Saph's Pov

"Oh dear." Honey's eyes widened as she covered her mouth with one hand. "I didn't mean to say that."

"You said it twice." I felt ready to bolt with the bundle in my arms, but before I could move an inch, Honey abruptly sat down next to me on the bed.

"No need to try and run, Saph. I'm not going to hurt you. Your illustration was in the newspaper as one of the soldiers who helped recapture Wall Maria and fight off the other Titan Shifters." She gave me a long look before gently clasping my hand. "I never thought I'd meet someone like you, but I want to thank you for the sacrifices you've made to fight for all of us. You'll probably be the strongest person I'll ever know, but on the day, when we opened our door, all I saw was a scared young pregnant girl. I'd have wanted to help you no matter what."

My shoulders caved inwards as a sob erupted from my throat. It'd been so hard to hide everything from them. Keeping secrets just felt like taking advantage. "You know then," I stated as I swallowed my rising wail of anguish, "why I can't keep him." Tears already threatened to spill onto my cheeks as I gazed down at my little boy. He'd been noisily crying at first, until Honey set him into my arms. After I snuggled Chaco into the crook of my armpit, he fell right asleep. I'd do right by him.

"I don't know about that, Saph, " she said with a sigh. Honey seemed so old all of a sudden. Her vitality and consistent cheerfulness made her seem so young.

Tilting my head at her, I struggled to maintain a steady voice. "What do you mean?"

Honey shrugged her shoulders before giving me a tired smile. "All I know about you is what I've read in the newspaper. You're in the military. Used to live Underground. A Titan Shifter," she began to list off.

"Do you know what that means?" I asked, taking my hand from hers to press my palm against Chaco's cheek. "I only have a decade left to live. He'd just be ten years old."

"Saph, I don't know your life. Like I said, I only know a few facts, but I can tell you what I've seen and my thoughts. You'd be a great mom. You're wonderful with the boys and, " she paused for a second, "you obviously want to be the best mom for Chaco." Eyes glazing, I thought a tear might slip. "There's been so many parents who've lost children. Kids who have no parents. There's nobody on this island who hasn't suffered a personal loss. I don't want you to lose this precious opportunity because you feel like you have no options."

The moment I realized I was pregnant I felt backed into a corner. That there were moves I could make, but they would always be the wrong ones. Even now I felt only horrible and unsure of what I should do. What I wanted to do, though, was becoming increasingly loud and clear. To take Chaco and go home to Levi. However, that seemed implausibly happy in contrast to the pain I'd caused to the man I loved so dearly. "You don't know what I've done. I'm not the good person you've read about. I'm dangerous. The world I live in is dangerous."

"He doesn't know either," she said, gesturing towards the precious bundle in my arms. "I wouldn't say it's much safer anywhere else. It's a dangerous time to be alive, but that's why we have to make the most of it. Especially you. I don't know anything about Titan's or shifters, but if you only have a decade to live, don't spend it punishing the two of you by separating if you want to be in his life."

Glancing down at my son, I felt a sharp pang in my chest. He'd moved his head towards me to find my nipple now in his mouth. Nuzzling for a second, it didn't take him long before he latched on. It felt a little uncomfortable, but also completely right at the same time. I felt so maternal. I wanted to show Levi. Wanted him so badly to be here with us. His family.

Suddenly, I recalled the hurt Levi expressed about Kenny leaving. How he'd felt so abandoned and alone. Left behind in the depths of the Underground not too long after his mother's death as well. Something he'd only whispered about as we'd laid in bed, curled around each other.

"His dad doesn't know either," I said, wincing as my heart contracted in swift agony.

Honey patted me on the knee. "I don't know what the right decision for you is, but I want to support you no matter what."

Her support warmed my heart but didn't ease the fretful thoughts racing in my mind. Even with all my power, strength, speed, and experience, I felt utterly helpless sitting there on the bed, a newborn in my arms, and no clue what to do. "I don't know either," I confessed. I'd taken on all the responsibility of this surprise, but now I realized, there's no way I could keep him a secret from Levi. He's the only one I wanted to talk to about any of this. "I need to tell Levi the truth," I said, looking up at her. "There's going to be consequences, but that's my duty. Not yours," I whispered the last part at Chaco. His blue eyes now open.

"Are you going to take him back with you when you do so?" Honey asked.

"Yes. At least for a while. Levi's going to be upset, so I know it's not going to go well right away. They both deserve for me to give it some time though." Cradling him, I had a hard time imagining Levi not falling in love with this precious bundle, despite what he said. I couldn't ignore the possibility though. "If… if I don't think it's going to work out. Could you care for him while I visit?" That'd be the best I could do for the two of them if it causes too much hurt. "I'll give you money for the expenses and a bit more for my appreciation."

Honey laughed. "Sweetheart. We'd always be happy to help. Nobody should be alone in this. You can stay as long as you want as well. I'm not sending you off just yet. You need to rest, and have Edmond and I help you out for a bit. That man hasn't done anything yet, so let's give him first watch," she snickered, nudging me.

I gave a weary smile. "Thank you, but I'm just going to hold him. Get my bearings."

"Completely understandable. I'm going to catch that nap now, and Edmond will be in the other room. Just shout if you need him."

After Honey left the room, a long exhale of mine quickly followed. I'd need to emotionally and mentally prepare myself to face Levi. Maybe I'd never be able to hold him ever again, but he deserves to know the truth. Didn't stop panic from beginning to flutter. "Edmond?" I called out.

"Yes?" He came into the room.

"Could you please fetch the white shirt from my closet?" I needed to smell Levi. To feel the warmth of the familiar fabric.

He nodded. "Of course."

It didn't take long for him to come back. "May I see him?" He asked as he handed the cloth to me.

"Of course." I sighed in relief as I set the cloth on my pillow next to my head. Tilting myself, I gave a better view of my son's face. "I named him Chaco. Short for chocolate."

Edmond chuckled. "Should've known you'd choose a treat. Honey has enjoyed creating desserts for your sweet tooth." His eyes wrinkled as his smile widened further. "He's lovely. Just let me know when you need to sleep. I'll be nearby."

"Thank you."

Back in the silence of my own thoughts, I focused instead on my suckling baby. I'll protect his innocence. I'll protect him, no matter what comes next.

"I don't want you guys to leave," Nolan said out of nowhere.

Turning, I bent down to pat him on the head, careful of the precious bundle on my back. "We'll come back to visit soon, but I must go back today. I've been gone for almost a year now." I ruffled his hair. "They don't deserve to worry any longer."

"Is the military coming to get you back?" Freud asked, still confused about the new details I'd given him and his brother.

I shook my head. "I'm sure they're looking, but they don't know why I left. I'm going because I want to. I didn't plan on being away this long."

"Back to Levi," Nolan pouted, his cheeks swelling. His grip on my arm tightened as well.

I chuckled, though hearing his name both ignited excitement and dread. "Yes. He must meet little Chaco." I'd given them a few details about Chaco's father, not knowing if they'd heard of Humanity's Strongest Soldier or not.

I'd tried to be patient, but with the one year mark approaching, I knew it was time. Grateful for the knowledge and help with Chaco, Honey had done a magnificent job with helping me fall into a rhythm of understanding about my new role as a mother. It'd come easier than I first suspected. Memories of caring for Suzu rose as I handled him while he's fussy or when I first changed a diaper. Thankfully, that led to a little more confidence.

"I want to meet Captain Levi," Freud said. He kicked into the air. "The strongest soldier. Could he teach me to fight?"

"Maybe. I'll ask and let you know when I come back."

Nolan perked up, "Will that be soon?"

Both Honey and Edmond walked out of the door and onto the front porch. "She'll be busy, you two. Give her a chance to get everything settled before you start making demands." Honey turned her attention to me. Warm arms wrapped around me as she carefully maneuvered around the baby. "You take care of yourself, now, sweetheart. We are here if you need anything," Honey assured me as she handed me a shoulder bag containing lunch."

I nodded, speechless with emotion. The only thing I could give them was a big smile instead. I'd left a pouch of money on my bed, but I also doubted they'd use it. Treated with such selfless kindness is something I hadn't experienced much in my life. Turning to face my destination, I felt a quiver in my core. Inhaling deeply, my body and heart called me forward. It's time. Sprinting forward, I quickly fell into a smooth glide, in order not to disturb the slumbering infant.

With his cheek pressed against my shoulder blade, Chaco's breath constantly drifted across the sensitive skin of my neck. He'd already grown and developed so much since his birth 2 months ago. Smiling and laughing with utter joy, his wide eyes devoured everything in sight. He sure did love to sleep though, when he's not exploring the world.

Such a precious gift is something I wanted to share with Levi, but I struggled to string any sentences together that'd ease the burden of what I've done. An apology of course, but I also wanted to explain. That I never intended to hurt him, I only felt lost in making the right decision. No matter what, all of it is my responsibility though. Despite my best intentions, I'd done exactly what I'd told him I wouldn't do. Leave.

"Waah," Chaco yawned/cried as he began to shift in the sling.

Slowing down to a stop, I realized I'd been moving faster than I realized. This left enough room for me to feed him. Sitting on a stump, I unbuttoned my top to give complete access to the hungry month now nibbling on the exposed area, still slightly sore from the last sack time. Covering him and my chest up with a blanket, I tried to ensure his button nose wouldn't get a chill.

"Don't cry," I soothed, rocking myself back and forth in an attempt to ease the tension stirring within both of us, "here's your meal." After he's done with dinner, I'm not holding back in moving forward. I'd rip the ground open in my haste to reach the edge of this land. Battered by depressing thoughts, the emotional upheavals built my anxiety up only to have it come crashing down as I'm consumed with the sweet enticement of seeing Levi. "You're going to meet your dad!"

As if he understood my words. Chaco separated from me a bit sooner than usual. I stood up, my legs close to being asleep. "I love you so much," I whispered in his ear as I patted his back, "my lovely little one." He gave a small burp. "Just what I wanted to hear. Good job." I tucked Chaco back into the sling and placed him onto my back. Leaning forward, I felt a deep sense of urgency to let out the buildup of unbridled power. I'd been cautious in an attempt to ensure Chaco's safety, but he'd barely stirred no matter my speed. Taking it up a notch, I began to race forward at a Titan pace. Chaco didn't stir in the satchel. I knew he'd go to the bathroom soon, but I doubted I'd be able to ignore that sensation or smell.

As my shoes smushed into the mud, I felt an exuberant freedom and fear of the unknown. It allowed me to release the previously blocked emotions that'd be eating at me internally. Tears fled from my eyes. My breathing became much more ragged as it alternated between breaths and cries.

The wall that'd been on the horizon soon towered above our heads. Scrambling up the surface, my elongated nails allowed me to claw my way to the sky. I barely paused to take in the distance yet to be crossed or the pleasant scenery in front of me. My consciousness started to wobble when I began to drag myself down Wall Maria. Every movement was so smooth, almost easy, that I didn't even imagine slipping into a dangerous free fall. With my feet still a ways off the ground, I leapt off and into the trees. After I swung down to the floor, I paused to take note of Chaco before moving forward once again. It always astounded me what he could sleep through.

So close. Almost there. I kicked my shoes off behind me, barely breaking my stride to do so in the process. It's time to run free. The uneven ground and the obstacles of buildings, trees, and hills did little to stop me as I hurtled through both towns and forests. At the sight of people milling about, I scaled up onto the rooftop to jump over all their heads. Even if they saw me, I'd be a mere blur. I'd previously wondered if my body might weaken after the birth, but committing to such a familiar act made me feel reconnected to my physical power. These long strides coupled with propelling jumps brought me back to the Underground. It'd been sprinting above the mess and mayhem that I felt the most release from the cramped confines of that desolate space.

That'll be something little Chaco will never experience. "I want you to learn how to ride horses. Swim in the ocean. Fly in the air with 3DMG. Go to school. Eat sweets." The list went on of the encounters of joy I desperately wanted Chaco to have. Activities I either never experienced or wanted to share with him. It's important that he had a better knowledge of reading and writing than I did, but there's a lot I'd teach him. At the minimum, the ability to throw knives and self-defense maneuvering skills. I'd never teach him to murder like me. He'd know how to fight, though.

I'd have to be with him as much as possible in the time I have left. Leave him with lots of amazing memories and a nice sum of inheritance to ensure his security. "A roof over your head. Full belly. Nice fluffy bed. Clothes that don't have holes. I'm not rich, Chaco, but you'll have all the nice things everyone should have," I panted. That's what I could give him, and I'd do my best to ensure he'd be taken care of when I'm gone. No matter if Levi wanted to be there or not. I sure hoped he did.

As if answering my wayward thoughts, the village popped up in the distance, the smell of the ocean began to tickle my nose. Such a long time since I've tasted the salt in the air. I slowed down as I stumbled upon a stream that fed into the sea. Now would be a good time to change the diaper. With the sun now beginning to dip in the sky, I didn't have too much longer before I'd be face to face with him.

My fingers shook as I retied the strings that held Chaco's white garment together. Little still made sense to me in terms of what I could say to Levi. "Maybe there aren't any words." I told Chaco. He gurgled and squirmed. "Once they see you, what's more to say?" Slipping my finger into the palm of his hand, I enjoyed the slight pressure of his squeeze. It felt like a hug.

After I wrapped him back up all snug and tight, I placed him back in between my shoulder blades. It seemed as if a barn was the closest building to me. Horses dotted the meadows before us. The best company to keep before I decided to make my entrance since I didn't want anyone alerting Levi and/or Hange to my presence. This didn't need to be a public spectacle for anyone else to be a part of.

Ducking down, I tucked myself over the fence in one smooth motion to hopefully avoid the possibility of being seen. Thankfully, darkness had begun to settle over the town, making me more confident in my ability to stay hidden as I moved forward. As I scooted in my hunched position, the long grass began to shorten as we approached the shelter. A horse would pause every once in a while to raise its head to peer at us, but they never cared to look for long.

Once I'd finally reached the barn, I snuck up the ladder and into the landing of bales straw above the stalls. Peeking out from the gaps in the aged wood, I tried to get a rough map in my head of the new layout for the Survey Corps headquarters. Clearly things have expanded and changed since I left a year ago. I worried that I'd have trouble figuring out where Hange might be when I realized that a lot of ruckus was coming from a longer structure. Reminiscent of the dining hall we had in the past, I figured that was the new place for cooking and eating.

I wanted to see Levi so badly, but fear and shame rose up like bile in my throat at the prospect. Even though I'd collected my thoughts enough to make a plan, I knew so much rested on his reaction. First things first, I need to apologize. No matter what, that's important. Get on my hands and knees if necessary.

A ponytail bobbing in the distance caught my attention after a few minutes of watching the entrance. Hesitating, I wasn't positive if it was Hange or not until a shorter man followed after her. That made me confident it was the duo I'd been waiting for. Sneaking out the window, I hauled myself onto the roof in one sweeping motion. "This isn't going to be so easy once you get bigger," I chuckled as I stretched my arms in preparation. My physical ability hadn't dimmed in the slightest, but launching myself between rooftops with my baby still made me nervous. "No matter what, I'd be the one to get hurt, so never worry little one," I assured him as I tucked him into my chest. Jogging forward, the smooth tile made my toes reflexively curl, as if that'd help maintain my balance.

"Huff," I panted out, louder than I meant to once I landed on the next one with my knees slightly bent. After checking around my surroundings for any potential onlookers, I hopped over on two more roofs before I found myself in front of the building I'd seen them disappear into. Guards not only stood by the entrance but also on the top of the structure, guns in hand. Must be an important spot. None of them looked familiar nor very tough. I'd already started to notice a wide variety of new recruits that'd arrived during my absence. Some appeared to be quite young, obviously fresh out of training, others, if I had to guess from their more grizzled expressions, were from other branches of the military. Quite a few had already started to join the Survey Corps after we'd recaptured Wall Maria, but now the Survey Corps didn't seem so meager anymore.

Wrapping myself tighter around Chaco, I smiled at his slumbering face. "Not that any of them are going to stop me from going in to see your dad," I whispered. It still felt odd to say those words, but also shot a small thrill within me as well. All I need to do now is get to him. Distracting these guards should be easy. Without missing a beat, I chucked a bucket past their heads. Naturally, they swiveled to see what had almost just nicked their faces. Clutching my baby to my chest, I leapt into the air, curling into a ball around him. It's not something I'd recommend to anyone who couldn't aim or take a hit. My upper back and lower neck smacked into the floor first as I soared inside the second story.

"Woah!" I heard a deep voice above me exclaim.

Automatically unfurling to pop onto my feet, I sneaked my knife out of my boot to confront an older gentleman I did not recognize. His jacket, however, held the familiar pair of wings. "I'm sorry, but I don't know who you are, nor do I have time for this. Be gone and say nothing," I demanded, pointing my weapon at him. I wouldn't kill him, he's a member of the Survey Corps it appeared, but that didn't prevent me from also automatically wanting to. Just in case he's a danger to Chaco.

"Saph? You're back?"

I narrowed my eyes as I analyzed him, those words sparked nothing in my memory. I still didn't know who he might be even after he said my name. "Have we met?"

"No." He rushed to assure me, waving both hands in front. "I joined only a few months ago." It seemed that he just knew of me. The way he looked me up and down, before his gaze settled on the babe sitting on my hip.

I should've known I'd have at least some reputation. A high-ranking, long time Survey Corps member, who's also a Titan Shifter going missing. Maybe they thought I'd been an enemy all along. We had plenty of spies embedded already. Levi would never have believed that though. He'd seen too much of me. "I need to talk to someone first before it gets around I'm back," I confessed as I put my knife back into its familiar place. "I hope you understand and will keep this to yourself for a little bit."

He nodded. "I'll go about my business." The tall man began to walk past me, but slowed as he brushed past. "Levi and Hange are down the hall and in the war room. Third door to the right."

"Thanks," I said with clear appreciation. That just made this easier. I swallowed hard but marched forward with determination. This needs to happen. Just because it's difficult doesn't mean I shouldn't do this. It needs to be done. Everything aches inside of me to see his face. That's all I want. Could even hope for at this point. Touching him would be a dream, but I accepted that anger would be more likely turned my way instead. It's what I would feel. I sharply rapped my fingers onto the wood a few times.

"Yes?" Hange's voice rang through clearly.

Pushing open the door caused my pulse to race erratically, I tried to remind myself to breathe as I suddenly saw Hange's face not too far away from me. Her eyes widened, yet her figure stayed frozen over the table with a map spilling over its edges. As if by magic, my head whipped over to a chair a few feet away from me. His familiar short figure sat poised with a teacup in one hand. "Levi?" I murmured.

"Saph?" They said at the same time.

"I'm here," I choked out in a partial announcement. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, but I didn't know what to do," I'd told myself not to crack under the pressure but my eyes already felt wet and my voice continued to tremble. I looked back and forth between the twin shocked expressions. Settling onto Hange's growing look of utter bewilderment, I tried to explain. "I drank the tea and took the pills, but I stopped menstruating at one point." Shaking my head, I found it difficult to maintain eye contact. The floor felt so much more comfortable to look at. "I knew what that meant, so I left. I wanted to give the baby away, but I couldn't let go, and… I realized I need to tell you both the truth."

A crash sent my gaze directly to the broken tea cup at Levi's feet. Bits and pieces flew under his chair.

"I need to sit down," Hange huffed, scratching her head. "Geez. This is why we have open access to birth control! Everyone gets horny when they might die the next day, but that's why none of us should be parents."

Her words caused me to hold Chaco up a little higher on my chest. "That's not his fault though. I can be a good little Titan Shifter for the Corps and a great mom to my child. We're not battling Titan's everyday anymore."

"No. We are facing extermination and extinction by almost the entirety of the rest of the world." Hange interrupted me.

Grimacing, I stood up straight and pierced her with a stare. "That's something this whole island is facing. Are you going to tell every other woman she can't give birth at this time?"

"What the fuck, Saph? You made these decisions. Don't bring anyone else into it," Levi growled out.

Before I could open my mouth, Hange stared him down. "Let's not pretend that you didn't contribute to this. Did you use a condom? You both participated in this relationship, and I'm also partially to blame since I didn't punish or discourage the two of you. We are soldiers though, Saph," Hange said, tone much gentler.

I snorted. "I didn't choose to become a soldier. I also didn't choose to become pregnant, like I said." Chaco's fingers grasped the ends of my hair. "I'm choosing to be an amazing mother to him." Nuzzling the top of Chaco's head, I pressed my lips on top of his brow. "Chaco's my responsibility now, but I'm not going to ignore my responsibility to the two of you either."

Levi abruptly stood up, causing me to flinch. He didn't glance at me nor Chaco as he stormed out of the room.

"Levi?" I whispered at his retreating back. The sharp smell of his natural musk caused my mouth to go dry. So close but so far away from me at the same time. I heard him say my name. Saw him with my own two eyes, but I couldn't read anything else besides the shock and anger.

Hange's knuckles rapped on the table in contemplation. "Give him a moment, Saph. You've certainly blindsided him."

I collapsed into the nearest chair. Drool pooled onto my chest from Chaco, but I had no energy in myself to care to wipe it away. "I'm sorry," I repeated. "I didn't want to hurt anyone. Especially him."

Her hand waved in the air. "I know. I know, but this is quite a problem. I don't think you giving the baby away is a great idea anyways. The enemy can never get their hands on him. We can't have either of you two being put in a compromising situation if he's in danger. Them getting their hands on a goddamn Ackerman wouldn't be good either." She sighed. "You should be punished for your disobedience. Everyone was extremely worried when you disappeared. We thought you might've been killed! Why didn't you say anything, Saph?"

"I didn't want to be convinced into an abortion." Rubbing Chaco's back, I didn't feel any regret in my decision to stay with him. Everything about him is too adorable, including his little snores. Guilt gnawed on my bones in regards to Levi, but I'm glad my son's alive.

"We were always here to support you, Saph. There's no way to know what I would've said. I certainly wouldn't have forced you to do anything. I don't really think I could even if I did want to!" Hange gave me a hard look. "You're the one who left Levi all alone. You did that. Nothing was said to him or me. You just ran off," Hange lectured.

A ball seemed to form at the base of my throat, making it difficult to swallow. "I was scared. Levi told me he didn't want kids. I thought he'd hate me if I wanted to bring this accidental pregnancy to term, but it doesn't matter. He hates me now," I sobbed, causing my chest to shudder. I knew he'd be upset, but the cold shoulder felt so much worse. Leaving after so few words made me feel so uncared for.

"Levi doesn't hate you. He's been terrified that you've been kidnapped, tortured, and killed this entire time. He thought he might never see you again." She pointed at me. "Then you just waltz through the doors with his baby in your arms. Give him time. He never stopped looking for you, and not once did he think you left voluntarily."

"Oh." I said, my chin drooping further into myself. Ugly shame coursed through my veins.

"Geez, Saph. Don't start bawling. Listen, I've been here the past year watching him run around trying to find you. Lashing out and even getting drunk two or three times. He didn't have to talk to me about his feelings for me to see the hurt. All of this just overwhelmed him, but I know he's glad you're here."

I wiped a sliding tear from my cheek. "I've missed Levi so much," I confessed. Joy had nestled deep into my heart at the sight of him, but grief and guilt accompanied that sweet emotion as well.

She watched me for a few moments as I composed myself. "Here's what we're going to do," she finally said, obviously coming to some sort of conclusion, "you can move back into the house you'd previously stayed at. Don't leave. The only time you can be out is for an afternoon training session every day. Most likely with Eren or Armin. There will be a babysitter there to watch Chaco as this goes on. Other than that, you'll be cooking your own meals and eating there. Not going to the dining room, stable, or here at the command center," her strict tone held no room for argument. "This'll be for the next few months until I can trust you, we figure out a better plan, and that gives Levi some time to figure out what he wants to do."

A sigh slipped out of the corner of my mouth, but I straightened up in my seat. "All right. That sounds fair, but how am I going to get groceries?"

"We'll send your training buddy with a bag of food. Don't worry. We won't let the two of you starve." Hange then began to wave me away. "Go rest in the guest bedroom tonight, and come back tomorrow. That'll give you time to come up with any other questions or concerns. I also want to go over where you went and what you've missed. Now go. Be thankful you're only grounded, and not even in the dungeon at that. I've got other important matters to attend to right now. We are expecting an important visitor soon."

She's clearly put up a bit of a wall between the two of us. I felt that she'd held back a lot of her own thoughts and feelings. It appeared that Levi wouldn't be the only one I would need to give some time too before I'm forgiven. I knew this would happen but it still hurt. All I could do is respect both of their wishes. "Of course, Commander. Thank you for your leniency and compassion. I'll be on my way now, and I'll see you tomorrow"

"Saph?" Hange called out before I left the room.

"Yes?"

"Have a goodnight, and… I'm happy you're home."

My lips curled slightly. "Thank you."