Saph's PoV
My entire body ached, and I took a few long deep breaths before I attempted to sit up. Everything felt tender and sore. Blearily blinking, I used my elbows to hoist myself to rest against the headboard of the bed I'm laying in. The heaviness that accompanied each motion indicated I'd been out cold for a long time. Each motion and thought felt like it slowly dragged on before reaching its destination. No matter the miracles my abilities created, that battle brutally pushed me up to the edge and off. I appreciated even being able to see today.
"You looked like a corpse."
It took me a second before I discerned Levi from the shadows in the corner of the room. Peering at him from across the room, I felt immense concern seeing his hunched position in the chair, the tired voice too. "What happened? How long have I been asleep?"
"It's almost been 2 weeks. I chose Armin. We've gone down into the basement. Historia awarded all of us with medals."
"Wait. Hold on. Slow down. I thought you chose Erwin?" One thing at a time, please! Acting like I didn't just wake up from a coma.
His head drooped further, obscuring my ability to read him even more. "Yes, but then Eren started talking about them seeing the sea and those dreams. I felt..."
"You don't have to explain yourself to me," I gently interrupted, seeing how the decision still haunted him. He'd never enjoyed the moniker of the devil for Erwin. No other commander could've made him commit to helping save humanity by joining the Survey Corps. It's only because of the sacrifices Erwin willingly took that we got here so far. Nobody else made those difficult decisions, but now he wouldn't have to continue sacrificing his own humanity. Levi finally granted the man rest.
A bitter smile stretched his features. "I don't. Do I?" Levi stood up, and I quivered as he approached, still with his long black bangs concealing the stormy depths I yearned to see the most. What would they tell me? Why won't he show me? The bed creaked slightly as it curved under his weight. "We're not the only ones left of humanity."
I stared, confused. "Is that what we found out because of the basement?"
"That and more. Where Titans come from. Why King Fritz wanted to keep us within the Walls. Who those other Titan Shifters are. What that village is for."
It didn't seem to be what he wanted to talk about, however. Anyone else might've wanted to hear all of the secrets that'd been locked away for more than a century. A tantalizing taste of a truth that's been kept from virtually everyone besides the Reiss family Founders. Information people have killed for, but that's now what I'm occupied with. All I see is the clear agony of the messenger. How he's grimacing with bowed shoulders. Frustration causing him to withdraw. The information must be big, but it's not what his mind is on. Grabbing his hand, I brought it into my lap, interlacing our fingers. "What's wrong? Why won't you look at me?"
Levi stilled completely, he felt so cold, almost empty. "Everyone is gone besides Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie, Sasha. Hange, Floch, you, and me." He struggled to get his next words out, the force of them leaving causing his sentence to choke and tremble. "It's all my fault. I got concerned and chose to go after you first instead of continuing to move towards the Beast Titan. Some might've had a chance-"
My hand instinctively clenched his as I felt so much pain emanating from him. "You said so yourself that some lives are worth more. Nobody would blame you for rescuing one of the Survey Corps' two Titan Shifters." No. He'd not burden himself with guilt for Erwin's suicidal charge. He chose to embark on that himself. "Not only did you rescue me, but you still reached him with my help. You saved me and then we worked together to try-"
"That's an easy excuse. I'd have made that decision either way." He pulled himself out of my grasp. "It's incredibly selfish of me. I'm a soldier of the Survey Corps. I decided to dedicate my heart to Humanity, that's why I can't let you have it."
Ignoring his last sentence, I pointed my thumb at my chest. "It's my fault." I'd rather have him beat me up than himself. That's a weight I'd gladly take on. Having him hate me would be far better than him directing that anger inwards. "I should've been stronger. If I'd just reached the Beast Titan then that desperate plan never would've needed to be put in action, but I needed to be saved by you once again." I shook my head. "You think you're selfish? The only reason I'm fighting is to protect you. I'm the monster, remember?" I pleaded. "You've said that yourself many times."
Levi raised his arms to cup both sides of my jaw with his delicate hands. Finally, he lifted his gaze and pressed a chaste but warm kiss onto my slightly parted mouth. While caressing my bottom lip with his thumb, he tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear. "Stop. None of that is true. You took all of them out there by yourself and gave them hell. If it'd been anyone else they'd be dead because Erwin intended to sacrifice you. If he didn't need to gamble his and everyone else's life away at the last second, you would've be gone forever." His hold on me tightened till the grip almost turned painful. With a grimace, he let go, only to rest his forehead on my shoulder. "Maybe he trusted that you'd be able to hold your own against that fucking Cart Titan, but I couldn't make another choice I'd regret later. One that'd make me lose you." He sighed, relinquishing composure as he leaned forward to meld into my body with a gentleness I'd rarely seen. "I'd sacrifice almost anything for you," he whispered. "I need you, Saph. It terrifies me how much so."
"I'm yours. All of me. Everything." I slowly started to wrap my arms around his back. "I'll never leave you," I promised firmly.
He chuckled darkly. "That's not a promise you can keep in our kind of world."
"But I will," I assured him. I'd find a way to stay no matter the Titan curse. I hugged him hard, rubbing his back as I did so in soothing circles. "I'm sorry you had to make a lot of difficult decisions in regards to choosing between people's lives. It's a position no one should be in and nobody would want. Erwin chose you to have the syringe because he trusted your judgment and strength. He'd never blame you for making the decision to save me either. We'll still kill the Beast Titan."
His shoulders trembled. "I can't win against you."
"Please. Come here," I asked him as I scooted to make room, pulling the covers farther away in the process. It didn't take him long to contemplate before he crawled in with me. Facing each other, I couldn't help but smile at the feel of him next to me. We might not have been separated for very long, it certainly felt like forever to me.
"Is this what you want?"
"Yes."
"...Me too."
I grinned harder. "I still don't want to rush you."
He entangled our legs together under the sheets, pulling me closer until my head rested on his chest. "Trust me. You're not making me do anything I don't want."
His heartbeat steadily against my ear, reassuring me with its low drum that I'm not dreaming. I'd been so happy to know that he cared about me. That he wanted to spend these intimate moments with me. Now? Hearing that he needed me? I could ask for nothing more. With a handful of his shirt in each of my fists, I eagerly pressed myself against him, reveling in his scent. "I'm so glad you're safe. I can't believe Eren and Mikasa tried to fight you for the serum."
"You shouldn't have threatened Eren like that. I thought Mikasa might lunge over to slit your throat. Obviously on the brink of collapse and talking big shit like that." Levi shook his head at me.
Pulling back slightly, I pouted up at him. "She had you pinned!"
A scowl darkened his features as Levi huffed in frustration. "Can't believe she got the upper hand. Let's not talk about it."
"She's going to replace you as Humanity's Strongest Soldier," I teased.
He rolled his eyes at me, a bit more amusement in them than previously. "You going to leave me for her if she does?"
Hearing that made me want to shout to the heavens. That I'm his. Together. Brimming with tender delight, I kissed his forehead. Skimming my lips to his nose, I pressed them to the tip. Seeing his eyelids heavy with pleasure, I lifted up ever so slightly to lovingly linger over each of them. Not wanting to put too much pressure, I moved back down to smother his lips with my own. The crashing of enflamed passion, a heightened version of my earlier simmering of the sparks. Levi moaned into my mouth and I propositioned myself above him to get the best access with my tongue. I wanted to taste him. I let him up for air only to access the pale column of his throat with my teeth. Nipping at the sensitive skin, I did my best to hold back my desire to leave a mark.
Pulling back out of nowhere, I retreated in an instant. Levi stared, taken back. "Yes," I replied.
"What?"
"I would leave you for her if she became Humanity's Strongest Soldier," I replied with a straight face in a serious tone. "Out with the old in with the new, right?"
My thoughts never went to how he'd respond to my delayed answer. I'd only meant to keep the mood light, pull him as far out of that emotional mutilation as possible.
Frozen, he struggled for a comeback. The usual quick retort from his sharp tongue. Had I blunted it? After a pause, Levi shook his head. I felt a squeeze as his arms wrapped themselves around my small waist, and he burrowed his face into my chest. Shoulders quivering, no his whole body jostled slightly.
Incredibly concerned that I'd unintentionally caused a breakdown, I cautiously held him. "Levi?"
"You're so stupid," he breathed out around what I realized is laughter. Levi finally tilted up so I could decipher his expression. The shadows lingering near the edges of his expression just moments ago had been replaced by the most radiant smile to ever grace this god-forsaken earth. "So fucking dumb sometimes," he repeated.
Struck in absolute wonder by the miracle in front of me, all I could muster out in my defense was a small "Hey!" I jokingly objected but I'd gladly take insults any day if it's meant making him chuckle and see that wonderful bashful grin. Not wanting him to grow embarrassed or conscious of this hidden side of him, I tightened my hold on him to begin rubbing his back.
Levi hummed happily in response, a new favorite sound of mine to elicit from him in these shared moments between the two of us. My appetite pushed me to consume him with no ability to satiate myself. Always leaving me wanting more. I snaked my nails under his top to have my fingers dance across the smooth expanse of skin. I traced shapes onto his shoulder blades for a moment before lightly scratching down the length of his spine. It pulled both a shiver and a gasp from him causing me to repeat the same motion until I found myself toying with his waistband.
Realizing that I might be moving too fast after I just said I'd not rush him, I began to retract my hand. He caught me before I removed myself. "Don't start something you can't finish."
Grinning, I eagerly unzipped his pants. "Yes, sir," I murmured in his ear.
"Don't press your hands up against the glass. I don't want fingerprints and smudges everywhere," the baker's wife informed me as she shooed me backward a few steps. "I just cleaned it this morning."
"Do you have any treats made with tea?"
She quickly wiped her hands off with a wet towel before approaching the counter. "We have a few, but most tea lovers favor the black tea cake with honey buttercream frosting. The others are milder with the tea flavor."
"I'll take two slices of that cake and a dozen chocolate chip cookies please." It'd be the perfect treat for the kids at the orphanage. They'd been pestering me to bring Levi over so they could meet Humanity's Strongest Soldier. He'd agreed to come when a free day came up from preparations for reoccupying Wall Maria and eventually beginning expeditions beyond once again. Soon, we'd be off to find the village.
It'd been more than 5 years since the fateful day when humanity was reminded of its precarious existence in this world. So much has happened since then. Levi and I hardly been in the Survey Corps that long before it happened, and it's what led to the creation of Levi's Squad. Petra and Auruo were both still in training. I still lived as a human. Back then I still struggled to incapacitate even one Titan, but now as one of the last veterans in the Survey Corps, I'm lethal because of my experience and powers. Who knew this is where I'd be now when we all decided to take Erwin's offer to join.
He never got into the basement and learn the true history of our world. That we are Eldians who are the only race of humans capable of being turned into Titans. There are 10 of us who are Shifters though. Our ancestors used these warriors to take over the world and subject other races like the Marleys. Then the Marleys eventually overthrew their rulers which caused King Fritz to come over to the island to build his walls. He threatened to unleash all the Colossus Titan inside of them if the outside ever disturbed us, deeming it the Rumbling. Not all Eldians made their way over here though, and those that stayed are now second-class citizens who can train to be one of the Titan Shifters. A privilege bestowed on certain Eldians that grant them status even as it drastically shortens their life. In other words, our own people came to this island to destroy us to make up for the sins of our past.
All of this had been written in journals Eren's father wrote. Originally from Marley, e'd almost been turned into a mindless Titan before being saved and made into the Attack Shifter. Apparently, a smaller wall exists on the beach around the village. That's where Eldians are taken and turned into Titans. The village is a small outpost comprised of Eldians and Marleys who've been sent here to watch us and help the infiltrating shifters, Bertholdt, Reiner, and Annie. The Flame Titan had been a guardian of the place who protected everyone from any mindless who wandered near. We don't know what they might've done since I ate him. Haji hopes this might've caused them to evacuate. I don't know since Hange refused to let Armin and I go to the sea by ourselves. Apparently, we're too precious to just go wandering off.
"I brought cookies!" I shouted, beyond excited to give the treat to the kids. My memory of biting into my first chocolate chip cookie rang clear in my head. Only one time did our parents treat us to the dessert because of how little money we had. Nobody sold them in the Underground, so now I splurge when I can. That's why I knew it'd be a lot of the first time they get to try it. "There is one for you too," I said as I handed the bag to Historia.
"What's in the other container?"
I held up the small box. "It's two black tea cakes with honey buttercream frosting for Levi and me."
"Where's my cookie!" Ollie screamed as he raced towards us, pumping his little arms and legs. "I want my cookie!"
Historia grabbed him before he could steal away the bag. "Where are your manners? We say please and wait patiently."
"Can I please have a cookie, Saph?" Ollie begged with his hands out in front of him, his green eyes wide in excitement.
She gently placed it on in his open palms. "Here you go." Historia passed out all the treats for the kids to munch on while we waited for Levi. Well, I waited, they'd forgotten all about their pestering for his presence as they finished their sweets and started to play tag among the flowers.
The soft breeze felt nice underneath the warmth of the sun. We'd chosen a spot on top of a hill with a large tree that offered some shade. Sitting against the trunk with Historia, I began to feel sleepy. A nap lying down in the tall grass with how soft it is would be wonderful. A dreamy sort of contentment that only comes when one has few worries or stress. It'd been so peaceful these last few weeks compared to the past months of instability with the discovery of Eren. Hard to imagine that the battle for Trost only happened 6 months ago. It'd felt like nothing would change that long ago as well. That we'd be doomed to extinction. Now everything is different.
Hearing a branch break, I perked up and looked down the hill to see Levi making his way up towards us. Clothed in a simple white long sleeve and brown pants, the simple attire made his handsomeness stand out even more. He'd finally gotten a hair cut and the strands framed his sharp cheekbones lending a delicacy to the hard edges. I still haven't gotten tired of winding those pieces around my fingers as I admire him while he sleeps. Suddenly aware of someone watching me, I glanced at Historia.
"What's wrong?" I asked her, seeing a slightly sad smile and glistening big blue eyes.
She sniffled. "Seeing you beam and get so excited about Levi coming over just reminded me of feeling that way with Ymir, and how I'm not going to get the chance to feel it again."
I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into a crushing hug. Red with embarrassment, I scrambled to find something comforting to say to the precious girl. "There's love out there for you, Historia. Not all of it has to be romantic. I thought I'd never love other than my little brother."
"You think?"
Nodding, I patted her head. "I think it can be surprising who ends up bringing us the most happiness."
"Who knew such wise words could come from such a smartass?"
"Levi! I bought both of us a slice of cake that tastes like tea!"
He sat down, curving one leg underneath him while propping up the other to lean against. With no disgusted sneer or wrinkle of the nose apparent, it seemed he'd give it a chance.
Historia got up, sniffing a little as she did so. "I'm going to go round up the kids!"
"Okay." Eager and nervous, I pulled the desserts both out of their respective containers. After handing Levi his, I chomped down on a piece. The flavor exploded into my mouth and I chewed slowly with my eyes closed, savoring each second of the immersive experience.
"Are you okay? I think I see some drool dripping out of the corner of your mouth."
I swiped it away with my sleeve. "It's super delicious! Let me enjoy my sweets. Here I spent all this money and you haven't even said thank you."
"Thank you," he grunted. He sniffed the morsel on his fork. "What flavor is it?"
"Black tea with honey buttercream frosting."
"Black tea?"
"I know it's your favorite," I responded while licking the utensil, utterly absorbed in the party my tastebuds were now enjoying. The sweet tanginess of the smooth frosting perfectly complemented perfectly with the moist nutty richness of the cake. Each flavor profile matched the other one to create a balanced palate of dark and light. The usually bitter itch of the tea was soothed with sugar and cream. "It's delicious! Do you like it?"
"It's okay." He said, his constant nibbling telling me it's more than okay.
Grateful for this period of relaxation, I felt a warmth envelop me as I gazed at everyone around me in appreciation. This bliss seemed near impossible when I lived in the Underground, and now I wanted to cradle this precious moment close to my chest. Not only that, I never imagined having the chance to enjoy sweets with Levi. To be able to watch him and not be nervous about getting caught. To sneak in quick physical touches for comfort. To know he cared about me as much as I do him.
We still hadn't exchanged the phrase 'I love you' yet, and I didn't know if he'd ever say it. I've let it slip off of my tongue, hang in the air with all its weight. Mostly when we're blanketed in darkness after I've gasped his name more times than I can count. When we're moving underneath the sheets, pulling each other ever closer in our desperation to be one. Sometimes in the middle of the act itself. However, most often in the quiet of the night afterward, when I'm trembling and gasping for air, that's when that small collection of words falls from my mouth as if they'd been just waiting for my lips to part.
Just being able to say them was enough for me. I'd never need to hear them from him because I wanted him in my life and nothing more. It never seemed his style to say something like that, and I doubted he ever did with Petra either. Levi always showed his feelings through his actions, and I felt his protectiveness, loyalty, and gentleness with the entirety of my being. Knowing he cared would always be more than everything to me.
"Is he here?" Ollie shouted as a pack of them ran forward.
I laughed, standing up to dust myself off. "He's been here for a while silly!" I gestured towards the sitting man. "Short in stature but fierce in power. Also from the Underground."
A small little finger jabbed directly into his face. "It's him, Kaya!" Ollie screamed in utter exhilaration.
Kaya ran up next to him. "You're right! It's the stalker."
Sputtering in disbelief, I spewed out a variety of snorts and giggles. "Are you talking about Levi? Why are you calling him that?" Sneaking a peek, I saw an annoyed expression. His usual narrow eyes, a furrowed brow, and slight pout. Not surprising, however, the dusting of pink on his cheeks took me back. What is he embarrassed about?
"You're always staring at the orphanage when you walk by! I thought you were some lost kid," Ollie said as he grabbed Levi's hand to shake it vigorously. "My name's Ollie! It's nice to meet you!"
After Ollie let his hand go, Levi, pulled out a handkerchief to wipe the chocolate and crumbs that'd been smeared onto his skin. "I didn't stare," he weakly protested. "It just surprised me to see Saph with you guys."
"Do you think she's pretty? I think Historia's pretty," Ollie asserted. His crush on the sweet blonde girl apparent. "I like to stare at her because she looks like an angel!"
My heart that'd been pounding since the beginning of the conversation rapidly picked up the pace at his question. It didn't really matter I told myself. I knew I'm not as pretty as Petra and Historia, but worrying about it is stupid. I'm not grotesque, and that should be good enough. It'd be a lie to deny how much I wanted Levi to find me slightly attractive though.
Even Historia peered at him relentlessly, curious what the normally crude and blunt Captain would say in response to such an innocent inquiry.
"She's okay."
A sudden silence held the stage. We all seemed speechless for a second until a bursting of laughter sent me doubled over. Only I'd take those words as a compliment from him. "Thank you, Captain," I spoke while chuckling.
He huffed and looked away as Historia and Ollie watched us with puzzled expressions. The kid glanced up at her. "I think you're the prettiest girl ever!"
The two continued to talk amongst themselves as I approached Levi. Kneeling down, I tugged on his pant leg. "Don't act so grumpy. I enjoy watching you too. I think you're fine as hell, sir," I teased, stroking his finger up his thigh.
Tips of his ears turning red, he let out a cough and swatted my hand away. "Don't be ridiculous."
Ollie raced up to us. Grabbing Levi's sleeve, he began to pull with all his might. "I want to see you fight something Humanity's Strongest Soldier!"
"There's nothing here to attack," Levi replied as he obligingly got up to ensure Ollie wouldn't rip his shirt.
Watching him let the child pull him towards the rest of the group, who surrounded him gleefully, warmed me from the inside out. They ordered him to pick up his swords so they could throw objects in the air for him to slice. Splitting sticks in half cost no effort from him, but it made Ollie and the others cheer while jumping up and down in excitement.
Levi seemed to be enjoying himself as well. An expression of play began to overtake his features as the children tried to increase the difficulty in their own imaginative ways.
"I've never seen him look like he's actually having fun," Historia said as she watched him as well. "Well… I mean with anybody other than you," she sneaked in, blue eyes peering up at me in mock innocence.
I didn't let it faze me, my own happiness at seeing the picture erasing any potential embarrassment. "That was an unnecessary addition," I dryly replied, my mind elsewhere.
The wheels began to turn as a warm bubble swelled within, just waiting to burst. To see his joy and comfort with the kids from the orphanage reminded me of his sweetness. That gentle nature even a life in the Underground couldn't alter. Parts of him that still contained shreds of innocence despite all the dark tragedies. He'd make such a wonderful father. I blinked in wonder as that thought popped into my mind. Is that it? My solution to ensure he's not left alone in this world when I'm gone? Give him something that nobody else could, a child.
Hope to hear your guy's thoughts on the latest chapter! Both comments and criticisms are always appreciated. Love you all!