So when our lips first met, up in her room, after the movie, I was already working on my plan. My mind was going over the checklist; I had to do everything in the right order. Everything would go slow. I wanted her to enjoy every second of it, not want it to end, and maybe, just maybe, have it go further than ever before.

I was against the wall this time, rubbing my hands up and down her arms, pulling her into me, kissing her all the while. When her hands finally trailed down to my hips, her little fingers grasping the belt loops of my jeans, I shuddered – and then I traced her ear with my tongue, blowing air into it to make her shiver and giggle. She pulled me closer and pressed her hips into mine. The bed, the bed, we needed to be in the bed. I moved, placing myself between her and it. That was her cue.

She found my lips again, kissing me a little harder each time, pushing me closer and closer towards the bed. The backs of my knees made contact and I sat down, pulling her with me not with my hands but with my lips. She sat beside me, never letting go of me, and I put my hand on her thigh, moving in to kiss her. But instead of resuming our tongue chasing and hand wandering, she started to talk. Not good, not good, I thought.

"Alex?"

"Hm?"

"Do you really have dental dams?"

"Mmhm." At least the conversation was promising.

"With you?"

"Always."

"Are they really flavored?"

I chuckled. "Yep. Strawberry, grape, banana, vanilla, and mint."

"Can I see one?"

"Sure." I eagerly hopped off the bed, grabbed my safe-sex box from my bag, and presented it to her.

"What do you do with them?"

"Let me show you," I said, sliding my hand along her inner thigh. She jerked her leg away.

"I'm serious," she said, and I suddenly understood just how serious she was.

I spread the contents of the box on the bed. "Pick a flavor."

"Um…strawberry?"

"I knew you'd pick that. If you want to look at it, go ahead and open it." I expected her to protest somehow, say something about not wanting to waste it, but after a few seconds of reading the outside, she finally tore it open.

"That's it?" she asked, holding the square of red latex up in the air with two fingers.

"That's it."

"And you just put this down there?"

"Well, you're supposed to lube it up on the other side, makes it nice and slippery, you know, but pretty much, yeah. And then you…you know."

She smelled her cautiously and touched her tongue to it. "It's not too bad."

"So?"

"So, it's a big step."

"It's the last step."

"I know." She played with the dental dam, thinking things over.

I waited in agony for as long as I could before giving up. "We really don't have to. I just…wanted to keep them on hand, you know, in case something happened. I wanted to be prepared."

She was clenching her jaw, working up the courage for something, either to let me down or to go ahead with it, I couldn't tell, further intensifying the agony. She put the dam and the contents of the box on her nightstand before turning back to me. "No promises."

"Ok."

"And regardless of what happens, just realize that I want it to happen. And if not tonight, then another night."

I nodded, no longer able to speak. This was really going to happen, I thought. I put my hand back on her thigh and looked at her. She nodded. Our lips met again and for a long time it was just that. She was obviously nervous. I tentatively slipped my tongue into her mouth, grateful to have her return the gesture…but she soon pulled away.

"You're a great kisser," she said.

"Hard to be a great kisser when I'm not kissing." She nodded and bit her lip. "Paige, don't be worried. No sex tonight, ok? We'll stick with what we normally do." To prove to her that I was being serious, I turned around and swept the dental dams and the lube into the drawer of her nightstand. "See? Gone. No pressure." I meant it too. I'd rather make out with her than find myself on the bus again at 2 a.m. because I pushed her too far.

"Ok." She seemed relieved, giving me a shy smile of gratitude.

We were back to the kissing again, but this time she didn't break away. I moved closer, pulling her legs up onto the bed, wrapping them around my waist, our torsos pressed tight, hands traveling wherever they might, though still slowly and gently. I pressed myself into her as she slowly trailed kisses down my jaw and to my neck, nibbling on the spots she knew would make my breathing ragged.

I snaked my hands up her shirt, ever so slowly, feeling her skin jump under my palms. It wasn't always easy telling the difference between her tensing up from fear or just her muscles jumping with excitement, but judging by the way she moved against me, I figured she was still ok. My hands went round to her back, quickly undoing her bra. I let one hand fall to her ass and pressed her pelvis harder into mine while the fingers of the other traveled underneath the loosened bra until they reached their destination.

I ran my thumb lightly over her nipple a few times until it was hard. When she began to jerk with each new touch, I took her whole breast in my hand, playing with her nipple between my fingers, still pressing her into me, but much more rhythmically now.

Her mouth began to travel lower, along my collarbone and the sensitive skin just above the neck of my tank tops, her lips opening wider, her hot breath and tongue causing me shiver. Her hands were at my waist, riding up and down my skin, making me wish she'd hurry up and take off my shirt.

"Two tank tops today, Alex?" she whispered playfully into my ear. "Does that mean you want me to take twice as long to take them off?"

"God, no. You've already taken far too long."

"Tsk, tsk," she said and slid her hand between my shirts, traveling up my sides, taking the black tank with her. I had to let go my grasp of her breast and ass as she slipped off my shirt. I waited for her to take off the other, but she knew I was waiting and so she refused to give in. Oh, she can be cruel.

When I started to remove my white tank myself, she stopped me. "My job," she said, but instead of doing her job, she simply ran her hands along the outside of my shirt and showered me with more kisses. I was practically shaking with desire.

"Paige, please," I begged when I could take it no longer.

"Alright, since you said please…" she began and finally acquiesced, though so slowly that I groaned in protest.

With my shirt gone, she ran her fingers over my shoulders, pushing down my bra straps, her kisses following the path. I laid my head in the crook of her neck while she tortured me like this. It would be an eternity before she did anything. And so I took hold of her breast and ass again to try and hurry her along, but she stubbornly kept at her steady pace.

Fingers trailed down my back, hopping over my bra strap, and continuing on down, causing my back to arch and my head to leave its place against her neck. She took the opportunity to go at my neck again, her teeth teasing the most sensitive spots. Her mouth wandered down and her hand up. She cupped my breast while kissing the soft flesh above it. I let loose my own grip on her and leaned back, wrapping my legs around her tightly. She gave me a teasing smile and traced her finger along the top of my bra until I clenched my eyes shut and threw my head back again. Finally, she reached back and unhooked me, tossing my bra in the vicinity of my tank tops. Her own shirt and bra soon followed – they weren't mine to remove – and she pushed me back onto the bed, laying to one side of me, a breast in one hand, her mouth all over mine, her thigh between my legs, pressing against me hard.

I soon pulled her on top of me, enjoying the feel of her warm skin against mine. Her hair fell all around us, which was only nice until it got in the way of the kissing. She grabbed a hair tie from the nightstand and sat up, straddling me, shaking her hair back before pulling it up into a sloppy yet oh-so-sexy ponytail. I wasn't one to waste time, though, and as I looked up at her with unhidden admiration and lust, I deftly undid her jeans.

She returned to my lips, but held herself above me on all fours, the lack of contact coupled with her closeness was unbearable, but I knew what was next, so I breathed deeply and contented myself with rubbing my hands hungrily all over her exposed skin.

I liked this part. I liked to watch her, and she obviously liked the audience. As her mouth traveled lower, down from my lips, to my neck, and to the middle of my chest, she would glance up every few seconds, making sure my eyes were on her. She had a naughty look in her eyes and would let out an occasional giggle, the combination of which never failed to make me smile in return while feeling suffocated with desire.

Settling down on me, her fingers lightly touched the sides of my breasts. She continued to tease me, her lips planting soft kisses first on one breast, then another, until she finally made up her mind as to which one she would start on. Her tongue made circles around my nipple, then flicked it gently, before she pulled at it with her lips, then her teeth. Oh, I have taught her well, I thought as I struggled to maintain my composure.

When I could take it no longer, I pulled her back up and had my hands all over her again. Down they went, taking hold of her ass, slowly easing down the waist of her jeans as far as they would go. I pushed her up a little ways so there was just enough room to slide my hand down the front and I rubbed her gently through her panties until she closed her eyes and an unsuppressed moan came from the back of her throat. I slid my hand back down her bare ass, but she was quick to get the message. She reluctantly peeled herself off of me and removed her jeans. I broke a few rules in my haste and slipped off my jeans, underwear, and socks in one swift move, kicking them towards the foot of the bed.

"No fair," she laughed. I took her greedily in my arms and pulled her back to me.

"You can have your revenge later. I want to have my turn."

This was a critical move. I rolled her over so that she lay between myself and the door. And as usual, there was a glimmer of fear in her eyes, maybe a bit more than usual. She was so vulnerable lying there, and I had to tread carefully. I did not throw myself on top of her as I would have liked to have done, but instead, lay by her side, gently running my hand along her body until she chose to pull me closer.

I went to work on her breasts with my tongue and teeth, while my hand went lower. I started out slow, speeding up until her breathing suggested I stop lest she come too soon, at which point I found her mouth again with my own, laying my body on top of hers, our legs entangled. When her heart no longer pounded so fiercely against my chest, I shifted my position, placing the sharp angle of my hip bone against her clit, rhythmically thrusting until she was again on the cusp of an orgasm, little burst of moans and sighs and cries escaping from her lips.

At this point, the only thing she could say no to was sex, and even that was debatable tonight. I slipped her panties off and slinked back up beside her, giving her long hard kisses as my fingers began to finish her off. Usually this was the point where she would grasp at my neck and shoulders, but instead, her hand went down my arm and rested on my wrist a second before pulling my hand away.

I looked at her questioningly, worrying that I had gone too far at some point, kicking myself for moving too fast.

"I think I'm ready."

My head began to swim. Was she seriously talking about what I thought she was? "You think or you know?"

"I'm ready," she said without hesitation.

I had to fight with everything I had in me to keep from crying out with joy. I calmly rolled over, sitting on the edge of the bed, and pulled out the dental dam of my choice and a tube of lube. My hands were shaking as I tore open the packaging, so I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. Paige wrapped her arms around me, kissing me on the waist.

"You're sure?" I asked again, not fully believing her.

She said yes, but it was her smile that convinced me. I lay back down beside her, oblivious to the fact that I was on the wrong side of the bed, feeling awkward and clumsy as I tried to juggled my new prized possessions in one hand and give her the physical attention she needed with the other.

I slid down her body, leaving kisses and nips along the way. I kissed her inner thighs and breathed in the smell of her, already longing for the day when we could do away with dental dams and I could go down on her properly.

I fingered her clit again, continuing to kiss along her thigh, higher and higher, until wiry hairs brushed against my cheek and chin.

"No more teasing," she whined. "Now."

Now. Wow. My head nodded dumbly, but she wasn't looking. And so I did as I'd read. I snapped off the plastic neck of the lube, which I'd warmed up as best I could, clutching it so tightly in my palm all this time, and spread some along her most sensitive parts, even though she was probably wet enough, and rubbed it around with my fingers. She jumped at the sensation and I thought, Just wait. A little bit more lube on the back of the dam and I was ready. I placed it over her, holding the top of it with one hand against her pelvic bone, and rubbing her clit with my thumb.

My breath was shaky. My stomach was doing flip-flops. My head even started to spin. Jesus, I thought. What the fuck is going on? Am I seriously nervous? I am Alex Nuñez. Since when am I scared of sex?

Suddenly I was hit with a distinct memory, something that I had buried years ago. I remembered being 13 again, making out with some boy named Mike, in the basement of his house. He asked me if I wanted to have sex and I didn't even hesitate to say yes. But I was scared. No, more than that. I was absolutely terrified. I remembered how difficult it was to put on that façade, to cover up my fear. When it was all over, I went into the bathroom and cried – not because it hurt or because I regretted it, but because after bottling up all that fear for the few minutes it took, I couldn't hold it in any longer.

The loss of innocence is supposed to be scary, though, I told myself. So why was I scared now? Even figuring in the lesbian virginity factor, it wasn't as if Paige and I kept our relationship to some random hand holding and chaste kisses. Hell, by some definitions, we'd already had sex. And a piece of latex between her and me was even less intimate than what we normally did, right?

Again I found my mind wandering. This time I flashbacked to Jay. He swept me off my feet at 15, saving me from a life of random fucks with guys whose names I can no longer recall. He didn't even try to get into my pants for the first couple dates. And when we did find ourselves in that compromising position, I remembered being scared for the first time in two years. He did that to me, made me feel like I was special, that sex would be special – and it was. And even before it happened, he told me he loved me, with all the sincerity a 15-year-old boy can muster.

Should I say that to Paige? I wondered. Did I need to make this moment more special for her? Or would that freak her out, make her decide that this whole thing was a mistake, that I was too emotionally involved for her? Was that really territory I wanted to tread, anyway? I mean, I liked her, I cared deeply for her, but was I really in love?

Paige propped herself up on her elbows and looked down at me. "Earth to Alex."

My head snapped up and I wondered how long I'd been zoning.

"Are you my girlfriend or my gynecologist? Because right now I can't tell. And this is starting to get awkward."

"Sorry, I just…it really is a big step."

"We don't have to do this tonight," she said, smiling sweetly at me. But I could see the surprise in her eyes, I knew she was thinking the same thing I was: why is Alex, the very girl who's been pestering me to have sex with her for weeks now, suddenly scared of following through?

That's all it took, really, seeing that in her eyes. I can have doubts and questions floating around in my head and that's fine, but I sure as shit wasn't going to let her think that.

And so I found my tongue running along the length of her clit. She lay back down. But the moment had been lost. Her breathing was calm again. This was not necessarily a bad thing, of course.

Despite two solid weeks of preparing for this, of sneaking looks at lesbian sex books at the bookstore, spending far too much time thinking back on the things Jay used to do to me, and basically studying harder for this than I'd ever studied for anything in school, I felt lost and unsure of what I was doing. My tongue was not as sensitive as my fingers and the dental dam made everything harder to work with. Nothing that I'd read or experienced ever made allowances for dental dams.

The mint flavoring made my tongue tingle and then go numb, which was not helped by the fact that I had a lot of work to do to get Paige back into the moment. When it became clumsy and unresponsive, I took time to plant kisses all over her and try to stimulate her in other ways, and then headed back down as soon as I could.

I wish I could say that the whole thing was romantic and thrilling and basically the most amazing experience of my life, but I can't. It was hard, tedious work that had me doubting for the longest time that I would ever be able to replicate what my fingers could do. I felt at a loss through most of it, a colossal failure, unable to get the response out of her I desired.

Finally I hit the right spot and she gave a short moan, and so I hit it again and again, throwing my numb, useless tongue against it as fast and as hard as I could, mentally begging her to come already so that I could stop. And she did – her soft, low moans gradually becoming higher pitched and faster… and then all was quiet. She pushed my head away and I dropped it heavily on her thigh, not yet ready to climb back up to her, but finally experiencing some of the joy and exuberance one should feel after something so momentous.

When I sat up to look at her, she was a beautiful sight. Her chest and face were flushed and she still struggled to fully regain control of her breathing. She looked up at me with half-closed eyes. "That was nice… really nice… really, really nice."

"Yes, but was it nice?" I asked with a laugh, falling down beside her, running my finger along her neck, slick with sweat.

"Mmm…" she mumbled and leaned over for a kiss. "You're extra minty tonight."

"So are you."

We cuddled for a bit, as she recovered from her orgasm and started to get me ready for mine, which didn't take much. Being able to make her come usually got me pretty excited, as did seeing her naked and sweaty. And even though my tongue still ached, the thought that I'd just had my mouth all over her (ok, there was that damned dental dam in the way, but still) had me yearning for my own turn. I was in high spirits too… we'd just reached another level in our relationship.

And so as she went through the motions with me, kissing me and touching me in all the right spots, I started to hope that she might actually fully return the favor. I forced my body to calm down whenever I was close to orgasm, just in case. Of course, then she had to go and speak.

"I guess it's my turn," she said, with much less enthusiasm than I would have liked.

"You don't have to," I said, still in a haze from being brought to the brink of an orgasm. "Never expected it of you."

"What does that mean?"

"Hey, don't get defensive. I know you think it's 'icky.' I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"No, I'm going to do this. It's only fair." She resolutely reclaimed her strawberry dental dam and smothered it in lube before taking her place between my legs. I started to lie back, quite amused.

Before my head had even hit the pillow her tongue was on my clit. And my God, is that an amazing thing. I mean, on one level, you've got to realize that this is Paige Michalchuk, head cheerleader, the most popular girl in the school. And on another level, this is the girl who cried after we got to second base. But all that aside, this is Paige, my girlfriend, who makes me want to be a better person, who can make my insides turn to mush with her smile. I'd do anything for this girl, and here she was doing something for me that I never truly expected her to do. I swear, my emotional high at that point far surpassed anything physical I was feeling. That was truly one of the most incredible moments of my life.

But like all the rest of the good things in my life, this didn't last long. Paige suddenly jumped up and ran out of the room. Next thing I knew, she was retching in the bathroom. My first thought was to panic – this was it, this was the moment when Paige realizes she's straight and she can't do this any more.

I sat up, removing the dental dam and as much of the lube as I could, putting it with my minty one, and sat against the headboard, trying to relax, all the while worrying over what had really happened.

The toilet flushed and she started to brush her teeth. I calmed down. This was just Paige, after all. All things sexual, especially new experiences, were difficult for her. Nerves, I decided. She simply got scared, pushed herself too far and too fast. Yes.

She came back in, closing the door and then leaning against it, hidden behind the corner. "Ok, that was the most embarrassing thing ever in the entire history of sex, wasn't it?"

I laughed and crawled to the foot of the bed to look at her. "Oh, trust me, it can be a lot worse." She groaned, hiding her face in her hands. I couldn't stop smiling and I couldn't stay away from her, so I rose from the bed. She looked up, opening her eyes briefly, perhaps just to see my reaction, and squeezed them shut again, making a pained expression. I kissed her forehead, then undid the bathrobe she'd returned in, wrapping my arms around her and pressing my naked body against hers.

She made a sound of discontent. "I hate myself right now," she said before dropping her head in shame against my shoulder.

"Don't worry. I still like you."

"I really thought I could do it."

"Hey, if not tonight, then another night, right?" I hugged her tightly. "You know, you were doing pretty good too; hard to believe you'd never done that before."

Paige looked up at me, smiling hopefully. "Really?"

"Mmhm."

"I was afraid I'd completely klutzed everything up. And the stomach upheaving…"

"Don't worry about it."

She broke eye contact with me, studying other parts of my face, and played with some strands of my hair. "I am worried about it, though," she said very quietly and seriously. "What if it means something more?"

"Like what? You're not really into girls?"

She nodded, still not looking me in the eye.

"I think if that were true, you would have thrown up long ago. Many, many times. That was a big step. Maybe too big for you right now. And that's ok. I still… care for you."

I held her a while longer, silently, giving her time to relax. The vomiting and the worrying had effectively killed my sex drive, but the nakedness was starting to wake it back up again. I slowly began to kiss and caress her, but she only responded reluctantly, which I decided was due to her being between me and the door – her escape route closed off. I started to move backwards, my hands on her waist, trying to pull her with me. She didn't budge.

"Alex," she protested, "I still feel queasy. I'm sorry."

This was disappointing, I thought. "You don't have to go down on me. Just come back to bed."

"I don't even want to make out right now."

My disappointment was now clearly visible on my face, even in the shadows.

"I'm sorry," she said again. "I just threw up my dinner and I'm feeling very unsexy right now."

"So you're just going to leave me hanging?" I asked, pulling away from her.

There were a thousand emotions playing on her face, all colored with a tinge of green, but I chose to focus only on the part that was pissed at my temper tantrum.

"Fine," I said, turning away. "We'll just go to bed. You can sleep and I'll stay awake with my hormones."

"Alex."

I ignored her, slipping under the covers, keeping my back to her.

I could hear her sigh, and then heard the bathrobe fall to the ground. She crawled into bed and spooned me, sliding one arm under my neck and running her other hand down my arm to my hand, locking her fingers with mine.

"We just lost our viginities. Don't make this a negative experience."

She was right, of course. Just thinking about that, how momentous this evening had been, made me smile in spite of myself. I squeezed her fingers in mine and relaxed my body into hers to let her know that I was sorry. She kissed my shoulder, accepting my apology – and forgiving me.

We said our goodnights. She was asleep in five minutes. I, however, slept fitfully. Every time she moved, my eyes sprang open, but I was constantly disappointed to find her still sleeping soundly.