div align="center" bNecessary mistake ch4./b /div
(Raph POV.)
Well considering the fact that Leo twisting his ankle is my fault and seeing as he is only trying to bring me breakfast, it's only logical to help him get back into the living room, but that doesn't mean it is going to be easy. Having Leo this close is torture, the feeling of his arm around my shoulders and the closeness of it all is seriously getting to me.
The fact that Mike and Don are laughing at us isn't making it any easier, it did give me a good reason to drop Leo onto the couch so I can crack my knuckles and glare at them, Shutting them up surprisingly fast. It also gives me time to clear my head, though it doesn't last very long... the only empty spot is besides Leo apparently.
I grumble at the unfairness of it all while I drop myself onto the couch as well and I am about to complain about what we are supposed to do now when Mickey shoots up and bolts for his bedroom. He comes back out shortly, grinning from ear to ear while holding the board game April had gotten him a while ago.
Our human friends seemed genuinely happy for Don and Mickey, they did ask them a few questions, but outside of that just left them at it. It gives me a lot of hope about my own situation. Should have known they would react positively, they are our friends after all.
We decide on having a nice, simple movie night to get all of us settled into the new situation. Donny had disappeared to go gather all the movies while the rest of us stay in the pit and annoy each other. When Don finally comes back with the big box of movies he seems to begrudgingly hand it to Mickey who squeals in glee.
A dangerous smirk is thrown my way and before I even have the chance to warm him, Mike throws all the DVD's at me, laughing manically. I yelp, guarding my face from the onslaught.
I blindly gab on of the DVD's the moment the onslaught is over and chuck it at Mickey, who unfortunately shields himself with the box he is still holding. Don sends me an apologetic smile even though I merely glare at him for enabling the trickster.
The genius bents down to collect the DVD I'd thrown back and announces we were going to watch 'the fifth element' first. So that's what Mike meant when he said we were going to pick a movie at random! I growl and chuck a few more cases in Mike's direction, grinning when one of them managed to hit him square on the forehead. Ha! Serves him right! It is totally worth the punch to the shoulder form Leo.
Casey is laughing his ass off of course, the jackass. April merely shakes her head, pinches Mike's cheek when he is close enough and Don silently makes his way to the DVD player.
While Don is getting the movie ready, Casey decides to get comfortable on the beanbag chair and pulls April down onto his lap so they cad snuggle. Mike Throws a couple pillows onto the floor so he can pull the genius down next to him without him complaining about the hard floor. That leaves Leo and me on the couch together, maybe a little to close together... I should move now that there is more space...
The movie isn't too bad, though the side comments everyone throws in makes the whole thing a hell of a lot better. Even Leo has a couple good ones! We are just getting to this part where the girl gets into trouble when Mike jumps up all of a sudden, turns around to face Don, gets down onto one of his knees, stretches his arms out wide and dramatically quotes: "Don't worry princes! I'll save you!"
Donnie's face heats up like crazy! I swear he got as red as my mask! He is looking at us from the corner of his eye, hoping we'd go easy on him. Though luck Donny-boy!
We all burst out laughing, well outside of Donny of course, he just pulls Mickey back down and hits him on the back of his head. It's almost sad how easily Donny gets flustered.
It isn't until everyone starts to quiet down that I look back down at the two couples. Mike and Don may have only gotten out yesterday, but the two of them look content with each other, so do April an Casey. It leaves me with a feeling of envy. I want that kind of relationship too. Of course I already have someone I want to have that with, but he'll never feel the same way though.
I glance at Leo from the corner of my eye, he is laughing at some remark someone made. He looks really good when he's laughing, makes him look more relaxed and happy, sounds nice too... I love it when he laughs, it just makes me want to Kiss him... is it me or did it just get hot in here?
Embarrassed, I look back over to the others, noticing how they are all cuddle up together, sure looks nice...
Glancing back at Leo I wonder what it would be like to cuddle up together, to have him as my mate, to share the same room and wake up together every day, to kiss him whenever I feel like it, to be close just like the others are...
I am snapped out of my thoughts by Casey's loud cheering and realize I have been unconsciously reaching for Leo's hand. Oh SHIT! I pull my hand back as if I'd been burned and snap my eyes back towards the TV. They were fighting, which explains Casey's excitement and thank fuck for that! This could have ended badly!
"Oh yeah! Go get em dude!"
Not wanting to raise any suspicion, I joined Casey in his loud cheering and it seems to be working as Mike joined in. The others just rolled their eyes at us and no I did not blush as Leo chuckles at us. But damn, is it cute! And I realize as much as I don't want Leo to start hating me, I wasn't able to keep this a secret for much longer. I have to tell him, even it it's going to make thing awkward between us forever.
Problem is, I don't think I can...
The three of us finally sit back down to watch the last parts of the movie, returning the peace back into the pit. It only lasts until the end of the movie as Mike challenges Casey for a spar, yelling some bullshit about being 'So much better than you!' and of course the idiot falls for it and it ends up with the two of them racing to the dojo.
April disappears into the kitchen to make some snacks considering she didn't trust Mickey's 'Special' snacks, not that any of us really did. Donny decided to make the best use of the break by getting back to god knows what in the lab. I watch Don go with mixed feelings considering it meant he's left me alone with Leo...
"You alright Raphael?" I actually jump at the sound of his voice! WTF! I turn to face him and am met with a concerned expression. Wait... what was the question?
"Huh?" Leo chuckles and repeatsthe question when he realize I zoned out. "OH! Yeah, I'm good." Fuck... It's a lie... Can't really tell him I'm just feeling lonely, nor that I have feelings for him, I don't have the guts to do that, especially now. It doesn't seem like Leo believes me anyway as if he can see straight through me. My blood runs cold at the spark of realization in his eyes. Shit...
"Must be hard to see them be a lovey-dovey, right?" God damn Leo for always hitting the damn nail on the damned head!
The question is asked cautiously, as if he's afraid to offend me. I can only sigh, gaze drawn to the dojo doors.
"S' not that bad, i'm happy for em." And that is true! Everyone should have someone. I'm just glad the two of them found each other to chase the loneliness away, just sucks that I'm not that lucky. Though Leo's does usually make me happy, even though he doesn't know that and he might not be my mate, but I'm glad we are at least brothers and friends... though... with all the fighting we do?... God we were so close when we were younger... Why did I fuck that up?!
"You're right, it's nice to know they've found someone." He looks rather happy knowing the four of them are happy, it's nice to see them with each other, but the slight sadness in Leo's eyes is sort of expected. He is still alone after all, even that thing with Karai thankfully didn't last very long, fuck man, don't know what I would have done if that actually went somewhere!
"Yeah..." Damn... I really, really, REALLY want to kiss him right now! And I would have if I wasn't so damn sure I'd ruin everything,
"Don't worry Raph." Leo sits up straighter and taps my knee in encouragement. "I'm sure he will love you back." He smiled reassuringly, but it just isn't working and I can't help the skeptical look from overtaking my features. He wouldn't say that if he knew it was him!
"Oh really? 'n how exactly did ya get to tha conclusion, Leo?" Leo rolls his eyes at my reply, shaking his head as if he knew I was going to say that.
"Come on Raph! You are a great turtle, anyone would be lucky to catch your eye." Aaaaand hello blush! That is… really…nice… Ah damn it Raph! get it together man!
"PFFFF. As if! Freaked out s' more likely." I shake my head and cross my arms, replying with the only thing I am positively sure is going to happen if I'd ever confess. Leo doesn't seem to like that though.
"Don't be so hard on yourself Raph. I mean, yeah, you might seem a bit rough, but we all know you can be very kind to those you care about." Oh, for the love god! Stop being so damn nice! I Fucking hate blushing! I quickly move my head the other way to hide my embarrassment, hoping Leo doesn't realist I'm blushing.
"Besides, you were more than willing to ask for help, which is more than enough proof to know you really like him." Oh yeah and worked out perfectly! I would have been kicked out into the sewer if it wasn't for my brothers. Not that it would have mattered anyway! He isn't going to magically like me because I practically begged for help, though I would definitely appreciate it!
"Just cuz I was askin fer help doesn't mean he'll like me back! Sides… knowin me I'll be more likely ta screw it up anyhow." Complete truth! Just look at Leo and me now! We used to be best friends and I screwed that up pretty much the day he became leader... I probably should not have told him that... Leo 'tsked' at me and shakes his head in disappointment.
"Oh please, now you are just looking for excuses." Excuses?! It's the fucking truth! I throw him a glare, but all I get in return is an unimpressed look, one I've seem many times before.
"I'm pretty sure you'll be a great mate Raph." Leo's statement causes me to freeze for a second. Me? a great mate? Yeah right! The only thing I've done so far is fight and disappoint him.
"Didn't peg ya for a liar Leo."I turn my glare towards the TV, because I know Leo is only trying to make me feel better and I shouldn't get angry at him for it, but it just seemes to strike a nerve of some sort.
Unfortunately I don't see the glare Leo sends me, I do however feel the painful punch against my shoulder which, unfortunately, manages to knock me off the couch because of my ignorance. Well... That's just embarrassing... I can only blink up at an angry Leo form my new position on the floor, thank you Mickey for the pillows, appreciate it man.
"I'm not lying Raphael! How dare you even say that! Just because you're being so incredibly insecure only proves my point. Besides, if you of all turtles went as far as to ask for help then that only means your feeling are getting stronger and you can't keep it under control." An angry growl escapes me and I jump back onto my feet, glaring daggers at my brother. How dare he call me insecure!
Leo sighs heavily and rubs a hand across his face, obviously frustrated about my change in emotion. He stands up and takes a step into the direction of the kitchen in a way of letting me know he is going to stop the discussion, before it can escalate further. "Listen, if you ever feel like you want to talk about this then I'm sure Don won't mind helping you." As If I'm going to ask someone else for help out of my own free... wait... Did he just say Don? Whoa, that's new!
"Donny huh? Not gonna offer yer own advise Mr. Perfect?"Seriously Raph?! Here is Leo, doing his absolute best to help with something he is no good at and I just have to add salt to injuries... Good going man! Ah shit, he looks hurt too!
"Oh come on Raph, we both know I'm no good when it comes to emotions, but I am trying my best!"I look at the ground, feeling a deep disappointment in myself. I know he's right, he's never been good at giving advice when delicate feelings are involved. He usually tries to avoid them or shove them towards someone else, someone who does know how to handle them.
"I-I know... I'm sorry Leo." The honest apology seems to have caught Leo of guard if his wide, surprised eyes are any indication
"It's Uh... alright, Raph. Please, just remember that Don is in a relationship with Mickey so he has no right to judge you, no matter who the guys is." The small pause Leo takes as he gives me the advice shows me that he really is a little thrown off by the apology and I mean... I can't blame him... don't remember the last time I apologized so honestly...
Leo does have a point though. Maybe I should go talk to Don, he might be able to tell me what I'm supposed to do at this point, though I kind of doubt he's going to appreciate me gunning for our leader...
"You might have a point though, Leo. Thank you..." I scratch the back of my head in discomfort as I seriously consider Leo's idea.
"That's alright, I just hope I could have been some help outside of us fighting." Leo pats my shoulder and throws me a kind smile before he turns his attention towards the kitchen.
"I should go help April with the snacks." He doesn't make a move to leave yet, just slowly looks over at the dojo. "The two of them will probably be going for a while, I should keep an eye on them, before they end up injuring each other." Leo was merely mumbling and for a second I thought he was thinking out loud, but the small glance in my direction gives me the feeling as if he is trying to tell me something.
I watch Leo turn away from me so he can limp towards the kitchen and I let my gaze travel to the lab, weighing my options for a moment. I could give it a go? He can't exactly get mad at me for liking Leo... That would be hypocritical, right? But them again, Leo is our leader so that does change things slightly...
wait! Leo is going to help April in the kitchen?!
"Leo!" My hurried and urgent voice has Leo turn to me with an annoyed glare.
"I'm not going to put the kitchen on fire again Raph! For crying out loud!" Leo turns away from me again and resumes his hobble towards the kitchen in irritation. However an angry: "One time!" was yelled before he disappears form view and I can't help but laugh loudly at the memory.
The laughter quickly dies down as I glance at the lab again.
With a heavy groan I manage to get myself in motion towards my genius brother, cursing myself all the way, which was thankfully not very far. I poke my head in just to check if he was even in there or available and to my luck he was... my purple banded brother is seated behind his computer, which means whatever he is doing could easily be saved and forgotten for another day.
I quickly knock on the door before I lost my nerve and ran into the other direction. A thought which is very tempting.
I have to keep myself from laughing as the genius jumps before looking towards me, surprised to even see me. Oops, guess the genius has been a little to engrossed in his work. He smiles anyway and waves me over, so I begrudgingly do, but not before closing and locking the lab door behind me. This is embarrassing enough as is, don't need the others to listen in.
"Hey Raph! Are you alright? You look a little irritated." Oh that's just great! Why does the genius have to point it out so damn bluntly?!
"S'Cuz I am." He laughs at my glare and points towards the chair on the other side of his desk hoping I'd sit down, while he calmly saves his process and shuts his computer off just like I knew he would.
"Care to talk about it?" No, not really, but it's kinda why I even bothered to come in here, so...
"S' just Leo pressin buttns an bein right, as usual." Not exactly the whole problem, but it's the only thing he has to know at the moment.
"He is only trying to help you know, though delicateness is not his strong suit, but that is just how he is." He frowns as he no doubt remembers Leo's awkwardness in these situations. We all know how he gets, but it never seems to stop him though, he'd do anything to help us out, even it that means stepping way out of his comfort zone.
Donny seems to be lost in though as he stares at nothing for a moment, until a though strikes him and he snaps back to me. Ah shit...
"Is that why you are here? He tried talking to you about this mystery guy, which I am sure did not work out how he wanted. So he advised you to confide in someone else and knowing that Leo is obviously right, you irritably decided to listen-" Oh great, the genius just has to predict what happened and be right... again...
"And here you are." I growl at the purple ninja and cross my arms defensively. Stupid Donny looking all smug!
"Well it aint cuz I wanted ta, Leo made me!" It is apparently not very convincing considering he is rolling his eyes at me...
"…Of course he did…" The skeptical remark is met with silence and Donny quickly writes something down on a notepad, before leveling me with his 'how-can-I-help-you' expression.
"So what did you want to talk about exactly?" Uh... I stare at Donny with wide uncertain eyes. How am I supposed to explain something like this? It's not like I can just tell him!
"I …Uh, don't … Know?" It's not really a lie exactly, but it's not the truth either. I have no idea how to start talking about this shit, not sure if I even really want to either.
"Don't worry Raph, no need to hurry." My head meets the table with a frustrated groan, followed by instant regret, because... Ouch! That hurt a lot more than I thought it would. Picking my head back up, I rub the sore spot in hopes of relieving the ache a little, it isn't working... I shoot a glare at my brother's amused expression, to which he only responds with a wink. Bastard.
"It's just that… This guy… He's just… I don't… How do I…" Oh for the love god! Just fucking shoot me! If I can't even get the fucking words out, how am I supposed to get the damn advice?! A frustrated groan escapes me, my hand rubs against my eyes and cheek as a vain attempt to clear my head.
"Know how he feels about you?" I blink and lower my arms back onto the table as I nod in sadly confirmation. It was Ione/I of the questions I was trying to force out, but this works too I suppose.
"Well, you cannot truly know how anyone feels about you without actually asking said person, or mutant, whichever applies to you. I will assume he is not easily read or you would have most likely already made an assumption otherwise." I almost chock on my own spit as I shake my head head 'no' so fast I nearly knock myself out of my chair. No way in hell am I going to fucking ask ILeo/I how he feels about me! Fuck, that! Fat fucking pass!
"I will put that down as a no then."Don is laughing at me... great...wait... hold on a second, what is that smirk for?! Don better not be making fun of me! He is not allowed to make fun of me dammit! He is supposed to help me!
I am about to warn the genius to tread carefully, when he beat me to it.
"You could always just kiss him and get it over with." I did manage to fall backwards on my chair this time, accompanied by the girlish yelp I could apparently mange.
Was he seriously expecting me to just walk over to our damn leader and just kiss him right then and there?! Oh hell no! Not Happening!
Picking myself up from the floor, while sending my bother a deadly glare, I set the chair neatly back onto the floor and move towards the lab entrance. No way am I going to stay here if Donny is making fun of me.
"Wait, Raph! I'm sorry! It was just a joke, calm down." A long frustrated sigh fills the lab as I try to calm myself back down. When I finally turn back around, I purposely crack my knuckles just to watch him flinch and squirm, smirking broadly in satisfaction.
"Ya better be, cuz yer insane if ya think imma do anythin like tha ya nerd! I wanna keep ma head where it is." I wasn't really expecting him to look at me with realization after I just growled at him, but then again that's Donny for you.
"Oh! I think I understand it now!" Donnie's wide, understanding eyes seem to be boring into me, putting me more than just a little on edge. "You are afraid of his reaction! That's why you are so afraid of confessing. You fear he will react badly, resulting in you losing him completely, am I right?" The bluntness of the statement fills me with dread, though he did hit the nail on the head, again. A sad nod is all I can muster as I hang my had dejectedly.
"However, you speak to this guy regularly and it is getting harder for you to control your emotions after each passing day." All I could do is nod again, not trusting my voice to do what I want it to.
"Have you considered… Just being nice to him?"
What?
I lift my head back up to face the genius with confused eyes, internally wondering if my brother had actually gone crazy. "What do ya mean?" How is something like that going to help me? I already have issues being around him, that was only going to make it worse!
"Seriously Raphael? Just be nice to him, start a conversation, watch a movie together, play a game, train together, go for a run or just go on patrol with him. That kind of thing, it does not have to be something big, just something the two of you can easily do together." A frown crosses my features as I consider Don's advice. I could always ask Leo to teach me some new techniques or help me improve my stances or something. There should be something the two of us can talk about without starting another discussion. Hmm, it could work... Wait... Did Don just say... My eyes narrow at my brother as he flashes me an innocent smile.
"You said training... and Patrol..." That was when the information finally managed to sink in and I buried my head in my hands to try and hide my embarrassment. "FOR FUCKS SAKE! Ya already knew who it was! Ya fucker!" The awkward little laugh is all I get from my younger brother. God I feel like an idiot!
"I am sorry Raph, Mickey had a hunch." Mickey?! The knucklehead?! You have got the be fucking kidding me! I groan miserably and lean my head back onto the back of the chair, glancing at the ceiling in despair.
"Mike figured it out? How tha hell did IHE/I figure it out?!... wait... ya knew?" I snap my head back up, leveling Donny with with my confused gaze, a reassuring smile awaits me as well as a slow nod.
"And ya were still willin ta give me advice knowin imma try an get together with em?!" The second nod confuses me. Why would he accept that so easily? I've spend days worrying about their reactions and this is it? Casual acceptance?
"Why?" Don laughs good heartily and shakes his head.
"I have no right to say anything bad Raph, Michelangelo and I are in a relationship together as we speak, which is exactly what you wish to have with Leonardo. Besides you seem genuinely drawn to him, so I can not see any reason not to accept it." My brain short circuited as I try to wrap my head around what the genius is saying, all I seem to be able to do though is blink.
"You also do not seem interested in something meaningless, you have made that very clear." I did? When did I do that exactly? Shaking my head roughly to get my thought back where they belong, I level my brother with a serious gaze.
"So ya really dun care bout me gunnin fer Leo?" Don snorts and rolls his eyes, completely offended by the question. Well sorry! I am just trying to make sure he isn't lying!
"No, not really. Honestly? A relationship between the two of you would be very beneficial and should in some way or form give both of you a sense of calm outside of battle. I truly believe you would make a great match." A great match? Seriously? I would honestly love to believe the purple turtle, but all Leo and I've done is argue and fight in the last couple of years, with the exception of recent events of course.
"Uh… I'm not really sure bout that Donny, we can't even go a day without fightin an-" My argument is successfully cut off as a paper ball hits me square in between my eyes, with Don glaring at me from across the desk. Did he just throw a fucking paper ball at me?!
"That is not true Raphael, the fact that you seem to have been pushing Leonardo away because of these feelings has caused you to be rather tense around him, resulting in the many fights. However you sneaking out without notifying any of us and the many times you have been out drinking with Casey did not help that either, especially considering Leonardo is very protective over us and worries about us every day. He knows he cannot force you to stay in the lair with us so the only way to show you he cares is through his lectures, but in the end that only worsens the whole situation." Okay yes, Donny does have a valid point there, me being a stupid hothead and Leo a stupid worry wart does not help us at all.
"So, in other words I'm screwed!" I bury my head in my arms and wallow in self-pity. God the two of us are a disaster! We continually egg each other on every time we talk or have a conversation, this is never going to work!
"Not necessarily, all you have to do is be a little friendlier towards Leonardo and spend some time together, I am sure the both of you will be able to work things out and relax around each other in no time." Looking back up at my brother with a frown, I start wondering, spending time together with Leo?
How am I supposed to do that? It's not like I can just ask him to go topside with me and get a drink or something, he'd never go for that, it's not really his thing. Watching a movie could work though, no real talking involved. We could always go out for a run or spar? It's just like practice! And if we do it before either one of us goes to bed then it might help him sleep better after, I did tell him he should do that after all. I doubt he's going to do it on his own, might as well make sure he does.
It's worth a shot...
"So what yer sayin is that I should start with his bad sleepin habbit?" I sit up straight as I ponder on how I should go about this, though Donnie's blush keeps me from doing so. Why exactly is he blushing? And shaking his head at me? It was his idea!
"W-Well I think that m-might be t-taking it a bit t-to far-" Oh for fuck's sake! You have got to be shitting me. How the hell did he jump to that conclusion? We are talking about sparring and talking! I gab the piece of paper he'd flung at me and throw it back at him.
"Not that kind a helpin genius! Leo an I've been talkin about em goin fer a run or sparrin before he goes ta sleep, cuz it might help em fall 'sleep easier!" The purple banded turtle lets out a deep relieved sigh as he now understands my innocent suggestion and thankfully calms down. I mean seriously?! I already told him I wasn't going to just kiss the guy out of the blue, let alone jump into the same bed to help him sleep! I mean I want to! And maybe I will at some point... if this ends well that is...
"O-Oh! Of course! That is a good idea, his mind and body should be exhausted enough for him to fall asleep easier. You should most likely start with that seeing as it is something beneficial for the both of you." Exactly! We will probably turn it into a competition of some sort, which would make it more fun and easier to tire each other out, not to mention I'll get to spend more time with Leo. It should help us mend bridges, which is kind of the first step between us.
Though... Leo's already sort of tried to do so, without any help from me...
"Right I'll start there then…" It is quiet for a little while after that, which I use to think things over a couple of times. Don's idea should work, not that I've got any other options anyway. I just hope I've got enough guts to confess to him at some point. Not too soon though, might be better to focus on staying friends, but after we get a little closer... or maybe a lot... just to be sure...
I glance back at the door, wondering if the others finished up already. Hopefully they'll still be busy. That reminds me! Those two knuckleheads are still in the dojo!
"Well I should prolly get to ta dojo an wipe tha floor with Case an Mike's asses before they start ta get all high 'n mighty." Donny merely rolls his eyes at my antics, though he does point his finger at me warningly.
"Right, just be careful with Mikey. I don't want him whining about it later." The two of laugh at that, knowing full well it's true. The kid whines about everything! I swear he'd even whine about eating ice-cream without some sort of weird dip. Thankfully though, he's not my problem any more!
I jog back towards the lab door and swiftly unlock it, but stop before I can open the door. I remind myself to thank Donny properly for the help. He did give me some great advice and has been very helpful. Fuck man! I should have gone to him in the first place! Might have spared us a lot of trouble!
Oh who am I kidding? The old rat was going yo find out at some point anyway.
Scratching the back of my neck, I turn around enough to face my brother and with a lot more difficulty than I anticipated, I manag a solid: "Thanks Donny." There! I don't say it often, but there it is!
Donny looks a little surprised, but smiles anyway, giving me a small salute.
"No problem Raphael, good luck!" Yeah, I am going to need that and then some...
"Yeah, I'll need it." I turn back towards the door so I can open it, a quick glance around the pit confirms that yes, everyone is still busy. So, with a shaky sigh, I force myself through the door and run straight towards the dojo. I could really use a little exercise right now.
I can't stop the quick glance in the direction of the smoke free kitchen.
Please let this end well…