Saph's PoV

"Hange thinks she knows why the birth control Saph was using didn't work, it's because of her Titan Shifter healing abilities. That's the theory at least. That's why she wanted me to tell all of you," Pat said, Chaco balancing on her knee. After almost a month of the same routine both Chaco and I have grown comfortable with her. Now I even rejoiced in being able to ease up.

Situated above us three Titan Shifters in her rocking chair, I felt so small looking up at Pat. That motion had helped calm him down the first time she held him. Now, he settled into her arms almost automatically. With it being the only chair on the porch, the rest of us were sprawled on the floor, dangling our feet over the edge. It's not like another spot was usually necessary, Pat either sat there with Chaco to watch us train or I did in the evening to rock him to sleep, but my sore muscles certainly would've enjoyed relaxing against something at this moment.

They'd clearly been training vigorously. The two of them had gotten plenty of time to fight in their Titan forms while I'd been too scared to transform after I learned about the pregnancy. Then, I couldn't risk revealing myself at Edmond's and Honey's. They'd grown strong and mature in my absence, but now, right at this moment, they still appeared to be awkward teenagers instead of the lethal survivors they are. With Eren and Armin faces both tomato red, it felt up to me to say something in response.

"I'll keep that in mind for any future endeavors." I raised my hands and she obligingly handed me the happy accident. "You have momma all to yourself," I cooed as I hugged him close. "I don't think you have to worry about these two as much," I teased Eren and Armin, making the blushing reach their ears.

"Uncalled for," Eren grumbled.

I chuckled. "You guys aren't interested in any activity outside of serving the Survey Corps."

"I wouldn't be here right now if I hadn't lost my children," Pat reminded the two of them. "Being a parent is taking on a role that clashes with the sacrifices of a Survey Corps soldier."

"Do you ever miss being in Garrison?" I asked.

Her eyes glazed slightly, as if the past began to play in front of them. "I miss the life that position allowed me to build. Having a husband and kids were dreams I always had. It's why I decided before I entered training that I couldn't…"

"Waste your life outside the walls?" Eren finished for her. "That's why you came after we retook this village, isn't it?"

Pat tilted her head as she considered the young boy in front of her. "Partially, yes. The dream of us being free wasn't something I could quite grasp until our reality changed. Knowing that it took hundreds of soldiers' lives for us to reach the ocean constantly sits with me, but like I said, I wanted a family. When they were taken away from me by being turned into Titans at Ragako, my life ended. Now, I want to kill the Beast Titan who forced my babies into that horrifying state." Voice beginning to tremble, she took a minute to choke down the rushing emotions. "I never want another innocent child to be corrupted like that, and the only way to do that is to stop the Marleyans."

"There's quite a few people wanting to murder that hairy bastard," I pointed out, remembering how he's on the top of Levi's hit list. Not that I felt keen on saying his name.

I hadn't seen the man at all in the past few weeks. Diligently training and taking care of Chaco did take up quite a bit of my time, but in the evenings, when the silence of the night befell over everything, my mind and heart always wandered to him. A dull ache would creep in as I desperately tried to recall the shared moments in this same bed.

"I think it's time for us to start heading out," Pat stated as she stood up.

Coming over, Armin gave me a smile. "Thanks for making us lunch, Saph. It was really delicious."

His consistent appreciation for the little things warmed my heart. The eye and mind he used for strategizing against enemies is also used to care for friends. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. This is the first time I've ever really gotten to experiment in the kitchen, and I never realized how much fun I'd have. Is there any preference you have for next time?"

"I really liked that veggie sandwich last week."

Eren nodded his head in agreement. "I want that tomorrow too."

"You're both going to be here?"

Standing up, Pat dusted herself off. "We want to do an intensive training period for the rest of the week. Then we're going to switch to training every other day."

"Oh." My mood dropped. It was hard not to feel lonely in my quiet little world. One that mostly included Chaco and the fury of my thoughts. I loved caring for my son, but I also felt the loss of Levi within each room. He'd moved out a few months ago after Hange became worried about his well being. She didn't feel that being here by himself benefitted the grief he'd continued to drown in.

"Doesn't mean we can't come over to visit as well," Armin encouraged me.

Pat started to nudge them along. "That's something you'll have to take up with Hange. Things are certainly becoming more frantic since Kiyomi Azumabito's arrival."

"The technology they have is absolutely fascinating, Saph. You'll have to come and take a peek soon."

"I'm sure you and Hange are already tinkering around with the new gadgets. We're going to need to start building our own soon if we want to stand a chance in this war. They can't just rely on us three to keep them at bay."

"Yes, Saph, I'm sure it's so hard to be a huge hope for us," Pat rolled her eyes. "To be so protected and privileged. Must be hard."

"Hey! Let's not pretend it's easy now," I objected.

"Nobody else has a kid."

"I don't really want one," Eren interjected, grimacing at the thought.

That drew a chuckle from Pat. "Okay now. I'm serious. Let's head out instead of chit chatting." She shook her head. "You make us stay too long, Saph."

"I'm just such great company."

"I guess that's why I keep coming back." Pat bent down to get slightly closer to Chaco," that and to see this one's adorable face. Be good for your mom, and we'll be back tomorrow."

"Have a good evening," I shouted as I waved goodbye to their receding forms. I stayed out there a bit longer than usual, rocking my hand back and forth long after they could see it. The familiar urge to not return to my empty house took over once again. I'd somewhat enjoyed the solitude the forest had afforded me since I'd become overwhelmed with the thought of motherhood. It felt like I could do no harm if I was alone. Now, within the throes of that responsibility, I enjoyed having others around. To show off his cute self and just not think about the space next to me.

Kissing Chaco's forehead in an effort reassure both of us, I struggled to think of a reason to stay outside in the warm sunlight. "It's such a nice day out. Maybe we should go on a walk?" I spoke softly to my little boy. It'd been important to me that he heard my voice often, and that it's always full of love and praise. "Such a good baby. Let's go get you changed for an outing." Smelling the telltale signs of a full diaper, I wanted to get him cleaned up so we could leave right away. Wouldn't want him to get a chill because of the cool night air. "We won't go too far, don't want Hange to think I might be running away."

It didn't take me long to clean Chaco up and get him a fresh diaper. "Now you're not stinky anymore!" I exclaimed, lifting him up in the air as he squealed in delight. Wide open mouth and eyes, his toothless grin was all the more adorable as his whole face morphed into one of joy. "I'm glad you're feeling so good, let's keep it that way. With the sun setting, the cold started to creep in and the last thing I wanted was for Chaco to get sick. Grabbing an extra blanket, I wrapped him up all snug and tight in the plushest blanket I could find. While I did have the strap to put him on my back hanging by the front door, I opted for holding him instead. He'd already grown so much since his birth. Feeling the weight increase only reminded me of the time that's passing each day. Not only would he not remain so small, but I wouldn't be around to see him become a man.

Burrowed in my thoughts, I absentmindedly swung open the door, only to jump at the sight of Levi on my doormat. In an uncomfortable slouch, with his hands shoved into his pockets, it seemed like he'd been shuffling his feet in that spot for a minute. Levi? I wanted to ask. To say his name and have him look at me. Only a whoosh of air exited my mouth instead.

Levi finally shifted to peek up at me. With a set of wide eyes and an agape mouth himself, he seemed stunned to see me as well, even though he'd been the one to come here in the first place.

It seemed too good to be true, him being just a step away from me. It'd been so long. Too long. Devouring every little characteristic of those exquisite features, it devastated me to see the deepened creases and wrinkles adorning the corners of his eyes. Worry had carved itself into the smallest of details. Worry apparent, I ached to comfort him.

The two of us stood there staring at each for a good few minutes. I figured Levi would just turn around to leave soon. Disappear without a word once again. He seemed to be considering it, but then his gaze eventually slid to Chaco in my arms.

"Do you want to hold him?" I asked, the sound of my voice jump-starting the world back to life around us. Crickets began to chirp and shorts locks of hair tickled the back of my neck due to the wind. The hurried pounding of my heart also began to shake my body. What would I do if he said no? Or looked away in disgust?

Gulping real hard, Levi seemed lost for words. I almost preferred to close my eyes rather than take any form or rejection, but instead, he slowly nodded.

Figuring he'd never held such a small child before, I gestured for us to go inside. "It'll be easier if you sit," I suggested, leading us into my living room. Still not speaking, Levi plopped down into the couch. "Hold his head like this," I said as I demonstrated what to do while gently placing Chaco in his arms. I wanted to linger. To take up the space close to him. It felt like touching him would be a sin though. Grief and anger still existed deep in his heart.. As long as that's being directed towards me instead of Chaco, I'll take it all without complaint. Setting the bundle down in his lap, it felt like I'd set a piece of my soul there as I walked back a few feet to the kitchen.

Setting the kettle over the fire, I felt it only right to make him a cup of tea. A peace offering of sorts. Staring at the two of them together sounded incredibly appealing, but I knew I should give Levi space still. There's been no indication that he's ready to talk to me, so I'll just get comfortable in the silence. Everything felt better with him here anyways. That dull emptiness I'd just been avoiding completely evaporated with his arrival. A warmth settled into the cracks of my weary bones, rejuvenating me with so much hope that I wanted to cry. He's here. We are all home. It might just be for a visit, but… the possibility of us being a family revealed itself to me at that second. So precious, it terrified me to expose it within my mind for too long. For fear that I'd ruin myself with doubt and negativity.

The whistle of boiling water brought me out of my contemplation. With shaky hands, I poured the steaming water into a cup and over the mini satchel of herbs and spices. Every time I'd seen them sitting in the little cupboard, I wished for a moment just like this to happen. Almost seemed too good to be true now. The soothing scent of mint wafting in the air brought back memories of the past. It's a scent I'll only associate with him. I'd never smelled it until I'd met him. Back in those days when we'd first met in the Underground. All the way to here. Dizzy with elation, I struggled to keep a calm composure as I made my way back into the living room.

Fixated on the sleeping baby, Levi didn't raise his head as I moved towards the small table next to them. Settling the glass down with a clang louder than I intended, I winced at the sound. After I stepped back, I wrung my fingers together behind my back as I considered saying something. I wanted to apologize again. I'd do it as many times as necessary for Levi to believe me. I never wanted to hurt him. What I first set out to do was to stop a complicated mess from happening, one that I knew he didn't want to be involved in, but here we are anyways.

"I-"

Abruptly standing up, Levi caught me off guard by taking a few jerky steps forward, Chaco still in his grip. Unlike his previous haste, Levi softly set our son into my outstretched embrace. His urgency was startling as he rushed out of the house, tripping over the rug and struggling with the doorknob in his desperation to leave. Clumsiness is never an attribute I'd attach to Levi, but the franticness in which he left in seemed like he was trying to escape. Bewildered, I silently stood in my spot. It seemed as if speaking or moving towards him would only spook him further. I longed to tell him not to leave. To stay here with us, but I only wiped the tears from my eyes as he finally ripped the door open and disappeared.

"So that's what happened," I finished, ending my explanation of my brief interaction with Levi to Historia. With her hair loose and a simple dress on, she may have not been adorned in the royal attire but she still looked ethereal. Chaco had simply curled up into her arms when I'd handed him over. Not surprising with her gift with children.

Historia sighed, yet a smile remained. "He's a weird one, but I understand that he's struggling. I'm still shocked you didn't tell me you were pregnant. I would've helped out!"

"I know. That's exactly what I was worried about. I didn't want you to drop everything to try and handle my problems when you're running a kingdom."

Patting my hand with one of her own, she rolled her eyes. "Not everything. You're a good friend of mine, and I have the power to help the ones I love now. Well," she added in a hushed tone, "most of the time. You, Levi, Mikasa, Armin, and Eren all have a strength that still escapes me."

Glancing at Chaco bobbing up and down in her lap, a familiar lump appeared in my throat. "I'm glad to have that gift to protect him, but I feel as if time is only continuing to slip away from me. It's still hard for me to comprehend, though it consistently terrifies and saddens me." My nails dug into my tender skin, piercing till it reached the bone. "That's why I try to spend as much time with my son as possible. I want to give him lots of good memories. It's also why I want to make it… at least better with Levi. I'm at a loss about what I should do though. I'd grovel and apologize a hundred times if I thought it'd make a difference."

"Just give him some time. At least he's come over to visit!" Historia encouraged. "Which I'm sure will happen again. All Levi does is pout and angrily train from what I've heard and seen. Pretty much exactly what he did when you disappeared, though he did travel every once in a while to scour the island. He'd have found you eventually."

Shaking my head, I struggled to find the words to articulate the mess happening in my brain. "I'd have done the same thing if it'd been me. Actually… I might've left the Survey Corps completely to search for him, high and low. There's no way I could blame him for this silent treatment when I'd have been equally devastated if he'd left without saying a single thing. No explanation." Bringing my focus back up to Historia's face, I gave a grim smile. "You know how that feels."

"You're right. It hurts, but I'd also be so glad to have Ymir back that I couldn't be upset for long."

That'd be me, but I'd also specifically promised that I'd never leave him. "True. Do you think you'll ever see her again?" I asked. I could faintly remember the freckled girl, but we'd never gotten the chance to officially meet. Historia's tellings made her brash self feel familiar at this point.

"No. Her goodbye… it was too final," Historia whispered. "Hopefully, one day I'll learn what happened though, and why she left with Reiner and Bertholdt in the first place."

The sofa cushion bent underneath the weight of my back as I relaxed further into the furniture. "That's my hope for you too, Historia. You deserve it."

"I'd like that. Maybe that'd help this hole in my heart. Ease the burden of grief." Holding Chaco up to her, she kissed him on the forehead. "I'd love to have a family one day. Not like that needs to happen any time soon. Hasn't stopped some officials have already been questioning me about my plans for an heir."

Scoffing, I raised a brow. "Nobody should be pushing you. Let me be in one of those meetings, and I'll give them a good smack. Besides, who'd you want to have a child with, anyways?" Bella popped into my mind, causing me to gasp. "You're not going to be forced to marry a man if you're in love with a woman, right? I was with a lady named Bella who only enjoyed women, but she was going to marry a guy for…" I gestured between Chaco and I.

"Blood related children. Yes, that is an issue. My power of royal blood isn't as transferable as your Titan power." Brushing Chacos head with the back of her fingers, she looked down with absolute fondness. "However, he is an Ackerman. No matter if his father chooses to be in his life or not."

I still didn't understand what that entirely meant, but I did know one thing. "That doesn't mean he'll automatically be…"

"As weird as his parents?"

"Hey!"

Stopping her knee from jiggling, Historia turned her full attention to me, "Look me in the eye and tell me that either you or Levi are normal."

That caused me to bite my lip and heat to rise to my cheeks. "That's not fair. We both grew up in the Underground," I eventually huffed out. "He's getting a much better upbringing. Maybe he won't be in a situation where that power will be awakened. As long as I'm alive, I'm going to protect him with everything I have. There's no reason to rely on this mysterious gift to come in at the last second. That's why I'm going to teach the little guy to start fighting when he turns 6 and throwing knives at 8."

"Saph…"

"But!" I interrupted, knowing how I sounded, I'm not done outlining the whole plan of his childhood, "he'll also go to school. I've been reading to him every single night. Hange gave me a few books." Slight embarrassment overcame me as I struggled to admit my own noticed shortcoming. "I'm not great at reading, but that's why it's great practice for the both of us," my tone rang sharp with concern.

Stirring, Chaco let out a whine as he turned away from Historia. Seeing me just out of reach in front of him, he let out a small cry while stretching his arms out to me.

His distress automatically made me reach out to scoop him into my grasp. "When he's old enough, he'll start going to school. I want him to learn everything there is about this new world, and make plenty of friends his age. Something neither his parents got to have."

Historia pressed a palm onto the top of my knee, "I never meant to imply that you're not a good mom, Saph. I'm just pointing out that he's not going to have a normal childhood because of who his parents are."

"That's true." Fiddling with the blanket covering him, I tucked the soft fabric around him as he settled down. "Not that a child of yours would have one either. I'm sure what they teach heirs of kingdoms is quite different from the rest of us common folk."

Historia groaned. "I'm still learning new lessons of etiquette and random traditions for the court. Speaking of which, I must return in order to attend a ballroom dancing demonstration. We've been so busy with war meetings that it's been hard to schedule in learning the other aspects of being a ruler, including knowing how to throw fundraising parties. Turns out those are good ways to make the lords and merchants willing to give more money to the cause"

"At least it's a break from talking about the bloodshed," I pointed out.

"That," Historia said as she began to get up, "is very true. Gets my mind off of what we're dealing with. Thank you, by the way, for our discussion. It's nice to chat with someone about how I'm feeling. Not just my duties"

Shaking my head, I beamed up at her. "You're the one who took time out of your day to let me ramble and vent. The advice you shared with me was very helpful. I appreciate you coming here to visit me. I know it must not be easy with everything on your shoulders"

"Take care of yourself and Chaco, Saph. I'll come by again soon."