warmed considerably. "You tried to stop me from rushing into the horde of Titans after watching Isabel and Farlan be massacred. You caught me when I ran out of gas and began to fall down after the destruction of Wall Maria. Even after the Female Titan killed almost everyone else in our squad, you tried to protect me," he mumbled, still on the edge of unconsciousness.

I doubted he'd remember waking up and talking to me in the morning, but for now, I'd take the compliment and bathe in it's afterglow. "Thank you. Where are you going?" I asked, noticing that he began to get up.

"To take a shit."

"Ugh," I groaned. Of course he would say something vulgar to ruin the moment. Turning away, I closed my eyes and plugged my nose. Only after I heard rustling sounds next to me did I peek, but Levi had rolled onto his back, loud snores refilling the room.

Giggling quietly to myself, I slipped my arms underneath my head to prop myself up slightly. I never thought he noticed me. Not that he didn't pay attention, but I'd never guessed he'd seen how much attention I paid towards him. I'd have to be careful or else you might notice just how much I care. I thought I'd never tell him my emotions. The ones I'd hidden at the bottom of my heart, sacred but unseen. I'd decided to let him be with Petra and not interfere. Now, I don't know. My feelings meant little importance at the present. There were things that needed to be taken care of first. Things that would need a lot of rest. Sinking deeply into the dark, I embraced the weight of sleep.

We hadn't been removed from the cell for a few days, only sliding two trays of food underneath the bars twice a day. It was the only way for us to keep track since no windows were available for us to look out of. That also left us little opportunity to escape. Dread began to creep in that they'd stop feeding us all together to starve us. Food had been a scarcity growing up and I didn't like having to rely on someone else to give it to me knowing that it could be taken away all together. I wanted to get it when I wanted it.

"I'm going to die from boredom before anything else," I groaned. "Do you think the Survey Corps is close to finding out our location?"

"Maybe."

"I hope Eren and them are okay. It's hard not to worry that either the Titan shifters or the government might be trying to exterminate them."

"True."

"I wonder how Levi's Squad is doing without Levi. The only two non new members are the ones locked up right now. Hey! Do you think I'll be reinstated as your second in command?"

"Obviously."

Wrinkling my nose, I looked over at him. "Are you just going to keep giving me one word answers?"

"What do you want?"

Frowning, I got up to my feet. "Nothing. Just trying to make conversation since there is nothing else to do." Standing in front of him, I could see a frustrated and pained expression on his features. "Is there something wrong?"

Levi just looked at me.

"Besides being locked up."

Shoving his fingers through his hair, he denied me a response. Dirt lined the insides of his fingernails, and I realized that I couldn't remember the last time I saw him so caked in filth, even when he lived in the Underground, Levi maintained a strict code of hygiene. With the ability to maintain it gone, he looked absolutely miserable.

Walking over to the empty trays sitting on the floor, I picked up my glass of water. Without a word, I returned to Levi's side and knelt down. After I dipped the corner of my shirt into the cup, I tentatively began to wipe away the streaks of sweat and slime from his skin.

"Don't waste your drink."

I continued to remove marks of both blood and dirt from mostly his face. A moment to bathe would be too precious to even think about. It'd been days since the fight but the remnants still clearly showed on each of us. "I'm not wasting the water. You'll feel better won't you? Besides, I'm not even thirsty."

He gave me a begudring nod after a pause. "I feel fucking filthy."

Letting go of the breath I was holding, I continued to erase any blemish on his perfect face. Appreciating the opportunity to admire him up close, I gently rubbed off some dried dirt by the corner of his eye. Each gesture, so intimate that it almost felt like a caress. Using one hand, I used my moistened shirt to cradle his jaw, all the while with my thumb dancing up and down his cheek to fleck away some straw. Feeling embolden after not being stopped or recoiled away from, I dropped the fabric over onto his neck. His pulse either grew louder with the gesture or mine did because my hearing became consumed by a pounding of a heartbeat.

With his gaze now suddenly on me, I struggled to not pull back out of reflex. Instead, I brought my attention to the shoulder. "I can't recall the last time I saw you like this." I sputtered out, desperate to dispel some of the heat scathing my body. An ache of both disparaging vulnerability yet utter desire for this stubborn man in front of me made the entire room feel quite hot. And small. I could feel his warmth, smell his breath, and hear the speedy drum of his heart. "Though you somewhat regularly get bloody fighting Titans. That might be because of the amount you killed or a comrade's injured body."

"Part of the path we chose."

"While that's true, not everyone can kill as many Titans as you at once. It's quite difficult for almost anyone else to kill a single Titan actually, so I wouldn't say many have been bathed in Titan's blood."

"You've certainly killed your fair share."

I smiled at the rare compliment, however much it worsened the growing pull. "Couldn't be on your squad if I didn't."

"Are you going to leave after you kill Kenny and Rod?" Levi asked out of nowhere.

My motion completely stalled as I considered the question. "I don't want to die while fighting Titans," I answered honestly, "but I can't just leave either. Who would watch your back?" I renewed my efforts of scrubbing because it was either that or do something stupid.

"What would you do if you weren't in the Survey Corps?"

I sighed, "I haven't really thought about it. There's always been too much in front of me." Easing backwards onto my heels, I finally met his eyes before quickly returning my attention back to getting more water. "I'd buy a house. That way I'd never have to sleep on the streets."

"Unless a Titan crushes it."

"Then I would get a new one! I'd learn how to bake sweets. I'd take lots of naps, and I would go to the market and shit. Like a normal citizen."

Levi chuckled. "I can't imagine it."

"What about you?" Peering at him, I tried to imagine Levi as someone other than Humanity's Strongest Soldier. "I would guess owning a tea shop, but you don't like dealing with people in general."

"I'd want a house too. Where I could drink tea and shit in peace." He responded with little emotion on his face. However, a hint of light could be seen within those usually steely orbs. Something that'd even been rarer since Petra's passing.

"Let's get one then."

Levi wrinkled his nose in confusion. "You make it sound so easy. We don't have any money."

I snorted. "You might not have any money, but I have quite a bit. Can't buy a house in motherfucking Mitras or Wall Sina, but I can definitely get one in Wall Rose."

"How the hell do you have money?"

"Because I rob people after I murder them?"

"Oh."

Setting the cup away, I pulled my shirt back down. "I needed lots of money to pay for information to find Suzu. The plan had been to get Suzu and find somewhere for the two of us to live. Out in the country or in the woods. Anywhere would've felt like paradise compared to Underground." A small sadness swept over me as I thought about the lost dream. "Now, I stash it away for safe-keeping. Use a little to keep the flow of intel coming in." I shrugged my shoulders. "I'd buy a house though."

"We never would have time to be in it."

I nodded. "That's true. Maybe one day."

"Maybe one day."

Standing up with the dish in my hand, I went over to return it to its original spot. As I returned to the spot next to Levis, I examined his much cleaner state. "You look better."

"I feel better. Thanks."

Smiling to myself, I sat back next to him. I tilted my chin upward until I felt the wall pressing against the oily strands of hair. With my eyes closed, I tried to imagine myself in a warm cozy little house instead of the hard dungeon we laid in instead. I wouldn't need much. A soft bed. A kitchen stocked with baked sweets. Cookies. Scones. Brownies. I'd buy an entire cake and eat almost all of it. Only saving a slice for Levi. I wonder what flavor he'd want. Chocolate might be too much for him, but I see him as more than vanilla. He really seemed to be picky with fruit too. The perfect treat for Levi would be something that perfectly accompanied tea. Something light and fluffy. I'd have to look into it. After a few minutes spent daydreaming about sugary goodness, I got the feeling of being watched. "What are you watching me for?"

"Nothing."