So, in my original story I tried to write the chapters in his lovely accent, but I wasn't sure if it was a good idea, so I decided to just write it normally and only put his accent in his "talking" for now.
Btw. For those of you who've read my original story, I know I've made a lot of changes, but I wasn't really happy with how some of the scenes played out, which is also why I quit working on it as it seemed to not have gone the way I wanted it too.
div align="center" bNecessary mistake ch2./b /div
(Raph)
I screwed up…
I just wanted some advice, not this… chaos.
I mean I knew I could've expected anything, but I didn't think he was going to kick me out! Like literally kick me out of his god damn room! That fucking hurt you know! A hit, I can take, definitely deserved it too, but that kick? Mother fucker!
Anyway… I wasn't expecting this conversation to go perfectly, I mean I had hoped it was going to be positive. Though I had imagined Something more like him sending me to the farmhouse to clear my head. Tell me he won't allow it and force me to ignore it. Accept me and help me. OR… Oh fuck it! I don't know what else he could've done, but this wasn't it!
Thank god, my Brothers still love me enough to save my sorry ass. They all looked so bad ass too, except Leo of course, he always manages to look bad ass when he's serious. I'm pretty sureII/I looked every part of a damsel in Udistress/U, which I'm not sure my pride can take.
I am thankful for them though, I don't want to leave. Our life isn't perfect, but I love it anyway. I need my brothers, no matter how many times I've fought, yelled or cursed them, I still need them. I don't know what I would've done if I wasn't allowed to see them again. Guess I'd probably try it anyway, never did play by the rules an I'm pretty sure Leo won't even care if I'd break that one. Which would be a rare occasion.
Anyway, here I am. At our kitchen table, slumped forward in my seat, my right hand and lover arm dropped on the table. My left elbow on the table so I can use my hand as a headrest, it is blocking half my vision. Not exactly very comfy, but I'd already lost too much pride to just drop my head on the table and trust me I really want to.
Don had been very quick in dragging me into the kitchen, I thought he was going pull my wrist straight off! I'm thankful though, didn't want to be in there and I'm glad to be out of Splinters range. I just feel bad for Leaving Leo alone with him out there, but it isn't as if my presence is going to improve the situation anyway. Leo was always good at handling bad situations, I just hope they don't end up fighting.
Nah who am I kidding?! Splinter wouldn't hurt his best pupil…
Right?!
I feel strange, I'm still fucking shaking and I feel a little light headed, not to forget the throbbing in my cheek and the ache in my stomach. He hits pretty hard for an old rat that's for damn sure. I can already feel the headache starting as a result of the 'stress overload' or whatever Don calls it.
I gladly take the icepack Don hands to me and hiss as I pressed it against my cheek with a little too much force, but I can't help but sigh in relief as it seema to already numbs the pain and stop the throbbing.
Next, I feel a cold glass of water bump against my hand. I absently tap it with my finger, ignoring Don as he tells me to drink it. Something about it helping? I wasn't feeling well and I know it isn't going to stay in me long if I were to drink it, so I just continuously tap it instead.
My genius brother eventually drops himself in the chair across of mine and with a pained groan buries his head in his arms on top of the table. I can't help but feel guilty, I didn't mean to drag them into this. I just wanted advice, not this. I never even knew Splinter could glare like that! Probably wont forget it anytime soon either.
I know Leo's right though, it's such a stupid thing to get all mental over. Course there was a chance of him hating me, but not to this point. I mean all he had to say was no and I would have Itried/I to ignore it, forever.
It's not like I'm happy about having these fucked up feelings in the first place! I don't want my brothers to know about it either, especially not this way, but they reacted a lot better than I thought they would. Kinda thought they'd be disgusted too, but they ended up protecting me.
Don't get me wrong! I'm glad they did or I would've been in big trouble surviving on my own. I just didn't expect Leo to stand up for me the way he did, totally defied the old man in every way. Don't know about you, but that's a shocker to me! Of course, Don and Mike did the same, following Leo, but still! Leo sure is fearless alright.
"I…" The small voice made me blink. When did Mikey get here again? Damn, I keep forgetting how silent Mikey can be sometimes! I'm not used to it and it's creepy…
I look up to find my little brother occupying the chair next to Don, slouched in his seat, but still mostly upright. The kid looks really upset and it is easy to see he's been crying. He shakes his head slowly, trying to gather his thoughts.
"I just…can't believe it." Don and I nod mutely, there is no arguing with that. This is all pretty unbelievable and I want to tell them I'm sorry, but for some reason I don't have the strength to do so.
"I don't think anyone can Mikey." Don finally lifts his head up and leans back against his chair with a sombre expression, lifting his arm so he can drop a hand on Mike's shoulder, trying to comfort our baby brother.
"He always told us to…" He takes a deep breath to try and calm himself down, but breaks all eye contact and I can see he is close to tears. His small hand appears from underneath the table to cover Don's with his own to return the gesture. "Follow our hearts and now…" He looks guilty for a second, but it's gone before I even realise it's there and is replaced with an empty look. "Now I just don't know what to think any more." That got the both of us to frown.
"What do you mean Mikey?" I only manage to sadly stare at mike, he has always been the most emotional one of us and I am thankful Don breaks the silence, because I still can't seem to get my voice to work for some reason.
Mikey jumps up from the table and paces around the kitchen with Don and me eyeing him worriedly. He is thinking too hard again and it showes, you can literally see the thoughts racing through his head.
"Sensei taught us everything we know dude! How are we supposed to know what part of it was true and what part of it was just a big lie!" He finally stops pacing and turnes to face us, waving his arms in the air like a crazy person trying to get his message across.
"I know." Our attention immediately snaps towards the kitchen doorway, to find Leo walking in, looking absolutely tired. He silently motions for Mike to sit back down next to Don and waits as Mike quickly does so. Leo then moves into the kitchen and comes to a standstill behind the chair at the head of the table. He grips the chair tightly and focusses his attention on my orange brother.
"Just because Splinter went back on his words doesn't mean there was no truth to his lessens." Mike blinks and frowns at him, not quite sure what to make of that. "Anyone is able to teach, Michelangelo, but it's your choice whether you want to believe them or not." Leo's eyes scan over us for a second, trying to find the right words before focussing on Mike again.
"It doesn't matter how /Iif/I you chose to believe it either. You can do research and find the truth yourself, you can make your own truth by listening to your own opinions and experiences or you can take the words for what they are, but you always have the choice to accept or deny them." I think all three of us blinked at that, but nodded in agreement. Splinter thaught us a lot over the years and we've all had our own way of processing his teachings, but that doesn't always mean we agree with him, we all had moments where we knew he was lying or just flat out disagreed.
Leo may be a know it all, but he really knows what to say when we need it most, especially considering he doesn't really talk all that much.
It is silent for a little bit after that. until Don straightens up, his expression fierce. "So, what is going to happen now? Is-" The poor genius doesn't even get to finish his question as Leo beat him to it.
"I kicked him out." Leo's expression is a combination of sadness and anger, eyes firmly glued to the table.
Ooh okay, that makes sense… Whoa! Hold on a second… Did he just say-
"W-What?" Three pairs of shocked eyes stare at Leo. I jump up from my chair, almost throwing the thing to the floor at the speed.
I was couldn't believe it! He kicked Splinter out?! No, no no no, no! This wasn't supposed to happen! Fuck, what did I do?! Why did I have to open my damn mouth?!
Leo shakes his head and tiredly rubs a hand across his eyes, releasing a pained groan. He pulls the chair back and drops onto the seat, dropping his head in his hands.
"Well maybe not exactly that." I can hear him sigh while he rubs his hands across his head. "I gave him a choice, sort of. I told him to leave if he couldn't accept us for who we are and… He just… Walked away." I stare at my brother with wide eyes, he gave our father an ultimatum because of me, because I couldn't keep my feelings in check and my damned mouth shut.
"He simply walked away? No goodbyes? Nothing?" Don had always been one for elaborated explanations and it seems like Leo's vague description just wasn't enough. Not that I really care any more, I just feel conflicted. Splinter tried to kick me out fist, but he's still our father…
Leo simply nodded his head from behind his hands, Dealing with Splinter must have been hard for him, considering he's actually hiding. It almost makes me feel like were scolding him.
"I didn't have a choice, it wouldn't do any of us any good if he'd stayed, not while he couldn't accept this. I didn't think he'd just leave though, he didn't even pack any of his belongings." Leo's sombre voice made it pretty clear the confrontation had been tough on him too, it can't be easy to stand up against someone you've admired so much.
"Did… Did he say anything?" I'm surprised at the sound of my own voice, but glad I finally managed to say something.
Leo nodded weakly, I had a vague suspicion as to what it could have been. I don't know why a small part of me thinks it can be something positive while I'm pretty sure it is something bad, meant to make us feel like were at fault here. I guess in his eyes, we are.
"He called it a sin…" Leo removes one of his hands and used it to 'quote' the last word, but seemes to trail off at the end and I can't help but feel as if he wants to say something else. Not that it matters. Not really.
He called my feelings a sin and maybe he was right. I know I shouldn't have these feelings, but it never made me feel wrong when I'm with him, if anything it just made me feel really nervous, among other things…
I ca't help but feel angry though, I never asked for this bullshit! I Didn't even want to fall in in love with the guy in the first place! I wanted to talk to Splinter about it because I'd hoped he could help me get over him. Hoped he could make me realise it was just a stupid crush and nothing more. I was so nervous that I ended up rambling and asked him for permission instead.
Now were all paying the price! Can't I ever do anything right?! Why do I always mess things up so god damned much?!
I slam my hands on the table, almost breaking it and I swear something's gotten into my eyes because they start to sting and cloud up for some stupid reason and I'm damn sure those aren't tears! They're not! Don't even get it into your damn head! I don't cry, Iever!/I
"I knew it! Shoulda neva said anythin! This is all ma fault! I shoulda just kept ma fuckin-" I can't stop myself… can't hold the anger and frustration in any more and I just start yelling.
Before I knew it, a hand is covering my mouth, successfully silencing me mid sentence. Another hand immediately grips my shoulder and forces me back down into my chair.
"STOP it, Raph!" I was going pull away from Fairless's hold but stoppe and glare as two pair of hands cover my balled up fists in a soft hold and I screw ma eyes shut. I don't want to look at my younger brothers right now, I don't need to see their fucking pity. Damn it! Can't they just let me run to my room or something? I don't need them to Icomfort/I me!
And I swear there's a god damned leaking pipe above my head or something cuz I am damn sure there ain't any fucking tears sliding down my damn face!
I suddenly shudder as Leo's hand releases my shoulder and he slides it across my neck towards the other shoulder, his second hand moves from my mouth to grab the chair besides me so he can sit down sits down. His gentle eyes stay on me and he doesn't remove the hand on my shoulder, just lets it comfortably rest there. His free hand even comes to rests on my elbow at the edge of the table.
I feel like a little kid crying over a nightmare and I hate it. And the worst thing is, that whatever they're trying to do is working… God damn it! I just wanna run to my room and hide until this al blows over, or I figure out how time travel works.
"Raph, it's okay. This is not your fault, it's no one's fault. You can't keep your feelings hidden forever. You had to tell someone sooner or later. Splinter may not have been able to accept it, but we can." He's never really been the touchy-feely kinda guy, but Leo's always had a way with words. Maybe not always the words themselves, but the tone of voice usually gets the message across. Outside of the times where we just don't care or when I'm just too pissed off…
But it is working. Well, that and the hand on my shoulder and arm are pretty distracting too. Don and Mike are still holding my hands hostage as well, rubbing against the knuckles in hopes of helping me calm down.
"It's not as if something like this can stay hidden forever." The way Leo's voice went from kind to serious was frightening and I immediately froze. What is that supposed to mean?!
My eyes snap towards him in shock and confusion, I was about to open my mouth when I notice his attention isn't even on me any more. He's looking towards Don and Mike for some reason.
Huh?
The two of them look pretty nervous all of a sudden, which I don't really understand. What are they hiding?
"W-what do you mean L-Leo?" Don's attempt to sound innocent and confused comes out as a mere squeaky stutter. It would have made me laugh, but both Mike and Don's hands leave mine and disappear under the table in a nervous gesture.
Confused, I turn back to Leo, who is still eyeing them with that serious look, though it does seem to look a bit more caring than serious. How does he do that?
"I meant it when I said I don't care about what you do in your personal lives and I'll always love you guys, no matter Iwhat/I." Leo's gaze doesn't waver, not even when Mike falls backwards out of his chair and onto the floor with a loud thud or when Don groans pitifully, slamming his head on the table and covering his head with his arms in a vain attempt to hide.
What the hell is going on here?!
"When did you find out?" It is a mere pitiful mumble that manages to escape Don's hiding spot, but Leo pays it no mind. The hand on my shoulder and arm leave and instead cross themselves over his chest, not at all faced by their weird actions.
Why are they acting so weird? What is there to find out? There is no way Don and Mike could have been hiding something! Right?! I mean they haven't been acting weird or anything lately. They've been the same as they've always been!
"Not long after it started." Leo's answer came out casually, no anger or disappointment, just a calm casual statement. And Don, who's head, to my startling surprise, shoots op like a madman, looks anything but calm.
I jump as something slams against the table and two wide, disbelieving eyes peek out from beneath the table top.
Don jumps up from his chair and points at Leo in disbelief. "Y-Your lying! You could n-not have known for T-That long?! And… How?! We were so careful!" The genius's hands are flying all over the place at this point, kind of like Mike's were earlier… Just weirder…
"You might be able to keep it from Splinter, but not much gets past me." Don's flailing arms immediately freaze mid-air. His baffled look disappears behind a green hand as it connects with his own face. He groans before letting himself pitifully drop back into his chair.
I feel kind of sorry for him and Mike, who is looking at Leo as if his pet died.
Leo finds out about pretty much everything, he even found Mike's secret cookie stash! He has a knack for figuring out what's going on around here, which can seriously get under my skin sometimes. Not that he knows everything, we all have our ways of keeping things secret, which is pretty easy for me cuz the two of us are always fighting so it's kind of impossible for him when it comes to me.
"Of course it doesn't!" Don groans from behind his hand and slouches back in his chair, defeated.
Why are they all acting so fucking confusing?! At least tell me what they're talking about!
"What?" It is out of my mouth before I realised it, but it doesn't matter. None of them seem to have heard it…
"We're so sorry Leo!" I almost fall out of my chair in as Mike flies across the table and awkwardly envelopes Leo in hug. "We were just so scared of you guy's reaction so we just…" Mike trailes off, looking pretty guilty. His mouth openes and closes a few times, but it doesn't look like he is going to finish what he wants to say, so he turns to Donny instead.
Don sighs and straightens himself again, regarding Leo with a soft expression. "Thought it would be best to keep it a secret. However, you are right Leonardo. Something like this is bound to be figured out at some point. One of us is eventually going to let something slip."
The two youngest exchange a quick look before Mike's guiltily turns back to Leo.
"I know we should have just told you guys and get it over with, But uh, thank you for not telling anyone though, Leo." Mike seems to almost crush Leo in an awkward hug to show some kind of gratitude.
He eventually released Leo and is surprised when the blue banded leader loosely grabbed his shoulders before levelling him with an soft smile.
"It's alright Michelangelo. I understand how you two must have felt." Leo exchanges a look with Don and smiles at the geniuses relieved expression.
It all looks so kind as well as strange, because... I have no fucking clue about what the hell they're fucking talking about!
Feel about what?
Oh, Damn it all! Don't talk about confusing shit without informing me and continuing to ignore me!
"Well I don't! Could Isomeone/I PLEASE tell me what tha hell is goin on ere!" Apparently my brothers have already forgotten I was even here if the surprise is any indication.
I let my gaze travel from brother to brother, levelling their confused gazes with my irritated glare. It is when I got to Don that the purple ninja chuckles awkwardly and scratches the back of his neck.
"I uh… kind of thought it is obvious by now,"I growl lowly at him, how is any of this supposed to be obvious?! They aren't making any fucking sense, just acting freaking weird! "But considering the trauma you just experienced-" I cut him off with a snarl an scoff at the smile he gives me, but before he can explain further, Mike jumps away form Leo and vault back across the table towards Donny.
The hyperactive turtle practically tackles the poor genius, who thankfully saw it coming and managed to stay upright, and yells, "Don and me are Dating!"
What?!
Mikey seems to sense my shock and guiltily stares back at me.
Tha Fuck?!
THAT'S it? God! NOW it makes sense! If they would've just started with that then I wouldn't have been so fucking confused!
Wait, hold on a sec… They're a couple?!
"Are ya kiddin me?!" I didn't realise I'd yelled until I heard the chair I had been sitting on clatter to the floor. I'm pretty sure my outburst is unnecessary and the fearful expressions Mike and Don are supporting might have confirmed it, but can you blame me?! Splinter was going to kick Ime/I out for the exact same thing they had been hiding!
Fuck! I should have just done the same damn thing! I could have just kissed the guy and hidden it from the everyone like they'd done! ...That is if he even felt the same.
Not that it mattered, even getting rejected would have been hella better than having Splinter try and IKICK/I me out for no real reason. Fuck!
"Raph!" A harsh slap to the back of my head snaps me back into reality and I look back at the two youngest in shock. How the hell haven't I noticed before?! God it's so obvious!
The two of them had always been very close, should have known Mike wouldn't break his precious game stations! God he never even broke that damn mp3 player and that thing is tiny as Fuck!
Jeez. was I really that caught up in my own misery not to have noticed the two of them hiding away in Don's lab practically every day?! They even go on supply runs together! And patrols...God damn it they go everywhere together!
Wait...
Does that mean...
"So I'm not tha only one? I-I thought I was-" A harsh poke in my side makes me jump and snap my attention to the attacker on my left, who is levelling me with a harshly annoyed expression.
"Don't you finish that!" We end up having a small staring contest, a battle of will in which Leo practically dares me to put myself down and I am about to, but freaze as his eyes narrow into a glare the second he notices my mouth twitch.
I sigh in defeat and grumble at the small smile Leo sends me. I know the two of us fight a lot, but I can always count on Leo...
It is then that Mike just has to ruin the moment by jumping over the table Iagain!/I. Only this time to pounce on me instead and I growl in mock annoyance as my littlest brother envelops me in a chocking bear hug.
"Leo is right, Raphie! No being mean to yourself! Sides, Donny said it's very normal to fall in love with a dude, dude!" I frown and look down at Mikey who had stilled. He is no doubt repeating the sentence in his head, he frowns and is about to correct his strangely put sentence when Donny cuts him of.
"Michelangelo is right. Falling in love with a male is very common in both animal and human society. That and we might have been raised as brothers, but we are not actually related." Donny exchanges the information with a gentle smile and motions for Mike to release me, which he did after a few seconds.
It, thankfully, allows me to process the information a little easier.
We're not related by blood? Well I guess that can easily be true, Splinter did buy us in a pet store from a tank filled with little turtles, so who is to say any of them were related. Though how did Don...?
"Whoa, wait. Hold on a minute there Donny." I suppose Leo came to the same conclusion as I did and seeing how Don froze, it was supposed to be a secret. "How did you figure that out exactly?" Oh yes, it is meant to be a secret alright. The genius looks at us nervously and distractedly fiddles with his fingers.
"I uh…did a DNA test… after I… Y-You know! D-Developed f-feelings…" He trails off at the end, a red flush crossing his features.
Though.
He did a DNA test? That's actually a very smart idea, not that I could have done it, but smart to check.
I sneak a glance towards Leonardo and is it just me or did he look relieved too? Probably just glad to know Mike and Don can be together without worrying about incest or something. I mean that has to be it right? What other reason would he need to be relieved?
Though... maybe...?
"Raphie, I uh… We…" Mike's small voice helps me snap back to reality and I turn to look at the very nervous looking kid. I frown, watching him trying to find the right words. I turn my attention towards Don, rising an eye ridge in question.
The genius smiles softly, mumbling a soft: "Thank you."
It leaves me confused more than anything. Why are they thanking me exactly? I just end up blinking stupidly."Wha fer?"
"For having guts." Mike looks at my confused expression with a raised eyebrow, as if it should be obvious. Again, I turn to Don for a better explanation.
The genius snickers.
"Mikey and I were afraid to tell either one of you and while we were trying to find the courage to do so, you were already speaking with Splinter about the same problem. By your self! We weren't even capable of doing that together." Donny clasps a hand on Mike's shoulder, who smiles sadly up at him. "It would have ended up being worse than it has already become, considering his reaction towards your confession."
He definitely had a point there. I was only asking Splinter for advise, the two of them were way past that already.
"Right. Confessing your already months long relationship would have gotten an even worse reaction then this." Leo's eyes closed and he shakes his head at the sad truth.
So they are thanking me for doing the one thing they were to scared to do? Guess that makes sense, Doesn't mean it makes this situation better. It does mean Splinter would have lashed out worse if it had been the two of them. Not to mention I only wanted to discuss the feelings themselves not the actual relationship.
"So… This was gonna happ'n anyway? No matta who'd do it?" The only response I got were a couple of sad nods. Damn that's messed up! We were going to lose someone because of this bullshit no matter what.
Maybe I shouldn't say this, but in a way, I'm glad it is me. I mean Splinter was an amazing sensei, but without my brothers, especially Leo, I'd be totally lost! They've had my back in numerous occasions and Splinter never even really went topside with us, he just locked himself in his room all day.
"Well this sucks! Our lives 're so fucked up!" I sighed and slam my head against the table in frustration. Stupid turtle luck!
"That's not completely true." I Turn my head to look at Leo as a sign that I am listening. He sends me a soft smile before he continues.
"I admit a lot of it is fucked up considering everything we've gone through, but we are still here! Together, the four of us and the two of you being together isn't a problem." Leo shoots them a smile, but stares at me as if I is supposed to say something, it honestly just leaves me confused. "Right?"
Oh! He's asking me if I'm okay with them being a couple?! Well yeah, of course I'm fine with them being together. I'm kind of hoping for the same thing! ...well not with the two of them, but that is kinda obvious.
I nodded before rightning my chair and crossing my arms across my plastron, leaning back on my seat. He nods in relief and give me a small smile. Damn that's cute… uhh... anyway…
"Outside of that we've got a couple of amazing friends who would gladly get their asses kicked in a fight against anyone just to help us out. We've got an awesome lair, vehicles, gadgets and so on! Besides Raph, were mutants and we've got a lot more than most humans would kill for." Well, damn...
I suppose he's right, we're not as fucked up as I thought we were. Outside of all the enemies we've made over the years losing our sensei might not have been the worst of it. Granted, he is in a big part of our lives, but he didn't do much more than teach us how to fight and survive.
"So true dude! How many times did Casey get his ass kicked trying to keep up with us?" We all couldn't help but laugh at that. I can't even count how many times he's got his ass handed to him in practice alone.
Leo gets up from his chair besides me and walks over to the fridge, he rummages through it for a few minutes, grabs whatever he is looking for and turns back towards us.
"We might have lost our sensei, but that doesn't mean we're fucked. We'll get through this, we always do! Together." With that he places a can of been down in front of me. Uh...Did he just give me beer?! He hates me drinking! He's always lecturing me about it!
I blink and looked up at him, confused. He doesn't really explain himself, just grabs my glass of water an drops it in the sink.
"Now drink up and get some sleep! God knows we need it." He pats my shoulder and turnes his attention to the others so I can drink my beer.
Oh! He knew I wasn't going to drink the water so he gave me this instead! Hoping I'd at least drink that so I'd get some fluids into my system and who knows the alcohol might help me sleep tonight! Not that I think fate will be that kind…
"We'll figure everything out tomorrow." All three of us nod, we all need some time to think and hopefully get a little shuteye. Whatever we are going to do about all this can wait until morning.
Don an Mike both stand up and awkwardly ask Leo if it is okay if they share a room from now on and I swear the guy's eye twitched before pushing the both of em out of the kitchen.
"Are you kidding me Don? What have we just been talking about? Go share a room if you want to, I really don't care." I can't help but laugh, this is just too funny! It's as if the two of them can't believe that we're really okay with this and Leo looka at them awkwardly with a slight blush, he was definaltly not prepared for that question, but the blush sure as hell is cute!
He glars at me for a second before he remembers something and runs back to the kitchen door in order to call out to Donny.
"Please update April and Casey on the situation tomorrow, don't tell them more then they need to know." I have no idea what they said, but seeing as Leo nods it is something like 'I will!' or not.. I have no idea, can't hear em.
Turning back to my beer I decide that I might as well try an drink it, I don't really feel like throwing up any more and I got to admit it will probably feel good to have something in my system. I look back up towards Leo, as I can't shake the feeling of his eyes on me and yes, he is looking at me with those calculating eyes again.
He walks back over to the table an sits down in the seat Donny had been using, gaze not leaving mine. Shoot! I swear if he doesn't stop looking at me like that imma snap!
"Ya dun have ta wait fer me ya know." Sneaking a glance at him I can see him looking pretty worried, probably wants to make sure I'm okay or something like that. Stupid over-protective brother!
"I know. Just want to make sure you're alright." See! Always worrying about us, though I have to admit, it can be kinda cute at times… Dammit! There I go again! Focus Raph, this is not the time to think about that!
"I am Leo, I mean it." He just glares at me and crosses his arms, clearly not convinced.
I groan and drop my head in my hands, eyes glaring at my beer. Guess I have no other choice but to be honest, or he will be up all night worrying about me. Though I don't think he will be sleeping much anyway, tonight has been rough on all of us and he'll be up all night pondering about it.
"Just a bit shaken up I guess." He nods slowly, and gestures to my beer to make sure I didn't forget to empty it. Not like I am going to forget, I might even get a few more...
Nah I'm probably going to get those weird ass dreams again if I do. I do not want to make everything harder for myself.
"Think you'll be able to sleep?" Really Leo? I thought it is kind of obvious I isn't, but then again, that's Leo. Always making sure.
"Doubt it." He sighs, pondering bout something for a second before looking at one of the cupboards, stands up and walks over to open one of the cupboards. He moves a couple a things around before pulling back with sigh of relief. He turns back towards me, giving me an embarrassed smile.
"Want one of Dons sleeping pills?" I blink... He holds the bottle up so I can see it properly and there it is, even has the 'insomnia pills' written on it with Don's neat writing. Donny probably made them himself.
Sleeping pills...
I guess I could try that, one pill wouldn't hurt right?… At least I'll be able te sleep for the night and work this shit out with a clear head tomorrow. Can't be falling asleep while my brothers try to come up with solutions for the shit I've caused.
Yeah Yeah I know! is going to happen anyway… blabla.
Looking back up at my brother, I notice he already sat back down and places the bottle on the table for me in case I need one. How come they are in the kitchen instead of Don's lab? I thought he keeps all the medical supplies in there… does that mean Leo uses them? It does kinda explain the embarrassed look he's giving me.
"You use those things?" He scratchs the side of his neck is discomfort, looking like it's something he'd rather not explain.
"Well yeah, I have to or Don will kill me." I frown as he grimaces at the thought. Has he been sleeping so bad he needed pills? That doesn't sound good…
"How so?" His gaze leaves mine as he tried to find a way to change the subject, I growl before he could even try. I watch, amused, as he opens his mouth and closes it right after and cheer internally. Hey! That doesn't usually work!
He sighs in defeat. I snicker internally. I'm getting better at this! Good thing too, becaus I need to know what's up with the poor guy.
"It's a leader's curse I guess. There are just to many things plaguing my mind, it's not easy to fall asleep while they keep coming back." He signs sadly and stands up to grab a clean glass of water so I have something ta wash the pill down, if I end up taking one. "That and I am a light sleeper. So it either wakes me up or keeps me up. Had to promise Donny I would take these when it's necessary." With that he set the glass down and takes his seat once more.
Doesn't look like he is going to explain any further, not that I expect him to. He does look kinda tired though. suppose I would look the same if I have a rough time sleeping.
Then a thought hit me… Did he mean his thought wake him up or did he mean he has nightmares that wake him up? Because if it's the second one then that means it's not just thoughts plaguing him, but fears an insecurities too. If only he'd talk about them instead of holding everything in... Because, you know, that's kinda my job and it doesn't really do me any good either, just makes me angry mostly. It's also why I take it out on my training and the bad guys… and Mikey…and Don… and uh… mostly Leo… but only because he fights back and won't go down that easy… or at all… angry me is easy to take down… that and my crush is making it harder to focus…
"That's not healthy Leo." He gives me a small smile and no I did not blush! I just look him straight in the eye, daring him to deny it.
"I know. That's why I asked Donny for the pills." Huh? I blink, confused. Leo lowers his eyes to the glass of water in embarrassment.
"Ya asked em for those? He didn't have ta force ya?" Leo just looks back at me and laughes at my confusion. Great, guess me looking surprised is funny…
"Yes I asked him myself, not that he hasn't noticed, but I am this team's leader Raph. I can't let you guys down so I have to make sure I get enough sleep and don't get sick, so if these pills will help me stay healthy then so be it." Idiot! Just Because he's our leader doesn't mean he can't get sick! Getting sick happens to everyone. Hell I have even been sick a couple of times. But uh… Leo… asking for help? Well that's gotta go in the book of records!
"It's only normal ta get sick Leo, we've all been sick. Sides we ain't babies, we'll be able ta take care of ourselves fer a couple a days, we dun need ya ta bottle feed us!" I half-heartedly glare at him as he laughs at my joke. Damn I really like his laugh! Sounds nice to hear him laugh and who knows maybe it might ease his mind a little!
"I know you don't." Satisfied with his answer I drink the last bit of my beer and throw it into the trash can. There is a comfortable silence which is a good thing, if only I can help him sleep easier… Well I got a couple of good ideas but I don't think he's going like those... Hey! I got the right to dream about it! I'm not going to throw myself at him, not unless he wants me to…
"Ya should vent more Leo. Ya know, get rid of all tha pent up energy, s' what I do." He blinks, thinking bout it, but before he can start telling me that's what he has been doing, I decided te make sure he knew what kind of venting II/I mean. "An I dun mean meditatin or practicin kata's, ya gotta really tire yerself out Leo. Go fer a run round tha sewers or spar with one of us, trust me it helps! Sides all three of us would love tha chance ta beat yer ass." I smirk as he nods slowly, considering my suggestions. Might not sound like much but I fall asleep like a rock after a good workout.
"Can't worry bout shit if yer tired." I smirk as he smiles gratefully. Guess my little tip might be useful for him after all! It's not really Leo's thing to take advise especially when it comes from me, but he still does. Though, only if it sounds useful or necessary.
"Heh I guess you're right, meditation is not really helpful when it comes to 'venting'." We both laugh for a minute before Leo stands up an pats my shoulder to thank me. And no I am NOT blushing!...
"Well I am off to bed, night Raph!" With that he makes his way to the kitchen door.
I snap myself back into reality and quickly mutter a "Night Leo." before he reaches the door. He turns his head back around to look at me and gave me a sweet smile and waves before he's gone.
With a happy smile I turn back to the bottle Leo had placed on the table. I actually feel like I could fall asleep on my own and that's kinda odd, guess the whole 'not your fault' thingy and the little talk with Leo might've lifted my spirits a bit. But I don't want to risk it and have the guys worry about me in the morning, so I guess I might as well take one just in case, don't want Leo to be disappointed either, especially after he just told me about his trouble sleeping.